Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

I mean, a SAHM is contributing to society by what, raising her kids? A doctor is contributing to society by treating thousands of patients. And the doctor is also raising her children, caring for her parents, and managing her household so...

Exactly, so... so some poeple help lots of people, some people don't help lots of people and some people just make money and don't help people at all and lobbyists just hurt people.

None is better or best, it just is.

Some people can handle a job and work, some can't who cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

The fine art of wiling away the time! Bravo!

My husband makes a lot of money. Juggling three kids in different schools with different sports and activities is a lot. It would be very difficult to do by myself while also working full time. I would have to get childcare and I would not have any time for myself. I would also have to go back to running errands in the evenings and weekends.

I won’t feel bad for having the resources to enjoy my family and life.

Between all the teacher work days, school breaks, summer break, sick days, doctor and dentist appointments, field trips, etc, there really isn’t that much time.

Maybe...your husband could help? But I guess he's too busy to be a dad. Cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

The fine art of wiling away the time! Bravo!

My husband makes a lot of money. Juggling three kids in different schools with different sports and activities is a lot. It would be very difficult to do by myself while also working full time. I would have to get childcare and I would not have any time for myself. I would also have to go back to running errands in the evenings and weekends.

I won’t feel bad for having the resources to enjoy my family and life.

Between all the teacher work days, school breaks, summer break, sick days, doctor and dentist appointments, field trips, etc, there really isn’t that much time.

Don’t listen to these ninnies. They’re not cancer researchers. They’re mostly jealous women with secretarial government jobs who have to work for the money. Anyone who was in a real high power position wouldn’t have the time to read let alone write on these boards. I’ve had the high powered job and I’ve stayed at home with the kids; if anything sitting in a meeting pretending to worry about how to keep a rich Saudi oil family from paying taxes in America is willing away time, not running errands after dropping my kids off at school. You do work hard to keep organized and you are doing it for people you care about. Many people are jealous.

Only in DC is a job as a nurse and teacher compared to being a lawyer who commits tax evasion. Pathetic.

Being a nurse or a teacher is not a high powered career. Both jobs provide hours that make working and taking care of your family possible. I’ve never looked at a nurse who was also a mother and wondered “how does she do it?” Because it is easily done. This isn’t the same as an investment banker or BigLaw partner with 80 hour work weeks.

That being said, I don’t know many nurses or teachers who are married to very wealthy men, either. The ones who I know have to work. They aren’t in the position to stay at home, so the OP’s question would not apply to them. She asked about women married to wealthy men, not women who have to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

+100 found that incredibly obnoxious as well. Stronger skills on the homefront? If you're that smug it's unlikely you have the skills you think you do.

NP but it’s true. Some women are just scattered and disorganized. They have good degrees and everything, but maybe a neurological condition comes up and they are unable to handle things.

You sound so smug and delusional. Neurological conditions? There are only so many hours in the day. You can’t be a good parent and a good BigLaw partner at the same time. Something has to give. You’re delegating and delegating. Sure, a lady can clean your toilets well enough, but a nanny/au pair is not going to love your kid the way a parent does.

Some people, men and women, value parenting more than they value boardrooms. It’s okay to make the choices you’ve made, but don’t kid yourself that they don’t come at a huge cost, one way or another.

Some people are not able to manage both. Really it’s okay. Clearly you should not be balancing both with your negative attitude. You just see problems. You _have- to think that no BigLaw partner could be a good parent. Easiest way to justify not wanting to stay in BigLaw or that you were never going to make partner anyway.

Lol, I’m not a lawyer. It’s just what I’ve seen, knowing many, many lawyers. I have friends who are doctors who work part time. They manage both. Lawyers, never, unless they’re in-house. Same goes for investment banking. I have never seen anyone, male or female, manage both a BigLaw/investment banking career and being a good parent.
It does not happen.

