Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

The fine art of wiling away the time! Bravo!

My husband makes a lot of money. Juggling three kids in different schools with different sports and activities is a lot. It would be very difficult to do by myself while also working full time. I would have to get childcare and I would not have any time for myself. I would also have to go back to running errands in the evenings and weekends.

I won’t feel bad for having the resources to enjoy my family and life.

Between all the teacher work days, school breaks, summer break, sick days, doctor and dentist appointments, field trips, etc, there really isn’t that much time.

Don’t listen to these ninnies. They’re not cancer researchers. They’re mostly jealous women with secretarial government jobs who have to work for the money. Anyone who was in a real high power position wouldn’t have the time to read let alone write on these boards. I’ve had the high powered job and I’ve stayed at home with the kids; if anything sitting in a meeting pretending to worry about how to keep a rich Saudi oil family from paying taxes in America is willing away time, not running errands after dropping my kids off at school. You do work hard to keep organized and you are doing it for people you care about. Many people are jealous.

Only in DC is a job as a nurse and teacher compared to being a lawyer who commits tax evasion. Pathetic.

Being a nurse or a teacher is not a high powered career. Both jobs provide hours that make working and taking care of your family possible. I’ve never looked at a nurse who was also a mother and wondered “how does she do it?” Because it is easily done. This isn’t the same as an investment banker or BigLaw partner with 80 hour work weeks.

That being said, I don’t know many nurses or teachers who are married to very wealthy men, either. The ones who I know have to work. They aren’t in the position to stay at home, so the OP’s question would not apply to them. She asked about women married to wealthy men, not women who have to work.

This is weird...nurses and teachers actually have to show up at an office every day, while lawyers and bankers don't. Also, nurses and teachers can't just decide to run out and pick up the kids or catch the winter concert because their time is not their own.

Neither is easy...but white collar jobs with flexible WFH certainly make it more doable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

She doesn't do much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because I am highly educated and I believe my purpose is to help society beyond just keeping my house clean and kids fed.

This. And your children are watching, and learning about adults and what is expected of them.

It is also much safer (financially and psychologically) for you to retain your independence.So many women seem to stay in unhappy marriages because they will take a dramatic fall if they were forced to support themselves.

We need to evolve.

I used to be a working mom of two little boys. I once spoke to a friend who is always asking theoretical questions and is a wannabe therapist. I’m not sure how the topic even came up but I said I hoped that my sons would marry smart pretty nice girls but hopes the wives would stay home with my future grandchildren. I wouldn’t want a nanny. She asked why I didn’t do the same and it made me wonder why. We had a wonderful nanny who was good with infants and toddlers but she wasn’t an enriching type of nanny. I was interviewing well educated nannies and decided I wanted the job. I ended up having another child and have stayed home since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because I am highly educated and I believe my purpose is to help society beyond just keeping my house clean and kids fed.

This. And your children are watching, and learning about adults and what is expected of them.

It is also much safer (financially and psychologically) for you to retain your independence.So many women seem to stay in unhappy marriages because they will take a dramatic fall if they were forced to support themselves.

We need to evolve.

If someone’s spouse is making over a million per year, and they’re only making $100k (for example), there isn’t much incentive to keep working, especially if it’s making family life more difficult to balance 2 jobs. Even if they divorced the lower earning parent would take a huge lifestyle hit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew I couldn't deal with being SAHM, I would go stir crazy. I enjoy contributing to society and extending my efforts and mental abilities to beyond that of a mother and wife. My DH helps a lot with childcare and home chores. We have cleaning service. When kids were younger, had nannies/babysitters in addition to kids going to daycare/preschool early on.

Sounds like feminism did its damage. I don't understand how so many women believe that being a corporate cog is more meaningful than being a mother.

She is still a mother!!

Why don't you ask why so many men believe that being a corporate cog is more meaningful than being a father?

You don't because sexism is baked into your brain, which is another reason to show children a more balanced model of how households and families can be managed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

+100 found that incredibly obnoxious as well. Stronger skills on the homefront? If you're that smug it's unlikely you have the skills you think you do.

NP but it’s true. Some women are just scattered and disorganized. They have good degrees and everything, but maybe a neurological condition comes up and they are unable to handle things.

