TTC 10 months with no support from DH

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's freaked out that you're a desperate mess. Maybe stop TTC for a few months and learn to relax.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Just to update we finally got into the swing of things and got pregnant but unfortunately miscarried at 8 weeks. I just got my period back and an praying to God that DH can continue ttc like we were before. I really don't want to go through any more hardship than needed at this point...he was happy about the pregnancy so maybe he sees now it's not such a scary thing to get a bfp.

[Anonymous]

OP again. Alas, his issues have started again. Can't keep an erection because he knows we are in the fertile window. Should have known this would happen again. I thought maybe experiencing our first pregnancy would make the second time trying less scary/stressful (despite the miscarriage and D&C) but nope. The entire baby making process has been nothing but misery from start to finish.

[Anonymous]

NP here and I would say to listen to the softcups advice.

We didn't have the same problem. My DH does have a low sperm count and low morphology, so we have had lots of problems conceiving. First month using the softcups and we are pregnant. I'm not saying they are a miracle, but you may want to use them as an option! It might make life a little easier for him.

[Anonymous]

I agree with trying the Instead cups or the soft cups. I ovulate anywhere between cd 14 and cd 16 so those last couple of days felt like a marathon. Sometimes it was just easier to let him do his thing and insert the cup.

I'd also recommend potentially looking into the ovacue as a fertility monitor. It gave me 5-7 days advance notice so I could narrow it down to 2 days. Sure beats 4-5 days in a row, especially when you have a toddler and you don't always have the energy.

[Anonymous]

Yes it sounds 'impersonal' but not all of us have studly DH's. Many seem to believe/expect their men to perform night after night but that's the minority. And high pressure is erection cryptonite. Keep it simple and let him deliver the sperm on 'his own terms'. It's not how any of us imagined or fantasized about conceiving but if it works, it works. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Where did you get the soft cups? Is it something you just push up there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Alas, his issues have started again. Can't keep an erection because he knows we are in the fertile window. Should have known this would happen again. I thought maybe experiencing our first pregnancy would make the second time trying less scary/stressful (despite the miscarriage and D&C) but nope. The entire baby making process has been nothing but misery from start to finish.

DH went through this when we were TTC'ing #1 (took us 20 months) and he asked the dr for a Viagra script. Helped immensely...not is the getting pregnant part (still needed IVF), but made the sex way more fun.

Also, you should also consider just having sex every 2-3 days through the next couple months without worrying about your ovulation. See what happens. We weren't even trying, but ended up pg #2 completely out of the blue. It's really hard to predict these things and stressing doesn't help. Though it's really hard to not do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Where did you get the soft cups? Is it something you just push up there?

You can buy them on amazon. You can just stick them up there right after BD. Or let him do his thing in the cup and stick it up there. The directions are on the box, and they were easier than I thought they would be (never used them for my period, so was a little afraid of them). The concept is sound. It keeps his deposit close to the cervix so your body can do it's thing with them. You can walk around and go about your life while it's in.

Again, they may not be a miracle, but they did work for us.

[Anonymous]

I just checked online and Walgreens has them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Alas, his issues have started again. Can't keep an erection because he knows we are in the fertile window. Should have known this would happen again. I thought maybe experiencing our first pregnancy would make the second time trying less scary/stressful (despite the miscarriage and D&C) but nope. The entire baby making process has been nothing but misery from start to finish.

Have you considered that there might be other emotional issues affecting your husband's attitude toward TTC? It may not even be conscious. However, if he's expressing any ambivalence about TTC, I'd be concerned that it reflects ambivalence about fatherhood, too. Given how focused you are on TTC, he may not be able to open up to you (if he's even aware of his fears). I strongly suggest that you and he get some therapy, both one on one and couples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Alas, his issues have started again. Can't keep an erection because he knows we are in the fertile window. Should have known this would happen again. I thought maybe experiencing our first pregnancy would make the second time trying less scary/stressful (despite the miscarriage and D&C) but nope. The entire baby making process has been nothing but misery from start to finish.

My suggestion is to not share with him any info about when you're ovulating. Keep that private and for him, let it be all about the fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here and I would say to listen to the softcups advice.

We didn't have the same problem. My DH does have a low sperm count and low morphology, so we have had lots of problems conceiving. First month using the softcups and we are pregnant. I'm not saying they are a miracle, but you may want to use them as an option! It might make life a little easier for him.

NP, but I am having a similar problem -- OP, you are NOT alone (even down to the MC and D&C) -- could you provide a link to the soft cups that you are using? I'm a little unsure what it is that people are talking about, but I'm desperate enough to give it a go. I just want to make sure I buy the right thing.

OP, yeah, I feel your pain. I've put off testing and even opening up that can of worms because I'm pretty convinced that we're not doing it enough. And I don't want to go down the road of fertility treatments and interventions if I don't have to. I know that will only make me more stressed out.

[Anonymous]

Nature does want to provide a baby to stressed-out people.

It's not helping anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here and I would say to listen to the softcups advice.

We didn't have the same problem. My DH does have a low sperm count and low morphology, so we have had lots of problems conceiving. First month using the softcups and we are pregnant. I'm not saying they are a miracle, but you may want to use them as an option! It might make life a little easier for him.

NP, but I am having a similar problem -- OP, you are NOT alone (even down to the MC and D&C) -- could you provide a link to the soft cups that you are using? I'm a little unsure what it is that people are talking about, but I'm desperate enough to give it a go. I just want to make sure I buy the right thing.

OP, yeah, I feel your pain. I've put off testing and even opening up that can of worms because I'm pretty convinced that we're not doing it enough. And I don't want to go down the road of fertility treatments and interventions if I don't have to. I know that will only make me more stressed out.

softcup.com