My son brought a friend on vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is how it works on DCUM.

A person experiences a frustrating situation and posts about it. If they post too many details, people immediately leap on them for being obsessed with the situation. If their post is vague, people immediately start questioning whether they are a troll.

In this situation, the OP's son (for whatever reasons) decided to bring a friend on a family vacation and picked someone who the family doesn't know well. The friend did not behave like a gracious guest, appreciative of the (presumably) free beach vacation with someone else's family. Instead, he ate all the food and complained a lot. That sounds like a huge downer.

So OP came here to post about it, and people have been leaping all over her saying that she must be a huge bitch and have treated the kid like crap and why didn't she just say something blah blah blah. Realize that y'all are such uptight pearl clutchers 90% of the time that if she HAD said something to the kid, you would have said that was rude, she was the host and should have just sucked it up because that's what a good host does.

The more she tries to clarify, the more y'all hate her and call her defensive and bitchy. Meanwhile, if she didn't clarify, the narrative would be "OP is clearly a troll, she posted all this and then didn't answer follow up questions."

Your summary failed to account for the purposely inflammatory language OP used to describer her guest and his behavior. THAT is what set people off.

This!

[Anonymous]

If the post was Help! Our houseguest is eating us out of house and home and described how a teenage guest was eating all the food for everyone and not helping, etc. but left out the part about it being an obese third tier friend who hogs seashells and sunscreen, I am sure OP would have gotten a lot more sympathy. There still would have been some suggestions to grow a backbone or not be cheap and buy enough food for guests but many more would have been on her side.

I thought about trying to start a new thread with a description kind of like this just to see, but I knew everyone would see right through it. Already loving the thread about the teenage guest whose host is throwing shade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your summary is inaccurate. She said nothing about the truly minor things and for the other ones, they were so minor that if she’s bothered by them, she’s the problem.

Most of her concerns were related to food, and her son's guest's lack of self awareness regarding how much he was consuming or what other people were ordering. That is minor in the grander scheme of things, but as pertains to the OP's specific vacation, it's really not. Every time the guest eats all of a thing that is supposed to be for multiple people, someone has to go to the store. Every time the guest orders a $30 plate of fish when everyone else is getting a $15 burger, that comes out of the OP's bank account. Those things would annoy me even if he was otherwise the most gracious guest ever, but according to OP, he hasn't been gracious either.

I don't understand why you think the OP is the problem other than that you just want to fight.

One of the reasons I go to the beach is to get fresh caught seafood. I love it.

Op is complaining that this kid ordered the Fresh Catch every time they went out. Why not choose a restaurant that has reasonably priced fresh caught seafood? Or just accept that the kid would rather have fresh caught shrimp and red fish and fork over the extra 15 bucks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I call bs. No 19 year old male wants sea shells. Not even a gay one. I just spent the week with a 19 yo male gay relative who didn’t give two shits about shells unless they were those Velveeta shells & cheese. And all of teens were like this kid, kinda self centered and absolute garbage disposals. More than one the words “hey, leave some for the rest of us!” was said. Maybe since it wasn’t family the op didn’t feel she could say that. And the college aged ones were down for anything as long as they weren’t paying.

If everyone was on their own for a meal, they ate at home or hit up Taco Bell to eat cheap. When out to dinner when it was an adults turn to pay, steak & lobster were ordered. This is especially true with the guys.

Eh? Speak for yourself. There is a huge amount of extrapolation going on here. Do you know how silly you sound?

When I was of that age I was invited to various trips with friends' families. My hosts kindly paid for most of the costs and I would have never dreamed of ordering expensive food off the menu unless explicitly encouraged by the host. The difference was that I was well brought up. Unfortunately I have seen this kind of behavior in others, people who are greedy for anything regardless of whether it's food or sea shells. It's not the object that makes them greedy (nor the sexuality, FYI, nice display of homosexual stereotyping here, honey). It's a mindset.

My teen DD has a friend who will act like the 19 yr old in the story. This girl is from an upper middle class home but her parents are not. They grew up working class poor and have remarked several times that they were never invited on trips with friends or out to dinner and so on when they were young nor did their parents host others because it just wasn't financially feasible for their family or their friends. If the parents really aren't familiar with these situations, they really don't know what guidance to offer a kid. They themselves might think nothing of ordering the most expensive thing because that thing is on the menu and the host said "order anything you like". But that's really a subtle social cue that is understood by certain socioeconomic classes. It really means " I am inviting you to have dinner with us and I expect you to order something price wise in line with what our family orders or costs less"

This. If you are raised in a family where eating out was rarely done (for financial or other reasons), then learning the subtle lessons of restaurant dining are lost on you. I recently had to explain to DS, age 11, when we go out to dinner with another family and it's their treat, that you don't order the most expensive thing on the menu, and that you follow the example of the inviter with regard to appetizers and drinks. But, I could easily imagine that if a child does not have these experiences, then he could easily go to college not knowing how to behave and just order whatever he wanted because it looked good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t think 3rd tier friend was offensive or insulting. What would you call a person who is a friend but not a best friend or even a relatively close friend? I might say “acquaintance” but it sounded like maybe this was someone who was in the lid’s friend group but not one of his main friends. Either way I think you’re unreasonably worked up about that, and half this forum is people criticizing what other people eat rudely.

