To my husband’s work AP

[Anonymous]

You just assert that OW's husband should know, but you don't know that he wants to or needs to know. It's just what a selfish person says to justify hurting someone else for your own spiteful purposes. "The obvious" is that OP doesn't care about hurting someone else for her own pleasure -- ironically, just like the cheaters. You just want to suggest it is righteous by asserting, without any basis, that the husband wants to or "should" know.

NP. The only obvious thing here is that you aren’t very bright and are probably a cheater. The AP’s husband deserves to know so that he can reclaim agency over his own life. This info is absolutely relevant yo him as he makes life decisions (whether to sleep with his wife being the most obvious, but things like sharing accounts, buying houses, taking new jobs, deciding to have kids and a million other things).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Why would it destroy his career?


I can't imagine anyone caring about a colleague's workplace affair...

I cared about my colleagues’ affair and I got a promotion because the slut got one so why couldn’t I?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleep with the AP's husband.

Waste of time. He’s probably not good at it hence the cheating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a better than 100% chance that this is the same OP of the “Husband and his partner” thread.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1219915.page

If OP is also the OP of this thread, damn, the AP is pregnant. After OP outs the affair, I'd want to know whose baby it is, and I'd bet the AP's husband will want to know the same thing.

She needs to tell him before he signs the birth certificate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:"Won't someone please think of the homewreckers!?" --DCUM cheaters (or wannabe cheaters) thinking it's perfectly fine for OP's life to be destroyed, but don't dare hurt the people who were the destroyers.

The moment you cheat on your spouse, is the moment you forego any consideration by your spouse. The spouse who has been betrayed, gets to decide how they react, not some stranger whose own marriage is undoubtedly unhappy and you empathize w/ a cheater because you are one or want to be one.

OP, don't do anything before you really think about it, but ultimately, do what you think is best for you and your family.

I think people are thinking about the OW's husband. OP seems to be gleeful about wrecking that marriage without regard to the innocent people involved. I, for one, am not sure I'd want to know if my spouse were cheating.

The cheating whore had zero regard to the innocent wife and kids.

You seem to miss the point. The OW's husband is an innocent party here, and OP is getting her revenge at his expense. She is pretending that she's doing it in part to help him, but the reality is that she is doing it for spite and without regard to the OW's husband. That's selfish. It makes OP less sympathetic.

I disagree. There are a few people who say they wouldn't want to know their partner is cheating, but the vast majority seem to want to know. It's not getting revenge at his expense - it's giving him the option to liberate himself from a cheating whore who doesnt respect him or their marriage vows. It's not pretending to help him - it IS helping him. If he chooses to stay, he chooses with full knowledge of what shes done and capable of. He can adjust expectations accordingly. Keeping him in the dark only benefits the cheaters. Don't be a cheater and you dont have to worry about it.

100%

Cheating wives are often secretly plotting divorce for when kids go to college or lining things up for a hopeful exit affair. They are positioning themselves to get spouses $$, even meeting attornies and will use the “grew apart” while he is hit out of the blue and zero agency or knowledge she has been cheating. Some are even siphoning $ off.

It’s best they know.

I think this an advantage that women have over men. We men see it as being wrong but I wish men thought similarly. Women are very disciplined and patient planners. They will analyze every possible scenario, look at every option, think about the future, I mean anything you can think off before she files for divorce. A man can think about a divorce on Monday and the next day without planning asks the wife. Women unless they are in a very abusive relationship and the last abusive event was the last thing they could deal with will not wake wake up and suddenly file for divorce.

Women will often claim they gave their DHs many chances and "hints". Most even when they specially threaten divorce they will do it in a way that men are just clueless they are carefully planning for a divorce, the warning is part of risk management.

Perhaps it is an innate skill that women have that allow them to patiently plan this way.

[Anonymous]

^ survival I think as the physically weaker sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why would it destroy his career?


I can't imagine anyone caring about a colleague's workplace affair...

I cared about my colleagues’ affair and I got a promotion because the slut got one so why couldn’t I?

Was the AP a subordinate that the cheater then promoted, and you said that if you also weren't promoted, you'd out the affair? If so: Blackmail and also admirably badass of you! Well played. I hope I'd do the same in your shoes, frankly.

[Anonymous]

I am 100% team OP. As an adult child of divorced parents where my dad was an adulterer, I feel absolutely sure that OP is in the right in wanting to blow up that APs life. Especially if she's got her financial ducks in a row. Burn it down. All these people preaching the high road have either never been here or they are cheaters themselves.