You sound so smug and delusional. Neurological conditions? There are only so many hours in the day. You can’t be a good parent and a good BigLaw partner at the same time. Something has to give. You’re delegating and delegating. Sure, a lady can clean your toilets well enough, but a nanny/au pair is not going to love your kid the way a parent does.

Some people, men and women, value parenting more than they value boardrooms. It’s okay to make the choices you’ve made, but don’t kid yourself that they don’t come at a huge cost, one way or another.

Some people are not able to manage both. Really it’s okay. Clearly you should not be balancing both with your negative attitude. You just see problems. You _have- to think that no BigLaw partner could be a good parent. Easiest way to justify not wanting to stay in BigLaw or that you were never going to make partner anyway.

Lol, I’m not a lawyer. It’s just what I’ve seen, knowing many, many lawyers. I have friends who are doctors who work part time. They manage both. Lawyers, never, unless they’re in-house. Same goes for investment banking. I have never seen anyone, male or female, manage both a BigLaw/investment banking career and being a good parent.
It does not happen.

Walk around NYC in the late morning, watch the nannies jabbering away on their phones, while walking dirty looking children in their strollers. Those kids do not look well taken care of (and yes, I can tell they are with their nannies because of obvious racial differences). The kids have messy hair, dirty fingers and cheeks. They keep trying to talk to their nannies, but the nannies don’t care. It’s pretty heartbreaking. But I am positive that their parents think everything is perfect.

Stop kidding yourself about how well you manage. There is always a price. You should know that; it’s basic microeconomics.

So you never worked at BigLaw? Your husband never worked at BigLaw? And you sure have a lot of opinions on the parenting of people you “know” in these careers. Sure lady. Lol. Here is a news flash. Lots of SAHM have kids with dirty hair and nails, unhappy children, etc. inattentive parents are inattentive whether they work or stay home.

Also you are posting on a DC board. Life does look different here.

PP, I do know what I am talking about because I was a legal assistant in BigLaw. After seeing what I saw, I opted out of going to law school (even though I had excellent credentials). All of the partners I met were horrible parents. Most of them went out of their way to purposefully work on holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, because they couldn’t bare being with their families. I’m sorry, but that is how it was. I chose to get a masters in something else. (I do work, but if money were not an issue, I would not.)

I don’t know know a single SAHM who isn’t on top of her kids being well manicured. Not one. The SAHMs I know volunteer at school and organize a million different things. There kids often times seem more talkative and confident and better adjusted. That’s how I see. I wish I could be a stay at home mom.

My SIL is a SAHM. Her kids are a mess. She's lazy and so is her husband. She doesn't cook or clean and her mother/my MIL does the laundry for the kids. They never have the supplies they need, they're rude, always attached to their iPads, etc. But I don't know why I'm even responding to you, your posts tell me all I need to know about you.

NP here. You can’t group all SAHMs together. I’m a well educated SAHM. I’m ivy educated and had a great career before deciding to stay home with my kids. My job was too demanding and Dh has an equally high demand job. We live in an affluent area and the SAHMs are all very involved. I do not envy the kids with nannies. There are some kids who are thriving with a great nanny and parents with big jobs but I would not say those kids are in a better situation. Most moms I know have complaints about the nanny and don’t have the best situation. They keep at it.

I miss my career. I will likely go back. For now, I am home with my three children and this is what is best for our family.

Why are your career relevant and education relevant?

There are some women who never had a career or weren’t good at their careers. They may opt to stay home because they would rather be home than work. There are others, like me, who had a career and were good at our careers. We choose to stay home with our kids.

High value men marry high value women and have high value children.

I am a working mom but this made me want to vomit. You go on raising your “high value” children, I’ll work to raise children who are kind and don’t engage in elitist sexist garbage.

I used to live in Greenwich and knew many women like the PP and the best way to describe them is… mental frumps?

Very desperate to work in their former careers and education into the conversation, as well as their make-work board position. Other than that, very provincial in their topics of conservation (gossip mostly). Somehow they are simultaneously smug and insecure, which is how this PP strikes me as well.

Aren’t most people insecure, provincial and gossipy regardless of their work status? Where are the confident, cosmopolitan, yet close-mouthed mouth people you seem to allude to? They weren’t at any of my workplaces. Gossipy and backstabbing is how I’d describe pretty much ever co-worker I have ever had.

I've only seen this in places with bad management and where people have too much time on their hands.

