BIL wants to use our house to get ready for wedding — WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

I got the vibe he just didn't want to say yes and then have to hear it from his wife for the next 10 years or however long he lasts. I'm a woman, BTW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and wow, I can’t believe how this has taken off.

As I said in the OP, it’s SIX additional people getting ready, with only one other bathroom (unless they use the primary bathroom too, in which case, I won’t have anywhere to get myself and my three kids (3, 6, and 8) ready. We don’t have a “guest” bedroom, we have three bedrooms and they are all used.

Yes, these men are all in their twenties, and they plan on “hanging out” here while getting dressed. Our house is small, just under 1500sf, and it just feels like a lot. We will all be leaving at the same time and thus, will need to get ready at the same time, all 11 of us in two bathrooms, or spread out in my kids’ bedrooms, while the others “hang out” in our common areas. So yes, it feels intrusive, and yes, it feels stressful.

Yes, my husband is officiating, but isn’t a groomsman.

Yeah, for SLEEPING. Are you telling me you can't let them use the 3-year old's bedroom and just hang his/her clothes in the 6-year old's room?

And to be clear, this is your children's UNCLE we're talking about here, correct?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

I took that as “I’m fine with this but I’m sure OP will find some kind of issue so I need to leave it up to her.”

Interesting. I took it as the husband doesn't really want to or he would have been more enthusiastic. He's also not one of the groomsmen, which is interesting.

He is OFFICIATING. You don't think that's a bigger deal than being a groomsman?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It's a wedding - paying for 1 room is really such a big deal?

It sounds really unpleasant for the groom and groomsmen honestly. Like you're in someone else's hair if they aren't really set up for it. I've been in a lot of bridal parties and would hate this.

Presumably the other groomsmen already have rooms at the hotel, so they could all cram into one if they wanted, but they want a bit more space than crowding around a double bed in a hotel room with one chair. That's reasonable....

So they are crowding around a bathroom shared by kids.

So get the kids ready before they come? It's completely obvious how to make this work.

Who would get kids dressed first? They don’t want to sit around for hours in dresses and suits. This is crazy and further confirms how inconvenient the groom’s plan is.

Why can't all the kids get dressed in the master bedroom? What are these people wearing to this wedding that it is so complicated to get ready?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This grown man is about to marry and face all kinds of challenging decisions, especially financial, as a husband and he's already starting off, not wanting to pony up a $100 to $200 for a space for he and his boys to get dressed for his wedding. So his plan is to use you and your house. No. Welcome to being an adult and a husband. Also why are you having six groomsman and a wedding $200 is going to break you?

It's five groomsmen. The groom makes six. I'm sorry this is so hard for you.

[Anonymous]

You are either a person who says yes to things that are going to have some element of personal inconvenience in order to be part of a bigger moment and build relationships and have community with people you love and value.

Or you’re not.

I would say yes in a second to this.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I bet OP had to host them anyway and was just "venting" the way the usual doormats here do.

Funny calling op a doormat given the number of people on here attacking her for not jumping to pay for the hotel room for a group of grown men.

Either way OP won't get her way. Her BIL will show up because his brother invited him or she will be paying money for his room. Would be easier to just be go with the flow and let him get dressed for a few hours.

Every family event involving him will be like this.

Like what? He will come by and maybe eat something? The horror.

Did you not read the op's post? She's being asked to host 7 men for an unspecified number of hours so they can get ready for a wedding. Rather different.

It's 6 men, not 7. The drama with your post " an unspecified number of hours."

I bet you're a real gas.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I bet OP had to host them anyway and was just "venting" the way the usual doormats here do.

Funny calling op a doormat given the number of people on here attacking her for not jumping to pay for the hotel room for a group of grown men.

Either way OP won't get her way. Her BIL will show up because his brother invited him or she will be paying money for his room. Would be easier to just be go with the flow and let him get dressed for a few hours.

He originally wanted to use the parents' home but it's too small. Let them pay for the little darling's hotel room.

I wonder if the parents' purposely downsized early to avoid hosting the groom for stuff like this.

We stopped hosting after guest broke the bed in the room and didn't say a word to us.

They were probably embarrassed? In any event, you stopped hosting everyone because of this one thing? Jeez, unclench.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I bet OP had to host them anyway and was just "venting" the way the usual doormats here do.

Funny calling op a doormat given the number of people on here attacking her for not jumping to pay for the hotel room for a group of grown men.

