Oyster-Adam teacher arrested

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a superb comment- the one above. I am an O-A parent and this speaks for me, though I did not have any contact with Pena myself. This is so sad, so messy, so disarming and unnerving. Please let's all be thoughtful and mindful in our comments and not glib or snarky or aggressive. O-A parents are devastated. Many have been weeping with grief and feeling very anxious about this situation.

I also want to add: It has nothing to do with a teacher's clothes, his sexual preference, the parents' naïveté, or the school's screening process. It has to do with a wonderful man with a devastating problem. I wonder if he confessed immediately because some part of him was so exhausted by shame and self-loathing, by the toxic secret he held inside. He was likely a victim himself. Of course he should be fired and jailed and treated by a psychiatrist. He should never work with/near kids again. But let's admit the difficult fact that he still was a great teacher for most kids and probably a lovely person in many ways. But he was SICk. He still is sick. He must be kept away from kids but let's not assume he was a one-dimensional monster who was creating a fake persona of a nice guy when he was really just a devil. The human psyche is rarely that simplistic. People are messy. Minds are messy. Mental illness is messy.

It's just all so desperately sad, especially for the kids and parents in our wonderful community.

I am a former prosecutor, which I am disclosing up front because this might come off as harsh. Having worked on some really horrific child sex abuse cases andd seen how the community surrounding the perpetrator inadvertently facilitated the behavior, I have to speak up. He's not a "wonderful" man with a "problem." He is a predator, plain and simple. Pedofiles "groom" their victims--they start slowly and gradually move toward more and more awful behavior. It STARTS with touching over the clothes, and then the obscene photos, maybe a pornographic movie, maybe some touching under the clothes, fellatio, then actual rape. That is how the perpetrator operated in pretty much every case I have ever seen. Consider that this guy confessed quickly to the touching over the clothes because there is more and much worse behavior out there that he is hoping they won't discover. And if he was brazen enough to touch a kid in his own classroom, that likely means he was so bold because this is not his only/first victim.

My thoughts and prayers are with the known victim and his family. I've been through this on the victim side, too, and it is awful. But, it is possible to come out the other side of this okay. It's really important for the parents to get counseling for themselves, apart from whatever they arrange for the child. There are rarely any signs, but it is still really hard to forgive yourself, and to deal with the loss of trust in humanity. It can also be really hard on your marriage, as everyone deals with things in their own way and on their own timeline.

That is interesting and helpful. Thank you. Why do you think someone ends up as a predator like this? I don't think it's "evil" because what does that even mean? Do predators tend to be former victims? I am trying to get my head around why a man would spend his days, building a life purely to facilitate child molestation. How does this pathology emerge? I just don't buy the "monster" diagnosis because it's too neat and tidy.

Really helpful perspective though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That is interesting and helpful. Thank you. Why do you think someone ends up as a predator like this? I don't think it's "evil" because what does that even mean? Do predators tend to be former victims? I am trying to get my head around why a man would spend his days, building a life purely to facilitate child molestation. How does this pathology emerge? I just don't buy the "monster" diagnosis because it's too neat and tidy.

Really helpful perspective though

I would say that it's a combination of a number of things. Often, perpetrators were sexually abused as children themselves, but that alone doesn't explain it--child sexual abuse is a hidden epidemic, with huge numbers of victims, the vast majority of whom do not go on to offend themselves. It's partially a power thing. And finally, and I think this is the biggest part, it's a sexual attraction to children. The recidivism rate is really, really high--it's nearly impossible to rehabilitate a child sex offender. I think that is because of the sexual attraction piece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have the utmost respect and appreciation for the family that did report the criminal teacher. Perhaps the others didn't have the same sort of unquestionable evidence, and didn't have the confidence in the system.

Justice can be particularly difficult to come by, when most of everyone seemed to idolize the damn basta*d.

Thank you the former prosecutor for sharing your valuable insight here.
Curious about your thoughts regarding the above comments.

--How difficult it is sometimes for additional families to come forward. Is there any significant benefit for his other victims to 'go public' with their child's trauma? (I know names should be kept secret, but the kids typically all know what's going on.) It seems some families would rather keep such things under the carpet, as they might perceive it as severely embarrassing and shaming. Especially if they were part of the teacher's fan club.

I could see how the pervert might target the sons of parents who were especially enamored with his blinding charm. If the child shared the abuse with such parents, they may be less inclined to believe their child. After all, how could Mr. Wonderful be perpetuating such despicable crimes? Surely the child must be confused, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the utmost respect and appreciation for the family that did report the criminal teacher. Perhaps the others didn't have the same sort of unquestionable evidence, and didn't have the confidence in the system.

Justice can be particularly difficult to come by, when most of everyone seemed to idolize the damn basta*d.

Thank you the former prosecutor for sharing your valuable insight here.
Curious about your thoughts regarding the above comments.

