BIL wants to use our house to get ready for wedding — WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

I got the vibe he just didn't want to say yes and then have to hear it from his wife for the next 10 years or however long he lasts. I'm a woman, BTW.

Interesting. I'm also a woman and I got the vibe the husband didn't want to host since he was so unenthusiastic about it.

I guess we don't know what else the husband might have said. OP told us about "it's up to you." But we don't know what was said before that, i.e. "I'd like to do it...but it's up to you." Not a word about how the husband feels about it, etc., which leads me to believe that he wants to do it because otherwise OP would have included that her husband didn't even want to do it. And if she hemmed and hawed and he didn't want to do it then they'd both just say no. So deducing from the fact that OP posted on here about it leads me to believe that her husband wants to do it and the OP does not, hence why she came for opinions.

Of course he does because if he didn't want to he would have shut it down and not even run it by his wife.

Or doesn’t want to, but would rather blame his wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

I got the vibe he just didn't want to say yes and then have to hear it from his wife for the next 10 years or however long he lasts. I'm a woman, BTW.

Interesting. I'm also a woman and I got the vibe the husband didn't want to host since he was so unenthusiastic about it.

I guess we don't know what else the husband might have said. OP told us about "it's up to you." But we don't know what was said before that, i.e. "I'd like to do it...but it's up to you." Not a word about how the husband feels about it, etc., which leads me to believe that he wants to do it because otherwise OP would have included that her husband didn't even want to do it. And if she hemmed and hawed and he didn't want to do it then they'd both just say no. So deducing from the fact that OP posted on here about it leads me to believe that her husband wants to do it and the OP does not, hence why she came for opinions.

Of course he does because if he didn't want to he would have shut it down and not even run it by his wife.

Or doesn’t want to, but would rather blame his wife

He doesn't actually have to talk to her to say that he can just say "wifey wouldn't go for that, sorry"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A bunch of guys in one hotel room getting ready? One room, one bath, no place for all the guys to sit.

Be generous, OP. Let them get ready at your house. And I will say, if you say no, your BIL will always remember that you said no. So if you really like him and want to maintain a good relationship with him and his new family, you should say yes.

For perspective, I said no to something similar. BIL never forgave me. It wasn't just that it was inconvenient for him, it was that clearly I didn't care enough about him to help him with an important situation. And we had a great relationship before. He ultimately died of a brain aneurism about a decade later. And as said, he never forgave me.

+ 1 our choices tell us who we are. What do you want to be remembered for?

[Anonymous]

Of course you allow it. Wow what a jerk if you don't.

[Anonymous]

It's a low class ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a low class ask.

Low class? People obsessed with class never seem to have much of their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband’s younger brother is getting married here in town. My ILs live in a small one-bedroom condo in a retirement community, so they can’t host. We’re the only family locally and live in a modest-size house with kids at home.

The couple has a hotel block, and the bride and bridal party will be doing hair/makeup and getting dressed in their suite the morning of the wedding. The current plan is for my BIL to leave the suite that morning, and since they don’t want to pay for an additional hotel room for the guys, he’s asked if he and his five groomsmen can hang out at our house and get ready.

My husband’s response was basically “it’s up to you.” 🙄

I’m really not comfortable with this. We don’t have a great setup for six adult men to get ready; they’d either be using our primary bedroom/bath, one of our kids’ rooms, or rotating through the guest bath. I have kids here, and we actually live in this space, and we will all be getting ready, too. It feels like a lot to host a group of guys (some I’ve never even met) for hours on a busy wedding morning.

I adore my BIL and want to be supportive, but this feels invasive and stressful. Am I being unreasonable? Would you say yes, or suggest they get another hotel room?

Yes, would love to host. But, why would you not spring for a suite for your BIL and groomsmen? I would have booked a few rooms for my ILs, DH and I, and my kids too. Don't all of you come a day in advance and stay at the hotel where the wedding is happening?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband’s younger brother is getting married here in town. My ILs live in a small one-bedroom condo in a retirement community, so they can’t host. We’re the only family locally and live in a modest-size house with kids at home.

The couple has a hotel block, and the bride and bridal party will be doing hair/makeup and getting dressed in their suite the morning of the wedding. The current plan is for my BIL to leave the suite that morning, and since they don’t want to pay for an additional hotel room for the guys, he’s asked if he and his five groomsmen can hang out at our house and get ready.

My husband’s response was basically “it’s up to you.” 🙄

I’m really not comfortable with this. We don’t have a great setup for six adult men to get ready; they’d either be using our primary bedroom/bath, one of our kids’ rooms, or rotating through the guest bath. I have kids here, and we actually live in this space, and we will all be getting ready, too. It feels like a lot to host a group of guys (some I’ve never even met) for hours on a busy wedding morning.

I adore my BIL and want to be supportive, but this feels invasive and stressful. Am I being unreasonable? Would you say yes, or suggest they get another hotel room?

