No Kids at Wedding - Why So Much Anger?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have become so narcissistic. I guess I can understand it for people in their 20s. I got married at 25 and thought my wedding was a big deal (but didn’t exclude kids). Now, pushing 50, I have more perspective. The chances to have the whole family/loved ones all together are few and far between. And nobody cares about a wedding being “perfect” - they won’t even remember it after a week. The fact that people don’t want children to “ruin” their day is sad. That just isn’t what it’s about.

Well, you're old. Your perspective has changed. You don't know if you'll see everyone again. Young people plan the parties they want to have. Start hosting annual family reunions to scratch that itch.

Late 40s is not old, but it’s a different perspective than 25. Plus it’s gross to use age as an insult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no problem with "no kids" as long as the bride is gracious and it's not a dysfunctional family where the people who decline will be shamed/blamed/guilt tripped for declining.

I did find of my friends/co-workers and family who turned into bridezillas-having majorly unrealistic expectations of those they invite (or have in bridal party) and who were not gracious are all now either divorced or miserable in their marriages. So, often it's just a sign of someone who just has poor coping skills in general and not personal.

And I know plenty of brides who had "no kids" weddings and are still happily married. Wanting to not have kids and have an adult wedding is not a bad thing. It's not "Bridezilla" itself.

Out of curiosity, I roughly calculated the rate of divorce in the weddings I remember attending, and although it’s actually been a pretty low overall rate of divorce (most family/friends are still married), the childfree weddings had a distinctly higher rate of divorce. Maybe there is something to the PPs point.

Or perhaps it is just your friends and family. I know plenty of people who had "18+ weddings" and are still married 20+ years later. In my family/friends group, the divorced ones (there are not many) all had kids at the wedding/reception.
I don't think wanting your wedding reception a certain way is an indicator of divorce.

Because wanting an 18+ reception is very different than say "Telling all guests what colors they must wear". That is bridezilla level and a bit over the top. But wanting to not have unruly little kids or teens running around at your wedding is not bridezilla.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no problem with "no kids" as long as the bride is gracious and it's not a dysfunctional family where the people who decline will be shamed/blamed/guilt tripped for declining.

I did find of my friends/co-workers and family who turned into bridezillas-having majorly unrealistic expectations of those they invite (or have in bridal party) and who were not gracious are all now either divorced or miserable in their marriages. So, often it's just a sign of someone who just has poor coping skills in general and not personal.

And I know plenty of brides who had "no kids" weddings and are still happily married. Wanting to not have kids and have an adult wedding is not a bad thing. It's not "Bridezilla" itself.

Out of curiosity, I roughly calculated the rate of divorce in the weddings I remember attending, and although it’s actually been a pretty low overall rate of divorce (most family/friends are still married), the childfree weddings had a distinctly higher rate of divorce. Maybe there is something to the PPs point.

IME it's almost 50/50, with the younger people who had childfree weddings faring better. I think part of it in my circle, is the people who had childfree weddings paid for it themselves, made it what they wanted and decided together. A few (not all) of the larger child-included weddings were dictated by parents and ILs and other family members who caused issues in the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have become so narcissistic. I guess I can understand it for people in their 20s. I got married at 25 and thought my wedding was a big deal (but didn’t exclude kids). Now, pushing 50, I have more perspective. The chances to have the whole family/loved ones all together are few and far between. And nobody cares about a wedding being “perfect” - they won’t even remember it after a week. The fact that people don’t want children to “ruin” their day is sad. That just isn’t what it’s about.

Well, you're old. Your perspective has changed. You don't know if you'll see everyone again. Young people plan the parties they want to have. Start hosting annual family reunions to scratch that itch.

Late 40s is not old, but it’s a different perspective than 25. Plus it’s gross to use age as an insult.

It's not an insult. It's a fact. Learn the difference. But as PP is getting closer to having grandkids she can suddenly see the value in specific kids she wants to see. But, it's not her party. She can insist her own kids have the party she envisions for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have become so narcissistic. I guess I can understand it for people in their 20s. I got married at 25 and thought my wedding was a big deal (but didn’t exclude kids). Now, pushing 50, I have more perspective. The chances to have the whole family/loved ones all together are few and far between. And nobody cares about a wedding being “perfect” - they won’t even remember it after a week. The fact that people don’t want children to “ruin” their day is sad. That just isn’t what it’s about.

