BIL wants to use our house to get ready for wedding — WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How big is your house? My house is not big enough for this, 2000 sq. ft. 2 bathrooms. I don't like people in my bedroom or bathroom, so, this would be a hard no for me.

From the original post, it sounds like OP has a smaller house as well. If there is no hotel room for the groomsmen to get ready, where are they all staying? Are they local? Is DH the best man? I would be inclined to allow it, but 100% put it on DH to clean, provide food, etc. Maybe you and the kids could even clear out and get a hotel room in the block to get ready.

Maybe one of the groomsmen could get a room in the block instead of expecting a family to clear out for them.

Again, do you think they actually just need to line up for the bathroom and six grown men should sit on a double bed while taking turns?

This is about having a space to hang *after* they're showered and shaved. Like a living room with a couch or something. I suppose they could hang out in their hotel lobby instead, but man, it would be cold to say that. I have a 1500 sq ft house with only 1.5 bathrooms and I wouldn't blink at this request.

Ok, but there will still only be one bathroom to share amongst the goomsman at the house. Where are all of these guys staying? As a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding we had two connecting rooms in the wedding hotel to spread out and get ready. It was fun. But maybe money is an issue here, so in that case sure OP could do the kind thing and host.

What is with the bathroom fixation??? They aren’t doing hair and makeup I assume. They’ll arrive showered and probably even dressed. They just want to hang out. I honestly don’t get the big deal.

Half the replies suggest the guys come over and throw the football around so yeah, they will need to clean up and change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

I got the vibe he just didn't want to say yes and then have to hear it from his wife for the next 10 years or however long he lasts. I'm a woman, BTW.

Interesting. I'm also a woman and I got the vibe the husband didn't want to host since he was so unenthusiastic about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

I took that as “I’m fine with this but I’m sure OP will find some kind of issue so I need to leave it up to her.”

Interesting. I took it as the husband doesn't really want to or he would have been more enthusiastic. He's also not one of the groomsmen, which is interesting.

He is OFFICIATING. You don't think that's a bigger deal than being a groomsman?

No. My husband still talks to his groomsmen. I still talk to my bridesmaids. Neither of us talk to our officiant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about your husband’s parents come over to your place to hang out and get ready and your BIL and his groomsman use their place to get ready.

This is a great suggestion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

I got the vibe he just didn't want to say yes and then have to hear it from his wife for the next 10 years or however long he lasts. I'm a woman, BTW.

Misogynism is alive and well.

Must be the woman's fault. Always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:of course you say yes. this sounds like a blast.

A blast for the guys, definitely.

Maybe not so much for the lady that has to clean the house before and after, arrange the food, make sure it all gets put away and crumbs are wiped down before she puts her dress on, get ready and wrangle the kids (and make sure she's decent whenever she pops out of her bedroom to take care of any of these things).

It's a pain in the ass at best, and they should be very grateful if she does it.

I'm not sure it's required for OP to provide a meal, and it shouldn't require major cleaning after. Also, is her husband useless? This is one of those things you just have to suck up for family.

+1

PP is making this difficult for the sake of making this difficult. The guests/family/husband can feed themselves and clean after themselves.

I see everyone saying serve a sandwich platter, which is along the lines of what I'd do. So OP can't leave for the wedding with sandwiches left out and can't send groomsmen to the wedding with doggie bags. Someone needs to wrap everything up and find room in OPs fridge and wipe her counters so she doesn't come home to a mess. I wouldn't expect guests to do that. Maybe her husband will. I would not love all this extra stuff, with people I don't know, while I'm dressing for a wedding which is going to be more involved than my daily routine.

It can be done, she probably has to suck it up and do it, and maybe I'm too rigid, but I wouldn't find that to be a blast and I think it's a fairly big favor if she does it. She asked for opinions.

I'm so glad I don't live like this. Imagine thinking that throwing away half-eaten sandwiches and wiping down the kitchen counter is so exhausting that you can't help make your loved BIL's wedding day special.

