Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it was just a house for which you have money, I would say go for it as house is an investment. However, if she wants that then she has to compromise on wedding. Have a simple wedding. She is 30 and working, not a 20 year old with no financial sense. You two should meet a financial counselor to get a reality check. As far as having kids right after wedding is never a great idea, enjoy an year or two as a couple before taking on responsibility of a child. If you two can afford being one income, its fine but to go on one income, y’all need to be more prudent. This doesn’t have to be your forever home, if you have 2 kids, you can move to a bigger house in 5-6 years when kids start KG.

It seems she is comparing things with other couples and wants to do as good or better or trying to recreate her childhood. Its immature for a 30 year old woman. You on the other side are saving 90% of your income, this doesn’t seem like a great match but what were you talking about this whole year?

Buying a starter home first with the plan of upgrading in 5-6 years when you could afford the forever home now is a really poor investment decision because you lost tens of thousands of dollars in transaction costs alone. Not to mention that mortgage interest rates are still crazy low right now and could be substantially higher in 5-6 years.

People tend to turn first house into a investment/rental income source and sell when market is really high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it was just a house for which you have money, I would say go for it as house is an investment. However, if she wants that then she has to compromise on wedding. Have a simple wedding. She is 30 and working, not a 20 year old with no financial sense. You two should meet a financial counselor to get a reality check. As far as having kids right after wedding is never a great idea, enjoy an year or two as a couple before taking on responsibility of a child. If you two can afford being one income, its fine but to go on one income, y’all need to be more prudent. This doesn’t have to be your forever home, if you have 2 kids, you can move to a bigger house in 5-6 years when kids start KG.

It seems she is comparing things with other couples and wants to do as good or better or trying to recreate her childhood. Its immature for a 30 year old woman. You on the other side are saving 90% of your income, this doesn’t seem like a great match but what were you talking about this whole year?

Buying a starter home first with the plan of upgrading in 5-6 years when you could afford the forever home now is a really poor investment decision because you lost tens of thousands of dollars in transaction costs alone. Not to mention that mortgage interest rates are still crazy low right now and could be substantially higher in 5-6 years.

People tend to turn first house into a investment/rental income source and sell when market is really high.

Some people do, but it’s not common and doesn’t make sense in all cases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it was just a house for which you have money, I would say go for it as house is an investment. However, if she wants that then she has to compromise on wedding. Have a simple wedding. She is 30 and working, not a 20 year old with no financial sense. You two should meet a financial counselor to get a reality check. As far as having kids right after wedding is never a great idea, enjoy an year or two as a couple before taking on responsibility of a child. If you two can afford being one income, its fine but to go on one income, y’all need to be more prudent. This doesn’t have to be your forever home, if you have 2 kids, you can move to a bigger house in 5-6 years when kids start KG.

It seems she is comparing things with other couples and wants to do as good or better or trying to recreate her childhood. Its immature for a 30 year old woman. You on the other side are saving 90% of your income, this doesn’t seem like a great match but what were you talking about this whole year?

Buying a starter home first with the plan of upgrading in 5-6 years when you could afford the forever home now is a really poor investment decision because you lost tens of thousands of dollars in transaction costs alone. Not to mention that mortgage interest rates are still crazy low right now and could be substantially higher in 5-6 years.

People tend to turn first house into a investment/rental income source and sell when market is really high.

OP can't afford a 2 million to 2.5million home on his salary alone. He would have to put a substantial amount of his savings into said home. Financially, wouldn't he be better off taking that savings and putting into investment accounts that are going to generate more returns than dumping it into a house he can't afford on his salary alone? The only thing good right is the low interest rates. The housing market is a seller's market not a buyer's market. Home prices are extremely inflated. It will re-adjust at some point and OP could be stuck with a 2.5 million house that hasn't appreciated very much. Plus I would think god forbid if something were to happen, would it not be easier to unload a lower price home than a higher price home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it was just a house for which you have money, I would say go for it as house is an investment. However, if she wants that then she has to compromise on wedding. Have a simple wedding. She is 30 and working, not a 20 year old with no financial sense. You two should meet a financial counselor to get a reality check. As far as having kids right after wedding is never a great idea, enjoy an year or two as a couple before taking on responsibility of a child. If you two can afford being one income, its fine but to go on one income, y’all need to be more prudent. This doesn’t have to be your forever home, if you have 2 kids, you can move to a bigger house in 5-6 years when kids start KG.

It seems she is comparing things with other couples and wants to do as good or better or trying to recreate her childhood. Its immature for a 30 year old woman. You on the other side are saving 90% of your income, this doesn’t seem like a great match but what were you talking about this whole year?