Really? Because I’ve seen it everywhere I have worked. My husband is a banker and his workplace is the worst, nothing but gossipy backstabbers and they average 80-100 hours a week. No one is sitting around fiddling their thumbs, but there’s always room for gossip. Get real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

She doesn't do much

l

Do you guys say the same thing about retired people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the OP
But can we get more personal stories on why women in this category PREFER to work? I'm finding that interesting.

I work because I love my job which I worked very hard to get. I am a cancer immunologist.

I wonder how many of these contented SAHM's were raised by parents who sent messages that their future would mostly consist of homemaking/parenting, vs a serious profession like you have attained (congratulations).

If you were raised with that expectation, and chose an easy major because your education was checking a box until you got married...then maybe you would not miss work at all. (Because you were only qualified for boring/meaningless jobs??)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

+100 found that incredibly obnoxious as well. Stronger skills on the homefront? If you're that smug it's unlikely you have the skills you think you do.

NP but it’s true. Some women are just scattered and disorganized. They have good degrees and everything, but maybe a neurological condition comes up and they are unable to handle things.

You sound so smug and delusional. Neurological conditions? There are only so many hours in the day. You can’t be a good parent and a good BigLaw partner at the same time. Something has to give. You’re delegating and delegating. Sure, a lady can clean your toilets well enough, but a nanny/au pair is not going to love your kid the way a parent does.

Some people, men and women, value parenting more than they value boardrooms. It’s okay to make the choices you’ve made, but don’t kid yourself that they don’t come at a huge cost, one way or another.

Some people are not able to manage both. Really it’s okay. Clearly you should not be balancing both with your negative attitude. You just see problems. You _have- to think that no BigLaw partner could be a good parent. Easiest way to justify not wanting to stay in BigLaw or that you were never going to make partner anyway.

Lol, I’m not a lawyer. It’s just what I’ve seen, knowing many, many lawyers. I have friends who are doctors who work part time. They manage both. Lawyers, never, unless they’re in-house. Same goes for investment banking. I have never seen anyone, male or female, manage both a BigLaw/investment banking career and being a good parent.
It does not happen.

Walk around NYC in the late morning, watch the nannies jabbering away on their phones, while walking dirty looking children in their strollers. Those kids do not look well taken care of (and yes, I can tell they are with their nannies because of obvious racial differences). The kids have messy hair, dirty fingers and cheeks. They keep trying to talk to their nannies, but the nannies don’t care. It’s pretty heartbreaking. But I am positive that their parents think everything is perfect.

Stop kidding yourself about how well you manage. There is always a price. You should know that; it’s basic microeconomics.

So you never worked at BigLaw? Your husband never worked at BigLaw? And you sure have a lot of opinions on the parenting of people you “know” in these careers. Sure lady. Lol. Here is a news flash. Lots of SAHM have kids with dirty hair and nails, unhappy children, etc. inattentive parents are inattentive whether they work or stay home.

Also you are posting on a DC board. Life does look different here.

PP, I do know what I am talking about because I was a legal assistant in BigLaw. After seeing what I saw, I opted out of going to law school (even though I had excellent credentials). All of the partners I met were horrible parents. Most of them went out of their way to purposefully work on holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, because they couldn’t bare being with their families. I’m sorry, but that is how it was. I chose to get a masters in something else. (I do work, but if money were not an issue, I would not.)

I don’t know know a single SAHM who isn’t on top of her kids being well manicured. Not one. The SAHMs I know volunteer at school and organize a million different things. There kids often times seem more talkative and confident and better adjusted. That’s how I see. I wish I could be a stay at home mom.

My SIL is a SAHM. Her kids are a mess. She's lazy and so is her husband. She doesn't cook or clean and her mother/my MIL does the laundry for the kids. They never have the supplies they need, they're rude, always attached to their iPads, etc. But I don't know why I'm even responding to you, your posts tell me all I need to know about you.

NP here. You can’t group all SAHMs together. I’m a well educated SAHM. I’m ivy educated and had a great career before deciding to stay home with my kids. My job was too demanding and Dh has an equally high demand job. We live in an affluent area and the SAHMs are all very involved. I do not envy the kids with nannies. There are some kids who are thriving with a great nanny and parents with big jobs but I would not say those kids are in a better situation. Most moms I know have complaints about the nanny and don’t have the best situation. They keep at it.

