So tired of MIL acting like she’s the hostess in my home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she feels like she should be sharing hosting duties as the MIL, but she doesn't actually want or know how to do that, so she "helps" by offering the things you've already prepared on her own timeline.

I agree, it's annoying. Don't think there's much you can do, other than the gentle corrections you've described so far.

The people in the thread saying you're a terrible hostess because you don't have a constantly-refreshed full open bar buffet like a cruise ship or a Vegas casino are bending over backwards in order to be contrarian. You're clearly in the right.

+1000. This nails it. So tired of the annoying poster who insists this is about OP closing off access to any food. It’s not.

It’s hilarious that some of you are imagining an alternate reality where mil made the prime rib, lasagna and cheesecake a 3pm snack. Come on.

OK, I re-read the OP, and it totally sounds like MIL got out items that were meant for cocktail hour. Because then DH re-directed her and said "X and Y" were for cocktail hour, and the wine she was bringing out was actually for dinner. Let's say "X" is shrimp cocktail and "Y" is a cheese plate. Does that help you out?

You finally read the Op and see how ridiculous this has gotten? OP isn’t mad about the food but you all are. People are getting outraged over imaginary scenarios. Its bizarre.

The whole premise is yes, one of the things she is upset about is the fact that MIL was breaking out cocktail hour fare and dinner wine before it was time for either. You really need to brush up on your reading comprehension. -np

Says the person whi never read the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws come into the kitchen while I’m preparing the charcuterie and start eating it before it’s finished being assembled. They don’t ask to help chop, just start munching as I’m putting food on the tray. Totally rude.

That sounds like they feel like family. I don't find that odd. You sound very formal.

The rest of this thread is pure gold. Keep 'em coming.

It’s not “formal” to want people to at least let you finish preparing something before setting it out for them. If they aren’t going to help, the very least they can do is be patient for a few minutes. You sound like a rude guest if you think eating something that someone is preparing for you before they are finished is behaving “informally.” -np

Exactly. If children do that, we expect their parents to correct them. Why do MIL and FIL get a pass for doing something rude we wouldn't tolerate in children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she feels like she should be sharing hosting duties as the MIL, but she doesn't actually want or know how to do that, so she "helps" by offering the things you've already prepared on her own timeline.

I agree, it's annoying. Don't think there's much you can do, other than the gentle corrections you've described so far.

The people in the thread saying you're a terrible hostess because you don't have a constantly-refreshed full open bar buffet like a cruise ship or a Vegas casino are bending over backwards in order to be contrarian. You're clearly in the right.

+1000. This nails it. So tired of the annoying poster who insists this is about OP closing off access to any food. It’s not.

It’s hilarious that some of you are imagining an alternate reality where mil made the prime rib, lasagna and cheesecake a 3pm snack. Come on.

OK, I re-read the OP, and it totally sounds like MIL got out items that were meant for cocktail hour. Because then DH re-directed her and said "X and Y" were for cocktail hour, and the wine she was bringing out was actually for dinner. Let's say "X" is shrimp cocktail and "Y" is a cheese plate. Does that help you out?

You finally read the Op and see how ridiculous this has gotten? OP isn’t mad about the food but you all are. People are getting outraged over imaginary scenarios. Its bizarre.

The whole premise is yes, one of the things she is upset about is the fact that MIL was breaking out cocktail hour fare and dinner wine before it was time for either. You really need to brush up on your reading comprehension. -np

Says the person whi never read the OP.

Sorry, hunny! It’s right here:

“Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.” She never sits down and acts like a guest. And no, she doesn’t bring dishes or wine or anything, and doesn’t offer to do anything actually helpful. She basically tries to run our show, but doesn’t actually bring so much as a side dish or an extra bottle of red. I’m so over it.”

So yes, imagine “X” is shrimp and “Y” is cheese. That is one of the things OP is upset about. And it’s valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws come into the kitchen while I’m preparing the charcuterie and start eating it before it’s finished being assembled. They don’t ask to help chop, just start munching as I’m putting food on the tray. Totally rude.

That sounds like they feel like family. I don't find that odd. You sound very formal.

The rest of this thread is pure gold. Keep 'em coming.

It’s not “formal” to want people to at least let you finish preparing something before setting it out for them. If they aren’t going to help, the very least they can do is be patient for a few minutes. You sound like a rude guest if you think eating something that someone is preparing for you before they are finished is behaving “informally.” -np

Exactly. If children do that, we expect their parents to correct them. Why do MIL and FIL get a pass for doing something rude we wouldn't tolerate in children?

100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she feels like she should be sharing hosting duties as the MIL, but she doesn't actually want or know how to do that, so she "helps" by offering the things you've already prepared on her own timeline.

I agree, it's annoying. Don't think there's much you can do, other than the gentle corrections you've described so far.

The people in the thread saying you're a terrible hostess because you don't have a constantly-refreshed full open bar buffet like a cruise ship or a Vegas casino are bending over backwards in order to be contrarian. You're clearly in the right.

+1000. This nails it. So tired of the annoying poster who insists this is about OP closing off access to any food. It’s not.

It’s hilarious that some of you are imagining an alternate reality where mil made the prime rib, lasagna and cheesecake a 3pm snack. Come on.

OK, I re-read the OP, and it totally sounds like MIL got out items that were meant for cocktail hour. Because then DH re-directed her and said "X and Y" were for cocktail hour, and the wine she was bringing out was actually for dinner. Let's say "X" is shrimp cocktail and "Y" is a cheese plate. Does that help you out?

You finally read the Op and see how ridiculous this has gotten? OP isn’t mad about the food but you all are. People are getting outraged over imaginary scenarios. Its bizarre.

