My son brought a friend on vacation

[Anonymous]

This is how it works on DCUM.

A person experiences a frustrating situation and posts about it. If they post too many details, people immediately leap on them for being obsessed with the situation. If their post is vague, people immediately start questioning whether they are a troll.

In this situation, the OP's son (for whatever reasons) decided to bring a friend on a family vacation and picked someone who the family doesn't know well. The friend did not behave like a gracious guest, appreciative of the (presumably) free beach vacation with someone else's family. Instead, he ate all the food and complained a lot. That sounds like a huge downer.

So OP came here to post about it, and people have been leaping all over her saying that she must be a huge bitch and have treated the kid like crap and why didn't she just say something blah blah blah. Realize that y'all are such uptight pearl clutchers 90% of the time that if she HAD said something to the kid, you would have said that was rude, she was the host and should have just sucked it up because that's what a good host does.

The more she tries to clarify, the more y'all hate her and call her defensive and bitchy. Meanwhile, if she didn't clarify, the narrative would be "OP is clearly a troll, she posted all this and then didn't answer follow up questions."

[Anonymous]

Your summary is inaccurate. She said nothing about the truly minor things and for the other ones, they were so minor that if she’s bothered by them, she’s the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your summary is inaccurate. She said nothing about the truly minor things and for the other ones, they were so minor that if she’s bothered by them, she’s the problem.

Most of her concerns were related to food, and her son's guest's lack of self awareness regarding how much he was consuming or what other people were ordering. That is minor in the grander scheme of things, but as pertains to the OP's specific vacation, it's really not. Every time the guest eats all of a thing that is supposed to be for multiple people, someone has to go to the store. Every time the guest orders a $30 plate of fish when everyone else is getting a $15 burger, that comes out of the OP's bank account. Those things would annoy me even if he was otherwise the most gracious guest ever, but according to OP, he hasn't been gracious either.

I don't understand why you think the OP is the problem other than that you just want to fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is how it works on DCUM.

A person experiences a frustrating situation and posts about it. If they post too many details, people immediately leap on them for being obsessed with the situation. If their post is vague, people immediately start questioning whether they are a troll.

In this situation, the OP's son (for whatever reasons) decided to bring a friend on a family vacation and picked someone who the family doesn't know well. The friend did not behave like a gracious guest, appreciative of the (presumably) free beach vacation with someone else's family. Instead, he ate all the food and complained a lot. That sounds like a huge downer.

So OP came here to post about it, and people have been leaping all over her saying that she must be a huge bitch and have treated the kid like crap and why didn't she just say something blah blah blah. Realize that y'all are such uptight pearl clutchers 90% of the time that if she HAD said something to the kid, you would have said that was rude, she was the host and should have just sucked it up because that's what a good host does.

The more she tries to clarify, the more y'all hate her and call her defensive and bitchy. Meanwhile, if she didn't clarify, the narrative would be "OP is clearly a troll, she posted all this and then didn't answer follow up questions."

Nailed it! Thank you! (not OP)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your summary is inaccurate. She said nothing about the truly minor things and for the other ones, they were so minor that if she’s bothered by them, she’s the problem.

Most of her concerns were related to food, and her son's guest's lack of self awareness regarding how much he was consuming or what other people were ordering. That is minor in the grander scheme of things, but as pertains to the OP's specific vacation, it's really not. Every time the guest eats all of a thing that is supposed to be for multiple people, someone has to go to the store. Every time the guest orders a $30 plate of fish when everyone else is getting a $15 burger, that comes out of the OP's bank account. Those things would annoy me even if he was otherwise the most gracious guest ever, but according to OP, he hasn't been gracious either.

I don't understand why you think the OP is the problem other than that you just want to fight.

Seriously 3rd tier friends, shaming the kid because he is fat, complaining about what he was ordered, etc. OP and you lack class. OP has issue with food and males.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your summary is inaccurate. She said nothing about the truly minor things and for the other ones, they were so minor that if she’s bothered by them, she’s the problem.

Most of her concerns were related to food, and her son's guest's lack of self awareness regarding how much he was consuming or what other people were ordering. That is minor in the grander scheme of things, but as pertains to the OP's specific vacation, it's really not. Every time the guest eats all of a thing that is supposed to be for multiple people, someone has to go to the store. Every time the guest orders a $30 plate of fish when everyone else is getting a $15 burger, that comes out of the OP's bank account. Those things would annoy me even if he was otherwise the most gracious guest ever, but according to OP, he hasn't been gracious either.

I don't understand why you think the OP is the problem other than that you just want to fight.

Because I would have gone to the store and bought lots of cookies and kept some hidden. I wouldn’t have chosen restaurants out of my budget if I had a problem with the dishes or else would have set limits. She allowed this kid to come. She didn’t set ground rules or rules thereafter. That’s on her. She should chalk it up to a lesson learned and not invite others on her trips. Both sides will enjoy themselves that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is how it works on DCUM.

