Was accidentally on a group text...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is nice that they are including your child. He must be a nightmare. Be glad you have friends and laugh it off.

Most young boys are nightmares.

No, they are not. You just hate boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, OP here. I replied with Wow - had no idea you felt that way about my kid. And hate finding out this way.

The texter replied - "I'm sorry. Having a bad day and he was really loud last time we were together. Not personal. Must be too much time with family this weekend" with a stressed wine emoji.

So I guess that's that...

She sounds like a super bitch.

Maybe, but I want to hear more about this last time you were all together, OP. What were the circumstances and were you aware then that your son might have been annoying other people?

Oh my god. It literally does not matter. There is nothing that kid could have done that would make what text lady did okay. Why is this so hard for people to understand.

This. It's the kind of remark that I would totally make in private to my husband about an annoying kid. But never to a whole crowd or virtual crowd. If text lady had said the same thing to her husband during a Zoom because she mistakenly thought she was on mute, I would be much more sympathetic to her but would still expect a profuse apology and would make one myself if it was me.

My guess is that this kid has been the topic of many texts between the group.

The unkindness isn't great but it's not like what she said isn't true, and OP hasn't had much to say about that. Anyone with a modicum of self-awareness knows when their kid is THAT KID and hard for other parents to have around.

👏🏼WHAT DONT YALL UNDERSTAND 👏🏼 Even if the kid is “that kid” it is not okay what she did! It was immature, high school Regina George crap but mean mom version. If that’s how she feels about the kid, fine. There are kids in our social circle I find kind of annoying. But they aren’t bad kids or deserving to be put down in a group text of other mean moms. Those convos are reserved for your spouse while doing the dishes in the privacy of your home. What she did was wrong. There’s no take away for OP except that the woman and others in the text are a pile of snakes. Period.

Well, IIRC, we don’t have proof that the other women have participated in gossip, do we? Just uncomfortable silence, or not being near their phones.

We do. No one would send such a mean spirited text unless they knew it would be well received. She and the other recipients have most certainly discussed OP’s child before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, OP here. I replied with Wow - had no idea you felt that way about my kid. And hate finding out this way.

The texter replied - "I'm sorry. Having a bad day and he was really loud last time we were together. Not personal. Must be too much time with family this weekend" with a stressed wine emoji.

So I guess that's that...

She sounds like a super bitch.

Maybe, but I want to hear more about this last time you were all together, OP. What were the circumstances and were you aware then that your son might have been annoying other people?

Oh my god. It literally does not matter. There is nothing that kid could have done that would make what text lady did okay. Why is this so hard for people to understand.

This. It's the kind of remark that I would totally make in private to my husband about an annoying kid. But never to a whole crowd or virtual crowd. If text lady had said the same thing to her husband during a Zoom because she mistakenly thought she was on mute, I would be much more sympathetic to her but would still expect a profuse apology and would make one myself if it was me.

My guess is that this kid has been the topic of many texts between the group.

The unkindness isn't great but it's not like what she said isn't true, and OP hasn't had much to say about that. Anyone with a modicum of self-awareness knows when their kid is THAT KID and hard for other parents to have around.

👏🏼WHAT DONT YALL UNDERSTAND 👏🏼 Even if the kid is “that kid” it is not okay what she did! It was immature, high school Regina George crap but mean mom version. If that’s how she feels about the kid, fine. There are kids in our social circle I find kind of annoying. But they aren’t bad kids or deserving to be put down in a group text of other mean moms. Those convos are reserved for your spouse while doing the dishes in the privacy of your home. What she did was wrong. There’s no take away for OP except that the woman and others in the text are a pile of snakes. Period.

Agree. Never ever badmouth a child. Terrible. And in a group text? Unforgivable. Obviously the other people didn't respond because they are mortified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:in which a texter badmouthed my kid!
I'm on a few different group threads for my kids' various activities, and I'm sure the sender did NOT know I was in this thread. She wrote, "Unfortunately, [DS's name] will be there, so bring Advil and wine."

My son can get hyper and loud. OK, I'm sure she has no idea I saw this, but it will dawn on her after a fashion - do I chime in or let it stew or what. NOBODY has responded....

I'm almost amused but also like, WTF lady...Nobody's kid is perfect.

She's an adult,, socially bullying your child. Nothing about this is funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is nice that they are including your child. He must be a nightmare. Be glad you have friends and laugh it off.