I’m just trying to figure out why her son is so unpopular that none of his 1st and 2nd tier friends were available for vacation.

I’m guessing most of the skinny go-getters she wanted to use as examples to her son had actual jobs and things to fill their time. She was left with her sponge of a son and third tier friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is how it works on DCUM.

A person experiences a frustrating situation and posts about it. If they post too many details, people immediately leap on them for being obsessed with the situation. If their post is vague, people immediately start questioning whether they are a troll.

In this situation, the OP's son (for whatever reasons) decided to bring a friend on a family vacation and picked someone who the family doesn't know well. The friend did not behave like a gracious guest, appreciative of the (presumably) free beach vacation with someone else's family. Instead, he ate all the food and complained a lot. That sounds like a huge downer.

So OP came here to post about it, and people have been leaping all over her saying that she must be a huge bitch and have treated the kid like crap and why didn't she just say something blah blah blah. Realize that y'all are such uptight pearl clutchers 90% of the time that if she HAD said something to the kid, you would have said that was rude, she was the host and should have just sucked it up because that's what a good host does.

The more she tries to clarify, the more y'all hate her and call her defensive and bitchy. Meanwhile, if she didn't clarify, the narrative would be "OP is clearly a troll, she posted all this and then didn't answer follow up questions."

Your summary failed to account for the purposely inflammatory language OP used to describer her guest and his behavior. THAT is what set people off.

Sure, but if you take a stroll through pretty much any thread related to host/guest behavior (or actually any other topic on this forum), you will find that "inflammatory language" can be something as simple as an actual description of the behavior. His behavior sounded pretty entitled and lacking in self-awareness to me. Do you really think that this sounds like a nice kid that OP is lambasting inappropriately? Do you think that she communicated to him the way she communicated here? Do you never voice things differently in different situations to different audiences?

You're just mad that you got outed as an uptight hypocrite.

Why am I a hypocrite? I don't refer to my children's friends are obese, gluttonous, people who cause me to lose my appetite, Lenny from Of Mice and Men (for godsake), 3rd tier friend.

Hey I only used Lenny because when he stole my kids shells someone said he was basically a sweet kid who just had a happy vacation and wanted some cute souvenirs to remember it by while I was so awful. They described HIM as a Lenny, like sweet but dim and needing lots of guidance. No. He wasn't. He was a boor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t think 3rd tier friend was offensive or insulting. What would you call a person who is a friend but not a best friend or even a relatively close friend? I might say “acquaintance” but it sounded like maybe this was someone who was in the lid’s friend group but not one of his main friends. Either way I think you’re unreasonably worked up about that, and half this forum is people criticizing what other people eat rudely.

I’m just trying to figure out why her son is so unpopular that none of his 1st and 2nd tier friends were available for vacation.

I’m guessing most of the skinny go-getters she wanted to use as examples to her son had actual jobs and things to fill their time. She was left with her sponge of a son and third tier friend.

Why crap on my son? He's way cooler and more chill than I am. He is home from college and most of his other buddies either had their own family vacations or had work and couldn't take off a week. He's not lame and unpopular just because you think I'm a b*tch. He's arguably the most likable in our family, probably because he's so nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I’ve been following this thread for days, and what is really sticking with me, is how do you know which “tier”your adult son’s friends belong to? And if this friend is only third tier, how did he end up on vacation?

Seems like you manage his friendships like you manage guests menu selections.

How do I know who my son's closest friends are? Is that an actual question? Lol. What planet are you people from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t think 3rd tier friend was offensive or insulting. What would you call a person who is a friend but not a best friend or even a relatively close friend? I might say “acquaintance” but it sounded like maybe this was someone who was in the lid’s friend group but not one of his main friends. Either way I think you’re unreasonably worked up about that, and half this forum is people criticizing what other people eat rudely.

I’m just trying to figure out why her son is so unpopular that none of his 1st and 2nd tier friends were available for vacation.

I’m guessing most of the skinny go-getters she wanted to use as examples to her son had actual jobs and things to fill their time. She was left with her sponge of a son and third tier friend.

Why crap on my son? He's way cooler and more chill than I am. He is home from college and most of his other buddies either had their own family vacations or had work and couldn't take off a week. He's not lame and unpopular just because you think I'm a b*tch. He's arguably the most likable in our family, probably because he's so nice.

You didn't seem to have a problem crapping on someone else's son. Why should anyone else treat you or your son with kid gloves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the post was Help! Our houseguest is eating us out of house and home and described how a teenage guest was eating all the food for everyone and not helping, etc. but left out the part about it being an obese third tier friend who hogs seashells and sunscreen, I am sure OP would have gotten a lot more sympathy. There still would have been some suggestions to grow a backbone or not be cheap and buy enough food for guests but many more would have been on her side.

I thought about trying to start a new thread with a description kind of like this just to see, but I knew everyone would see right through it. Already loving the thread about the teenage guest whose host is throwing shade.