--How difficult it is sometimes for additional families to come forward. Is there any significant benefit for his other victims to 'go public' with their child's trauma? (I know names should be kept secret, but the kids typically all know what's going on.) It seems some families would rather keep such things under the carpet, as they might perceive it as severely embarrassing and shaming. Especially if they were part of the teacher's fan club.

I could see how the pervert might target the sons of parents who were especially enamored with his blinding charm. If the child shared the abuse with such parents, they may be less inclined to believe their child. After all, how could Mr. Wonderful be perpetuating such despicable crimes? Surely the child must be confused, no?

I prosecuted a number of "popular" figures--I don't agree at all that justice is hard to come by. It takes courageous families coming forward, as this one has. That's it. If anything, juries (and judges at sentencing) tend to hold it against defendants that they used their popularity and standing in the community to victimize.

Often, children are terrified to report, or confused and ashamed. They think, "who would believe that such a trusted, valued person would do something so terrible?" They may be confused about whether what happened was even wrong. It feels icky and wrong to them, but they know the perpetrator is a highly valued member of the community, so they think the problem must be with THEM. In order to enable reporting by children, we have to create safe space for them to report, in which we make it okay to say "bad" things about a person everyone else may think is "good." And we must always, always listen and believe. Often children will initially say something really small which is just the tip of the iceberg. By listening and creating safe space, we learn the whole truth.

Finally, it's really hard for families to come forward. It's tough to put your child through police interviews and maybe a trial. The number one reason that you should, though, is that it sends a very strong message to your child that you are taking what they say seriously and holding the adult accountable. If you sweep it under the rug, your child may inadvertently conclude that he or she doesn't matter, or that the adult perpetrator is so powerful nothing is going to happen to that person. You may be causing more harm to your child by not reporting. In other words, by not reporting, you may be inadvertently doing the opposite of what you intend. You don't have to "go public"-- the system is designed to keep minors' names out of things. But you absolutely should report to police. I would never recommend going to the school first, by the way (see, e.g., the horrible mishandling by the school of the Beauvoir case)--I would always go to the police. Another reason to do so, by the way, is that it's easy for a single case to get dismissed for legal reasons. It's much more likely that when there are multiple voices, a perpetrator will be convicted and stopped. There is also solidarity in numbers--victims and their families can support each other in these types of cases. That is powerful stuff for a child, who may continue to be afraid of community backlash.

[Anonymous]

As one of the posters who has had certain offensive(?) posts deleted from this thread (not the one that Admin banned), I want to encourage every single caring parent here to give the prosecutor's comments very, very careful attention.

If, on the other hand you continue with business as usual, these perpetrators are sure to continue with their sexual molestation of our children in our schools.

[Anonymous]

As a lawyer and an O-A parent I agree that we should all listen very closely to what the prosecutor on this thread is saying.

The most important message we can give our kids is that they should go to a trusted adult whenever anything feels icky or off. The adults will worry about the other adults. We are here for the kids and they will be believed, loved, and not judged.

Unfortunately I also have a new perspective on teachers who act like buddies and peers. Adults need adult lives and adult friends. Teaching is a passion and an all-consuming commitment but a teacher is not a taller, older friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a lawyer and an O-A parent I agree that we should all listen very closely to what the prosecutor on this thread is saying.

The most important message we can give our kids is that they should go to a trusted adult whenever anything feels icky or off. The adults will worry about the other adults. We are here for the kids and they will be believed, loved, and not judged.

Unfortunately I also have a new perspective on teachers who act like buddies and peers. Adults need adult lives and adult friends. Teaching is a passion and an all-consuming commitment but a teacher is not a taller, older friend.

10:25 here. I agree, and will add that both parents and all school staff need to have their radar on alert for anyone who may be crossing healthy boundaries with our children, in or out of the classroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The fact that you are all debating short shorts is insane. He did not wear short shorts to school at any point. My child is in this class, and trust me, GP was always appropriately dressed. Please stop commenting on things which are simply made up and gross. It's usually best to express your knowledge about things you KNOW!

You can count me in the camp of believing that offenders are going to abuse their victims no matter what they are wearing. There are good reasons to require a dress code for teachers, but preventing abuse is not one of them.

That being said, Pena was wearing shorts when he reported to school the Monday he was arrested. It's possible that he changed into pants before class began, but he was wearing shorts when he entered the school building.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The fact that you are all debating short shorts is insane. He did not wear short shorts to school at any point. My child is in this class, and trust me, GP was always appropriately dressed. Please stop commenting on things which are simply made up and gross. It's usually best to express your knowledge about things you KNOW!

You can count me in the camp of believing that offenders are going to abuse their victims no matter what they are wearing. There are good reasons to require a dress code for teachers, but preventing abuse is not one of them.

