Just got grief for bringing 5 yo DS into the women's locker room

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

People need to chill out about boys seeing them change. My son is 6 and has ASD. He's in a regular classroom with an IEP, has friends, and generally leads a relatively normal kid life. Our pool does not have a family locker room. He really did not want to use the women's locker room to change and so I allowed him to go into the men's alone -he is capable of removing his own wet suit. He somehow got disoriented and completely freaked out - an older man kindly brought him out to me. We have not gone swimming since.


No, dear, you need to chill out. By all means take him swimming but change him in a family locker room, in the hall w/a towel, at home, etc. once he exceeds the age to go in the opposite sex bathroom, then he and you need to follow the rules.


Do you not understand that not all pools have a family bathroom? She needs to bring him into the women's or ask a male staff member to escort him and assist (though most places have rules about physical touching due to accusations). How is it acceptable for a six year old to change in the hallway or public area? Isn't that creating the same problem problem as going to the women's bathroom.


Is there no hallway or poolside that she chan change him with a towel around him? No towel to throw on with sweats and ride home? She has options. None are to her liking so she'll disregard the rule regardless of others' discomfort


Are you unable to read, or just too lazy?

My guess is that she's stupid in addition to being an uptight prude.

The point is that you will break the rules of life that don't suit you. Whether your kid is 5 now and it is permitted is not the point of these posts. The point is that you will break the rule when your son is 6+. Anyone disagreeing with you gets curse words from you + insults. Go suck some soap, potty mouth.

I don't know who you are talking to. I am the poster with the 6 year old son with autism. We have stopped going to the pool for the time being because he is not able to go into the men's locker room alone. I am in the process of lobbying the pool to create a family changing room for older kids with special needs. Nobody is breaking any rules.

Read many of the above posts...they talk about how they will continue to take their boys into the girls locker room when their boys are above the stated ages regardless of the rule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Using the word prude makes someone a potty mouth? You've just proven her point, Ms Prudy.

You are also redefining the discussion. OP referenced a five year old, within the rules at her pool. You fabricated pools that have rules for three year olds and then insisted that a three year olds need to be supervised did not trump your screwed up daughter's "need" to be comfortable.

Btw, my daughter is not comfortable in communal changing rooms. She is particularly uncomfortable around middle age women. Perhaps I should demand that you change elsewhere? After all, it's all about the ten year old's comfort isn't it? I thought that a reasonable parent would tell her to suck it up, but I guess I need to demand special treatment like you instead.

It was pointed out that you are nuts. You have no right to dictate what mothers do with their young children especially when it involves them being unsupervised. If you have a problem with the rules then you need to go elsewhere. End of story.

Your post is completely off base as to me:

I'm talking to the lady who told someone to f-themselves at least 2x.

I am not the poster about the 3 year old limit.

I do have a right to dictate what moms do with their kids if they aren't following the rules posted and to be applied to all. I'll bring it up to that mom and management every time I see it. I'll also address her directly.

It is not just about the girl's comfort. It is about the rules and why they are there and how they are for everyone.

How about you read this again. And again if you still don't get it. We are talking and talking and talking about people who are following the rules. You seem to have an issue about people following the rules. Apparently the rules (under 6) shouldn't apply to 5 year olds. Well, guess what, they do. And you can complain as much as you want but it is you who will be removed from the facility not the mom with her son who is quietly minding her own business helping him get dressed.

No, YOU don't get it. I've been saying that the issue is with people who aren't following the rules. These are the harpies who are saying their baby at 6 or 7 can't get out of the suit himself or that he'll be molested if he goes in to the men's room himself. That is what the issue!

Look, I have not said that. Plenty of people have not said that. Most people here have talked about their 5 year old. AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.

Now, answer me this. Would you leave your 5 year old daughter in the locker room to get changed on her own?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

People need to chill out about boys seeing them change. My son is 6 and has ASD. He's in a regular classroom with an IEP, has friends, and generally leads a relatively normal kid life. Our pool does not have a family locker room. He really did not want to use the women's locker room to change and so I allowed him to go into the men's alone -he is capable of removing his own wet suit. He somehow got disoriented and completely freaked out - an older man kindly brought him out to me. We have not gone swimming since.


No, dear, you need to chill out. By all means take him swimming but change him in a family locker room, in the hall w/a towel, at home, etc. once he exceeds the age to go in the opposite sex bathroom, then he and you need to follow the rules.


Do you not understand that not all pools have a family bathroom? She needs to bring him into the women's or ask a male staff member to escort him and assist (though most places have rules about physical touching due to accusations). How is it acceptable for a six year old to change in the hallway or public area? Isn't that creating the same problem problem as going to the women's bathroom.


