Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

The fine art of wiling away the time! Bravo!

My husband makes a lot of money. Juggling three kids in different schools with different sports and activities is a lot. It would be very difficult to do by myself while also working full time. I would have to get childcare and I would not have any time for myself. I would also have to go back to running errands in the evenings and weekends.

I won’t feel bad for having the resources to enjoy my family and life.

Between all the teacher work days, school breaks, summer break, sick days, doctor and dentist appointments, field trips, etc, there really isn’t that much time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a career in finance that I enjoyed, but then DC was born. Doing childcare, tending the home and working was very exhausting so I deprioritized my career. Although I had some success as an employer my husband was way more successful so it didn't make sense for me to be employed. I know women married to high earning men, but they still work even after having more than one child. I can't understand this, how can they do it all? I'm genuinely curious.

I’m always tired and I don’t live a healthy lifestyle. But I did a PhD and a postdoc and I was faculty and I couldn’t just let all of that go. I felt like I owed it to my late grandmothers (in India), who had to stop schooling at 3rd grade and raise five kids each as young widows with no education. I thought of them and what they must have gone through so I could be here today, and I didn’t quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

The fine art of wiling away the time! Bravo!

My husband makes a lot of money. Juggling three kids in different schools with different sports and activities is a lot. It would be very difficult to do by myself while also working full time. I would have to get childcare and I would not have any time for myself. I would also have to go back to running errands in the evenings and weekends.

I won’t feel bad for having the resources to enjoy my family and life.

Indeed. Anyway the real trade-off comes in five years’ time when the husband dumps you for a younger model.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

The fine art of wiling away the time! Bravo!

My husband makes a lot of money. Juggling three kids in different schools with different sports and activities is a lot. It would be very difficult to do by myself while also working full time. I would have to get childcare and I would not have any time for myself. I would also have to go back to running errands in the evenings and weekends.

I won’t feel bad for having the resources to enjoy my family and life.

Indeed. Anyway the real trade-off comes in five years’ time when the husband dumps you for a younger model.

NP. PP, your nastiness is pathetic. Just let her be, you don't need to dump/project your own unhappiness on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

How is that plenty? Sorry, I don’t care if people don’t want to work…but don’t think you are doing much either.

Just own the fact that you have $$$s and don’t want to work…it’s no different than somebody with a trust fund.

Pp here.

I wasn’t claiming to do that much. On my days off I tidy the house, do a few loads of laundry, make dinner, go to the store, take a walk, and visit with friends. It isn’t much different than when I had my youngest at home.

I have to work this week, and DH has been out of town. I wish I was off. We had beans, rice, and apple slices for dinner. I’m out of bread and milk for tomorrow because my teenagers ate it all after school. I just bought a bunch of books for the kindle because I didn’t have time to take my daughter to the library for her research project, and I just threw a load in the wash that has just enough clothes to get everyone through tomorrow.

I also still have to log in tonight and sign all of my notes from today.

I know there are women who handle this better than I do, but I don’t need the money, and I don’t want to work full time.

So you do work…I thought you were a SAHM. I am confused.

There have been a few fiction writers on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

How is that plenty? Sorry, I don’t care if people don’t want to work…but don’t think you are doing much either.

Just own the fact that you have $$$s and don’t want to work…it’s no different than somebody with a trust fund.

Pp here.

I wasn’t claiming to do that much. On my days off I tidy the house, do a few loads of laundry, make dinner, go to the store, take a walk, and visit with friends. It isn’t much different than when I had my youngest at home.

I have to work this week, and DH has been out of town. I wish I was off. We had beans, rice, and apple slices for dinner. I’m out of bread and milk for tomorrow because my teenagers ate it all after school. I just bought a bunch of books for the kindle because I didn’t have time to take my daughter to the library for her research project, and I just threw a load in the wash that has just enough clothes to get everyone through tomorrow.

I also still have to log in tonight and sign all of my notes from today.

I know there are women who handle this better than I do, but I don’t need the money, and I don’t want to work full time.

So you do work…I thought you were a SAHM. I am confused.

I work part time and most of it is not a traditional schedule. I don’t know where I fall on the SAHM/WOHM.
I work 20-25 hours a week on average, but I only work during the school day a few days a month.

I completely agree with the recent poster that it is really difficult to have multiple kids in multiple schools plus afterschool activities, find childcare for random days off plus emergencies, AND work traditional 8-5 hours, (even if you are working from home and have no commute).

