BIL wants to use our house to get ready for wedding — WWYD?

[Anonymous]

My husband’s younger brother is getting married here in town. My ILs live in a small one-bedroom condo in a retirement community, so they can’t host. We’re the only family locally and live in a modest-size house with kids at home.

The couple has a hotel block, and the bride and bridal party will be doing hair/makeup and getting dressed in their suite the morning of the wedding. The current plan is for my BIL to leave the suite that morning, and since they don’t want to pay for an additional hotel room for the guys, he’s asked if he and his five groomsmen can hang out at our house and get ready.

My husband’s response was basically “it’s up to you.” 🙄

I’m really not comfortable with this. We don’t have a great setup for six adult men to get ready; they’d either be using our primary bedroom/bath, one of our kids’ rooms, or rotating through the guest bath. I have kids here, and we actually live in this space, and we will all be getting ready, too. It feels like a lot to host a group of guys (some I’ve never even met) for hours on a busy wedding morning.

I adore my BIL and want to be supportive, but this feels invasive and stressful. Am I being unreasonable? Would you say yes, or suggest they get another hotel room?

[Anonymous]

One morning for a few hours for someone you “adore”? You say yes.

[Anonymous]

Oh my gosh, of course you let him.

[Anonymous]

Assuming your husband is a groomsman yes I would have them at my house. I would buy some bagel or sandwich platters and let them share the guest room and bath. I wouldn't expect people to be showering just changing their clothes and hanging out. Just make sure they have a way to take all their stuff with them when its time to go to the wedding. Assume your husband will be with his brother and the groomsman and its your job to get yourself and your kids ready. Just be flexible - this say is about your BIL and his soon to be wife. Don't be dramatic.

[Anonymous]

I’d say suck it up and manage. Your BIL hopefully is only getting married once. Marriage is a long line of trade offs and favors - this is only for a few hours, but whoever puts their foot down on this one gets to make sacrifices in the future.

[Anonymous]

I would be ok with the BIL but not the group of guys. I assume the guys can all shower and dress in their own rooms though. I would allow BIL to sleep over or come early in the morning to shower and do whatever he has to do, and the friends could come over later in the morning to hang out but would not get a dressing/bathroom area or be traipsing around while I'm undressed.

If that's not acceptable then they can all get ready in one of the groomsmen's hotel room.

[Anonymous]

I mean, I would say yes. But you can certainly say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I would say yes. But you can certainly say no.

Actually I might say yes or I might buy them another hotel room.

[Anonymous]

The BIL groom maybe but no not six men.

[Anonymous]

I would suck it up. Maybe you can get some cheap full length mirrors to prop against a wall.

Take the kids to the playground and then bring them back at the last minute. Hire a sitter for this if you need to. If you have a son, it might be a special experience for him to be part of their getting ready for 5 minutes.

[Anonymous]

You should do this! No question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be ok with the BIL but not the group of guys. I assume the guys can all shower and dress in their own rooms though. I would allow BIL to sleep over or come early in the morning to shower and do whatever he has to do, and the friends could come over later in the morning to hang out but would not get a dressing/bathroom area or be traipsing around while I'm undressed.

If that's not acceptable then they can all get ready in one of the groomsmen's hotel room.

This.

But also, why can’t they hang out and get ready in one of the five hotel rooms they will be staying in? I’m assuming at least one of the guys got in the night before, if not all of them? Why your house, with you and your children there?

[Anonymous]

Is your DH a groomsman? I’m assuming he is, so you really should say yes. Let them hang out in the living room and kitchen, DH and the groomsmen can coordinate getting some lunch platters or something. You don’t need to go hide in your room all day! Just give them space to get changed while you and the kids are getting ready in your room.

One thing to consider is the time of the wedding. If it’s later in the day, I would suggest DH plans lunch out and then they come back to the house to get changed.

[Anonymous]

A bunch of guys in one hotel room getting ready? One room, one bath, no place for all the guys to sit.

Be generous, OP. Let them get ready at your house. And I will say, if you say no, your BIL will always remember that you said no. So if you really like him and want to maintain a good relationship with him and his new family, you should say yes.

For perspective, I said no to something similar. BIL never forgave me. It wasn't just that it was inconvenient for him, it was that clearly I didn't care enough about him to help him with an important situation. And we had a great relationship before. He ultimately died of a brain aneurism about a decade later. And as said, he never forgave me.

[Anonymous]

Throw money at the problem. You rent the extra hotel room and DH shows up with the catered party platters.