Well, you're old. Your perspective has changed. You don't know if you'll see everyone again. Young people plan the parties they want to have. Start hosting annual family reunions to scratch that itch.

Late 40s is not old, but it’s a different perspective than 25. Plus it’s gross to use age as an insult.

It's not an insult. It's a fact. Learn the difference. But as PP is getting closer to having grandkids she can suddenly see the value in specific kids she wants to see. But, it's not her party. She can insist her own kids have the party she envisions for them.

No she cannot. Well she can try, and it's a good way to end up not seeing your grandkids---most adults dont' like others trying to control them and dont allow it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have become so narcissistic. I guess I can understand it for people in their 20s. I got married at 25 and thought my wedding was a big deal (but didn’t exclude kids). Now, pushing 50, I have more perspective. The chances to have the whole family/loved ones all together are few and far between. And nobody cares about a wedding being “perfect” - they won’t even remember it after a week. The fact that people don’t want children to “ruin” their day is sad. That just isn’t what it’s about.

Well, you're old. Your perspective has changed. You don't know if you'll see everyone again. Young people plan the parties they want to have. Start hosting annual family reunions to scratch that itch.

Late 40s is not old, but it’s a different perspective than 25. Plus it’s gross to use age as an insult.

I'm late 40s. Most of us joke we're old now. It's just the way it is. If you're not late 40s you don't really need to speak for us. Why would I think I should tell some 20 somethings what kind of wedding they should have or why my kids needed to be included? It's their time, I had mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a wedding is a lifestyle event, as they have become, then it makes perfect sense that kids would not be invited.

That's SO self absorbed. It screams "main character syndrome".

OMG--the wedding is literally a day for the bride and groom!!!! If you can't see that, do not attend. Life isn't always about you and your kids

I dont understand the hostility about this. Who would begrudge a couple doing their wedding the way they want? It's called "their special day" for a reason. It's literally about them, they are just inviting guests to witness their union AND pay to have them celebrate with them after.

it’s not actually called their “special day”
except by the most annoying. It’s a wedding, a legal and often religious family event, in which the couple (and often their parents) are *hosts* to the guests who come celebrate with them.

Children have “special days” on their birthdays. adults couples have weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have become so narcissistic. I guess I can understand it for people in their 20s. I got married at 25 and thought my wedding was a big deal (but didn’t exclude kids). Now, pushing 50, I have more perspective. The chances to have the whole family/loved ones all together are few and far between. And nobody cares about a wedding being “perfect” - they won’t even remember it after a week. The fact that people don’t want children to “ruin” their day is sad. That just isn’t what it’s about.

Well, you're old. Your perspective has changed. You don't know if you'll see everyone again. Young people plan the parties they want to have. Start hosting annual family reunions to scratch that itch.

Late 40s is not old, but it’s a different perspective than 25. Plus it’s gross to use age as an insult.

It's not an insult. It's a fact. Learn the difference. But as PP is getting closer to having grandkids she can suddenly see the value in specific kids she wants to see. But, it's not her party. She can insist her own kids have the party she envisions for them.

No she cannot. Well she can try, and it's a good way to end up not seeing your grandkids---most adults dont' like others trying to control them and dont allow it

I don't care what that PP does, but the only people she might influence are her own kids she has no right to butt into anyone else's wedding with her new found perspective that family is so important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a wedding is a lifestyle event, as they have become, then it makes perfect sense that kids would not be invited.

That's SO self absorbed. It screams "main character syndrome".

OMG--the wedding is literally a day for the bride and groom!!!! If you can't see that, do not attend. Life isn't always about you and your kids

I dont understand the hostility about this. Who would begrudge a couple doing their wedding the way they want? It's called "their special day" for a reason. It's literally about them, they are just inviting guests to witness their union AND pay to have them celebrate with them after.

it’s not actually called their “special day”
except by the most annoying. It’s a wedding, a legal and often religious family event, in which the couple (and often their parents) are *hosts* to the guests who come celebrate with them.