Walk around NYC in the late morning, watch the nannies jabbering away on their phones, while walking dirty looking children in their strollers. Those kids do not look well taken care of (and yes, I can tell they are with their nannies because of obvious racial differences). The kids have messy hair, dirty fingers and cheeks. They keep trying to talk to their nannies, but the nannies don’t care. It’s pretty heartbreaking. But I am positive that their parents think everything is perfect.

Stop kidding yourself about how well you manage. There is always a price. You should know that; it’s basic microeconomics.

So you never worked at BigLaw? Your husband never worked at BigLaw? And you sure have a lot of opinions on the parenting of people you “know” in these careers. Sure lady. Lol. Here is a news flash. Lots of SAHM have kids with dirty hair and nails, unhappy children, etc. inattentive parents are inattentive whether they work or stay home.

Also you are posting on a DC board. Life does look different here.

PP, I do know what I am talking about because I was a legal assistant in BigLaw. After seeing what I saw, I opted out of going to law school (even though I had excellent credentials). All of the partners I met were horrible parents. Most of them went out of their way to purposefully work on holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, because they couldn’t bare being with their families. I’m sorry, but that is how it was. I chose to get a masters in something else. (I do work, but if money were not an issue, I would not.)

I don’t know know a single SAHM who isn’t on top of her kids being well manicured. Not one. The SAHMs I know volunteer at school and organize a million different things. There kids often times seem more talkative and confident and better adjusted. That’s how I see. I wish I could be a stay at home mom.

My SIL is a SAHM. Her kids are a mess. She's lazy and so is her husband. She doesn't cook or clean and her mother/my MIL does the laundry for the kids. They never have the supplies they need, they're rude, always attached to their iPads, etc. But I don't know why I'm even responding to you, your posts tell me all I need to know about you.

NP here. You can’t group all SAHMs together. I’m a well educated SAHM. I’m ivy educated and had a great career before deciding to stay home with my kids. My job was too demanding and Dh has an equally high demand job. We live in an affluent area and the SAHMs are all very involved. I do not envy the kids with nannies. There are some kids who are thriving with a great nanny and parents with big jobs but I would not say those kids are in a better situation. Most moms I know have complaints about the nanny and don’t have the best situation. They keep at it.

I miss my career. I will likely go back. For now, I am home with my three children and this is what is best for our family.

Why are your career relevant and education relevant?

There are some women who never had a career or weren’t good at their careers. They may opt to stay home because they would rather be home than work. There are others, like me, who had a career and were good at our careers. We choose to stay home with our kids.

High value men marry high value women and have high value children.

I am a working mom but this made me want to vomit. You go on raising your “high value” children, I’ll work to raise children who are kind and don’t engage in elitist sexist garbage.

I used to live in Greenwich and knew many women like the PP and the best way to describe them is… mental frumps?

Very desperate to work in their former careers and education into the conversation, as well as their make-work board position. Other than that, very provincial in their topics of conservation (gossip mostly). Somehow they are simultaneously smug and insecure, which is how this PP strikes me as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

How is that plenty? Sorry, I don’t care if people don’t want to work…but don’t think you are doing much either.

Just own the fact that you have $$$s and don’t want to work…it’s no different than somebody with a trust fund.

Pp here.

I wasn’t claiming to do that much. On my days off I tidy the house, do a few loads of laundry, make dinner, go to the store, take a walk, and visit with friends. It isn’t much different than when I had my youngest at home.

I have to work this week, and DH has been out of town. I wish I was off. We had beans, rice, and apple slices for dinner. I’m out of bread and milk for tomorrow because my teenagers ate it all after school. I just bought a bunch of books for the kindle because I didn’t have time to take my daughter to the library for her research project, and I just threw a load in the wash that has just enough clothes to get everyone through tomorrow.

I also still have to log in tonight and sign all of my notes from today.

I know there are women who handle this better than I do, but I don’t need the money, and I don’t want to work full time.