A person experiences a frustrating situation and posts about it. If they post too many details, people immediately leap on them for being obsessed with the situation. If their post is vague, people immediately start questioning whether they are a troll.

In this situation, the OP's son (for whatever reasons) decided to bring a friend on a family vacation and picked someone who the family doesn't know well. The friend did not behave like a gracious guest, appreciative of the (presumably) free beach vacation with someone else's family. Instead, he ate all the food and complained a lot. That sounds like a huge downer.

So OP came here to post about it, and people have been leaping all over her saying that she must be a huge bitch and have treated the kid like crap and why didn't she just say something blah blah blah. Realize that y'all are such uptight pearl clutchers 90% of the time that if she HAD said something to the kid, you would have said that was rude, she was the host and should have just sucked it up because that's what a good host does.

The more she tries to clarify, the more y'all hate her and call her defensive and bitchy. Meanwhile, if she didn't clarify, the narrative would be "OP is clearly a troll, she posted all this and then didn't answer follow up questions."

Your summary failed to account for the purposely inflammatory language OP used to describer her guest and his behavior. THAT is what set people off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, I’ve been following this thread for days, and what is really sticking with me, is how do you know which “tier”your adult son’s friends belong to? And if this friend is only third tier, how did he end up on vacation?

Seems like you manage his friendships like you manage guests menu selections.

A tier one friend would be happy with the free crackers and water at the restaurant.

And a half of a cookie for snack

Maybe ...an expired juice box... I am sure OP has whole closet full....you for guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is how it works on DCUM.

A person experiences a frustrating situation and posts about it. If they post too many details, people immediately leap on them for being obsessed with the situation. If their post is vague, people immediately start questioning whether they are a troll.

In this situation, the OP's son (for whatever reasons) decided to bring a friend on a family vacation and picked someone who the family doesn't know well. The friend did not behave like a gracious guest, appreciative of the (presumably) free beach vacation with someone else's family. Instead, he ate all the food and complained a lot. That sounds like a huge downer.

So OP came here to post about it, and people have been leaping all over her saying that she must be a huge bitch and have treated the kid like crap and why didn't she just say something blah blah blah. Realize that y'all are such uptight pearl clutchers 90% of the time that if she HAD said something to the kid, you would have said that was rude, she was the host and should have just sucked it up because that's what a good host does.

The more she tries to clarify, the more y'all hate her and call her defensive and bitchy. Meanwhile, if she didn't clarify, the narrative would be "OP is clearly a troll, she posted all this and then didn't answer follow up questions."

+1- Exactly. I no longer post my issues here because no matter what, the responses all try to say the issue is my own fault.
I'm with OP- the kid sounds like a PITA and would drive me crazy.

Nailed it! Thank you! (not OP)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is how it works on DCUM.

A person experiences a frustrating situation and posts about it. If they post too many details, people immediately leap on them for being obsessed with the situation. If their post is vague, people immediately start questioning whether they are a troll.

In this situation, the OP's son (for whatever reasons) decided to bring a friend on a family vacation and picked someone who the family doesn't know well. The friend did not behave like a gracious guest, appreciative of the (presumably) free beach vacation with someone else's family. Instead, he ate all the food and complained a lot. That sounds like a huge downer.

So OP came here to post about it, and people have been leaping all over her saying that she must be a huge bitch and have treated the kid like crap and why didn't she just say something blah blah blah. Realize that y'all are such uptight pearl clutchers 90% of the time that if she HAD said something to the kid, you would have said that was rude, she was the host and should have just sucked it up because that's what a good host does.

The more she tries to clarify, the more y'all hate her and call her defensive and bitchy. Meanwhile, if she didn't clarify, the narrative would be "OP is clearly a troll, she posted all this and then didn't answer follow up questions."

Your summary failed to account for the purposely inflammatory language OP used to describer her guest and his behavior. THAT is what set people off.

Yes, this. I agree that people attacked OP while she had some legitimate gripes. But when you come on here and talk about how this obese glutton is ruining your appetite, it makes it hard for people to have sympathy. Complain about the expensive meals, the eating all of food, not helping, etc., without saying he is so fat it makes her sick to look at him, and people would have been a little more sympathetic. But honestly, if the kid was skinny (and plenty of skinny 19 year-old's eat like that) I honestly don't think she would have been as bothered by his behavior as she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is how it works on DCUM.

A person experiences a frustrating situation and posts about it. If they post too many details, people immediately leap on them for being obsessed with the situation. If their post is vague, people immediately start questioning whether they are a troll.

In this situation, the OP's son (for whatever reasons) decided to bring a friend on a family vacation and picked someone who the family doesn't know well. The friend did not behave like a gracious guest, appreciative of the (presumably) free beach vacation with someone else's family. Instead, he ate all the food and complained a lot. That sounds like a huge downer.

So OP came here to post about it, and people have been leaping all over her saying that she must be a huge bitch and have treated the kid like crap and why didn't she just say something blah blah blah. Realize that y'all are such uptight pearl clutchers 90% of the time that if she HAD said something to the kid, you would have said that was rude, she was the host and should have just sucked it up because that's what a good host does.