Either way OP won't get her way. Her BIL will show up because his brother invited him or she will be paying money for his room. Would be easier to just be go with the flow and let him get dressed for a few hours.

He originally wanted to use the parents' home but it's too small. Let them pay for the little darling's hotel room.

I wonder if the parents' purposely downsized early to avoid hosting the groom for stuff like this.

Yeah I’m sure they sold their house to avoid having their son and a few friends over for a few hours. Sure. Do you always have bizarre thoughts that you just wonder about?

Why don't they host then. The parents can get ready first and clear out and let the groomsmen and groom have space. Isn't that what parents do?

Why doesn't OP come back to clarify? Makes one wonder if OP was just a troll to bring out the usual family haters who wonder why anyone should have any relationship at all with others.

I don't think you have to be a family hater not to want to host 6 men in your house when you're yourself trying to get ready for a wedding, and getting your young kids ready -- which is also on you not DH. I can imagine mom running around in her bra trying to grab something and you obviously cannot do that with a bunch of men sitting in your living room/your kids room/your bathroom or all of them. Then the kids might run around in their underwear before being stuffed into party clothes and you need to feed them etc. etc.... who needs all that drama! Have you never gotten your family ready for a fancy outing?!

Not PP but yes, a lot of times. And somehow I have managed to never run around the house in my bra for any of those times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are either a person who says yes to things that are going to have some element of personal inconvenience in order to be part of a bigger moment and build relationships and have community with people you love and value.

Or you’re not.

I would say yes in a second to this.

+1000

Life is so much more fun when you say yes and you spend time with other people who say yes as well. You only live once. How sad to think that you'd rather not be remotely inconvenienced while you...get dressed for something...versus getting to share in the joy of your BIL's wedding, who you apparently adore.

[Anonymous]

How about your husband’s parents come over to your place to hang out and get ready and your BIL and his groomsman use their place to get ready.

[Anonymous]

Say yes, OP. They’re men. It’s not like they have hair and makeup to do. They really just want a place to hang out before they have to go take pictures etc.

I’d get a bagel platter, some OJ, bubbly waters and the groomsmen can bring beers if they want. They can throw a football outside with the kids running around, or watch tv and hang out. Just go with the flow and only let DH and BIL use your shower. The rest can rotate.

[Anonymous]

What do your kids and 6 adult men have to do that requires all this bathroom time? Brush their teeth? Everyone should come showered and presumably this isn't a crowd that will need hours of hair and makeup. I don't really understand the bathroom issue.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:How big is your house? My house is not big enough for this, 2000 sq. ft. 2 bathrooms. I don't like people in my bedroom or bathroom, so, this would be a hard no for me.

From the original post, it sounds like OP has a smaller house as well. If there is no hotel room for the groomsmen to get ready, where are they all staying? Are they local? Is DH the best man? I would be inclined to allow it, but 100% put it on DH to clean, provide food, etc. Maybe you and the kids could even clear out and get a hotel room in the block to get ready.

Maybe one of the groomsmen could get a room in the block instead of expecting a family to clear out for them.

Again, do you think they actually just need to line up for the bathroom and six grown men should sit on a double bed while taking turns?

This is about having a space to hang *after* they're showered and shaved. Like a living room with a couch or something. I suppose they could hang out in their hotel lobby instead, but man, it would be cold to say that. I have a 1500 sq ft house with only 1.5 bathrooms and I wouldn't blink at this request.

Ok, but there will still only be one bathroom to share amongst the goomsman at the house. Where are all of these guys staying? As a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding we had two connecting rooms in the wedding hotel to spread out and get ready. It was fun. But maybe money is an issue here, so in that case sure OP could do the kind thing and host.

What is with the bathroom fixation??? They aren’t doing hair and makeup I assume. They’ll arrive showered and probably even dressed. They just want to hang out. I honestly don’t get the big deal.

[Anonymous]

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Wonder how many people did this on their wedding day?

Ehh

Did what? Get ready with a wedding party of 6 at a sibling's home?

Yes

I don't know anyone who did but maybe it's expected somewhere.

For my brothers wedding we (bridesmaids) all got ready at the brides moms 1000 square foot house. It’s not a big deal. We showered before we came over so the bride wouldn’t feel rushed in the bathroom.

Not everyone has a weird spectacle of a wedding. Sometimes it’s really honestly a nice family party to celebrate someone’s marriage.