Some folks were very offended by comments on management skills and that we are all different. At this point this thread is a dumpster fire, so I will just type without worrying about smoothing out my language. I am a woman with a stressful job. The idea of running out of milk/bread and clean clothes is unfathomable to me. So when evite lady talks about how working moms miss important details, I’m puzzled because you are defending not having a career kind of job and cannot seem to get an actual dinner on the table. That seems like an important detail to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

+100 found that incredibly obnoxious as well. Stronger skills on the homefront? If you're that smug it's unlikely you have the skills you think you do.

NP but it’s true. Some women are just scattered and disorganized. They have good degrees and everything, but maybe a neurological condition comes up and they are unable to handle things.

You sound so smug and delusional. Neurological conditions? There are only so many hours in the day. You can’t be a good parent and a good BigLaw partner at the same time. Something has to give. You’re delegating and delegating. Sure, a lady can clean your toilets well enough, but a nanny/au pair is not going to love your kid the way a parent does.

Some people, men and women, value parenting more than they value boardrooms. It’s okay to make the choices you’ve made, but don’t kid yourself that they don’t come at a huge cost, one way or another.

Some people are not able to manage both. Really it’s okay. Clearly you should not be balancing both with your negative attitude. You just see problems. You _have- to think that no BigLaw partner could be a good parent. Easiest way to justify not wanting to stay in BigLaw or that you were never going to make partner anyway.

Lol, I’m not a lawyer. It’s just what I’ve seen, knowing many, many lawyers. I have friends who are doctors who work part time. They manage both. Lawyers, never, unless they’re in-house. Same goes for investment banking. I have never seen anyone, male or female, manage both a BigLaw/investment banking career and being a good parent.
It does not happen.

Walk around NYC in the late morning, watch the nannies jabbering away on their phones, while walking dirty looking children in their strollers. Those kids do not look well taken care of (and yes, I can tell they are with their nannies because of obvious racial differences). The kids have messy hair, dirty fingers and cheeks. They keep trying to talk to their nannies, but the nannies don’t care. It’s pretty heartbreaking. But I am positive that their parents think everything is perfect.

Stop kidding yourself about how well you manage. There is always a price. You should know that; it’s basic microeconomics.

So you never worked at BigLaw? Your husband never worked at BigLaw? And you sure have a lot of opinions on the parenting of people you “know” in these careers. Sure lady. Lol. Here is a news flash. Lots of SAHM have kids with dirty hair and nails, unhappy children, etc. inattentive parents are inattentive whether they work or stay home.

Also you are posting on a DC board. Life does look different here.

PP, I do know what I am talking about because I was a legal assistant in BigLaw. After seeing what I saw, I opted out of going to law school (even though I had excellent credentials). All of the partners I met were horrible parents. Most of them went out of their way to purposefully work on holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, because they couldn’t bare being with their families. I’m sorry, but that is how it was. I chose to get a masters in something else. (I do work, but if money were not an issue, I would not.)

I don’t know know a single SAHM who isn’t on top of her kids being well manicured. Not one. The SAHMs I know volunteer at school and organize a million different things. There kids often times seem more talkative and confident and better adjusted. That’s how I see. I wish I could be a stay at home mom.

My SIL is a SAHM. Her kids are a mess. She's lazy and so is her husband. She doesn't cook or clean and her mother/my MIL does the laundry for the kids. They never have the supplies they need, they're rude, always attached to their iPads, etc. But I don't know why I'm even responding to you, your posts tell me all I need to know about you.

NP here. You can’t group all SAHMs together. I’m a well educated SAHM. I’m ivy educated and had a great career before deciding to stay home with my kids. My job was too demanding and Dh has an equally high demand job. We live in an affluent area and the SAHMs are all very involved. I do not envy the kids with nannies. There are some kids who are thriving with a great nanny and parents with big jobs but I would not say those kids are in a better situation. Most moms I know have complaints about the nanny and don’t have the best situation. They keep at it.