Buying a starter home first with the plan of upgrading in 5-6 years when you could afford the forever home now is a really poor investment decision because you lost tens of thousands of dollars in transaction costs alone. Not to mention that mortgage interest rates are still crazy low right now and could be substantially higher in 5-6 years.

People tend to turn first house into a investment/rental income source and sell when market is really high.

OP can't afford a 2 million to 2.5million home on his salary alone. He would have to put a substantial amount of his savings into said home. Financially, wouldn't he be better off taking that savings and putting into investment accounts that are going to generate more returns than dumping it into a house he can't afford on his salary alone? The only thing good right is the low interest rates. The housing market is a seller's market not a buyer's market. Home prices are extremely inflated. It will re-adjust at some point and OP could be stuck with a 2.5 million house that hasn't appreciated very much. Plus I would think god forbid if something were to happen, would it not be easier to unload a lower price home than a higher price home?

Depends on where he buys. The real estate crash of 2008 was basically a blip in the SFH market in Arlington.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it was just a house for which you have money, I would say go for it as house is an investment. However, if she wants that then she has to compromise on wedding. Have a simple wedding. She is 30 and working, not a 20 year old with no financial sense. You two should meet a financial counselor to get a reality check. As far as having kids right after wedding is never a great idea, enjoy an year or two as a couple before taking on responsibility of a child. If you two can afford being one income, its fine but to go on one income, y’all need to be more prudent. This doesn’t have to be your forever home, if you have 2 kids, you can move to a bigger house in 5-6 years when kids start KG.

It seems she is comparing things with other couples and wants to do as good or better or trying to recreate her childhood. Its immature for a 30 year old woman. You on the other side are saving 90% of your income, this doesn’t seem like a great match but what were you talking about this whole year?

Buying a starter home first with the plan of upgrading in 5-6 years when you could afford the forever home now is a really poor investment decision because you lost tens of thousands of dollars in transaction costs alone. Not to mention that mortgage interest rates are still crazy low right now and could be substantially higher in 5-6 years.

Maybe this is why the GF changed her mind on how much house to buy. The OP has $2m in savings. The house seems like a good investment right now.

yeah, she's showing her true colors - she's a gold digger putting claims on his savings to support her lifestyle. sure OP may not be responding anymore but IMO, he did the right think to confront his ex-GF and dodged a serious bullet with this one.

OP is avoiding the thread because he doesn’t want to answer questions that don’t fit his narrative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it was just a house for which you have money, I would say go for it as house is an investment. However, if she wants that then she has to compromise on wedding. Have a simple wedding. She is 30 and working, not a 20 year old with no financial sense. You two should meet a financial counselor to get a reality check. As far as having kids right after wedding is never a great idea, enjoy an year or two as a couple before taking on responsibility of a child. If you two can afford being one income, its fine but to go on one income, y’all need to be more prudent. This doesn’t have to be your forever home, if you have 2 kids, you can move to a bigger house in 5-6 years when kids start KG.

It seems she is comparing things with other couples and wants to do as good or better or trying to recreate her childhood. Its immature for a 30 year old woman. You on the other side are saving 90% of your income, this doesn’t seem like a great match but what were you talking about this whole year?

Buying a starter home first with the plan of upgrading in 5-6 years when you could afford the forever home now is a really poor investment decision because you lost tens of thousands of dollars in transaction costs alone. Not to mention that mortgage interest rates are still crazy low right now and could be substantially higher in 5-6 years.

OP probably has other things to do. He didn’t sign up to be married to this thread. He already got needed advice and acted upon it.
Maybe this is why the GF changed her mind on how much house to buy. The OP has $2m in savings. The house seems like a good investment right now.

yeah, she's showing her true colors - she's a gold digger putting claims on his savings to support her lifestyle. sure OP may not be responding anymore but IMO, he did the right think to confront his ex-GF and dodged a serious bullet with this one.

OP is avoiding the thread because he doesn’t want to answer questions that don’t fit his narrative.

[Anonymous]

OP probably has other things to do. He didn’t sign up to be married to this thread. He already got needed advice and acted upon it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it was just a house for which you have money, I would say go for it as house is an investment. However, if she wants that then she has to compromise on wedding. Have a simple wedding. She is 30 and working, not a 20 year old with no financial sense. You two should meet a financial counselor to get a reality check. As far as having kids right after wedding is never a great idea, enjoy an year or two as a couple before taking on responsibility of a child. If you two can afford being one income, its fine but to go on one income, y’all need to be more prudent. This doesn’t have to be your forever home, if you have 2 kids, you can move to a bigger house in 5-6 years when kids start KG.