Honestly, I'd just leave the sandwiches out if it came to that. This is such a fun opportunity to be apart of something intimate and special. I can't believe anyone would say no. We have a small house too. Id make it work. have kids shower before they get there. men don't take long in the bathroom. I'd get myself ready (except maybe my wedding clothes) and enjoy the company. You can figure out the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How big is your house? My house is not big enough for this, 2000 sq. ft. 2 bathrooms. I don't like people in my bedroom or bathroom, so, this would be a hard no for me.

From the original post, it sounds like OP has a smaller house as well. If there is no hotel room for the groomsmen to get ready, where are they all staying? Are they local? Is DH the best man? I would be inclined to allow it, but 100% put it on DH to clean, provide food, etc. Maybe you and the kids could even clear out and get a hotel room in the block to get ready.

Maybe one of the groomsmen could get a room in the block instead of expecting a family to clear out for them.

Again, do you think they actually just need to line up for the bathroom and six grown men should sit on a double bed while taking turns?

This is about having a space to hang *after* they're showered and shaved. Like a living room with a couch or something. I suppose they could hang out in their hotel lobby instead, but man, it would be cold to say that. I have a 1500 sq ft house with only 1.5 bathrooms and I wouldn't blink at this request.

Ok, but there will still only be one bathroom to share amongst the goomsman at the house. Where are all of these guys staying? As a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding we had two connecting rooms in the wedding hotel to spread out and get ready. It was fun. But maybe money is an issue here, so in that case sure OP could do the kind thing and host.

What is with the bathroom fixation??? They aren’t doing hair and makeup I assume. They’ll arrive showered and probably even dressed. They just want to hang out. I honestly don’t get the big deal.

Why do you assume that? Doesn't sound like these guys have anywhere proper to stay or get ready if they need to come takeover someone's small house for several hours before the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How big is your house? My house is not big enough for this, 2000 sq. ft. 2 bathrooms. I don't like people in my bedroom or bathroom, so, this would be a hard no for me.

From the original post, it sounds like OP has a smaller house as well. If there is no hotel room for the groomsmen to get ready, where are they all staying? Are they local? Is DH the best man? I would be inclined to allow it, but 100% put it on DH to clean, provide food, etc. Maybe you and the kids could even clear out and get a hotel room in the block to get ready.

Maybe one of the groomsmen could get a room in the block instead of expecting a family to clear out for them.

Again, do you think they actually just need to line up for the bathroom and six grown men should sit on a double bed while taking turns?

This is about having a space to hang *after* they're showered and shaved. Like a living room with a couch or something. I suppose they could hang out in their hotel lobby instead, but man, it would be cold to say that. I have a 1500 sq ft house with only 1.5 bathrooms and I wouldn't blink at this request.

Ok, but there will still only be one bathroom to share amongst the goomsman at the house. Where are all of these guys staying? As a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding we had two connecting rooms in the wedding hotel to spread out and get ready. It was fun. But maybe money is an issue here, so in that case sure OP could do the kind thing and host.

What is with the bathroom fixation??? They aren’t doing hair and makeup I assume. They’ll arrive showered and probably even dressed. They just want to hang out. I honestly don’t get the big deal.

Half the replies suggest the guys come over and throw the football around so yeah, they will need to clean up and change.

And eat! If OP is expected to provide food too then yeah I would definitely not arrive dressed for the wedding, I'd change AFTER eating the sandwich spread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:of course you say yes. this sounds like a blast.

A blast for the guys, definitely.

Maybe not so much for the lady that has to clean the house before and after, arrange the food, make sure it all gets put away and crumbs are wiped down before she puts her dress on, get ready and wrangle the kids (and make sure she's decent whenever she pops out of her bedroom to take care of any of these things).

It's a pain in the ass at best, and they should be very grateful if she does it.

I'm not sure it's required for OP to provide a meal, and it shouldn't require major cleaning after. Also, is her husband useless? This is one of those things you just have to suck up for family.

+1

PP is making this difficult for the sake of making this difficult. The guests/family/husband can feed themselves and clean after themselves.

I see everyone saying serve a sandwich platter, which is along the lines of what I'd do. So OP can't leave for the wedding with sandwiches left out and can't send groomsmen to the wedding with doggie bags. Someone needs to wrap everything up and find room in OPs fridge and wipe her counters so she doesn't come home to a mess. I wouldn't expect guests to do that. Maybe her husband will. I would not love all this extra stuff, with people I don't know, while I'm dressing for a wedding which is going to be more involved than my daily routine.