Children have “special days” on their birthdays. adults couples have weddings.

Wow your wedding must have sucked

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a wedding is a lifestyle event, as they have become, then it makes perfect sense that kids would not be invited.

That's SO self absorbed. It screams "main character syndrome".

OMG--the wedding is literally a day for the bride and groom!!!! If you can't see that, do not attend. Life isn't always about you and your kids

I dont understand the hostility about this. Who would begrudge a couple doing their wedding the way they want? It's called "their special day" for a reason. It's literally about them, they are just inviting guests to witness their union AND pay to have them celebrate with them after.

it’s not actually called their “special day”
except by the most annoying. It’s a wedding, a legal and often religious family event, in which the couple (and often their parents) are *hosts* to the guests who come celebrate with them.

Children have “special days” on their birthdays. adults couples have weddings.

Wow your wedding must have sucked

I never had a conventional wedding because I think they’re ridiculous. But I’ve been to many lovely weddings with generous hosts and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a wedding is a lifestyle event, as they have become, then it makes perfect sense that kids would not be invited.

That's SO self absorbed. It screams "main character syndrome".

OMG--the wedding is literally a day for the bride and groom!!!! If you can't see that, do not attend. Life isn't always about you and your kids

I dont understand the hostility about this. Who would begrudge a couple doing their wedding the way they want? It's called "their special day" for a reason. It's literally about them, they are just inviting guests to witness their union AND pay to have them celebrate with them after.

it’s not actually called their “special day”
except by the most annoying. It’s a wedding, a legal and often religious family event, in which the couple (and often their parents) are *hosts* to the guests who come celebrate with them.

Children have “special days” on their birthdays. adults couples have weddings.

Wow your wedding must have sucked

I never had a conventional wedding because I think they’re ridiculous. But I’ve been to many lovely weddings with generous hosts and kids.

You don't sound like you would be a gracious guest at a wedding that might not conform to your standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL had a no kids allowed destination wedding at a $1000/night resort that was hours away from an airport. We had a 2 year old and had never left him overnight and no childcare options. SIL tried to paint this as an amazing opportunity to take a child free 'vacation' (all her close friends also had kids) but we didn't end up going so her only sibling wasn't there.

Your husband didn’t go alone? When it’s a sibling and your only sibling and your child is 2 and the other parent can manage for a few days solo, not going is pretty aggressive. Did you encourage him to go? Did his sister go to your wedding?

DP but neither DH nor I would have encouraged or nagged the other person to go. 1K a night and a bunch of PTO to fly to a destination wedding
w/ o spouse and kids would be a no go for us at that time in our life. It’s insanely rude to assume your guests are going to sacrifice their family vacation time and budget because you want a destination wedding. If you want a destination wedding by all means have one but the obligations to attend completely change when you choose this path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have become so narcissistic. I guess I can understand it for people in their 20s. I got married at 25 and thought my wedding was a big deal (but didn’t exclude kids). Now, pushing 50, I have more perspective. The chances to have the whole family/loved ones all together are few and far between. And nobody cares about a wedding being “perfect” - they won’t even remember it after a week. The fact that people don’t want children to “ruin” their day is sad. That just isn’t what it’s about.

And you are entitled to "Your Opinion" Others feel differently and can meet with the entire family some other time. They don't need all the tiny kids running around at their adult reception.

Yes that’s absolutely right. But I won’t be attending any weddings if my kids aren’t invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes that’s absolutely right. But I won’t be attending any weddings if my kids aren’t invited.

This alone is justification for having child-free wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have become so narcissistic. I guess I can understand it for people in their 20s. I got married at 25 and thought my wedding was a big deal (but didn’t exclude kids). Now, pushing 50, I have more perspective. The chances to have the whole family/loved ones all together are few and far between. And nobody cares about a wedding being “perfect” - they won’t even remember it after a week. The fact that people don’t want children to “ruin” their day is sad. That just isn’t what it’s about.

And you are entitled to "Your Opinion" Others feel differently and can meet with the entire family some other time. They don't need all the tiny kids running around at their adult reception.

Yes that’s absolutely right. But I won’t be attending any weddings if my kids aren’t invited.

Promise?