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[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Typing on my phone makes my thumbs hurt. What can I do to prevent thumb fatigue?

Use one of those old fashioned telephones where you have to talk to people. Dial 0 for operator and ask her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I killed a gator in my backyard. What do I do with it?

Bring it to jail with you when you turn yourself in. It's probably illegal.

I don’t want to turn myself in. How can I hide the evidence from my nosy neighbor and escape the Justice that should be served to me?!

PP here. Nevermind. I joined a FB Gator Group and they have some cool ideas for gator meat, shoes, and even textured decor items.

Apparently gator teeth are in high demand and go for a pretty penny on eBay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our HHI is $300K. We just bought a house for $1.6 million in Potomac and are paying the lease on 3 Range Rovers. Our 4-year-old has a full time nanny but we also pay to hold a fulltime spot in Bright Horizons because what if the nanny gets a cold? Beauvoir didn't give us FA so we are putting it all on credit cards. For some reason our budget is not working. We only go on vacation like 3 times a year and have even thought about selling our other house in Key Largo but it has a bunch of damage from Hurricane Irma that we haven't fixed yet because we canceled the homeowners insurance to pay for the third Range Rover. And we HAVE to get a new kitchen for our new house because the white appliances are mortifying.

Does anyone have any ideas how we can make our budget work better? We could try to eat out only 4 times a week instead of 5, but like I said, our kitchen is embarrassing. Should I cancel our car insurance?

To help with cash flow, buy a vacation rental. I have a lead on a great one near Annapolis, it's already rented out all summer. Remember, you can save a lot by forgoing title insurance.

Just find someone to squat on the property so you don’t have to buy anything. Then follow PPs advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will I burn in hell if I red shirt my child?

No, but they will because they shirt is red. Give them a blue shirt instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just found out that my husband slept with my brother on his bachelor party. We got married 2 months ago. They both said they were drunk. What should I do?

This is a tough one. Get pregnant with your DH, then let him and your brother adopt your baby after they marry each other. You can be the aunt.

[Anonymous]

What should I make for dinner? It has to be allergen free, organic, something the kids will eat, and ready in 5 minutes? It has to be something I have on hand, like a can of tuna...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What should I make for dinner? It has to be allergen free, organic, something the kids will eat, and ready in 5 minutes? It has to be something I have on hand, like a can of tuna...

Lightly fried cicadas. The dead bodies are fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What should I make for dinner? It has to be allergen free, organic, something the kids will eat, and ready in 5 minutes? It has to be something I have on hand, like a can of tuna...

Lightly fried cicadas. The dead bodies are fine.

Wait, do you remove the exoskeleton first? And is there a nutritional label on it so that I can know if it will cause obesity if I eat too many?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What should I make for dinner? It has to be allergen free, organic, something the kids will eat, and ready in 5 minutes? It has to be something I have on hand, like a can of tuna...

Lightly fried cicadas. The dead bodies are fine.

Wait, do you remove the exoskeleton first? And is there a nutritional label on it so that I can know if it will cause obesity if I eat too many?

It’s low class to remove the excess skeleton first. Everyone knows that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can I catch a lizard in my house?

Invite the snakes in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Best way to sleep train my child?

Have your husband breast feed. Child will wear itself out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just found out that my husband slept with my brother on his bachelor party. We got married 2 months ago. They both said they were drunk. What should I do?

Call their bluff and make them reenact it front of you.

[Anonymous]

Will a yoni egg hatch if I leave it in too long?

[Anonymous]

This is a REAL request for help: I developed a stye on lower lid. It's behind the lower lid touching eye ball, not visible. I've tried everything! Help me get rid of it before DS graduation on Saturday. I've tried stye ointment, ice, warm compresses, steam, eye drops. My right eye looks like a gloppy mess. It hurts. If there's no magic potion, at least make me laugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What should I make for dinner? It has to be allergen free, organic, something the kids will eat, and ready in 5 minutes? It has to be something I have on hand, like a can of tuna...

Lightly fried cicadas. The dead bodies are fine.

Are they still safe to eat? They’ve been on my sidewalk for 3 weeks.