I also feel like there is a lot to do during the day to keep my family running.

At the same time, I do have outside employment and a career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

The fine art of wiling away the time! Bravo!

My husband makes a lot of money. Juggling three kids in different schools with different sports and activities is a lot. It would be very difficult to do by myself while also working full time. I would have to get childcare and I would not have any time for myself. I would also have to go back to running errands in the evenings and weekends.

I won’t feel bad for having the resources to enjoy my family and life.

Between all the teacher work days, school breaks, summer break, sick days, doctor and dentist appointments, field trips, etc, there really isn’t that much time.

Wow! You are defensive. Actually wiling away the time is an art. I do it now that I'm an empty nester and I don't really feel the need to apologize for it and I also don't make up "stuff I do" to make it sound like I'm busy.

Enjoy your peaceful life without excuses. Who cares if you spend the day wiling away your time, why does it bother you that you do that?

I wile away days. I don't feel defensive about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had what would be considered a rather prestigious finance job and quit to stay at home and be with my kids, close to 20 years ago. Here is my take.

Finances: I was sort of in a unicorn situation where I had family money and would have been fine if we got divorced, DH also had plenty of savings/family money, enough for us to be comfortable even if something happened to him. Me brining in my income (which was significant) wouldn't have made a significant difference in our lives. I could've also gone back to work if after a year or two I regretted the decision.

Personal: I was well educated, great at my job, and loved it. However, I would've rarely seen my baby if I'd kept working. Working remotely or part time was not an option. Times were different, this was in the early 2000s. I think if I'd been a few years younger, I would've gone this route. I worried about not feeling fulfilled, honestly, I didn't love all the aspects of taking care of small children. However, it was not all about me. I was doing what I felt was best for my family. We did not have any family around to help. AT. ALL. This was big and I think people underestimate how helpful it is to have someone who is around, even just once or twice a year, or in true emergencies. DH's job was very demanding and he wasn't around either. For posters that say DH pitched in cooking dinner every night, did laundry on weekends, etc., not everyone's job affords these options. I could hire whatever help I wanted to help me, and basically had a blank check. Many people bad or mediocre, some were good, and a few were excellent. It was really hard to find the excellent ones who were available all the hours I would've needed to have kept working myself.
Also, it turned out my kids had some learning disabilities and other challenges. That can completely change the situation too.

Men who work see their kids rarely as well, and many women also have demanding jobs, but you never see men asked to justify their jobs. That's the issue with OP.

DH didn't have an issue seeing the baby, soon to be kids, here and there... some days for 5-10 minutes, some days not at all. In fact, he preferred it that way. I don't know how to say it other than that he didn't have a whole lot of interest in the kids when they were young. While I was never asked to "justify" staying home or not, I, on the other hand, felt like my heart would've been ripped out of my chest if I'd only seen our baby 10-15 minutes each morning/night. I stayed home, he worked all the time. It worked for everyone.

Also... Remember you are in this for the long game... although DH did very little kid stuff or traditional housework when the kids were young... Fast forward 16 years... we had a wild teenage boy. DH took over with then, I was way out of my league while DH knew exactly what to do. I don't know what I would've done without him. As DS is now in college, DH is a much better mentor with career stuff/life stuff for a 20-something year old young man than I could ever be.

You are a parent for life, not just the baby toddler years... there are stages... and they never end. For those of you with little kids, or even school-aged kids, this can be hard to see.

Well, some of us wouldn't have had kids with someone who wanted to see them so infrequently. I would have no respect for a man like that. Also, I'm not sure what kind of jobs you think people have, but I certainly never saw my kids for only 10-15 minutes each morning and night. You are doing some bizarre mental gymnastics here to justify yourself.

Is this the only place on DCUM where people don't have flexible hybrid or WFH schedules? I don't know a single lawyer at any level that doesn't now WFH several days per week. Many boutique law firms completely abandoned their offices because of the cost.

Doesn't that radically alter the discussion?

I think you'll find that the husbands/fathers who are truly useless and checked out still go into the office every day because "they have to." My husband and I both now work from home (I am a lawyer), and we have taken every available opportunity for better work/life balance. Neither of us spends our time at or on work to get away from our family life. But I think anyone who says their lawyer husband is still going into the office five days a week married someone who isn't interested in family life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

How is that plenty? Sorry, I don’t care if people don’t want to work…but don’t think you are doing much either.