It can be done, she probably has to suck it up and do it, and maybe I'm too rigid, but I wouldn't find that to be a blast and I think it's a fairly big favor if she does it. She asked for opinions.

I'm so glad I don't live like this. Imagine thinking that throwing away half-eaten sandwiches and wiping down the kitchen counter is so exhausting that you can't help make your loved BIL's wedding day special.

Honestly, I'd just leave the sandwiches out if it came to that. This is such a fun opportunity to be apart of something intimate and special. I can't believe anyone would say no. We have a small house too. Id make it work. have kids shower before they get there. men don't take long in the bathroom. I'd get myself ready (except maybe my wedding clothes) and enjoy the company. You can figure out the rest.

Um no, don't center yourself, they don't want to hang out with you or your kids! They want to hang out with eachother. And getting a plate of sandwiches isn't "intimate and special", GMAFB. If I were OP I'd probably say yes but clear out with the kids to get married somewhere else so her DH can plan the special gathering.

[Anonymous]

ready not married lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How big is your house? My house is not big enough for this, 2000 sq. ft. 2 bathrooms. I don't like people in my bedroom or bathroom, so, this would be a hard no for me.

From the original post, it sounds like OP has a smaller house as well. If there is no hotel room for the groomsmen to get ready, where are they all staying? Are they local? Is DH the best man? I would be inclined to allow it, but 100% put it on DH to clean, provide food, etc. Maybe you and the kids could even clear out and get a hotel room in the block to get ready.

Maybe one of the groomsmen could get a room in the block instead of expecting a family to clear out for them.

Again, do you think they actually just need to line up for the bathroom and six grown men should sit on a double bed while taking turns?

This is about having a space to hang *after* they're showered and shaved. Like a living room with a couch or something. I suppose they could hang out in their hotel lobby instead, but man, it would be cold to say that. I have a 1500 sq ft house with only 1.5 bathrooms and I wouldn't blink at this request.

Ok, but there will still only be one bathroom to share amongst the goomsman at the house. Where are all of these guys staying? As a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding we had two connecting rooms in the wedding hotel to spread out and get ready. It was fun. But maybe money is an issue here, so in that case sure OP could do the kind thing and host.

What is with the bathroom fixation??? They aren’t doing hair and makeup I assume. They’ll arrive showered and probably even dressed. They just want to hang out. I honestly don’t get the big deal.

Why do you assume that? Doesn't sound like these guys have anywhere proper to stay or get ready if they need to come takeover someone's small house for several hours before the wedding.

Yeah when the OP says they need somewhere to "get ready" I assume they would not arrive dressed- they're not going to sit around dressed in suits for hours before the wedding! They are going to need space to change and I would have a bedroom and bathroom set aside for them to brush their teeth after eating, etc. To assume they just need a couch to sit on is pretty tacky IMO. PP probably doesn't host much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:of course you say yes. this sounds like a blast.

A blast for the guys, definitely.

Maybe not so much for the lady that has to clean the house before and after, arrange the food, make sure it all gets put away and crumbs are wiped down before she puts her dress on, get ready and wrangle the kids (and make sure she's decent whenever she pops out of her bedroom to take care of any of these things).

It's a pain in the ass at best, and they should be very grateful if she does it.

I'm not sure it's required for OP to provide a meal, and it shouldn't require major cleaning after. Also, is her husband useless? This is one of those things you just have to suck up for family.

+1

PP is making this difficult for the sake of making this difficult. The guests/family/husband can feed themselves and clean after themselves.

I see everyone saying serve a sandwich platter, which is along the lines of what I'd do. So OP can't leave for the wedding with sandwiches left out and can't send groomsmen to the wedding with doggie bags. Someone needs to wrap everything up and find room in OPs fridge and wipe her counters so she doesn't come home to a mess. I wouldn't expect guests to do that. Maybe her husband will. I would not love all this extra stuff, with people I don't know, while I'm dressing for a wedding which is going to be more involved than my daily routine.

It can be done, she probably has to suck it up and do it, and maybe I'm too rigid, but I wouldn't find that to be a blast and I think it's a fairly big favor if she does it. She asked for opinions.