I miss my career. I will likely go back. For now, I am home with my three children and this is what is best for our family.

Why are your career relevant and education relevant?

There are some women who never had a career or weren’t good at their careers. They may opt to stay home because they would rather be home than work. There are others, like me, who had a career and were good at our careers. We choose to stay home with our kids.

High value men marry high value women and have high value children.

I am a working mom but this made me want to vomit. You go on raising your “high value” children, I’ll work to raise children who are kind and don’t engage in elitist sexist garbage.

I used to live in Greenwich and knew many women like the PP and the best way to describe them is… mental frumps?

Very desperate to work in their former careers and education into the conversation, as well as their make-work board position. Other than that, very provincial in their topics of conservation (gossip mostly). Somehow they are simultaneously smug and insecure, which is how this PP strikes me as well.

Aren’t most people insecure, provincial and gossipy regardless of their work status? Where are the confident, cosmopolitan, yet close-mouthed mouth people you seem to allude to? They weren’t at any of my workplaces. Gossipy and backstabbing is how I’d describe pretty much ever co-worker I have ever had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

+100 found that incredibly obnoxious as well. Stronger skills on the homefront? If you're that smug it's unlikely you have the skills you think you do.

NP but it’s true. Some women are just scattered and disorganized. They have good degrees and everything, but maybe a neurological condition comes up and they are unable to handle things.

You sound so smug and delusional. Neurological conditions? There are only so many hours in the day. You can’t be a good parent and a good BigLaw partner at the same time. Something has to give. You’re delegating and delegating. Sure, a lady can clean your toilets well enough, but a nanny/au pair is not going to love your kid the way a parent does.

Some people, men and women, value parenting more than they value boardrooms. It’s okay to make the choices you’ve made, but don’t kid yourself that they don’t come at a huge cost, one way or another.

Some people are not able to manage both. Really it’s okay. Clearly you should not be balancing both with your negative attitude. You just see problems. You _have- to think that no BigLaw partner could be a good parent. Easiest way to justify not wanting to stay in BigLaw or that you were never going to make partner anyway.

Lol, I’m not a lawyer. It’s just what I’ve seen, knowing many, many lawyers. I have friends who are doctors who work part time. They manage both. Lawyers, never, unless they’re in-house. Same goes for investment banking. I have never seen anyone, male or female, manage both a BigLaw/investment banking career and being a good parent.
It does not happen.

Walk around NYC in the late morning, watch the nannies jabbering away on their phones, while walking dirty looking children in their strollers. Those kids do not look well taken care of (and yes, I can tell they are with their nannies because of obvious racial differences). The kids have messy hair, dirty fingers and cheeks. They keep trying to talk to their nannies, but the nannies don’t care. It’s pretty heartbreaking. But I am positive that their parents think everything is perfect.

Stop kidding yourself about how well you manage. There is always a price. You should know that; it’s basic microeconomics.

So you never worked at BigLaw? Your husband never worked at BigLaw? And you sure have a lot of opinions on the parenting of people you “know” in these careers. Sure lady. Lol. Here is a news flash. Lots of SAHM have kids with dirty hair and nails, unhappy children, etc. inattentive parents are inattentive whether they work or stay home.

Also you are posting on a DC board. Life does look different here.

PP, I do know what I am talking about because I was a legal assistant in BigLaw. After seeing what I saw, I opted out of going to law school (even though I had excellent credentials). All of the partners I met were horrible parents. Most of them went out of their way to purposefully work on holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, because they couldn’t bare being with their families. I’m sorry, but that is how it was. I chose to get a masters in something else. (I do work, but if money were not an issue, I would not.)

I don’t know know a single SAHM who isn’t on top of her kids being well manicured. Not one. The SAHMs I know volunteer at school and organize a million different things. There kids often times seem more talkative and confident and better adjusted. That’s how I see. I wish I could be a stay at home mom.