That being said, Pena was wearing shorts when he reported to school the Monday he was arrested. It's possible that he changed into pants before class began, but he was wearing shorts when he entered the school building.

Did he maybe bike to school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But what if the allegations turn out to be false.... this guy's life is ruined. sad situation.

What you apparently don't understand is, by the time the police are actually arresting someone, 99% of the time there is MORE THAN ENOUGH evidence to arrest. The truly sad thing is how much evidence it usually takes to get law enforcement to actually act. I worked in this field in a past career and it is shocking how obvious the abuse can be (once it's been discovered and children have been interviewed) and yet without damning evidence like video or pics it's shocking how much it can take to get law enforcement to act.

By the time someone is actually being arrested, especially someone like this, it's dramatically likely it's true. Also likely that only the tip of the iceberg is known. I've seen cases move forward where so many of the victims' allegations werent' even included, for various reasons.

This is terribly disappointing.
We'll see if the other victims report what happened to them. I hope the other families find the courage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the utmost respect and appreciation for the family that did report the criminal teacher. Perhaps the others didn't have the same sort of unquestionable evidence, and didn't have the confidence in the system.

Justice can be particularly difficult to come by, when most of everyone seemed to idolize the damn basta*d.

Thank you the former prosecutor for sharing your valuable insight here.
Curious about your thoughts regarding the above comments.

--How difficult it is sometimes for additional families to come forward. Is there any significant benefit for his other victims to 'go public' with their child's trauma? (I know names should be kept secret, but the kids typically all know what's going on.) It seems some families would rather keep such things under the carpet, as they might perceive it as severely embarrassing and shaming. Especially if they were part of the teacher's fan club.

I could see how the pervert might target the sons of parents who were especially enamored with his blinding charm. If the child shared the abuse with such parents, they may be less inclined to believe their child. After all, how could Mr. Wonderful be perpetuating such despicable crimes? Surely the child must be confused, no?

I prosecuted a number of "popular" figures--I don't agree at all that justice is hard to come by. It takes courageous families coming forward, as this one has. That's it. If anything, juries (and judges at sentencing) tend to hold it against defendants that they used their popularity and standing in the community to victimize.

Often, children are terrified to report, or confused and ashamed. They think, "who would believe that such a trusted, valued person would do something so terrible?" They may be confused about whether what happened was even wrong. It feels icky and wrong to them, but they know the perpetrator is a highly valued member of the community, so they think the problem must be with THEM. In order to enable reporting by children, we have to create safe space for them to report, in which we make it okay to say "bad" things about a person everyone else may think is "good." And we must always, always listen and believe. Often children will initially say something really small which is just the tip of the iceberg. By listening and creating safe space, we learn the whole truth.

Finally, it's really hard for families to come forward. It's tough to put your child through police interviews and maybe a trial. The number one reason that you should, though, is that it sends a very strong message to your child that you are taking what they say seriously and holding the adult accountable. If you sweep it under the rug, your child may inadvertently conclude that he or she doesn't matter, or that the adult perpetrator is so powerful nothing is going to happen to that person. You may be causing more harm to your child by not reporting. In other words, by not reporting, you may be inadvertently doing the opposite of what you intend. You don't have to "go public"-- the system is designed to keep minors' names out of things. But you absolutely should report to police. I would never recommend going to the school first, by the way (see, e.g., the horrible mishandling by the school of the Beauvoir case)--I would always go to the police. Another reason to do so, by the way, is that it's easy for a single case to get dismissed for legal reasons. It's much more likely that when there are multiple voices, a perpetrator will be convicted and stopped. There is also solidarity in numbers--victims and their families can support each other in these types of cases. That is powerful stuff for a child, who may continue to be afraid of community backlash.

I absolutely agree with most of your posts here. I also come at this issue from a professional perspective, but from the child welfare/CPS angle. And while I agree with most of what you've said and also agree that families MUST figure out how to come forward - they absolutely must! - I have to differ on your statement that "I don't agree that justice is hard to come by at all". That I must disagree with.

In smaller communities, or in many dysfunctional families, coming forward is packed with risk and punishment. Did you hear about the case recently (not in DC) where family members savagely beat a pregnant 14 yr old until she miscarried because she had gotten pregnant through being raped by another family member? Coming forward when a family member or respected member of the community (teacher, priest, police officer, politician) is a sexual predator often puts the victim or those supporting the victim at all sorts of risks. And... many of the worst predators have created a safety net around them where in the end even when people come forward they do NOT get prosecuted.

And for older kids who've been assaulted (sometimes by their peers), we know that slut-shaming and bullying can absolutely shut down the victim or make then move, or even suicidal. So justice can be hard to come by, and the road to it can be very hard for the family, especially when the abuser is powerful or respected in the community or family.