The more she tries to clarify, the more y'all hate her and call her defensive and bitchy. Meanwhile, if she didn't clarify, the narrative would be "OP is clearly a troll, she posted all this and then didn't answer follow up questions."

Your summary failed to account for the purposely inflammatory language OP used to describer her guest and his behavior. THAT is what set people off.

Sure, but if you take a stroll through pretty much any thread related to host/guest behavior (or actually any other topic on this forum), you will find that "inflammatory language" can be something as simple as an actual description of the behavior. His behavior sounded pretty entitled and lacking in self-awareness to me. Do you really think that this sounds like a nice kid that OP is lambasting inappropriately? Do you think that she communicated to him the way she communicated here? Do you never voice things differently in different situations to different audiences?

You're just mad that you got outed as an uptight hypocrite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is how it works on DCUM.

A person experiences a frustrating situation and posts about it. If they post too many details, people immediately leap on them for being obsessed with the situation. If their post is vague, people immediately start questioning whether they are a troll.

In this situation, the OP's son (for whatever reasons) decided to bring a friend on a family vacation and picked someone who the family doesn't know well. The friend did not behave like a gracious guest, appreciative of the (presumably) free beach vacation with someone else's family. Instead, he ate all the food and complained a lot. That sounds like a huge downer.

So OP came here to post about it, and people have been leaping all over her saying that she must be a huge bitch and have treated the kid like crap and why didn't she just say something blah blah blah. Realize that y'all are such uptight pearl clutchers 90% of the time that if she HAD said something to the kid, you would have said that was rude, she was the host and should have just sucked it up because that's what a good host does.

The more she tries to clarify, the more y'all hate her and call her defensive and bitchy. Meanwhile, if she didn't clarify, the narrative would be "OP is clearly a troll, she posted all this and then didn't answer follow up questions."

Your summary failed to account for the purposely inflammatory language OP used to describer her guest and his behavior. THAT is what set people off.

Sure, but if you take a stroll through pretty much any thread related to host/guest behavior (or actually any other topic on this forum), you will find that "inflammatory language" can be something as simple as an actual description of the behavior. His behavior sounded pretty entitled and lacking in self-awareness to me. Do you really think that this sounds like a nice kid that OP is lambasting inappropriately? Do you think that she communicated to him the way she communicated here? Do you never voice things differently in different situations to different audiences?

You're just mad that you got outed as an uptight hypocrite.

Why am I a hypocrite? I don't refer to my children's friends are obese, gluttonous, people who cause me to lose my appetite, Lenny from Of Mice and Men (for godsake), 3rd tier friend.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t think 3rd tier friend was offensive or insulting. What would you call a person who is a friend but not a best friend or even a relatively close friend? I might say “acquaintance” but it sounded like maybe this was someone who was in the lid’s friend group but not one of his main friends. Either way I think you’re unreasonably worked up about that, and half this forum is people criticizing what other people eat rudely.

[Anonymous]

If OP hadn’t said the guy was obese, but just described what he was eating, people would have said she must be exaggerating or trolling and making it up because there’s no way a person could be that bad. Since she revealed that info, most people seem to believe it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I call bs. No 19 year old male wants sea shells. Not even a gay one. I just spent the week with a 19 yo male gay relative who didn’t give two shits about shells unless they were those Velveeta shells & cheese. And all of teens were like this kid, kinda self centered and absolute garbage disposals. More than one the words “hey, leave some for the rest of us!” was said. Maybe since it wasn’t family the op didn’t feel she could say that. And the college aged ones were down for anything as long as they weren’t paying.

If everyone was on their own for a meal, they ate at home or hit up Taco Bell to eat cheap. When out to dinner when it was an adults turn to pay, steak & lobster were ordered. This is especially true with the guys.

Eh? Speak for yourself. There is a huge amount of extrapolation going on here. Do you know how silly you sound?

When I was of that age I was invited to various trips with friends' families. My hosts kindly paid for most of the costs and I would have never dreamed of ordering expensive food off the menu unless explicitly encouraged by the host. The difference was that I was well brought up. Unfortunately I have seen this kind of behavior in others, people who are greedy for anything regardless of whether it's food or sea shells. It's not the object that makes them greedy (nor the sexuality, FYI, nice display of homosexual stereotyping here, honey). It's a mindset.

My teen DD has a friend who will act like the 19 yr old in the story. This girl is from an upper middle class home but her parents are not. They grew up working class poor and have remarked several times that they were never invited on trips with friends or out to dinner and so on when they were young nor did their parents host others because it just wasn't financially feasible for their family or their friends. If the parents really aren't familiar with these situations, they really don't know what guidance to offer a kid. They themselves might think nothing of ordering the most expensive thing because that thing is on the menu and the host said "order anything you like". But that's really a subtle social cue that is understood by certain socioeconomic classes. It really means " I am inviting you to have dinner with us and I expect you to order something price wise in line with what our family orders or costs less"