TTC 10 months with no support from DH

[Anonymous]

We are now 10 months very frustratingly TTC. Husband says he wants children and has zero doubts about it. The problem is he's never in the mood to have sex, if we have it once he's good for another 2-3 days. I explain to him the window of opportunity and ovulation, etc.that just makes him start losing his erection during sex. I am at my wits end. Everyone around me is pregnant, I cry every time I see another announcement on Facebook, and am becoming a complete emotional wreck. I have tried to take his feelings into consideration and didn't bring up baby talk at all. Then I did bring it up. Then I only brought it up part of the time. Nothing gets him on the same page with me sexually at all. If I didnt' know any better, judging by his actions, I'd say he really doesn't want kids but I know him and he really does. I really can't take seeing another negative pregnancy test. I'm not sure if we're infertile or just not doing it enough (1 to 3 times a week) so I don't even know whether to get us tested.

I guess I'm just venting. I feel completely isolated and lonely and very depressed about it all. No one I know can relate.

[Anonymous]

That sucks to not have an equal partner along for the ride. And sometimes it can be a crazy ride both in becoming pregnant and once you have a child.

How do you know you're in the right window for intercourse? Are you temping and charting? We tried for a year for #2 (I am now 20 weeks along) and after 2 m/c, finally and successfully conceived. The first few months, though, I thought I ovulated in days 14-16 when in reality, once I started temping and charting on the fertility friend app, it was actually days 11-13. We had missed our window entirely.

The only thing I can think of is to not let your DH know when your window is because baby making sex is draining and definitely not as much fun as spontaneous sex. Especially when you've been at it for almost a year! So don't let him see your calendars and get in the habit of doing it every few days, but jump his bones two nights in a row every time you do have sex. Then you plan those two nights in a row to coincide with your most fertile days, and maybe it happens that way. Men can have performance anxiety, too, and the planning aspect can take away from the fun that sex is supposed to be.

Also, you need to find something else to focus on besides babies. It will happen for you in time, you just need to not see everyone else's luck as taking away from yours. I always asked friends who conceived that year to rub their baby mojo on me. Find a new hobby, start an exercise program, learn to cook French food. Something to share with DH and hopefully you can connect on and communicate about something other than babies.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Does he like porn? If he does, try the turkey baster method. Or at the very least, to arouse him.

[Anonymous]

I second charting or using a fertility monitor so you know for sure when its go time. if you are timing it right, every other day is fine. bust out lingerie, liquor, porn, whatever gets him going.

[Anonymous]

Yep, time to start tracking your ovulation. If you time it right, once or twice should be more than enough.

[Anonymous]

+1 for turkey baster method. Worked for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1 for turkey baster method. Worked for us.

How exactly are people doing this?

[Anonymous]

Another recommendation for really knowing your body signals / chart, and that if you're consistently hitting your window low frequency is fine.

That said, if you're already charting / using OPKs / etc., then I personally think 10 months of trying is enough to justify getting tested.

[Anonymous]

Is he old? Could he be suffering from low testosterone?

[Anonymous]

We opted for 5 nights in a row during my fertile time and to take the pressure off my husband we had him coming into a softcup as an option on the table each night. Then you insert it as you would if you have your period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We opted for 5 nights in a row during my fertile time and to take the pressure off my husband we had him coming into a softcup as an option on the table each night. Then you insert it as you would if you have your period.

What? Does that actually work? And I mean, has a doctor/OB actually confirmed that that can work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We opted for 5 nights in a row during my fertile time and to take the pressure off my husband we had him coming into a softcup as an option on the table each night. Then you insert it as you would if you have your period.

What? Does that actually work? And I mean, has a doctor/OB actually confirmed that that can work?

Any method that gets the semen to the cervix does the trick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We opted for 5 nights in a row during my fertile time and to take the pressure off my husband we had him coming into a softcup as an option on the table each night. Then you insert it as you would if you have your period.

We did this too. DH got to pick where he finished which took a lot of pressure off him (by 4th or 5th day in a row, DH struggles especially when it's TTC sex and not spontaneous). After 11 months of perfectly timed sex without Softcups, I finally got pregnant the first cycle we used them. For the next pregnancy we used them right away and I got pregnant the first cycle.

We knew I was ovulating and DH had normal results on his SA. So either it was a coincidence or we just needed a little boost. Regardless, we'll definitely try them next time too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We opted for 5 nights in a row during my fertile time and to take the pressure off my husband we had him coming into a softcup as an option on the table each night. Then you insert it as you would if you have your period.

We did this too. DH got to pick where he finished which took a lot of pressure off him (by 4th or 5th day in a row, DH struggles especially when it's TTC sex and not spontaneous). After 11 months of perfectly timed sex without Softcups, I finally got pregnant the first cycle we used them. For the next pregnancy we used them right away and I got pregnant the first cycle.

We knew I was ovulating and DH had normal results on his SA. So either it was a coincidence or we just needed a little boost. Regardless, we'll definitely try them next time too!

That's so...impersonal. I'm surprised that a softcup is easier...seems awkward

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We opted for 5 nights in a row during my fertile time and to take the pressure off my husband we had him coming into a softcup as an option on the table each night. Then you insert it as you would if you have your period.

We did this too. DH got to pick where he finished which took a lot of pressure off him (by 4th or 5th day in a row, DH struggles especially when it's TTC sex and not spontaneous). After 11 months of perfectly timed sex without Softcups, I finally got pregnant the first cycle we used them. For the next pregnancy we used them right away and I got pregnant the first cycle.

We knew I was ovulating and DH had normal results on his SA. So either it was a coincidence or we just needed a little boost. Regardless, we'll definitely try them next time too!

That's so...impersonal. I'm surprised that a softcup is easier...seems awkward

Who cares? Soft cups are a million times more personal than fertility testing and treatments.