Is there no hallway or poolside that she chan change him with a towel around him? No towel to throw on with sweats and ride home? She has options. None are to her liking so she'll disregard the rule regardless of others' discomfort


Are you unable to read, or just too lazy?

My guess is that she's stupid in addition to being an uptight prude.

The point is that you will break the rules of life that don't suit you. Whether your kid is 5 now and it is permitted is not the point of these posts. The point is that you will break the rule when your son is 6+. Anyone disagreeing with you gets curse words from you + insults. Go suck some soap, potty mouth.

I don't know who you are talking to. I am the poster with the 6 year old son with autism. We have stopped going to the pool for the time being because he is not able to go into the men's locker room alone. I am in the process of lobbying the pool to create a family changing room for older kids with special needs. Nobody is breaking any rules.

PP just wants to argue for the sake of arguing. Now she has bought up the straw man of 3rd graders using the opposite sex locker room. Next she'll be claiming that we're all justifying this while at the same time saying that our 5 year old CHILDREN make her daughter uncomfortable and that she is in capable of telling her daughter that she is being ridiculous. I'm sure she's the same type of person who freaks out if her preschooler sees a baby being breastfed (even when no flesh is visible). Ridiculous prudes with body issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have followed this entire thread, and I really don't see a trend of people saying you shouldn't bring your son into the ladies' locker room if your if pool's rules say 5 years old and under can be there. Some people seem to think that 5 is too old, but the majority seem to be of the opinion that you follow your pool's rules.

The only issue I see is people who are members of pools with a rule setting 5 years old as the cut off who want to bring their sons into the ladies' locker room when the boy is older than 5.

The problem is many 5-6-7 year olds still need help and supervision. Just as the flip, the woman above mentioning the teenagers needing supervision. Perhaps if those parents of the teenagers were more attentive during the earlier years, then their kids would know how to act in public. I would be mortified if my teenager acted that way and they would not be going to the pool. My 5 year old cannot get a wet suit off himself. I can't imagine he will in another year.

But that is YOUR family's problem in a year, not anyone else's problem. The rules are the rules - and if your kid can't get out of a suit himself at a time when he is above the posted age, then you have to find an alternate solution. Baffling why moms are on here justifying their breaking of COMMUNITY rules which are to apply to everyone because of this or that reason and then blaming the parents who are annoyed they are breaking the rules. Oh and to the mom above who says no one will say something to you if you break this rule... I WILL AND HAVE. After swim practice when there are 60 girls in the locker room and I see a third grader coming in with mom, I said something 2x before it stopped. The second time I had to say something about 10 mothers said, "Yeah!" and "We feel the same way." and "He just doesn't belong in here." I'm not a prude. My kid isn't insecure. So don't go turning this around.

I think this is a sad commentary on society. I don't generally have an issue with there being rules - I'm not terribly modest and could care less about a child of any age seeing me naked, but I recognize that different people have different comfort levels and it makes sense to set some boundaries. But that being said, it is also true that kids develop at different rates - I might have a really independent, mature 4 year old or I might have a distractable, more dependent 7 year old. It seems like the rules should allow for some parental judgement. Standing on a soapbox and shouting "rules are rules!" or "that's your problem, deal with it!"shows such an utter lack of compassion on something that, at the end of the day, is really such a minor issue.

Are there people who are going to be idiots and abuse the rules and try to take their obviously capable, older, opposite sex child into the locker room with them, because they're overbearing parents or are unduly worried about lurking sex offenders? Sure. But it seems like those situations are going to be in the minority of regular visits to the pool. And no child or adult is going to be traumatized for life because of a brief naked encounter with the opposite sex in the course of normal changing. I mean, come on! If there's a repeat offender, sure, say something to them or to management. But can't you give the benefit of the doubt to someone who child might be on the border of the allowable age? Or who might have an unobvious special need situation?

I wonder if the "rules are rules" crowd always follows the speed limit exactly, crosses only at crosswalks, pays royalties ever time they sing Happy Birthday, or updates their driver's license the same day the move? This isn't to make the point that rules are made to be broken, and we should all be anarchists, but it's not a good sole justification for being a jerk about someone taking their kid into the locker room.

[Anonymous]

If someone's uncomfortable with a child being in the locker area - they aren't able to go into a bathroom stall to change? WOW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone's uncomfortable with a child being in the locker area - they aren't able to go into a bathroom stall to change? WOW.

Or the opposite-sex child can't go into the stall? WOW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone's uncomfortable with a child being in the locker area - they aren't able to go into a bathroom stall to change? WOW.

Or the opposite-sex child can't go into the stall? WOW.

you mean put the kid in there the whole time you are in the locker room? so the child sees no one?