Most young boys are nightmares.

No, they are not. You just hate boys.

+1. It seems to be acceptable for girls (and grown ass women) to be mean to boys, but if the tables were turned its abuse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is nice that they are including your child. He must be a nightmare. Be glad you have friends and laugh it off.

Most young boys are nightmares.

As a mom of boys (and a girl), I agree that young boys are much harder to handle than young girls, but parenting still plays an enormous part. My boys actually have ADHD but nobody outside the home would guess that. I have very strong expectations on behavior and we only attend things that they can handle. If one is having a bad day for example, they (or maybe all of us) stay home. Or we come home immediately. They know how it works - best behavior only.

LoL! If you think children with ADHD can control their best vs worst behavior, your children probably don't have adhd

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, OP here. I replied with Wow - had no idea you felt that way about my kid. And hate finding out this way.

The texter replied - "I'm sorry. Having a bad day and he was really loud last time we were together. Not personal. Must be too much time with family this weekend" with a stressed wine emoji.

So I guess that's that...

She sounds like a super bitch.

Maybe, but I want to hear more about this last time you were all together, OP. What were the circumstances and were you aware then that your son might have been annoying other people?

Oh my god. It literally does not matter. There is nothing that kid could have done that would make what text lady did okay. Why is this so hard for people to understand.

This. It's the kind of remark that I would totally make in private to my husband about an annoying kid. But never to a whole crowd or virtual crowd. If text lady had said the same thing to her husband during a Zoom because she mistakenly thought she was on mute, I would be much more sympathetic to her but would still expect a profuse apology and would make one myself if it was me.

My guess is that this kid has been the topic of many texts between the group.

The unkindness isn't great but it's not like what she said isn't true, and OP hasn't had much to say about that. Anyone with a modicum of self-awareness knows when their kid is THAT KID and hard for other parents to have around.

👏🏼WHAT DONT YALL UNDERSTAND 👏🏼 Even if the kid is “that kid” it is not okay what she did! It was immature, high school Regina George crap but mean mom version. If that’s how she feels about the kid, fine. There are kids in our social circle I find kind of annoying. But they aren’t bad kids or deserving to be put down in a group text of other mean moms. Those convos are reserved for your spouse while doing the dishes in the privacy of your home. What she did was wrong. There’s no take away for OP except that the woman and others in the text are a pile of snakes. Period.

Well, IIRC, we don’t have proof that the other women have participated in gossip, do we? Just uncomfortable silence, or not being near their phones.

We do. No one would send such a mean spirited text unless they knew it would be well received. She and the other recipients have most certainly discussed OP’s child before.

NP. I don't think it necessarily true that the other moms agree. If I saw something like that in a group text, I would text the offender separately and say I thought it was out of line. If I knew the mom of the insulted kid, I would text her separately also. The group chat is not the place for any of this, not for insulting a child, not for dressing down another adult.

[Anonymous]

Take the high road. Say nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is nice that they are including your child. He must be a nightmare. Be glad you have friends and laugh it off.

Most young boys are nightmares.

As a mom of boys (and a girl), I agree that young boys are much harder to handle than young girls, but parenting still plays an enormous part. My boys actually have ADHD but nobody outside the home would guess that. I have very strong expectations on behavior and we only attend things that they can handle. If one is having a bad day for example, they (or maybe all of us) stay home. Or we come home immediately. They know how it works - best behavior only.

LoL! If you think children with ADHD can control their best vs worst behavior, your children probably don't have adhd

They can control it. It's just harder for them too. If there was no hope that they could learn to contol their behavior, then behavior therapy would be a waste of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d respond with a big f-u personally, and I would not participate in that group going forward. She’s toxic and verbally demeaned your child. Why would you be around her?

Agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's weird to me how many people are saying "oh, take the free advice" and dismissing how rude this was.

I don't have a loud kid-- I have a shy, quiet kid. I don't worry about people complaining about my kid being too high energy or making too much noise. Usually people say things like "Can we adopt her? She was so polite!"

And yet, the idea of someone saying something unkind about her at all, much less in a group setting, is awful to me. I could imagine people making fun of my kid for being quiet or shy, or making a crack about how she's not outgoing enough or doesn't have enough friends. And because it would be based on a kernel of truth, I'd take it personally. She is quiet, she doesn't have a ton of friends, and I do sometimes worry about it because I'm her mom and it's my job.