I miss my career. I will likely go back. For now, I am home with my three children and this is what is best for our family.

Why are your career relevant and education relevant?

There are some women who never had a career or weren’t good at their careers. They may opt to stay home because they would rather be home than work. There are others, like me, who had a career and were good at our careers. We choose to stay home with our kids.

High value men marry high value women and have high value children.

I am a working mom but this made me want to vomit. You go on raising your “high value” children, I’ll work to raise children who are kind and don’t engage in elitist sexist garbage.

I used to live in Greenwich and knew many women like the PP and the best way to describe them is… mental frumps?

Very desperate to work in their former careers and education into the conversation, as well as their make-work board position. Other than that, very provincial in their topics of conservation (gossip mostly). Somehow they are simultaneously smug and insecure, which is how this PP strikes me as well.

Aren’t most people insecure, provincial and gossipy regardless of their work status? Where are the confident, cosmopolitan, yet close-mouthed mouth people you seem to allude to? They weren’t at any of my workplaces. Gossipy and backstabbing is how I’d describe pretty much ever co-worker I have ever had.

I've only seen this in places with bad management and where people have too much time on their hands.

Really? Because I’ve seen it everywhere I have worked. My husband is a banker and his workplace is the worst, nothing but gossipy backstabbers and they average 80-100 hours a week. No one is sitting around fiddling their thumbs, but there’s always room for gossip. Get real.

You think banks have good management? That they don’t encourage this kind of competition?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

The fine art of wiling away the time! Bravo!

My husband makes a lot of money. Juggling three kids in different schools with different sports and activities is a lot. It would be very difficult to do by myself while also working full time. I would have to get childcare and I would not have any time for myself. I would also have to go back to running errands in the evenings and weekends.

I won’t feel bad for having the resources to enjoy my family and life.

Between all the teacher work days, school breaks, summer break, sick days, doctor and dentist appointments, field trips, etc, there really isn’t that much time.

Don’t listen to these ninnies. They’re not cancer researchers. They’re mostly jealous women with secretarial government jobs who have to work for the money. Anyone who was in a real high power position wouldn’t have the time to read let alone write on these boards. I’ve had the high powered job and I’ve stayed at home with the kids; if anything sitting in a meeting pretending to worry about how to keep a rich Saudi oil family from paying taxes in America is willing away time, not running errands after dropping my kids off at school. You do work hard to keep organized and you are doing it for people you care about. Many people are jealous.

Only in DC is a job as a nurse and teacher compared to being a lawyer who commits tax evasion. Pathetic.

Being a nurse or a teacher is not a high powered career. Both jobs provide hours that make working and taking care of your family possible. I’ve never looked at a nurse who was also a mother and wondered “how does she do it?” Because it is easily done. This isn’t the same as an investment banker or BigLaw partner with 80 hour work weeks.

That being said, I don’t know many nurses or teachers who are married to very wealthy men, either. The ones who I know have to work. They aren’t in the position to stay at home, so the OP’s question would not apply to them. She asked about women married to wealthy men, not women who have to work.

This is weird...nurses and teachers actually have to show up at an office every day, while lawyers and bankers don't. Also, nurses and teachers can't just decide to run out and pick up the kids or catch the winter concert because their time is not their own.

Neither is easy...but white collar jobs with flexible WFH certainly make it more doable.

Lol, if you think a partner at JP Morgan can decide to run out and pick up her kids at the spur of the moment, you clearly know nothing about investment banking. Nurses and teachers have set schedules. Their work, especially for nurses, stays at work. Most importantly, they have far, far fewer hours than BigLaw lawyers and investment bankers. A nurse can choose her hours and can cut a shift, most BigLaw lawyers cannot. The fact that you can’t understand the difference speaks to your ignorance.

[Anonymous]

[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

Who cares that some people are super organized and some aren’t. Why does it matter?

Because the original post was about why you continue to work. If you are not organized, you are going to find working harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

+100 found that incredibly obnoxious as well. Stronger skills on the homefront? If you're that smug it's unlikely you have the skills you think you do.

NP but it’s true. Some women are just scattered and disorganized. They have good degrees and everything, but maybe a neurological condition comes up and they are unable to handle things.

You sound so smug and delusional. Neurological conditions? There are only so many hours in the day. You can’t be a good parent and a good BigLaw partner at the same time. Something has to give. You’re delegating and delegating. Sure, a lady can clean your toilets well enough, but a nanny/au pair is not going to love your kid the way a parent does.

