Forum Index
»
General Parenting Discussion
How does your redshirted kid feel now that she/he is older?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
This is all about your feelings, ironically. The only people attacking here are the crazed anti-redshirters Jeff had to ban. |
Anonymous
|
I always find redshirting threads fascinating. I have a summer birthday girl that I sent on time. She's the youngest in her grade that I know of (there might be younger kids, I just haven't met them yet) even though she was born 5 weeks before the cut off.
However, what I find interesting is that one of the reasons I sent her, is one of the reasons most seem to hold back. I wanted her to struggle a little. She's very strong in reading, several grades ahead and never has had to work hard at it. I barely had to work with her on teaching her how to read. Now in math, she has to work harder. She's middle of the pack in math. She wants to be better, so she works hard. I think that's a great skill to learn. I was one of the oldest in my grade (not held back) and academics always came easily to me. I never really had to try... then I went to college and it wasn't as easy, and I had no idea how to study or just even cope with something not coming easily to me. My more average peers struggled less because they'd had to learn how to study and time manage in a way I hadn't. |
Anonymous
|
Redshirting is a gamble. No one knows how things will turn out, so we have to guess about the future by considering current circumstances. When you are gambling, you consider the cost of holding back a year versus the benefits. Aside from daycare costs, the cost of waiting an extra year to start school is small. The repercussions of making adjustments after that are greater.
I have frequently posted about my extremely small, sporty, ADHD, highly emotional son. He has done fine despite his challenges, and some challenges would have existed regardless of when he started school. Sports are by birth year, so his being small would have been an issue regardless of grade. However, when you combine numerous factors - small, immature, ADHD, socially awkward, and the youngest in the grade and on the young side in sports, things can be really tough. I'm still haunted by how discouraged my son was in middle school when he was an outsider on almost every level. He was giving everything he could on all fronts but not getting anywhere. It was painful to watch. We were discussing this the other day, and he said that knowing what he knows now, he wishes I had held him back. Resilience is built through leaning into positive behaviors and connections. If school is hard and you can't keep up in sports, and all of your friends are coupling off in middle school when you are years away from puberty, and you don't fit in anywhere, it's exceedingly difficult to believe in yourself and persist. Kids need to learn to overcome obstacles, but we don't need to throw them into situations where they are unlikely to succeed. I have three kids with summer birthdays, and while there is certainly a disadvantage to being the youngest, that disadvantage is more easily overcome when the child has no other issues to deal with. |
Anonymous
Did you read the rest of the sentence? “And other public districts across the country” |
Anonymous
Lady, you have been camped in this thread since its beginning and you are as fanatical about redshirting as some are about treating cutoffs as absolute. Redshirting has obvious advantages in the beginning and not-so-obvious drawbacks further down the line. This thread is about whether redshirted children ever regret the decision their parents made, and the answer is of course yes, some do feel set back, just as some feel it was a benefit. Unfortunately, nobody is psychic. OP's kid will probably benefit from it as long as the learning disabilities are managed. If people think redshirting is a substitute for managing other issues, yikes. I have seen that turn out badly. |
Anonymous
Lol |
Anonymous
Our new middle school toed the line said they would could not have the data on birth date distribution for our rising grade, and that they do superbly well with a range of ages and maturities! Anecdotally all the parents we spoke with redshirted and said to redshirt. It is one of those 5A high school public districts — Long Beach Poly |
Anonymous
Was 6th grade when everything hit the fan for you? Or things finally got serious with homework, grades and MAP/state tests for acceleration placement? |
Anonymous
Stop deflecting and tell us how does your child feel about it? There are lots of things to think about. My comments are not about feelings but opportunities when kids are older. |
Anonymous
6th grade is when the kids are placed on the math track depending on the school system. 8th grade got much harder in terms of expectations, class work and homework. Once you are on the math track the testing does not matter at all as long as you pass the class. So 3-5th grade testing but really the 5th grade testing was the most important. But things ramped up academically in 8th. I wish there were higher expectations all along so it’s not so much a shock to the kids. So the person posting their child struggled in 8th makes sense. Nothing really hit the fan for us as we knew from other parents and we are very involved and monitor everything. It’s probably child and school specific. I was not going to let mine fall through the cracks. Some of it is also teacher specific as some are amazing, some ok and some meh. |
Anonymous
I have not been here since the beginning. However, I did post some of the only objective academic data provided in this thread. Unlike you, I don’t rely on my feelings alone in these matters. The data seems to argue in favor of school delay as being a potentially beneficial method of mitigation of ADHD symptoms. The study from Denmark as opposed to other countries with rigid cutoffs is compelling. For OP, who had a child with ADHD, delay seems like a reasonable option. |
Anonymous
You posted one study with data 20 years ago from another country. Back to the topic, how does your child feel about it? We know you will find a million reasons to justify your choice but the topic is how does your kid feel about it? I’ve talked to mine many times about it. They agree with my decision. |
Anonymous
Why would you redshirt a child who already knew how to read when starting school? That makes no sense. |
Anonymous
| Look, I don't know what is up with older kids, but in my child's first grade class (the first grade to start kindergarten after Covid), there are dozens of redshirted children, many of whom absolutely should not have been redshirted, but their parents didn't want them to have virtual K (understandable) and those children are TERRORS. Like multiple teachers at the school (my neighbors) have told me that this is by the worst first grade class ever. They've never seen classes with so many older, bored children (boys and girls) before, and that it's a nightmare. Just think about if your child is going to be bored and don't redshirt them if you just don't want them to the smallest kid in the class, that's an awful, selfish, mom-centered approach, and I will 100% judge anyone who does this. |
Anonymous
What about delay because so many others are redshirted (30-40% or a grade), adhd status unknown of them or your kid? |