Just own the fact that you have $$$s and don’t want to work…it’s no different than somebody with a trust fund.

Pp here.

I wasn’t claiming to do that much. On my days off I tidy the house, do a few loads of laundry, make dinner, go to the store, take a walk, and visit with friends. It isn’t much different than when I had my youngest at home.

I have to work this week, and DH has been out of town. I wish I was off. We had beans, rice, and apple slices for dinner. I’m out of bread and milk for tomorrow because my teenagers ate it all after school. I just bought a bunch of books for the kindle because I didn’t have time to take my daughter to the library for her research project, and I just threw a load in the wash that has just enough clothes to get everyone through tomorrow.

I also still have to log in tonight and sign all of my notes from today.

I know there are women who handle this better than I do, but I don’t need the money, and I don’t want to work full time.

So you do work…I thought you were a SAHM. I am confused.

I work part time and most of it is not a traditional schedule. I don’t know where I fall on the SAHM/WOHM.
I work 20-25 hours a week on average, but I only work during the school day a few days a month.

I completely agree with the recent poster that it is really difficult to have multiple kids in multiple schools plus afterschool activities, find childcare for random days off plus emergencies, AND work traditional 8-5 hours, (even if you are working from home and have no commute).

I also feel like there is a lot to do during the day to keep my family running.

At the same time, I do have outside employment and a career.

You work btw.

Here is the thing.. it is hard to juggle it all FOR SOME PEOPLE and it's not hard to juggle it all FOR OTHER PEOPLE.

Who cares, my H looks at dead people, I could never do that... I don't feel bad about myself because he can do something I can't do.

I just don't get why people are so defensive when 1 person says I work and have kids in 3 schools they all do travel sports and an instrument plus I make dinner each night and I really like my job... the next person is like... nobody can do all that i tried and it's impossible, you never see your kids and other people are raising them.

Actually sure teacher and coaches and the piano teacher are helping but yes I am rasing my kids and work and do all those things. It's okay if you can't... I can't look at dead people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

+100 found that incredibly obnoxious as well. Stronger skills on the homefront? If you're that smug it's unlikely you have the skills you think you do.

NP but it’s true. Some women are just scattered and disorganized. They have good degrees and everything, but maybe a neurological condition comes up and they are unable to handle things.

You sound so smug and delusional. Neurological conditions? There are only so many hours in the day. You can’t be a good parent and a good BigLaw partner at the same time. Something has to give. You’re delegating and delegating. Sure, a lady can clean your toilets well enough, but a nanny/au pair is not going to love your kid the way a parent does.

Some people, men and women, value parenting more than they value boardrooms. It’s okay to make the choices you’ve made, but don’t kid yourself that they don’t come at a huge cost, one way or another.

Some people are not able to manage both. Really it’s okay. Clearly you should not be balancing both with your negative attitude. You just see problems. You _have- to think that no BigLaw partner could be a good parent. Easiest way to justify not wanting to stay in BigLaw or that you were never going to make partner anyway.

Lol, I’m not a lawyer. It’s just what I’ve seen, knowing many, many lawyers. I have friends who are doctors who work part time. They manage both. Lawyers, never, unless they’re in-house. Same goes for investment banking. I have never seen anyone, male or female, manage both a BigLaw/investment banking career and being a good parent.
It does not happen.

Walk around NYC in the late morning, watch the nannies jabbering away on their phones, while walking dirty looking children in their strollers. Those kids do not look well taken care of (and yes, I can tell they are with their nannies because of obvious racial differences). The kids have messy hair, dirty fingers and cheeks. They keep trying to talk to their nannies, but the nannies don’t care. It’s pretty heartbreaking. But I am positive that their parents think everything is perfect.

Stop kidding yourself about how well you manage. There is always a price. You should know that; it’s basic microeconomics.

So you never worked at BigLaw? Your husband never worked at BigLaw? And you sure have a lot of opinions on the parenting of people you “know” in these careers. Sure lady. Lol. Here is a news flash. Lots of SAHM have kids with dirty hair and nails, unhappy children, etc. inattentive parents are inattentive whether they work or stay home.

Also you are posting on a DC board. Life does look different here.

