BIL wants to use our house to get ready for wedding — WWYD?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I would just help to pay for a hotel room as part of a wedding gift. That would save a lot of troubles and inconveniences

The groom is simply too cheap to pay. All the trouble and inconveniences are because of that.

Well, what do you expect? A lot of couples are young, not at peak earning potential, and need a hand starting out, you know like the point of a registry. Most 20 somethings aren't dropping hundreds on a hotel room for a few hours just to get ready. But, yes, I'm sure you all only know people making mid 6 figures and above and your families rent out entire floor with multiple suites and have celebrity hair and makeup artists getting everyone ready. So, realistic, so down to earth.

Everyone I know gets ready at the venue or at the house of a wedding party member. I got ready at my parents house and DH got at his apartment.

But a sibling's house is out of bounds? Why? It's not like they asked a neighbor or some random person. What messed up families a lot of people come from that this is an insane request. But I bet you all would be the first crying about your sibling not invited all of your babies and toddlers to their wedding. Takers, not givers.

Because boundaries.

Just because I have a house doesn't mean my sibling is entitled to use it with his friends because they are too cheap to pay their own way.

I feel the complete opposite. I probably would have offered it to begin with. My siblings and in laws are welcome anytime.

Since op's DH didn't offer to begin with I'm guessing they have a different family dynamic than you.

How would it be offered when op wasn’t part of the conversation? The brothers are clearly close enough to discuss it not strangers like all the people here seem to be with their distant family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just help to pay for a hotel room as part of a wedding gift. That would save a lot of troubles and inconveniences

The groom is simply too cheap to pay. All the trouble and inconveniences are because of that.

Well, what do you expect? A lot of couples are young, not at peak earning potential, and need a hand starting out, you know like the point of a registry. Most 20 somethings aren't dropping hundreds on a hotel room for a few hours just to get ready. But, yes, I'm sure you all only know people making mid 6 figures and above and your families rent out entire floor with multiple suites and have celebrity hair and makeup artists getting everyone ready. So, realistic, so down to earth.

Everyone I know gets ready at the venue or at the house of a wedding party member. I got ready at my parents house and DH got at his apartment.

But a sibling's house is out of bounds? Why? It's not like they asked a neighbor or some random person. What messed up families a lot of people come from that this is an insane request. But I bet you all would be the first crying about your sibling not invited all of your babies and toddlers to their wedding. Takers, not givers.

Because boundaries.

Just because I have a house doesn't mean my sibling is entitled to use it with his friends because they are too cheap to pay their own way.

I feel the complete opposite. I probably would have offered it to begin with. My siblings and in laws are welcome anytime.

Since op's DH didn't offer to begin with I'm guessing they have a different family dynamic than you.

How would it be offered when op wasn’t part of the conversation? The brothers are clearly close enough to discuss it not strangers like all the people here seem to be with their distant family.

The DH could have offered anytime the "clearly close enough" brothers talked...like when he was asked to be the officiant. But the DH didn't. That's the point.