AITA: Getting crap for not attending a Friday wedding because we have no childcare

[Anonymous]

This is a dysfunctional family. If they don't want kids, that is fine, but then they need it let it go if some people don't come. Nobody has to justify their concerns or their kid's personality or any of that. If you don't want to leave your kid with a random sitter no need. If you don't want to be designated babysitter to your kids and the cousins that is fine too. If they want to make it easy for all to attend then they invite kids. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Decline invitation. Send gift. Do not think one more second about it and move on. The couple will get over it.

Yeah this is the answer - unless you enjoy all the drama and hand wringing

And why bother about your BILs child care issues? He has a wife who can help him figure it out. Your DH just had to say no we aren’t going and tell him to tell his brother to get his wife to help him set up child care.

[Anonymous]

Friday wedding at 3 pm is an asshat move, and when you add a child-free contingencies, it is for sure an asshat move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am impressed with your BIL - flying with a 1 YO and 3 YO by himself. How long is the flight?
(These is no way I would watch kids after that)

🙄 everyone is always impressed by a man who does what a mom does daily.

Don’t watch your BILs kids he assumed he’d hatch into your plan without even asking first. Nannies don’t want to watch 4 kids overnight!

Hold firm.

[Anonymous]

When SIL runs the marathon she's gone for what, 6-7 hours at most? Why can't BIL and SIL get a sitter for their kids in their hometown? This seems like the obvious solution. It's not OP's job to babysit other people's kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am impressed with your BIL - flying with a 1 YO and 3 YO by himself. How long is the flight?
(These is no way I would watch kids after that)

🙄 everyone is always impressed by a man who does what a mom does daily.

Don’t watch your BILs kids he assumed he’d hatch into your plan without even asking first. Nannies don’t want to watch 4 kids overnight!

Hold firm.

But he did ask, right?
Three months prior to the wedding, he called and said that he was planning on coming out and asked if their nanny could watch all four kids or if they could hire childcare together.

Personally, I wouldn’t go to this wedding either. But I would if DH’s brother was flying into town for it. That’s a different situation.

I would also watch my BIL’s kids for an evening so that DH could hang out with his brother. I wouldn’t expect someone flying in from out of town to arrange their own childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am impressed with your BIL - flying with a 1 YO and 3 YO by himself. How long is the flight?
(These is no way I would watch kids after that)

🙄 everyone is always impressed by a man who does what a mom does daily.

Don’t watch your BILs kids he assumed he’d hatch into your plan without even asking first. Nannies don’t want to watch 4 kids overnight!

Hold firm.

But he did ask, right?
Three months prior to the wedding, he called and said that he was planning on coming out and asked if their nanny could watch all four kids or if they could hire childcare together.

Personally, I wouldn’t go to this wedding either. But I would if DH’s brother was flying into town for it. That’s a different situation.

I would also watch my BIL’s kids for an evening so that DH could hang out with his brother. I wouldn’t expect someone flying in from out of town to arrange their own childcare.

I just think it's weird that BIL is bringing his kids at all. Seems like a lot of expense and trouble. It's not like his wife is out of town, she just has an event. They can't get a sitter in their hometown?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am impressed with your BIL - flying with a 1 YO and 3 YO by himself. How long is the flight?
(These is no way I would watch kids after that)

🙄 everyone is always impressed by a man who does what a mom does daily.

Don’t watch your BILs kids he assumed he’d hatch into your plan without even asking first. Nannies don’t want to watch 4 kids overnight!

Hold firm.

But he did ask, right?
Three months prior to the wedding, he called and said that he was planning on coming out and asked if their nanny could watch all four kids or if they could hire childcare together.

Personally, I wouldn’t go to this wedding either. But I would if DH’s brother was flying into town for it. That’s a different situation.

I would also watch my BIL’s kids for an evening so that DH could hang out with his brother. I wouldn’t expect someone flying in from out of town to arrange their own childcare.

I just think it's weird that BIL is bringing his kids at all. Seems like a lot of expense and trouble. It's not like his wife is out of town, she just has an event. They can't get a sitter in their hometown?

I don’t know that you can care for kids right after a marathon.

I’m guessing that he’s actually not coming after finding out that OP and her husband weren’t planning to go. That’s probably why MIL got involved in trying to make it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am impressed with your BIL - flying with a 1 YO and 3 YO by himself. How long is the flight?
(These is no way I would watch kids after that)

🙄 everyone is always impressed by a man who does what a mom does daily.

Don’t watch your BILs kids he assumed he’d hatch into your plan without even asking first. Nannies don’t want to watch 4 kids overnight!

Hold firm.

But he did ask, right?
Three months prior to the wedding, he called and said that he was planning on coming out and asked if their nanny could watch all four kids or if they could hire childcare together.

Personally, I wouldn’t go to this wedding either. But I would if DH’s brother was flying into town for it. That’s a different situation.

I would also watch my BIL’s kids for an evening so that DH could hang out with his brother. I wouldn’t expect someone flying in from out of town to arrange their own childcare.