I'm so glad I don't live like this. Imagine thinking that throwing away half-eaten sandwiches and wiping down the kitchen counter is so exhausting that you can't help make your loved BIL's wedding day special.

Honestly, I'd just leave the sandwiches out if it came to that. This is such a fun opportunity to be apart of something intimate and special. I can't believe anyone would say no. We have a small house too. Id make it work. have kids shower before they get there. men don't take long in the bathroom. I'd get myself ready (except maybe my wedding clothes) and enjoy the company. You can figure out the rest.

What about Dunkin or bagels? Less cleanup to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

I took that as “I’m fine with this but I’m sure OP will find some kind of issue so I need to leave it up to her.”

Interesting. I took it as the husband doesn't really want to or he would have been more enthusiastic. He's also not one of the groomsmen, which is interesting.

He is OFFICIATING. You don't think that's a bigger deal than being a groomsman?

No. My husband still talks to his groomsmen. I still talk to my bridesmaids. Neither of us talk to our officiant.

Did you pick a family member as a honor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How big is your house? My house is not big enough for this, 2000 sq. ft. 2 bathrooms. I don't like people in my bedroom or bathroom, so, this would be a hard no for me.

From the original post, it sounds like OP has a smaller house as well. If there is no hotel room for the groomsmen to get ready, where are they all staying? Are they local? Is DH the best man? I would be inclined to allow it, but 100% put it on DH to clean, provide food, etc. Maybe you and the kids could even clear out and get a hotel room in the block to get ready.

Maybe one of the groomsmen could get a room in the block instead of expecting a family to clear out for them.

Again, do you think they actually just need to line up for the bathroom and six grown men should sit on a double bed while taking turns?

This is about having a space to hang *after* they're showered and shaved. Like a living room with a couch or something. I suppose they could hang out in their hotel lobby instead, but man, it would be cold to say that. I have a 1500 sq ft house with only 1.5 bathrooms and I wouldn't blink at this request.

Ok, but there will still only be one bathroom to share amongst the goomsman at the house. Where are all of these guys staying? As a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding we had two connecting rooms in the wedding hotel to spread out and get ready. It was fun. But maybe money is an issue here, so in that case sure OP could do the kind thing and host.

What is with the bathroom fixation??? They aren’t doing hair and makeup I assume. They’ll arrive showered and probably even dressed. They just want to hang out. I honestly don’t get the big deal.

Why do you assume that? Doesn't sound like these guys have anywhere proper to stay or get ready if they need to come takeover someone's small house for several hours before the wedding.

They are coming from somewhere in the morning. Presumably a place with running water.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How big is your house? My house is not big enough for this, 2000 sq. ft. 2 bathrooms. I don't like people in my bedroom or bathroom, so, this would be a hard no for me.

From the original post, it sounds like OP has a smaller house as well. If there is no hotel room for the groomsmen to get ready, where are they all staying? Are they local? Is DH the best man? I would be inclined to allow it, but 100% put it on DH to clean, provide food, etc. Maybe you and the kids could even clear out and get a hotel room in the block to get ready.

Maybe one of the groomsmen could get a room in the block instead of expecting a family to clear out for them.

Again, do you think they actually just need to line up for the bathroom and six grown men should sit on a double bed while taking turns?

This is about having a space to hang *after* they're showered and shaved. Like a living room with a couch or something. I suppose they could hang out in their hotel lobby instead, but man, it would be cold to say that. I have a 1500 sq ft house with only 1.5 bathrooms and I wouldn't blink at this request.

Ok, but there will still only be one bathroom to share amongst the goomsman at the house. Where are all of these guys staying? As a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding we had two connecting rooms in the wedding hotel to spread out and get ready. It was fun. But maybe money is an issue here, so in that case sure OP could do the kind thing and host.

What is with the bathroom fixation??? They aren’t doing hair and makeup I assume. They’ll arrive showered and probably even dressed. They just want to hang out. I honestly don’t get the big deal.

Why do you assume that? Doesn't sound like these guys have anywhere proper to stay or get ready if they need to come takeover someone's small house for several hours before the wedding.

They should come showered at least. They aren’t homeless.