And don't even get me started with family sexual abuse and how many victims are shut down by their own families to protect the abuser! It's horrific, and those cases don't come to trial unless outside parties become aware.

But none of that changes the fact that abuse must be reported, and perpetrators must be brought to justice or an attempt has to be made to bring them to justice. Knowing and not acting cannot be an option, for anyone.

And there are enough times that justice is done, even with high profile perpetrators, that victims and their supporters must come forward. Also, all victims and their supporters must remember: if an earlier victim had come forward sooner, then the victim may never have been victimized. We MUST act both to heal ourselves as well as doing what we can to prevent the molester from acting on other victims. I almost lost my job in CPS in another state once by insisting that a child death investigation of our own staff be done (our staff didn't kill the child, but their mismanagement of the case gave me nightmares about what other children were left at risk due to their inaction). The 2 main staff who acted egregiously were very close to the head of the agency. The head never started the investigation, so eventually I called internal affairs, and after investigating one was demoted, and one was fired. But that set in motion a painful period in my professional life where at all turns the head was trying to fire me. (Again, to be clear, this was NOT in the DMV area.) But you know what? I would do the exact same thing again if I could go back in time, because in the end the bigger issue of justice for those who can't defend themselves is bigger than my job, or even my career if it had come down to that.

So the fact that justice can be hard to come by (because I think it can be very hard at times) canNOT stop families and victims from telling the truth and trying to see justice done. I just think it may do potential victims a disservice to promise that justice will be done, because one of the worst experiences of all is being victimized, telling the right people, and either nothing being done or an attempt to prosecute happening but it being thrown out. It happens, and families have to understand that there is a bigger reason to report: because it can lead to your own healing, and it's unconscionable to not report. And often, there will be some justice or at least the perpetrator has been exposed and people will look a little more carefully at their behaviors.

[Anonymous]

This was me ^^, I forgot to add this: Parents, you HAVE TO TRUST YOUR GUT INSTINCTS! It doesn't mean that your gut is always going to be right, or that you will even notice or feel weird around predators. But what you canNOT do is not listen when your child says "I don't like ______" or "I don't want to go to _______ house" or "I don't want to hug _____". It may be nothing, but you always stop, pause, and ask and then LISTEN to your child's answer about why they feel that way. LISTEN. DOn't try to talk your kids out of their feelings, those are their feelings. Try to find ways to accommodate their concerns as well as your needs as a parent (i.e. if the person they don't want to see is a relative and everyone's together for the holidays, how can you make your child more comfy and also not necessarily jump to the worse conclusions about your relative?)

But so so so often, because the parent wouldn't consider the perpetrator as a scary or slimy person, they don't have the attention for when their kids (even when the child is actually victimized) tries, in their own child way, to communicate their fears or discomfort. Sometimes it's nothing... sometimes it's NOT nothing.

And if you are uncomfortable yourself around someone, don't talk yourself out of figuring out how to protect your child. Maybe you're wrong about the other person, but is it really worth the chance that you're RIGHT but feel too guilty of thinking negatively about them to risk your child's safety?

Trust your gut, try to get specific information from your child without interrogating them, and don't rule out anyone just because everybody loves them or they're powerful and seem impossible to do bad things. Most of all, just be a great listener and be alert. Not to the point of paranoid. Just alert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a lawyer and an O-A parent I agree that we should all listen very closely to what the prosecutor on this thread is saying.

The most important message we can give our kids is that they should go to a trusted adult whenever anything feels icky or off. The adults will worry about the other adults. We are here for the kids and they will be believed, loved, and not judged.

Unfortunately I also have a new perspective on teachers who act like buddies and peers. Adults need adult lives and adult friends. Teaching is a passion and an all-consuming commitment but a teacher is not a taller, older friend.

I am a teacher and I've been saying this since day 1. We all need healthy boundaries and teachers who treat students as their own kids do not have boundaries. I AM NOT saying that they are all up to no good. Many are simply misguided. As a teacher you students/parents are your clients. You need a certain amount of professional distance to keep the ball rolling in the right direction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The fact that you are all debating short shorts is insane. He did not wear short shorts to school at any point. My child is in this class, and trust me, GP was always appropriately dressed. Please stop commenting on things which are simply made up and gross. It's usually best to express your knowledge about things you KNOW!

You can count me in the camp of believing that offenders are going to abuse their victims no matter what they are wearing. There are good reasons to require a dress code for teachers, but preventing abuse is not one of them.

That being said, Pena was wearing shorts when he reported to school the Monday he was arrested. It's possible that he changed into pants before class began, but he was wearing shorts when he entered the school building.

Did he maybe bike to school?

He usually rode a skateboard to school.

[Anonymous]

It is too bad the only enlightening discussions about the aftermath of the arrest are on DCUM. I still am amazed the WaPo has not put the facts to date + hotline number in the METRO Section, it's almost like they are burying the story.