It seems she is comparing things with other couples and wants to do as good or better or trying to recreate her childhood. Its immature for a 30 year old woman. You on the other side are saving 90% of your income, this doesn’t seem like a great match but what were you talking about this whole year?

Buying a starter home first with the plan of upgrading in 5-6 years when you could afford the forever home now is a really poor investment decision because you lost tens of thousands of dollars in transaction costs alone. Not to mention that mortgage interest rates are still crazy low right now and could be substantially higher in 5-6 years.

Maybe this is why the GF changed her mind on how much house to buy. The OP has $2m in savings. The house seems like a good investment right now.

yeah, she's showing her true colors - she's a gold digger putting claims on his savings to support her lifestyle. sure OP may not be responding anymore but IMO, he did the right think to confront his ex-GF and dodged a serious bullet with this one.

OP is avoiding the thread because he doesn’t want to answer questions that don’t fit his narrative.

They broke up. He got his ring back. What more is there to discuss?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it was just a house for which you have money, I would say go for it as house is an investment. However, if she wants that then she has to compromise on wedding. Have a simple wedding. She is 30 and working, not a 20 year old with no financial sense. You two should meet a financial counselor to get a reality check. As far as having kids right after wedding is never a great idea, enjoy an year or two as a couple before taking on responsibility of a child. If you two can afford being one income, its fine but to go on one income, y’all need to be more prudent. This doesn’t have to be your forever home, if you have 2 kids, you can move to a bigger house in 5-6 years when kids start KG.

It seems she is comparing things with other couples and wants to do as good or better or trying to recreate her childhood. Its immature for a 30 year old woman. You on the other side are saving 90% of your income, this doesn’t seem like a great match but what were you talking about this whole year?

Buying a starter home first with the plan of upgrading in 5-6 years when you could afford the forever home now is a really poor investment decision because you lost tens of thousands of dollars in transaction costs alone. Not to mention that mortgage interest rates are still crazy low right now and could be substantially higher in 5-6 years.

Maybe this is why the GF changed her mind on how much house to buy. The OP has $2m in savings. The house seems like a good investment right now.

yeah, she's showing her true colors - she's a gold digger putting claims on his savings to support her lifestyle. sure OP may not be responding anymore but IMO, he did the right think to confront his ex-GF and dodged a serious bullet with this one.

OP is avoiding the thread because he doesn’t want to answer questions that don’t fit his narrative.

They broke up. He got his ring back. What more is there to discuss?

That depends on whether OP is willing to engage in any introspection to get a better understanding of his own role in what happened, or if he wanted to blindly move on to the sixth, seventh and eighth serious relationships that never lead to marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend: Why did you guys break up?

OP: X decided she wanted to live in big house and stay home with our kids.

Friend: The nerve of the girl.

You are leaving a lot out but you know that. Not even close.

DP. So is OP. He has been dodging a lot of questions in this discussion.

What questions has OP been dodging? He has answered many questions that have been asked on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it was just a house for which you have money, I would say go for it as house is an investment. However, if she wants that then she has to compromise on wedding. Have a simple wedding. She is 30 and working, not a 20 year old with no financial sense. You two should meet a financial counselor to get a reality check. As far as having kids right after wedding is never a great idea, enjoy an year or two as a couple before taking on responsibility of a child. If you two can afford being one income, its fine but to go on one income, y’all need to be more prudent. This doesn’t have to be your forever home, if you have 2 kids, you can move to a bigger house in 5-6 years when kids start KG.

It seems she is comparing things with other couples and wants to do as good or better or trying to recreate her childhood. Its immature for a 30 year old woman. You on the other side are saving 90% of your income, this doesn’t seem like a great match but what were you talking about this whole year?

Buying a starter home first with the plan of upgrading in 5-6 years when you could afford the forever home now is a really poor investment decision because you lost tens of thousands of dollars in transaction costs alone. Not to mention that mortgage interest rates are still crazy low right now and could be substantially higher in 5-6 years.

Maybe this is why the GF changed her mind on how much house to buy. The OP has $2m in savings. The house seems like a good investment right now.

yeah, she's showing her true colors - she's a gold digger putting claims on his savings to support her lifestyle. sure OP may not be responding anymore but IMO, he did the right think to confront his ex-GF and dodged a serious bullet with this one.

OP is avoiding the thread because he doesn’t want to answer questions that don’t fit his narrative.

They broke up. He got his ring back. What more is there to discuss?