[Anonymous]

New idea for a solution: BLINDFOLDS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New idea for a solution: BLINDFOLDS!

Brilliant. My kid would love it but it would be better for the adults worried. I do not understand that if someone is uncomfortable changing in public, why wouldn't they go into a dressing room or toilet area. I never change in a public place. Its very simple.


One big problem that the complainers do not realize, is how do they know a child is special needs or not? Most look "normal" till you actually talk to them or interact. Most special needs parents have their hands full as it is with worry, do they really need to be shamed into being screamed at by the locker room "police." Yes, it would be great for all places to have family lockers, but they don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Using the word prude makes someone a potty mouth? You've just proven her point, Ms Prudy.

You are also redefining the discussion. OP referenced a five year old, within the rules at her pool. You fabricated pools that have rules for three year olds and then insisted that a three year olds need to be supervised did not trump your screwed up daughter's "need" to be comfortable.

Btw, my daughter is not comfortable in communal changing rooms. She is particularly uncomfortable around middle age women. Perhaps I should demand that you change elsewhere? After all, it's all about the ten year old's comfort isn't it? I thought that a reasonable parent would tell her to suck it up, but I guess I need to demand special treatment like you instead.

It was pointed out that you are nuts. You have no right to dictate what mothers do with their young children especially when it involves them being unsupervised. If you have a problem with the rules then you need to go elsewhere. End of story.

Your post is completely off base as to me:

I'm talking to the lady who told someone to f-themselves at least 2x.

I am not the poster about the 3 year old limit.

I do have a right to dictate what moms do with their kids if they aren't following the rules posted and to be applied to all. I'll bring it up to that mom and management every time I see it. I'll also address her directly.

It is not just about the girl's comfort. It is about the rules and why they are there and how they are for everyone.

How about you read this again. And again if you still don't get it. We are talking and talking and talking about people who are following the rules. You seem to have an issue about people following the rules. Apparently the rules (under 6) shouldn't apply to 5 year olds. Well, guess what, they do. And you can complain as much as you want but it is you who will be removed from the facility not the mom with her son who is quietly minding her own business helping him get dressed.

No, YOU don't get it. I've been saying that the issue is with people who aren't following the rules. These are the harpies who are saying their baby at 6 or 7 can't get out of the suit himself or that he'll be molested if he goes in to the men's room himself. That is what the issue!

Look, I have not said that. Plenty of people have not said that. Most people here have talked about their 5 year old. AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.

Now, answer me this. Would you leave your 5 year old daughter in the locker room to get changed on her own?

I sent my 5 year old boys and my 5 year old girl into the locker room to change on their own. My kids also dressed themselves after bathing. I'm not clear why a child needs his/her mother to supervise him/her putting on clothes, especially in a public environment like a pool where there are many other people around. The likelihood that someone is going to do something horrible to your snowflake while you are waiting outside the lockerroom is slim to none. You are scaring yourself to death over nothing and turning your children into dependent little freaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone's uncomfortable with a child being in the locker area - they aren't able to go into a bathroom stall to change? WOW.

'
When there are 20 ladies from an aqua aerobics class who are changing into suits or out of suits, or a bunch of young ladies from the swim team, there aren't enough stalls for all of them. Your kid belongs in the boys' lockerroom with the boys, not in the ladies locker room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My big thing is that at our pool (PG Pool in MD), the women's showers are DIRECTLY in front of the bathrooms. So if you're dressed for going home but need to pee, your clothes will get wet. And if you're a kid coming out of the bathrooms with a parent, you're basically eye level with somebody's crotch. That's not really fun for anyone. To me, there's little reason not to renovate there, fix the stall issue, etc.

And we do have a handful of hyper dramatic tween girls who scream when they see little boys in the locker room. And i mean little boys. It's soooo annoying (and I have a girl)

Several of the Montgomery County pools need to be remodeled like the Wheaton one, but it works and not usually crowded during the week/summers so it works for us and its a different issue. They have separate showers, changing stalls and toilettes. Most of the parents do into the stalls and the only ones changing in public are the younger kids.

I find it funny as my husband takes our son during the winter and they change in the men. He said that there are several girls 4-5-6-7-8 in the men's locker room when they go for swim class and no one thinks twice about it. What are all the dad's supposed to do? By the reverse on here, if mom's are supposed to go in the men's room, are the dad's supposed to go in the women's room.

At 6-7-8, there is no reason that girl can't change herself in the ladies' room without her dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Using the word prude makes someone a potty mouth? You've just proven her point, Ms Prudy.

You are also redefining the discussion. OP referenced a five year old, within the rules at her pool. You fabricated pools that have rules for three year olds and then insisted that a three year olds need to be supervised did not trump your screwed up daughter's "need" to be comfortable.