PP, I do know what I am talking about because I was a legal assistant in BigLaw. After seeing what I saw, I opted out of going to law school (even though I had excellent credentials). All of the partners I met were horrible parents. Most of them went out of their way to purposefully work on holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, because they couldn’t bare being with their families. I’m sorry, but that is how it was. I chose to get a masters in something else. (I do work, but if money were not an issue, I would not.)

I don’t know know a single SAHM who isn’t on top of her kids being well manicured. Not one. The SAHMs I know volunteer at school and organize a million different things. There kids often times seem more talkative and confident and better adjusted. That’s how I see. I wish I could be a stay at home mom.

My SIL is a SAHM. Her kids are a mess. She's lazy and so is her husband. She doesn't cook or clean and her mother/my MIL does the laundry for the kids. They never have the supplies they need, they're rude, always attached to their iPads, etc. But I don't know why I'm even responding to you, your posts tell me all I need to know about you.

NP here. You can’t group all SAHMs together. I’m a well educated SAHM. I’m ivy educated and had a great career before deciding to stay home with my kids. My job was too demanding and Dh has an equally high demand job. We live in an affluent area and the SAHMs are all very involved. I do not envy the kids with nannies. There are some kids who are thriving with a great nanny and parents with big jobs but I would not say those kids are in a better situation. Most moms I know have complaints about the nanny and don’t have the best situation. They keep at it.

I miss my career. I will likely go back. For now, I am home with my three children and this is what is best for our family.

First of all, I am not the one who was lumping all SAHMs together, that was the PP.

Second of all, you just lumped all working moms together by saying that kids with nannies suck. So, maybe use your ivy league degree (BTW, no one is impressed, so many of us have those) and do some self reflection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

I mean, a SAHM is contributing to society by what, raising her kids? A doctor is contributing to society by treating thousands of patients. And the doctor is also raising her children, caring for her parents, and managing her household so...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

The fine art of wiling away the time! Bravo!

My husband makes a lot of money. Juggling three kids in different schools with different sports and activities is a lot. It would be very difficult to do by myself while also working full time. I would have to get childcare and I would not have any time for myself. I would also have to go back to running errands in the evenings and weekends.

I won’t feel bad for having the resources to enjoy my family and life.

Between all the teacher work days, school breaks, summer break, sick days, doctor and dentist appointments, field trips, etc, there really isn’t that much time.

Don’t listen to these ninnies. They’re not cancer researchers. They’re mostly jealous women with secretarial government jobs who have to work for the money. Anyone who was in a real high power position wouldn’t have the time to read let alone write on these boards. I’ve had the high powered job and I’ve stayed at home with the kids; if anything sitting in a meeting pretending to worry about how to keep a rich Saudi oil family from paying taxes in America is willing away time, not running errands after dropping my kids off at school. You do work hard to keep organized and you are doing it for people you care about. Many people are jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

Seriously? You’re no longer watching a young child 6+ hours a day. You have six hours to do whatever you want.

I don’t know. I still get up and get kids off to school, pick up the house, go to the store, do laundry, make dinner, see friends, go for walks with the dog.
It’s all literally the same stuff I was doing with my four year old.

Who is exclusively playing with a preschooler for 6 hours a day?

Hmm, those are "literally" all the same things I do every day as well. While also working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

The fine art of wiling away the time! Bravo!

My husband makes a lot of money. Juggling three kids in different schools with different sports and activities is a lot. It would be very difficult to do by myself while also working full time. I would have to get childcare and I would not have any time for myself. I would also have to go back to running errands in the evenings and weekends.

I won’t feel bad for having the resources to enjoy my family and life.

Between all the teacher work days, school breaks, summer break, sick days, doctor and dentist appointments, field trips, etc, there really isn’t that much time.

Don’t listen to these ninnies. They’re not cancer researchers. They’re mostly jealous women with secretarial government jobs who have to work for the money. Anyone who was in a real high power position wouldn’t have the time to read let alone write on these boards. I’ve had the high powered job and I’ve stayed at home with the kids; if anything sitting in a meeting pretending to worry about how to keep a rich Saudi oil family from paying taxes in America is willing away time, not running errands after dropping my kids off at school. You do work hard to keep organized and you are doing it for people you care about. Many people are jealous.

Only in DC is a job as a nurse and teacher compared to being a lawyer who commits tax evasion. Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

This sounds like a terrible book club! Kids?!?

+1

I bet the other members loved it that OP brought her kid with her.