That depends on whether OP is willing to engage in any introspection to get a better understanding of his own role in what happened, or if he wanted to blindly move on to the sixth, seventh and eighth serious relationships that never lead to marriage.

and he needs to come back here and tell you? get real, he's moved on. there is a regular group of folks who continue these threads with their own speculation and supposition. wonder why that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it was just a house for which you have money, I would say go for it as house is an investment. However, if she wants that then she has to compromise on wedding. Have a simple wedding. She is 30 and working, not a 20 year old with no financial sense. You two should meet a financial counselor to get a reality check. As far as having kids right after wedding is never a great idea, enjoy an year or two as a couple before taking on responsibility of a child. If you two can afford being one income, its fine but to go on one income, y’all need to be more prudent. This doesn’t have to be your forever home, if you have 2 kids, you can move to a bigger house in 5-6 years when kids start KG.

It seems she is comparing things with other couples and wants to do as good or better or trying to recreate her childhood. Its immature for a 30 year old woman. You on the other side are saving 90% of your income, this doesn’t seem like a great match but what were you talking about this whole year?

Buying a starter home first with the plan of upgrading in 5-6 years when you could afford the forever home now is a really poor investment decision because you lost tens of thousands of dollars in transaction costs alone. Not to mention that mortgage interest rates are still crazy low right now and could be substantially higher in 5-6 years.

Maybe this is why the GF changed her mind on how much house to buy. The OP has $2m in savings. The house seems like a good investment right now.

yeah, she's showing her true colors - she's a gold digger putting claims on his savings to support her lifestyle. sure OP may not be responding anymore but IMO, he did the right think to confront his ex-GF and dodged a serious bullet with this one.

OP is avoiding the thread because he doesn’t want to answer questions that don’t fit his narrative.

They broke up. He got his ring back. What more is there to discuss?

+ 1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend: Why did you guys break up?

OP: X decided she wanted to live in big house and stay home with our kids.

Friend: The nerve of the girl.

You are leaving a lot out but you know that. Not even close.

DP. So is OP. He has been dodging a lot of questions in this discussion.

What questions has OP been dodging? He has answered many questions that have been asked on this thread.

Questions OP did not answer:

1. “Are you planning to pay for private schools? Your budget won’t get you much in those areas with decent schools.”

2. “On the SAHP thing, are you willing to ease up on your own career (maybe switch to a job with lower pay but better quality of life) is you can be a full 50% partner on the home and childcare front?”

3. “OP, what do you think are reasonable compromises on these issues? Where are you willing to deviate from your ideal plan?”

4. “OP, do you like the idea of traditional gender roles in a marriage? Where you get to be the husband who “takes care of“ his family and you get to make most of the big decisions pretty much unilaterally? Or do you prefer to have a marriage with a partner who is also wage earning and wants to build a life with you and also has an equal say in everything?”

5. “Op is a well off guy. Does he want his wife to work and have a nanny? Or send your baby to daycare?”

6. “OP, did you really have no clue that she wanted a different lifestyle than you are willing to contribute to? Does she wear cheap, frumpy clothes, no jewelry, hair only gets cut every six months, carrying an extra 10 pounds because she doesn’t want to pay for a gym or even new running shoes, living in a cheap crummy apartment and never spending money to socialize with friends?”

I am sure you will find grounds to dismiss them, but these question get at important points about OP’s expectations for marriage and family life, and whether his dating choices are likely to lead to the kid of marriage he thinks he wants. The question of how he and his hypothetical wife would balance careers and children is a major issue for a marriage. Is he willing to ease up on his own career so he can participate equally in home life while his wife to continues to also pursue her own career at a level comparable to OP’s? If his preference is for his wife to scale back her career or stop working entirely so he doesn’t have to make any career sacrifices, can he also accept that he will have to share “his” money equally with his wife, and can’t use “I make the money” as an excuse to control her financially? Bigger picture, is he willing to compromise and find an acceptable middle ground when he and his wife have disagreements, or will it be “my way or the highway”?

And before he even gets to that point, is he dating women who seem to have values and preferences aligned with his, particularly his strict frugality, or is he looking for women who fit certain standards of “hot” and “socially desirable” to boost his own self-image while conveniently ignoring that those things come with a financial cost he’s not willing to bear?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend: Why did you guys break up?

OP: X decided she wanted to live in big house and stay home with our kids.

Friend: The nerve of the girl.

You are leaving a lot out but you know that. Not even close.

DP. So is OP. He has been dodging a lot of questions in this discussion.

What questions has OP been dodging? He has answered many questions that have been asked on this thread.

Questions OP did not answer:

1. “Are you planning to pay for private schools? Your budget won’t get you much in those areas with decent schools.”