So it is extremely easy for me to recognize that this kind of comment is just hurtful. It's not helpful AT ALL. OP knows her son is loud and high energy. She worries about it sometimes and works on it because she wants her son to be well-liked. She doesn't need a fellow parent making snarking comments that will only make her feel more stressed about it.

It was a rude comment. It deserved a real apology, and the fact that this other woman just made an excuse and blew it off sucks. Imagine if it had been a child who made that comment, and had "apologized" by saying "Oh yeah, nothing personal, I just have a lot going on." I'm betting you'd all think "What kind of parent lets their kid get off that easy -- make a real apology."

I don't care how loud he is. He didn't do anything wrong. This woman did. Why are so many people asking a child to behave better because a full-grown adult doesn't know how to take responsibility for her actions?

SMDH

100% I don't know what is wrong with all you women who think there is any place for a comment from a woman like that to a group of moms who know that boy and his mother. And then can't be adult enough to apologize. She sounds awful. OP: I'm disappointed to hear that you didn't feel a direct question to her, inside the group text, was the way to go. I'm sorry it happened, but you should have handled it with some serious heat!

What’s wrong with these women is that OP’s distress makes them feel better about themselves and their parenting. As long as it’s someone else’s child who’s being singled out, they can pat themselves on the back that at least their child isn’t as bad which means that they’re great mothers. These women are so insecure that they need a stranger’s pain to feel ok. It must be hard being a them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is nice that they are including your child. He must be a nightmare. Be glad you have friends and laugh it off.

Shut up fool.
(I'm not OP!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's weird to me how many people are saying "oh, take the free advice" and dismissing how rude this was.

I don't have a loud kid-- I have a shy, quiet kid. I don't worry about people complaining about my kid being too high energy or making too much noise. Usually people say things like "Can we adopt her? She was so polite!"

And yet, the idea of someone saying something unkind about her at all, much less in a group setting, is awful to me. I could imagine people making fun of my kid for being quiet or shy, or making a crack about how she's not outgoing enough or doesn't have enough friends. And because it would be based on a kernel of truth, I'd take it personally. She is quiet, she doesn't have a ton of friends, and I do sometimes worry about it because I'm her mom and it's my job.

So it is extremely easy for me to recognize that this kind of comment is just hurtful. It's not helpful AT ALL. OP knows her son is loud and high energy. She worries about it sometimes and works on it because she wants her son to be well-liked. She doesn't need a fellow parent making snarking comments that will only make her feel more stressed about it.

It was a rude comment. It deserved a real apology, and the fact that this other woman just made an excuse and blew it off sucks. Imagine if it had been a child who made that comment, and had "apologized" by saying "Oh yeah, nothing personal, I just have a lot going on." I'm betting you'd all think "What kind of parent lets their kid get off that easy -- make a real apology."

I don't care how loud he is. He didn't do anything wrong. This woman did. Why are so many people asking a child to behave better because a full-grown adult doesn't know how to take responsibility for her actions?

SMDH

100% I don't know what is wrong with all you women who think there is any place for a comment from a woman like that to a group of moms who know that boy and his mother. And then can't be adult enough to apologize. She sounds awful. OP: I'm disappointed to hear that you didn't feel a direct question to her, inside the group text, was the way to go. I'm sorry it happened, but you should have handled it with some serious heat!

What’s wrong with these women is that OP’s distress makes them feel better about themselves and their parenting. As long as it’s someone else’s child who’s being singled out, they can pat themselves on the back that at least their child isn’t as bad which means that they’re great mothers. These women are so insecure that they need a stranger’s pain to feel ok. It must be hard being them.

[Anonymous]

The fact that OP doesn't dispute the content of the text gives me pause. If it were me, I'd feel genuinely bad and embarrassed my kid was annoying to that degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say what you said here. “Hi X, just saw this. I know Y can be a handful but we love him and appreciate you all including him in this activity.”

Be the bigger person. Anyone who is worth their salt would apologize privately.

This is really nice. Probably the most reasonable thing that has been posted here. I would remove the "we love him" part, and replace with "he really enjoys this activity/spending time with your kids/whatever."

This, either version. They like you and they tolerate you son or maybe their kids like him a lot. But having him be included anyhow is great. If you are snarky back, you’ll likely get an apology, but no more invites to things