My SIL is a SAHM. Her kids are a mess. She's lazy and so is her husband. She doesn't cook or clean and her mother/my MIL does the laundry for the kids. They never have the supplies they need, they're rude, always attached to their iPads, etc. But I don't know why I'm even responding to you, your posts tell me all I need to know about you.

NP here. You can’t group all SAHMs together. I’m a well educated SAHM. I’m ivy educated and had a great career before deciding to stay home with my kids. My job was too demanding and Dh has an equally high demand job. We live in an affluent area and the SAHMs are all very involved. I do not envy the kids with nannies. There are some kids who are thriving with a great nanny and parents with big jobs but I would not say those kids are in a better situation. Most moms I know have complaints about the nanny and don’t have the best situation. They keep at it.

I miss my career. I will likely go back. For now, I am home with my three children and this is what is best for our family.

Why are your career relevant and education relevant?

There are some women who never had a career or weren’t good at their careers. They may opt to stay home because they would rather be home than work. There are others, like me, who had a career and were good at our careers. We choose to stay home with our kids.

High value men marry high value women and have high value children.

I am a working mom but this made me want to vomit. You go on raising your “high value” children, I’ll work to raise children who are kind and don’t engage in elitist sexist garbage.

I used to live in Greenwich and knew many women like the PP and the best way to describe them is… mental frumps?

Very desperate to work in their former careers and education into the conversation, as well as their make-work board position. Other than that, very provincial in their topics of conservation (gossip mostly). Somehow they are simultaneously smug and insecure, which is how this PP strikes me as well.

You’ve posted before I think? But to counter, you said the post office was a fashion show!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

+100 found that incredibly obnoxious as well. Stronger skills on the homefront? If you're that smug it's unlikely you have the skills you think you do.

NP but it’s true. Some women are just scattered and disorganized. They have good degrees and everything, but maybe a neurological condition comes up and they are unable to handle things.

You sound so smug and delusional. Neurological conditions? There are only so many hours in the day. You can’t be a good parent and a good BigLaw partner at the same time. Something has to give. You’re delegating and delegating. Sure, a lady can clean your toilets well enough, but a nanny/au pair is not going to love your kid the way a parent does.

Some people, men and women, value parenting more than they value boardrooms. It’s okay to make the choices you’ve made, but don’t kid yourself that they don’t come at a huge cost, one way or another.

Some people are not able to manage both. Really it’s okay. Clearly you should not be balancing both with your negative attitude. You just see problems. You _have- to think that no BigLaw partner could be a good parent. Easiest way to justify not wanting to stay in BigLaw or that you were never going to make partner anyway.

Lol, I’m not a lawyer. It’s just what I’ve seen, knowing many, many lawyers. I have friends who are doctors who work part time. They manage both. Lawyers, never, unless they’re in-house. Same goes for investment banking. I have never seen anyone, male or female, manage both a BigLaw/investment banking career and being a good parent.
It does not happen.

Walk around NYC in the late morning, watch the nannies jabbering away on their phones, while walking dirty looking children in their strollers. Those kids do not look well taken care of (and yes, I can tell they are with their nannies because of obvious racial differences). The kids have messy hair, dirty fingers and cheeks. They keep trying to talk to their nannies, but the nannies don’t care. It’s pretty heartbreaking. But I am positive that their parents think everything is perfect.

Stop kidding yourself about how well you manage. There is always a price. You should know that; it’s basic microeconomics.

So you never worked at BigLaw? Your husband never worked at BigLaw? And you sure have a lot of opinions on the parenting of people you “know” in these careers. Sure lady. Lol. Here is a news flash. Lots of SAHM have kids with dirty hair and nails, unhappy children, etc. inattentive parents are inattentive whether they work or stay home.

Also you are posting on a DC board. Life does look different here.