I also have a pretty good relationship with my dad though it all. Good luck OP, I am rooting for you.

[Anonymous]

Why would it destroy his career?

I can't imagine anyone caring about a colleague's workplace affair...

You would care plenty if the affair impacted (or appeared to impact) your career. I used to work for one of the Big Four accounting firms, and the national head of our specialty tax group was fired about four years ago because he had helped get his AP promoted.

The AP had not earned the promotion, and two of the people passed over so she could get promoted complained via our national ethics hotline. He (the national head of the group) was super sleazy and thought he was powerful enough to never get caught (even when HR came to him with proof of what he had done). It was awful and embarrassing for the firm and his office (Philadephia) since we had to tell clients he was "no longer with the Firm" after one day's notice that he was canned.

[Anonymous]

Well, I understand that OP is hurting, and her reasons for publicizing the affair to the workplace as well to the husband might just be a desire for vengeance.

I just hope she thinks a little more deeply before she does things that will:
A. Make her look bad (as in, too vindictive).
B. Have financial repercussions on her own life and that of her children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Why would it destroy his career?

I can't imagine anyone caring about a colleague's workplace affair...

You would care plenty if the affair impacted (or appeared to impact) your career. I used to work for one of the Big Four accounting firms, and the national head of our specialty tax group was fired about four years ago because he had helped get his AP promoted.

The AP had not earned the promotion, and two of the people passed over so she could get promoted complained via our national ethics hotline. He (the national head of the group) was super sleazy and thought he was powerful enough to never get caught (even when HR came to him with proof of what he had done). It was awful and embarrassing for the firm and his office (Philadephia) since we had to tell clients he was "no longer with the Firm" after one day's notice that he was canned.

This level of arrogance is just astonishing from someone in a high position. They really have no clue of how toxic it is for the office when they use abuse their position.

What happened to the AP who was promoted? How does someone like her continue to even want to work there when people know how she got there and are disgusted by it?

[Anonymous]

use and abuse*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is AP pregnant? Her spouse should know then.

She's pregnant but apparently it's her husbands, not OPs dh.

They did a fetal paternity test? No hanky panky for a month? Or how apparently?

*shrug* ask OP. I still doubt the married hot 20-something is f***ing and/or pregnant by OPs old ass DH.

Some of you on this thread really have zero idea how a man in his 50s might be attractive to a woman in her 20s and you love making assumptions about what he looks like as well as assuming she's so "hot" she'd never have sex with someone older. You're actually pretty naive as well as prone to stereotyping. And you ignore the fact there might be some power dynamics at play here between them. You can only imagine that 20s equals hot and 50s equals "old ass" and unable to get it up.

LOL. Are you a 50-something trying to pretend you're still hot? Gross lol.

Give it a rest. OP called the 20-something hot. She did not call her 50+ DH hot.

That person wants to believe a 20-something hot woman is chasing a 50+yo old guy for his body. Unless you have $$$, no 20+yo woman is chasing your 50+yo a$$ for your looks. The average guy in his 50s, doesn't look like Clooney or Pitt when they were in their 50s. No 20-something woman is checking you out in your 50s (mid-40s, too), unless she has an idea regarding your checking account.

That person thinks you do not comprehend that hot bodies are not the only reason people screw. But an explanation of things like power dynamics between APs would be lost on you.

How did you read my comment and completely ignores where I mentioned the very "power dynamic" being $$$? No 20yo is desperate to sleep with a 50yo on welfare. He actually has to have something to offer as far as his own career/bank account to the 20yo.

[Anonymous]

ignore*

[Anonymous]

This level of arrogance is just astonishing from someone in a high position. They really have no clue of how toxic it is for the office when they use abuse their position.

What happened to the AP who was promoted? How does someone like her continue to even want to work there when people know how she got there and are disgusted by it?

She (the AP) was more intelligent than everyone in our group gave her credit for being. When HR came to her about the affair and promotion, she said that she did not feel she could turn the national leader of her tax group down without damaging her career. She also said that she would sue the firm if HR tried to use the "harassment" she suffered as an excuse to get rid of her.

So, now in her late 30s, she is effectively retired while still working. She knows that she will never be promoted and that she better never screw anything up in a significant way. Otherwise, the firm will not touch her.