DP, Ooh no, the sunscreen and shells are what set my teeth on edge. Why should she leave that out? It sets the scene for Augustus Gloop. And why are you defending him? He is an adult. He doesn't know about this thread or how op feels. This will all be a nonevent for him. A glorious, tummy filling, relaxing, nonevent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t think 3rd tier friend was offensive or insulting. What would you call a person who is a friend but not a best friend or even a relatively close friend? I might say “acquaintance” but it sounded like maybe this was someone who was in the lid’s friend group but not one of his main friends. Either way I think you’re unreasonably worked up about that, and half this forum is people criticizing what other people eat rudely.

I’m just trying to figure out why her son is so unpopular that none of his 1st and 2nd tier friends were available for vacation.

I’m guessing most of the skinny go-getters she wanted to use as examples to her son had actual jobs and things to fill their time. She was left with her sponge of a son and third tier friend.

Why crap on my son? He's way cooler and more chill than I am. He is home from college and most of his other buddies either had their own family vacations or had work and couldn't take off a week. He's not lame and unpopular just because you think I'm a b*tch. He's arguably the most likable in our family, probably because he's so nice.

You didn't seem to have a problem crapping on someone else's son. Why should anyone else treat you or your son with kid gloves?

+1 I'm sure the other kid's parents think he's a perfect angel too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the post was Help! Our houseguest is eating us out of house and home and described how a teenage guest was eating all the food for everyone and not helping, etc. but left out the part about it being an obese third tier friend who hogs seashells and sunscreen, I am sure OP would have gotten a lot more sympathy. There still would have been some suggestions to grow a backbone or not be cheap and buy enough food for guests but many more would have been on her side.

I thought about trying to start a new thread with a description kind of like this just to see, but I knew everyone would see right through it. Already loving the thread about the teenage guest whose host is throwing shade.

DP, Ooh no, the sunscreen and shells are what set my teeth on edge. Why should she leave that out? It sets the scene for Augustus Gloop. And why are you defending him? He is an adult. He doesn't know about this thread or how op feels. This will all be a nonevent for him. A glorious, tummy filling, relaxing, nonevent.

I don't know why you think he doesn't know. Subtlety does not seen to be the OP's thing. I am 100% sure he overheard her talking shit about him to her husband, daughters and anyone else who had a spare ear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the post was Help! Our houseguest is eating us out of house and home and described how a teenage guest was eating all the food for everyone and not helping, etc. but left out the part about it being an obese third tier friend who hogs seashells and sunscreen, I am sure OP would have gotten a lot more sympathy. There still would have been some suggestions to grow a backbone or not be cheap and buy enough food for guests but many more would have been on her side.

I thought about trying to start a new thread with a description kind of like this just to see, but I knew everyone would see right through it. Already loving the thread about the teenage guest whose host is throwing shade.

DP, Ooh no, the sunscreen and shells are what set my teeth on edge. Why should she leave that out? It sets the scene for Augustus Gloop. And why are you defending him? He is an adult. He doesn't know about this thread or how op feels. This will all be a nonevent for him. A glorious, tummy filling, relaxing, nonevent.

I don't know why you think he doesn't know. Subtlety does not seen to be the OP's thing. I am 100% sure he overheard her talking shit about him to her husband, daughters and anyone else who had a spare ear.

NP here. You don’t get to just make shit up and decide that it “100%” happened.

Here, look: I’m 100% sure that this kid intentionally used all the sunscreen because OP wouldn’t let him get filet mignon at dinner, and also, after he took those seashells he just threw them in the trash out of spite because the girls ate the last of the cookies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the post was Help! Our houseguest is eating us out of house and home and described how a teenage guest was eating all the food for everyone and not helping, etc. but left out the part about it being an obese third tier friend who hogs seashells and sunscreen, I am sure OP would have gotten a lot more sympathy. There still would have been some suggestions to grow a backbone or not be cheap and buy enough food for guests but many more would have been on her side.

I thought about trying to start a new thread with a description kind of like this just to see, but I knew everyone would see right through it. Already loving the thread about the teenage guest whose host is throwing shade.

DP, Ooh no, the sunscreen and shells are what set my teeth on edge. Why should she leave that out? It sets the scene for Augustus Gloop. And why are you defending him? He is an adult. He doesn't know about this thread or how op feels. This will all be a nonevent for him. A glorious, tummy filling, relaxing, nonevent.

I don't know why you think he doesn't know. Subtlety does not seen to be the OP's thing. I am 100% sure he overheard her talking shit about him to her husband, daughters and anyone else who had a spare ear.

NP here. You don’t get to just make shit up and decide that it “100%” happened.

Here, look: I’m 100% sure that this kid intentionally used all the sunscreen because OP wouldn’t let him get filet mignon at dinner, and also, after he took those seashells he just threw them in the trash out of spite because the girls ate the last of the cookies.

Yeah. Nobody gets that internet bitchy and shots up in person.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sure that Lenny knew you were disgusted by him. I feel sorry for the kid. You sound mean.