PP, I do know what I am talking about because I was a legal assistant in BigLaw. After seeing what I saw, I opted out of going to law school (even though I had excellent credentials). All of the partners I met were horrible parents. Most of them went out of their way to purposefully work on holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, because they couldn’t bare being with their families. I’m sorry, but that is how it was. I chose to get a masters in something else. (I do work, but if money were not an issue, I would not.)

I don’t know know a single SAHM who isn’t on top of her kids being well manicured. Not one. The SAHMs I know volunteer at school and organize a million different things. There kids often times seem more talkative and confident and better adjusted. That’s how I see. I wish I could be a stay at home mom.

My SIL is a SAHM. Her kids are a mess. She's lazy and so is her husband. She doesn't cook or clean and her mother/my MIL does the laundry for the kids. They never have the supplies they need, they're rude, always attached to their iPads, etc. But I don't know why I'm even responding to you, your posts tell me all I need to know about you.

NP here. You can’t group all SAHMs together. I’m a well educated SAHM. I’m ivy educated and had a great career before deciding to stay home with my kids. My job was too demanding and Dh has an equally high demand job. We live in an affluent area and the SAHMs are all very involved. I do not envy the kids with nannies. There are some kids who are thriving with a great nanny and parents with big jobs but I would not say those kids are in a better situation. Most moms I know have complaints about the nanny and don’t have the best situation. They keep at it.

I miss my career. I will likely go back. For now, I am home with my three children and this is what is best for our family.

Why are your career relevant and education relevant?

There are some women who never had a career or weren’t good at their careers. They may opt to stay home because they would rather be home than work. There are others, like me, who had a career and were good at our careers. We choose to stay home with our kids.

High value men marry high value women and have high value children.

I am a working mom but this made me want to vomit. You go on raising your “high value” children, I’ll work to raise children who are kind and don’t engage in elitist sexist garbage.

I used to live in Greenwich and knew many women like the PP and the best way to describe them is… mental frumps?

Very desperate to work in their former careers and education into the conversation, as well as their make-work board position. Other than that, very provincial in their topics of conservation (gossip mostly). Somehow they are simultaneously smug and insecure, which is how this PP strikes me as well.

I think you are referring to me. I actually rarely talk about my former work or where I went to school. I hang out with well educated women. I made many new good friends when my children were younger. Most recently, I have made some adult female friends who all have children but our kids don’t know one another. There is no agenda, just pure friendship and companionship. I love it. They are a mix of working moms, stay at home moms and part time working moms. We just celebrated Galentine’s and planning a summer trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

+100 found that incredibly obnoxious as well. Stronger skills on the homefront? If you're that smug it's unlikely you have the skills you think you do.

NP but it’s true. Some women are just scattered and disorganized. They have good degrees and everything, but maybe a neurological condition comes up and they are unable to handle things.

You sound so smug and delusional. Neurological conditions? There are only so many hours in the day. You can’t be a good parent and a good BigLaw partner at the same time. Something has to give. You’re delegating and delegating. Sure, a lady can clean your toilets well enough, but a nanny/au pair is not going to love your kid the way a parent does.

Some people, men and women, value parenting more than they value boardrooms. It’s okay to make the choices you’ve made, but don’t kid yourself that they don’t come at a huge cost, one way or another.

Some people are not able to manage both. Really it’s okay. Clearly you should not be balancing both with your negative attitude. You just see problems. You _have- to think that no BigLaw partner could be a good parent. Easiest way to justify not wanting to stay in BigLaw or that you were never going to make partner anyway.

Lol, I’m not a lawyer. It’s just what I’ve seen, knowing many, many lawyers. I have friends who are doctors who work part time. They manage both. Lawyers, never, unless they’re in-house. Same goes for investment banking. I have never seen anyone, male or female, manage both a BigLaw/investment banking career and being a good parent.
It does not happen.