You mean overnight? Good for you. Here is your cookie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am impressed with your BIL - flying with a 1 YO and 3 YO by himself. How long is the flight?
(These is no way I would watch kids after that)

🙄 everyone is always impressed by a man who does what a mom does daily.

Don’t watch your BILs kids he assumed he’d hatch into your plan without even asking first. Nannies don’t want to watch 4 kids overnight!

Hold firm.

But he did ask, right?
Three months prior to the wedding, he called and said that he was planning on coming out and asked if their nanny could watch all four kids or if they could hire childcare together.

Personally, I wouldn’t go to this wedding either. But I would if DH’s brother was flying into town for it. That’s a different situation.

I would also watch my BIL’s kids for an evening so that DH could hang out with his brother. I wouldn’t expect someone flying in from out of town to arrange their own childcare.

You mean overnight? Good for you. Here is your cookie.

Yes. I watched a friend’s kids when her third baby was born. So I had five kids under five at my house. It wasn’t really that big of a deal.

I wouldn’t see it as a favor to BIL, but more as something nice I was doing for my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am impressed with your BIL - flying with a 1 YO and 3 YO by himself. How long is the flight?
(These is no way I would watch kids after that)

🙄 everyone is always impressed by a man who does what a mom does daily.

Don’t watch your BILs kids he assumed he’d hatch into your plan without even asking first. Nannies don’t want to watch 4 kids overnight!

Hold firm.

But he did ask, right?
Three months prior to the wedding, he called and said that he was planning on coming out and asked if their nanny could watch all four kids or if they could hire childcare together.

Personally, I wouldn’t go to this wedding either. But I would if DH’s brother was flying into town for it. That’s a different situation.

I would also watch my BIL’s kids for an evening so that DH could hang out with his brother. I wouldn’t expect someone flying in from out of town to arrange their own childcare.

You mean overnight? Good for you. Here is your cookie.

Yes. I watched a friend’s kids when her third baby was born. So I had five kids under five at my house. It wasn’t really that big of a deal.

I wouldn’t see it as a favor to BIL, but more as something nice I was doing for my husband.

Would never do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am impressed with your BIL - flying with a 1 YO and 3 YO by himself. How long is the flight?
(These is no way I would watch kids after that)

🙄 everyone is always impressed by a man who does what a mom does daily.

Don’t watch your BILs kids he assumed he’d hatch into your plan without even asking first. Nannies don’t want to watch 4 kids overnight!

Hold firm.

But he did ask, right?
Three months prior to the wedding, he called and said that he was planning on coming out and asked if their nanny could watch all four kids or if they could hire childcare together.

Personally, I wouldn’t go to this wedding either. But I would if DH’s brother was flying into town for it. That’s a different situation.

I would also watch my BIL’s kids for an evening so that DH could hang out with his brother. I wouldn’t expect someone flying in from out of town to arrange their own childcare.

You mean overnight? Good for you. Here is your cookie.

Yes. I watched a friend’s kids when her third baby was born. So I had five kids under five at my house. It wasn’t really that big of a deal.

I wouldn’t see it as a favor to BIL, but more as something nice I was doing for my husband.

Would never do that.

I think there are a lot of anxious people on this forum.

[Anonymous]

NTA! So sorry OP! Send DH! These are unrealistic expectations otherwise and no way I’m going to wing it with an unknown sitter in an unfamiliar town.

Stand firm.

[Anonymous]

PP 6:29. And another thing - no way I’m watching BIL kids. Nope. Lack of planning on his part does not constitute an emergency on yours.

Friday weddings are a PITA.

If I knew you in RL, I’d come over and hang out with you and your DC! In fact, plan now to do something fun Friday while your DH is at the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am impressed with your BIL - flying with a 1 YO and 3 YO by himself. How long is the flight?
(These is no way I would watch kids after that)

🙄 everyone is always impressed by a man who does what a mom does daily.

Don’t watch your BILs kids he assumed he’d hatch into your plan without even asking first. Nannies don’t want to watch 4 kids overnight!

Hold firm.

But he did ask, right?
Three months prior to the wedding, he called and said that he was planning on coming out and asked if their nanny could watch all four kids or if they could hire childcare together.

Personally, I wouldn’t go to this wedding either. But I would if DH’s brother was flying into town for it. That’s a different situation.

I would also watch my BIL’s kids for an evening so that DH could hang out with his brother. I wouldn’t expect someone flying in from out of town to arrange their own childcare.

The OP situation is:
wedding is 2 hours drive for OP one way-traffic?
no kids wedding is at 3 pm on a Friday- ceremony. Reception?
intended babysitter by MIL is OP not a nanny- OP uses PTO, rents a hotel room, all to babysit?

This thing is not a fly to DCA and all local wedding events. This MIL is so off base- what's next for BIL's benefit on the request list? Airport pick up in Philadlphia and OP lives in Rockville?