Some people, men and women, value parenting more than they value boardrooms. It’s okay to make the choices you’ve made, but don’t kid yourself that they don’t come at a huge cost, one way or another.

Some people are not able to manage both. Really it’s okay. Clearly you should not be balancing both with your negative attitude. You just see problems. You _have- to think that no BigLaw partner could be a good parent. Easiest way to justify not wanting to stay in BigLaw or that you were never going to make partner anyway.

Lol, I’m not a lawyer. It’s just what I’ve seen, knowing many, many lawyers. I have friends who are doctors who work part time. They manage both. Lawyers, never, unless they’re in-house. Same goes for investment banking. I have never seen anyone, male or female, manage both a BigLaw/investment banking career and being a good parent.
It does not happen.

Walk around NYC in the late morning, watch the nannies jabbering away on their phones, while walking dirty looking children in their strollers. Those kids do not look well taken care of (and yes, I can tell they are with their nannies because of obvious racial differences). The kids have messy hair, dirty fingers and cheeks. They keep trying to talk to their nannies, but the nannies don’t care. It’s pretty heartbreaking. But I am positive that their parents think everything is perfect.

Stop kidding yourself about how well you manage. There is always a price. You should know that; it’s basic microeconomics.

So you never worked at BigLaw? Your husband never worked at BigLaw? And you sure have a lot of opinions on the parenting of people you “know” in these careers. Sure lady. Lol. Here is a news flash. Lots of SAHM have kids with dirty hair and nails, unhappy children, etc. inattentive parents are inattentive whether they work or stay home.

Also you are posting on a DC board. Life does look different here.

PP, I do know what I am talking about because I was a legal assistant in BigLaw. After seeing what I saw, I opted out of going to law school (even though I had excellent credentials). All of the partners I met were horrible parents. Most of them went out of their way to purposefully work on holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, because they couldn’t bare being with their families. I’m sorry, but that is how it was. I chose to get a masters in something else. (I do work, but if money were not an issue, I would not.)

I don’t know know a single SAHM who isn’t on top of her kids being well manicured. Not one. The SAHMs I know volunteer at school and organize a million different things. There kids often times seem more talkative and confident and better adjusted. That’s how I see. I wish I could be a stay at home mom.

My SIL is a SAHM. Her kids are a mess. She's lazy and so is her husband. She doesn't cook or clean and her mother/my MIL does the laundry for the kids. They never have the supplies they need, they're rude, always attached to their iPads, etc. But I don't know why I'm even responding to you, your posts tell me all I need to know about you.

NP here. You can’t group all SAHMs together. I’m a well educated SAHM. I’m ivy educated and had a great career before deciding to stay home with my kids. My job was too demanding and Dh has an equally high demand job. We live in an affluent area and the SAHMs are all very involved. I do not envy the kids with nannies. There are some kids who are thriving with a great nanny and parents with big jobs but I would not say those kids are in a better situation. Most moms I know have complaints about the nanny and don’t have the best situation. They keep at it.

I miss my career. I will likely go back. For now, I am home with my three children and this is what is best for our family.

Why are your career relevant and education relevant?

There are some women who never had a career or weren’t good at their careers. They may opt to stay home because they would rather be home than work. There are others, like me, who had a career and were good at our careers. We choose to stay home with our kids.

High value men marry high value women and have high value children.

I am a working mom but this made me want to vomit. You go on raising your “high value” children, I’ll work to raise children who are kind and don’t engage in elitist sexist garbage.

I used to live in Greenwich and knew many women like the PP and the best way to describe them is… mental frumps?

Very desperate to work in their former careers and education into the conversation, as well as their make-work board position. Other than that, very provincial in their topics of conservation (gossip mostly). Somehow they are simultaneously smug and insecure, which is how this PP strikes me as well.

Aren’t most people insecure, provincial and gossipy regardless of their work status? Where are the confident, cosmopolitan, yet close-mouthed mouth people you seem to allude to? They weren’t at any of my workplaces. Gossipy and backstabbing is how I’d describe pretty much ever co-worker I have ever had.

I've only seen this in places with bad management and where people have too much time on their hands.