Surely the Groom can rent a suite or come up with an actual plan for his groomsmen the day of the damn wedding.

What is the what man doing?

Who planned this wedding? Can he plan anything?

Dumping a bunch of of grown men at someone’s else’s house to hang out, drink, shower & get ready, get to event on time, etc is ludicrous.

Let me guess, you get to clean up after them the day after the wedding too. Maybe the groomsmen will help you.

What are they, 22 yo? Have they never been to a wedding before?

Sounds like groom does not want to spend any more money. Bride has use of the suite (where he is staying). Seems like the groomsmen hotel room are too small for "getting ready for the wedding." - thus asking for use of brother's house. Hope they have a big living room/kitchen for the 6-man group to hang out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's been no response from the op about where the groomsmen are staying or if others are local so I'm calling troll.

Good catch. I assumed groomsmen had hotel rooms. If not, then local, so groom is looking for a place for his 6 pals to prep for wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband’s younger brother is getting married here in town. My ILs live in a small one-bedroom condo in a retirement community, so they can’t host. We’re the only family locally and live in a modest-size house with kids at home.

The couple has a hotel block, and the bride and bridal party will be doing hair/makeup and getting dressed in their suite the morning of the wedding. The current plan is for my BIL to leave the suite that morning, and since they don’t want to pay for an additional hotel room for the guys, he’s asked if he and his five groomsmen can hang out at our house and get ready.

My husband’s response was basically “it’s up to you.” 🙄

I’m really not comfortable with this. We don’t have a great setup for six adult men to get ready; they’d either be using our primary bedroom/bath, one of our kids’ rooms, or rotating through the guest bath. I have kids here, and we actually live in this space, and we will all be getting ready, too. It feels like a lot to host a group of guys (some I’ve never even met) for hours on a busy wedding morning.

I adore my BIL and want to be supportive, but this feels invasive and stressful. Am I being unreasonable? Would you say yes, or suggest they get another hotel room?

Pay for a hotel room for them.

Why? If he is old enough to get married, he's old enough to pay for it.

Groom is cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

I took that as “I’m fine with this but I’m sure OP will find some kind of issue so I need to leave it up to her.”

Interesting. I took it as the husband doesn't really want to or he would have been more enthusiastic. He's also not one of the groomsmen, which is interesting.

He is OFFICIATING. You don't think that's a bigger deal than being a groomsman?

No. My husband still talks to his groomsmen. I still talk to my bridesmaids. Neither of us talk to our officiant.

Did you pick a family member as a honor?

It's clearly not an "honor" in this case. The groom didn't say he wants to hang out with his brother.and spend together with his his super honored officiant before the wedding.

He said he doesn't want to pay for a room for him and his dudes to hang out in so he wants to use his brother's house.

Nothing about actually spending time with the brother. Just use his house to hang in.

You speak with an awful lot of authority for someone who wasn't present for any of the conversations you are so "clear" on.

[Anonymous]

This is not a logistics issue. It is a poverty issue. You all are so very broke.

Maybe wedding in the church and serving cake and punch in the church basement was the way to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My bridesmaids and I all hung out in my regular hotel room before the wedding. Why can't the guys just do that in the groom's room?

Groom and bride shared room night before. Groom got kicked out so bride can get ready. Groom now needs another place "to get ready."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My bridesmaids and I all hung out in my regular hotel room before the wedding. Why can't the guys just do that in the groom's room?

Groom and bride shared room night before. Groom got kicked out so bride can get ready. Groom now needs another place "to get ready."

OMG. Like really and truly low-class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband’s younger brother is getting married here in town. My ILs live in a small one-bedroom condo in a retirement community, so they can’t host. We’re the only family locally and live in a modest-size house with kids at home.

The couple has a hotel block, and the bride and bridal party will be doing hair/makeup and getting dressed in their suite the morning of the wedding. The current plan is for my BIL to leave the suite that morning, and since they don’t want to pay for an additional hotel room for the guys, he’s asked if he and his five groomsmen can hang out at our house and get ready.

My husband’s response was basically “it’s up to you.” 🙄

I’m really not comfortable with this. We don’t have a great setup for six adult men to get ready; they’d either be using our primary bedroom/bath, one of our kids’ rooms, or rotating through the guest bath. I have kids here, and we actually live in this space, and we will all be getting ready, too. It feels like a lot to host a group of guys (some I’ve never even met) for hours on a busy wedding morning.

I adore my BIL and want to be supportive, but this feels invasive and stressful. Am I being unreasonable? Would you say yes, or suggest they get another hotel room?

Yes, would love to host. But, why would you not spring for a suite for your BIL and groomsmen? I would have booked a few rooms for my ILs, DH and I, and my kids too. Don't all of you come a day in advance and stay at the hotel where the wedding is happening?

The wedding is local for the poster and the parents.

Op never answered questions about whether the groom and the groomsmen were local.