Walk around NYC in the late morning, watch the nannies jabbering away on their phones, while walking dirty looking children in their strollers. Those kids do not look well taken care of (and yes, I can tell they are with their nannies because of obvious racial differences). The kids have messy hair, dirty fingers and cheeks. They keep trying to talk to their nannies, but the nannies don’t care. It’s pretty heartbreaking. But I am positive that their parents think everything is perfect.

Stop kidding yourself about how well you manage. There is always a price. You should know that; it’s basic microeconomics.

So you never worked at BigLaw? Your husband never worked at BigLaw? And you sure have a lot of opinions on the parenting of people you “know” in these careers. Sure lady. Lol. Here is a news flash. Lots of SAHM have kids with dirty hair and nails, unhappy children, etc. inattentive parents are inattentive whether they work or stay home.

Also you are posting on a DC board. Life does look different here.

PP, I do know what I am talking about because I was a legal assistant in BigLaw. After seeing what I saw, I opted out of going to law school (even though I had excellent credentials). All of the partners I met were horrible parents. Most of them went out of their way to purposefully work on holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, because they couldn’t bare being with their families. I’m sorry, but that is how it was. I chose to get a masters in something else. (I do work, but if money were not an issue, I would not.)

I don’t know know a single SAHM who isn’t on top of her kids being well manicured. Not one. The SAHMs I know volunteer at school and organize a million different things. There kids often times seem more talkative and confident and better adjusted. That’s how I see. I wish I could be a stay at home mom.

My SIL is a SAHM. Her kids are a mess. She's lazy and so is her husband. She doesn't cook or clean and her mother/my MIL does the laundry for the kids. They never have the supplies they need, they're rude, always attached to their iPads, etc. But I don't know why I'm even responding to you, your posts tell me all I need to know about you.

NP here. You can’t group all SAHMs together. I’m a well educated SAHM. I’m ivy educated and had a great career before deciding to stay home with my kids. My job was too demanding and Dh has an equally high demand job. We live in an affluent area and the SAHMs are all very involved. I do not envy the kids with nannies. There are some kids who are thriving with a great nanny and parents with big jobs but I would not say those kids are in a better situation. Most moms I know have complaints about the nanny and don’t have the best situation. They keep at it.

I miss my career. I will likely go back. For now, I am home with my three children and this is what is best for our family.

Why are your career relevant and education relevant?

There are some women who never had a career or weren’t good at their careers. They may opt to stay home because they would rather be home than work. There are others, like me, who had a career and were good at our careers. We choose to stay home with our kids.

High value men marry high value women and have high value children.

I am a working mom but this made me want to vomit. You go on raising your “high value” children, I’ll work to raise children who are kind and don’t engage in elitist sexist garbage.

I used to live in Greenwich and knew many women like the PP and the best way to describe them is… mental frumps?

Very desperate to work in their former careers and education into the conversation, as well as their make-work board position. Other than that, very provincial in their topics of conservation (gossip mostly). Somehow they are simultaneously smug and insecure, which is how this PP strikes me as well.

Aren’t most people insecure, provincial and gossipy regardless of their work status? Where are the confident, cosmopolitan, yet close-mouthed mouth people you seem to allude to? They weren’t at any of my workplaces. Gossipy and backstabbing is how I’d describe pretty much ever co-worker I have ever had.

I've only seen this in places with bad management and where people have too much time on their hands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because I am highly educated and I believe my purpose is to help society beyond just keeping my house clean and kids fed.

This. And your children are watching, and learning about adults and what is expected of them.

It is also much safer (financially and psychologically) for you to retain your independence.So many women seem to stay in unhappy marriages because they will take a dramatic fall if they were forced to support themselves.

We need to evolve.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

[Anonymous]

I did accept a less demanding (and less prestigious) job, so I could focus more time on parenting. But why are only women asked to limit their social contribution to motherhood? Men are allowed to hav impacts in more than one domain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

Who cares that some people are super organized and some aren’t. Why does it matter?