Really? Because I’ve seen it everywhere I have worked. My husband is a banker and his workplace is the worst, nothing but gossipy backstabbers and they average 80-100 hours a week. No one is sitting around fiddling their thumbs, but there’s always room for gossip. Get real.

You think banks have good management? That they don’t encourage this kind of competition?

Now, I’m curious, pray tell what do you do? I’m curious to know where this good management is. We would all benefit to know where employees don’t have too much time on their hands and don’t gossip and aren’t overly competitive, but are still doing their best….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

She doesn't do much

l

Do you guys say the same thing about retired people?

Retired people are getting a return on their investment. Most not all are elderly they deserve to not do much, they also don't claim to.

Stay home by all means but don't claim to be doing oh so much, when you are doing the exact same things every other adult is because it sounds like you believe you should be sitting on your behind all day picking your teeth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

The fine art of wiling away the time! Bravo!

My husband makes a lot of money. Juggling three kids in different schools with different sports and activities is a lot. It would be very difficult to do by myself while also working full time. I would have to get childcare and I would not have any time for myself. I would also have to go back to running errands in the evenings and weekends.

I won’t feel bad for having the resources to enjoy my family and life.

Between all the teacher work days, school breaks, summer break, sick days, doctor and dentist appointments, field trips, etc, there really isn’t that much time.

Don’t listen to these ninnies. They’re not cancer researchers. They’re mostly jealous women with secretarial government jobs who have to work for the money. Anyone who was in a real high power position wouldn’t have the time to read let alone write on these boards. I’ve had the high powered job and I’ve stayed at home with the kids; if anything sitting in a meeting pretending to worry about how to keep a rich Saudi oil family from paying taxes in America is willing away time, not running errands after dropping my kids off at school. You do work hard to keep organized and you are doing it for people you care about. Many people are jealous.

Only in DC is a job as a nurse and teacher compared to being a lawyer who commits tax evasion. Pathetic.

Being a nurse or a teacher is not a high powered career. Both jobs provide hours that make working and taking care of your family possible. I’ve never looked at a nurse who was also a mother and wondered “how does she do it?” Because it is easily done. This isn’t the same as an investment banker or BigLaw partner with 80 hour work weeks.

That being said, I don’t know many nurses or teachers who are married to very wealthy men, either. The ones who I know have to work. They aren’t in the position to stay at home, so the OP’s question would not apply to them. She asked about women married to wealthy men, not women who have to work.

This is weird...nurses and teachers actually have to show up at an office every day, while lawyers and bankers don't. Also, nurses and teachers can't just decide to run out and pick up the kids or catch the winter concert because their time is not their own.

Neither is easy...but white collar jobs with flexible WFH certainly make it more doable.

Lol, if you think a partner at JP Morgan can decide to run out and pick up her kids at the spur of the moment, you clearly know nothing about investment banking. Nurses and teachers have set schedules. Their work, especially for nurses, stays at work. Most importantly, they have far, far fewer hours than BigLaw lawyers and investment bankers. A nurse can choose her hours and can cut a shift, most BigLaw lawyers cannot. The fact that you can’t understand the difference speaks to your ignorance.

Sometimes it's better to keep your mouth closed, especially when you have no idea what you are talking about.

It's clear you have absolutely no idea what nurses and teachers actually do so maybe sit this one out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

The fine art of wiling away the time! Bravo!

My husband makes a lot of money. Juggling three kids in different schools with different sports and activities is a lot. It would be very difficult to do by myself while also working full time. I would have to get childcare and I would not have any time for myself. I would also have to go back to running errands in the evenings and weekends.

I won’t feel bad for having the resources to enjoy my family and life.

Between all the teacher work days, school breaks, summer break, sick days, doctor and dentist appointments, field trips, etc, there really isn’t that much time.

Don’t listen to these ninnies. They’re not cancer researchers. They’re mostly jealous women with secretarial government jobs who have to work for the money. Anyone who was in a real high power position wouldn’t have the time to read let alone write on these boards. I’ve had the high powered job and I’ve stayed at home with the kids; if anything sitting in a meeting pretending to worry about how to keep a rich Saudi oil family from paying taxes in America is willing away time, not running errands after dropping my kids off at school. You do work hard to keep organized and you are doing it for people you care about. Many people are jealous.

A friendly reminder that the only reason you stayed home with kids is because a man who was willing away his time at the office was subsidizing your lifestyle.