Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Uh, PP, indeed I did look for "a while". That translated into looking and doing research as soon as those two little lines showed up on the dipstick. I toured three well-regarded centers that had yearlong waiting lists. All three of them made me uncomfortable in some way. Indifference, poor attitudes, a lack of warmth, dinginess, dirtiness & off-putting smells etcetera. The nanny and au pair search was just as unsuccessful as I described above. I applaud you for finding someone you are happy with. I was unable to do so.

[Anonymous]

All of you who are attacking other women's parenting choices are just hurting the rights of our gender to determine our own paths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Also, if a couple decides to put most of the financial burden on the DH (or breadwinning DW), the SAH should bear most of the child care/household burden – that’s the partnership aspect of it. IMO, a SAH cannot really complain because the WOH has worked a 10.5 hour day and won’t do night duty with a sick child

I agree with this big time. My sister in law is a sahm and shes always complaining about her husband not helping with cooking and cleaning. Drives me crazy when sahm do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its not about being a 1950's stay at home wife and the man not letting us cook, clean and look after kids. I make the same as my husband plus cook and clean. Yes i do resent him because as soon as he gets home he clocks off and gets to do whatever he wants. For me, i finish work and get home to housework and cooking dinner. I envy stay at home moms because i would love to have more free time and less stress. I stress about getting pregnant and having children because noway could he support us with his income alone so it would then became me working fulltime + cooking + cleaning + looking after kids.

Story of my life, makes me resent my husband so much!

[Anonymous]

i secretly wish DH would be a stay-at-home dad. i make enough money to support us all, albeit not lavishly. but i'd never tell him so; he'd be terribly unhappy not working outside the home.

instead, i make most of the money and do most of the childcare and housework. so that doesn't seem right either.

[Anonymous]

I wish my lazy fucking wife would get a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Also, if a couple decides to put most of the financial burden on the DH (or breadwinning DW), the SAH should bear most of the child care/household burden – that’s the partnership aspect of it. IMO, a SAH cannot really complain because the WOH has worked a 10.5 hour day and won’t do night duty with a sick child

I agree with this big time. My sister in law is a sahm and shes always complaining about her husband not helping with cooking and cleaning. Drives me crazy when sahm do this.

you know, i'm a new mom, and i would have agreed with this a short while ago. but i think different family dynamics might require something different. i adore my daughter but hated my maternity leave with a colicky babe. i so badly, badly needed a physical/mental/emotional break when DH got home from work. something about getting screamed at for hours a day for several months pretty consistently had me at a breaking point and at or near tears by 6:30pm. i eventually learned to hand over the screaming baby to DH as soon as he got home so i could go on a run with the dog and have a bath. no housework got done. believe me, it was best for everyone. i can only imagine that staying home with a toddler (or two or three) would also be demanding, albeit in a different way. now that i am back to my own job, where i typically work about a 10-hour day, i am actually really, really excited to see my daughter at the end of the day. and i have some energy to spare for things like cooking and cleaning on weekends (which i didn't when my screamy DD was at me constantly all day everyday). which is a really long-winded way of saying that i am loath to judge others' arrangements and there are definitely situations where the spouse who works outside the home also needs to step it up in the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Also, if a couple decides to put most of the financial burden on the DH (or breadwinning DW), the SAH should bear most of the child care/household burden – that’s the partnership aspect of it. IMO, a SAH cannot really complain because the WOH has worked a 10.5 hour day and won’t do night duty with a sick child

I agree with this big time. My sister in law is a sahm and shes always complaining about her husband not helping with cooking and cleaning. Drives me crazy when sahm do this.

you know, i'm a new mom, and i would have agreed with this a short while ago. but i think different family dynamics might require something different. i adore my daughter but hated my maternity leave with a colicky babe. i so badly, badly needed a physical/mental/emotional break when DH got home from work. something about getting screamed at for hours a day for several months pretty consistently had me at a breaking point and at or near tears by 6:30pm. i eventually learned to hand over the screaming baby to DH as soon as he got home so i could go on a run with the dog and have a bath. no housework got done. believe me, it was best for everyone. i can only imagine that staying home with a toddler (or two or three) would also be demanding, albeit in a different way. now that i am back to my own job, where i typically work about a 10-hour day, i am actually really, really excited to see my daughter at the end of the day. and i have some energy to spare for things like cooking and cleaning on weekends (which i didn't when my screamy DD was at me constantly all day everyday). which is a really long-winded way of saying that i am loath to judge others' arrangements and there are definitely situations where the spouse who works outside the home also needs to step it up in the home.

+1
Nothing like the reality check of first-hand experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup, and I'm pretty vocal about it, i.e.

"Why didn't you do better in school so I wouldn't have to do anything waaahhhhhh,"

and his response is always

"Why didn't you just marry a rich guy?"

and my response is

"Because I was stupid and had low self-esteem!"

Sometimes it's better to just say these things out loud and hear how silly they sound, then resentment doesn't quite build up.

Yes - I agree!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish my lazy fucking wife would get a job.

+1

[Anonymous]

No. He does make enough for me to SAH. ~$450k.

I would be crazy to quit my flexible, WAH Fed job that comes with great benefits and I make $145k.

If I had to sacrifice my face-time with my kids. I might back down. I enjoy working.

DH would not respect me if I didn't work.

[Anonymous]

My husband makes 100k and I stay home. And yes we live in DC. Most people act like they need way more money but it is all about priorities. For us, our child is the priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband makes 100k and I stay home. And yes we live in DC. Most people act like they need way more money but it is all about priorities. For us, our child is the priority.

I am poster above you. My kids are a priority too. Don't make assumptions. I work when they are in school. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of you who are attacking other women's parenting choices are just hurting the rights of our gender to determine our own paths.

Yes. So frustrating to hear the bickering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband makes 100k and I stay home. And yes we live in DC. Most people act like they need way more money but it is all about priorities. For us, our child is the priority.

+1