2. “On the SAHP thing, are you willing to ease up on your own career (maybe switch to a job with lower pay but better quality of life) is you can be a full 50% partner on the home and childcare front?”

3. “OP, what do you think are reasonable compromises on these issues? Where are you willing to deviate from your ideal plan?”

4. “OP, do you like the idea of traditional gender roles in a marriage? Where you get to be the husband who “takes care of“ his family and you get to make most of the big decisions pretty much unilaterally? Or do you prefer to have a marriage with a partner who is also wage earning and wants to build a life with you and also has an equal say in everything?”

5. “Op is a well off guy. Does he want his wife to work and have a nanny? Or send your baby to daycare?”

6. “OP, did you really have no clue that she wanted a different lifestyle than you are willing to contribute to? Does she wear cheap, frumpy clothes, no jewelry, hair only gets cut every six months, carrying an extra 10 pounds because she doesn’t want to pay for a gym or even new running shoes, living in a cheap crummy apartment and never spending money to socialize with friends?”

I am sure you will find grounds to dismiss them, but these question get at important points about OP’s expectations for marriage and family life, and whether his dating choices are likely to lead to the kid of marriage he thinks he wants. The question of how he and his hypothetical wife would balance careers and children is a major issue for a marriage. Is he willing to ease up on his own career so he can participate equally in home life while his wife to continues to also pursue her own career at a level comparable to OP’s? If his preference is for his wife to scale back her career or stop working entirely so he doesn’t have to make any career sacrifices, can he also accept that he will have to share “his” money equally with his wife, and can’t use “I make the money” as an excuse to control her financially? Bigger picture, is he willing to compromise and find an acceptable middle ground when he and his wife have disagreements, or will it be “my way or the highway”?

And before he even gets to that point, is he dating women who seem to have values and preferences aligned with his, particularly his strict frugality, or is he looking for women who fit certain standards of “hot” and “socially desirable” to boost his own self-image while conveniently ignoring that those things come with a financial cost he’s not willing to bear?

Dude. Calm down. Maybe he doesn't want to get that in-depth with strangers. You seem like you have issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend: Why did you guys break up?

OP: X decided she wanted to live in big house and stay home with our kids.

Friend: The nerve of the girl.

You are leaving a lot out but you know that. Not even close.

DP. So is OP. He has been dodging a lot of questions in this discussion.

What questions has OP been dodging? He has answered many questions that have been asked on this thread.

Questions OP did not answer:

1. “Are you planning to pay for private schools? Your budget won’t get you much in those areas with decent schools.”

2. “On the SAHP thing, are you willing to ease up on your own career (maybe switch to a job with lower pay but better quality of life) is you can be a full 50% partner on the home and childcare front?”

3. “OP, what do you think are reasonable compromises on these issues? Where are you willing to deviate from your ideal plan?”

4. “OP, do you like the idea of traditional gender roles in a marriage? Where you get to be the husband who “takes care of“ his family and you get to make most of the big decisions pretty much unilaterally? Or do you prefer to have a marriage with a partner who is also wage earning and wants to build a life with you and also has an equal say in everything?”

5. “Op is a well off guy. Does he want his wife to work and have a nanny? Or send your baby to daycare?”

6. “OP, did you really have no clue that she wanted a different lifestyle than you are willing to contribute to? Does she wear cheap, frumpy clothes, no jewelry, hair only gets cut every six months, carrying an extra 10 pounds because she doesn’t want to pay for a gym or even new running shoes, living in a cheap crummy apartment and never spending money to socialize with friends?”

I am sure you will find grounds to dismiss them, but these question get at important points about OP’s expectations for marriage and family life, and whether his dating choices are likely to lead to the kid of marriage he thinks he wants. The question of how he and his hypothetical wife would balance careers and children is a major issue for a marriage. Is he willing to ease up on his own career so he can participate equally in home life while his wife to continues to also pursue her own career at a level comparable to OP’s? If his preference is for his wife to scale back her career or stop working entirely so he doesn’t have to make any career sacrifices, can he also accept that he will have to share “his” money equally with his wife, and can’t use “I make the money” as an excuse to control her financially? Bigger picture, is he willing to compromise and find an acceptable middle ground when he and his wife have disagreements, or will it be “my way or the highway”?

And before he even gets to that point, is he dating women who seem to have values and preferences aligned with his, particularly his strict frugality, or is he looking for women who fit certain standards of “hot” and “socially desirable” to boost his own self-image while conveniently ignoring that those things come with a financial cost he’s not willing to bear?

Dude. Calm down. Maybe he doesn't want to get that in-depth with strangers. You seem like you have issues.

DP. Someone asked, pp answered. Why are you so threatened by that?