Btw, my daughter is not comfortable in communal changing rooms. She is particularly uncomfortable around middle age women. Perhaps I should demand that you change elsewhere? After all, it's all about the ten year old's comfort isn't it? I thought that a reasonable parent would tell her to suck it up, but I guess I need to demand special treatment like you instead.

It was pointed out that you are nuts. You have no right to dictate what mothers do with their young children especially when it involves them being unsupervised. If you have a problem with the rules then you need to go elsewhere. End of story.

Your post is completely off base as to me:

I'm talking to the lady who told someone to f-themselves at least 2x.

I am not the poster about the 3 year old limit.

I do have a right to dictate what moms do with their kids if they aren't following the rules posted and to be applied to all. I'll bring it up to that mom and management every time I see it. I'll also address her directly.

It is not just about the girl's comfort. It is about the rules and why they are there and how they are for everyone.

If you addressed me I would tell you to mind your own business. If you got management, I would tell them they need to provide someone to assist that has had a criminal and other background check and child abuse check as well as cameras being in the room. If there are stalls, you go in the stalls. Problem solved. No one except young kids should be changing in the open but as a mom to a boy, his safety comes first. Obviously you do not have young kids or boys or you are one of those hands off parents whose kid is the one running wild and you ignore it till it bothers you.

What you are saying is you will harass someone because they are not doing it your way. I would call security or the police on you without thinking twice.

So, today, you expect us to just take our child out soaking wet into a freezing car and drive home to change him? Really, if you do, you lack pure common sense.

Girls will not care in less you care. You are not talking about a 15 year old. You are talking about 3-4-5-6-7 year old boys who need supervision.

The irony is if you had a child in the dressing room alone, you'd probably be complaining about where are the child's parents and why aren't they supervising them.

And if I were management, I would ban your crazy ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Using the word prude makes someone a potty mouth? You've just proven her point, Ms Prudy.

You are also redefining the discussion. OP referenced a five year old, within the rules at her pool. You fabricated pools that have rules for three year olds and then insisted that a three year olds need to be supervised did not trump your screwed up daughter's "need" to be comfortable.

Btw, my daughter is not comfortable in communal changing rooms. She is particularly uncomfortable around middle age women. Perhaps I should demand that you change elsewhere? After all, it's all about the ten year old's comfort isn't it? I thought that a reasonable parent would tell her to suck it up, but I guess I need to demand special treatment like you instead.

It was pointed out that you are nuts. You have no right to dictate what mothers do with their young children especially when it involves them being unsupervised. If you have a problem with the rules then you need to go elsewhere. End of story.

Your post is completely off base as to me:

I'm talking to the lady who told someone to f-themselves at least 2x.

I am not the poster about the 3 year old limit.

I do have a right to dictate what moms do with their kids if they aren't following the rules posted and to be applied to all. I'll bring it up to that mom and management every time I see it. I'll also address her directly.

It is not just about the girl's comfort. It is about the rules and why they are there and how they are for everyone.

How about you read this again. And again if you still don't get it. We are talking and talking and talking about people who are following the rules. You seem to have an issue about people following the rules. Apparently the rules (under 6) shouldn't apply to 5 year olds. Well, guess what, they do. And you can complain as much as you want but it is you who will be removed from the facility not the mom with her son who is quietly minding her own business helping him get dressed.

No, YOU don't get it. I've been saying that the issue is with people who aren't following the rules. These are the harpies who are saying their baby at 6 or 7 can't get out of the suit himself or that he'll be molested if he goes in to the men's room himself. That is what the issue!

Look, I have not said that. Plenty of people have not said that. Most people here have talked about their 5 year old. AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.

Now, answer me this. Would you leave your 5 year old daughter in the locker room to get changed on her own?

I sent my 5 year old boys and my 5 year old girl into the locker room to change on their own. My kids also dressed themselves after bathing. I'm not clear why a child needs his/her mother to supervise him/her putting on clothes, especially in a public environment like a pool where there are many other people around. The likelihood that someone is going to do something horrible to your snowflake while you are waiting outside the lockerroom is slim to none. You are scaring yourself to death over nothing and turning your children into dependent little freaks.

Yea for your kid. Mine does not have the fine motor skills to fully dress himself alone. I am not taking a chance. No decent parent sends their five year old in alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone's uncomfortable with a child being in the locker area - they aren't able to go into a bathroom stall to change? WOW.

'
When there are 20 ladies from an aqua aerobics class who are changing into suits or out of suits, or a bunch of young ladies from the swim team, there aren't enough stalls for all of them. Your kid belongs in the boys' lockerroom with the boys, not in the ladies locker room.

Except there ar no other classes but kids when we go.