BIL wants to use our house to get ready for wedding — WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the heck not? "Six men" - is that scary to OP? I would happily do this.

If you’re single, of course you’d be happy to host.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have our permission to send your BIL to a hotel room or suggest to use the house of his best friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The amount of babying a grown man on his wedding day is ridiculous. He's too cheap to pay for a hotel. That's literally what he said and all y'all are allowing him to weaponize his cheapness but telling op to pay for the room, get her own family out so he have space, make it a party and buy food.

Hope about a grown man take care of himself.

If you can’t do a favor on a wedding day you’re not a very nice person.

NP

Hush

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The amount of babying a grown man on his wedding day is ridiculous. He's too cheap to pay for a hotel. That's literally what he said and all y'all are allowing him to weaponize his cheapness but telling op to pay for the room, get her own family out so he have space, make it a party and buy food.

Hope about a grown man take care of himself.

If you can’t do a favor on a wedding day you’re not a very nice person.

NP

Hush

Nah. Doing something nice for their brother on his wedding day is really the least someone can do. It costs them nothing to open their home for a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The amount of babying a grown man on his wedding day is ridiculous. He's too cheap to pay for a hotel. That's literally what he said and all y'all are allowing him to weaponize his cheapness but telling op to pay for the room, get her own family out so he have space, make it a party and buy food.

Hope about a grown man take care of himself.

If you can’t do a favor on a wedding day you’re not a very nice person.

NP

Hush

Agree. Plenty of reasons not to do agree to this. And still be a nice person.

[Anonymous]

The responses probably reflect people's experiences with their own family. If you've ever had that relative who asks a lot of favors but never does one for anyone else, your response here is going to be very different than someone who has a family where all members take turns helping out.

That said it would have been nice and shown some maturity and awareness of others if the groom had said "hey, can we hang out at your house? I'll order food for the groomsmen and you guys and the kids. We'll make sure we are showered and shaved so we don't interfere while you and the kids get ready."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

I got the vibe he just didn't want to say yes and then have to hear it from his wife for the next 10 years or however long he lasts. I'm a woman, BTW.

Interesting. I'm also a woman and I got the vibe the husband didn't want to host since he was so unenthusiastic about it.

I guess we don't know what else the husband might have said. OP told us about "it's up to you." But we don't know what was said before that, i.e. "I'd like to do it...but it's up to you." Not a word about how the husband feels about it, etc., which leads me to believe that he wants to do it because otherwise OP would have included that her husband didn't even want to do it. And if she hemmed and hawed and he didn't want to do it then they'd both just say no. So deducing from the fact that OP posted on here about it leads me to believe that her husband wants to do it and the OP does not, hence why she came for opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

I took that as “I’m fine with this but I’m sure OP will find some kind of issue so I need to leave it up to her.”

Interesting. I took it as the husband doesn't really want to or he would have been more enthusiastic. He's also not one of the groomsmen, which is interesting.

He is OFFICIATING. You don't think that's a bigger deal than being a groomsman?

No. My husband still talks to his groomsmen. I still talk to my bridesmaids. Neither of us talk to our officiant.

So obviously your officiant wasn't a sibling. If you don't understand the difference between your brother and Pastor Bob, I don't know how to help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

I got the vibe he just didn't want to say yes and then have to hear it from his wife for the next 10 years or however long he lasts. I'm a woman, BTW.

Misogynism is alive and well.

Must be the woman's fault. Always.

Whatever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

I got the vibe he just didn't want to say yes and then have to hear it from his wife for the next 10 years or however long he lasts. I'm a woman, BTW.

Interesting. I'm also a woman and I got the vibe the husband didn't want to host since he was so unenthusiastic about it.

I guess we don't know what else the husband might have said. OP told us about "it's up to you." But we don't know what was said before that, i.e. "I'd like to do it...but it's up to you." Not a word about how the husband feels about it, etc., which leads me to believe that he wants to do it because otherwise OP would have included that her husband didn't even want to do it. And if she hemmed and hawed and he didn't want to do it then they'd both just say no. So deducing from the fact that OP posted on here about it leads me to believe that her husband wants to do it and the OP does not, hence why she came for opinions.

Of course he does because if he didn't want to he would have shut it down and not even run it by his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

I got the vibe he just didn't want to say yes and then have to hear it from his wife for the next 10 years or however long he lasts. I'm a woman, BTW.

Interesting. I'm also a woman and I got the vibe the husband didn't want to host since he was so unenthusiastic about it.

I guess we don't know what else the husband might have said. OP told us about "it's up to you." But we don't know what was said before that, i.e. "I'd like to do it...but it's up to you." Not a word about how the husband feels about it, etc., which leads me to believe that he wants to do it because otherwise OP would have included that her husband didn't even want to do it. And if she hemmed and hawed and he didn't want to do it then they'd both just say no. So deducing from the fact that OP posted on here about it leads me to believe that her husband wants to do it and the OP does not, hence why she came for opinions.

Of course he does because if he didn't want to he would have shut it down and not even run it by his wife.

Or doesn’t want to, but would rather blame his wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

I got the vibe he just didn't want to say yes and then have to hear it from his wife for the next 10 years or however long he lasts. I'm a woman, BTW.

Interesting. I'm also a woman and I got the vibe the husband didn't want to host since he was so unenthusiastic about it.

I guess we don't know what else the husband might have said. OP told us about "it's up to you." But we don't know what was said before that, i.e. "I'd like to do it...but it's up to you." Not a word about how the husband feels about it, etc., which leads me to believe that he wants to do it because otherwise OP would have included that her husband didn't even want to do it. And if she hemmed and hawed and he didn't want to do it then they'd both just say no. So deducing from the fact that OP posted on here about it leads me to believe that her husband wants to do it and the OP does not, hence why she came for opinions.

Of course he does because if he didn't want to he would have shut it down and not even run it by his wife.

Or doesn’t want to, but would rather blame his wife

He doesn't actually have to talk to her to say that he can just say "wifey wouldn't go for that, sorry"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A bunch of guys in one hotel room getting ready? One room, one bath, no place for all the guys to sit.

Be generous, OP. Let them get ready at your house. And I will say, if you say no, your BIL will always remember that you said no. So if you really like him and want to maintain a good relationship with him and his new family, you should say yes.

For perspective, I said no to something similar. BIL never forgave me. It wasn't just that it was inconvenient for him, it was that clearly I didn't care enough about him to help him with an important situation. And we had a great relationship before. He ultimately died of a brain aneurism about a decade later. And as said, he never forgave me.

+ 1 our choices tell us who we are. What do you want to be remembered for?

[Anonymous]

Of course you allow it. Wow what a jerk if you don't.

[Anonymous]

It's a low class ask.