The whole premise is yes, one of the things she is upset about is the fact that MIL was breaking out cocktail hour fare and dinner wine before it was time for either. You really need to brush up on your reading comprehension. -np

Says the person whi never read the OP.

Sorry, hunny! It’s right here:

“Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.” She never sits down and acts like a guest. And no, she doesn’t bring dishes or wine or anything, and doesn’t offer to do anything actually helpful. She basically tries to run our show, but doesn’t actually bring so much as a side dish or an extra bottle of red. I’m so over it.”

So yes, imagine “X” is shrimp and “Y” is cheese. That is one of the things OP is upset about. And it’s valid.

Whatever. You read MiL and lpst your mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she feels like she should be sharing hosting duties as the MIL, but she doesn't actually want or know how to do that, so she "helps" by offering the things you've already prepared on her own timeline.

I agree, it's annoying. Don't think there's much you can do, other than the gentle corrections you've described so far.

The people in the thread saying you're a terrible hostess because you don't have a constantly-refreshed full open bar buffet like a cruise ship or a Vegas casino are bending over backwards in order to be contrarian. You're clearly in the right.

+1000. This nails it. So tired of the annoying poster who insists this is about OP closing off access to any food. It’s not.

It’s hilarious that some of you are imagining an alternate reality where mil made the prime rib, lasagna and cheesecake a 3pm snack. Come on.

OK, I re-read the OP, and it totally sounds like MIL got out items that were meant for cocktail hour. Because then DH re-directed her and said "X and Y" were for cocktail hour, and the wine she was bringing out was actually for dinner. Let's say "X" is shrimp cocktail and "Y" is a cheese plate. Does that help you out?

You finally read the Op and see how ridiculous this has gotten? OP isn’t mad about the food but you all are. People are getting outraged over imaginary scenarios. Its bizarre.

The whole premise is yes, one of the things she is upset about is the fact that MIL was breaking out cocktail hour fare and dinner wine before it was time for either. You really need to brush up on your reading comprehension. -np

Says the person whi never read the OP.

Sorry, hunny! It’s right here:

“Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.” She never sits down and acts like a guest. And no, she doesn’t bring dishes or wine or anything, and doesn’t offer to do anything actually helpful. She basically tries to run our show, but doesn’t actually bring so much as a side dish or an extra bottle of red. I’m so over it.”

So yes, imagine “X” is shrimp and “Y” is cheese. That is one of the things OP is upset about. And it’s valid.

Whatever. You read MiL and lpst your mind.

The words are right there, sweetie. I’m so sorry you can’t deal with facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she feels like she should be sharing hosting duties as the MIL, but she doesn't actually want or know how to do that, so she "helps" by offering the things you've already prepared on her own timeline.

I agree, it's annoying. Don't think there's much you can do, other than the gentle corrections you've described so far.

The people in the thread saying you're a terrible hostess because you don't have a constantly-refreshed full open bar buffet like a cruise ship or a Vegas casino are bending over backwards in order to be contrarian. You're clearly in the right.

+1000. This nails it. So tired of the annoying poster who insists this is about OP closing off access to any food. It’s not.

It’s hilarious that some of you are imagining an alternate reality where mil made the prime rib, lasagna and cheesecake a 3pm snack. Come on.

OK, I re-read the OP, and it totally sounds like MIL got out items that were meant for cocktail hour. Because then DH re-directed her and said "X and Y" were for cocktail hour, and the wine she was bringing out was actually for dinner. Let's say "X" is shrimp cocktail and "Y" is a cheese plate. Does that help you out?

You finally read the Op and see how ridiculous this has gotten? OP isn’t mad about the food but you all are. People are getting outraged over imaginary scenarios. Its bizarre.

The whole premise is yes, one of the things she is upset about is the fact that MIL was breaking out cocktail hour fare and dinner wine before it was time for either. You really need to brush up on your reading comprehension. -np

Says the person whi never read the OP.

Sorry, hunny! It’s right here:

“Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.” She never sits down and acts like a guest. And no, she doesn’t bring dishes or wine or anything, and doesn’t offer to do anything actually helpful. She basically tries to run our show, but doesn’t actually bring so much as a side dish or an extra bottle of red. I’m so over it.”

So yes, imagine “X” is shrimp and “Y” is cheese. That is one of the things OP is upset about. And it’s valid.

Whatever. You read MiL and lpst your mind.

The words are right there, sweetie. I’m so sorry you can’t deal with facts.

Stay mad, over some snacks. It’s amusing. These MILs run circles around you all by putting the shrimp cocktail out too soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she feels like she should be sharing hosting duties as the MIL, but she doesn't actually want or know how to do that, so she "helps" by offering the things you've already prepared on her own timeline.

I agree, it's annoying. Don't think there's much you can do, other than the gentle corrections you've described so far.

The people in the thread saying you're a terrible hostess because you don't have a constantly-refreshed full open bar buffet like a cruise ship or a Vegas casino are bending over backwards in order to be contrarian. You're clearly in the right.

+1000. This nails it. So tired of the annoying poster who insists this is about OP closing off access to any food. It’s not.

It’s hilarious that some of you are imagining an alternate reality where mil made the prime rib, lasagna and cheesecake a 3pm snack. Come on.

OK, I re-read the OP, and it totally sounds like MIL got out items that were meant for cocktail hour. Because then DH re-directed her and said "X and Y" were for cocktail hour, and the wine she was bringing out was actually for dinner. Let's say "X" is shrimp cocktail and "Y" is a cheese plate. Does that help you out?

You finally read the Op and see how ridiculous this has gotten? OP isn’t mad about the food but you all are. People are getting outraged over imaginary scenarios. Its bizarre.

The whole premise is yes, one of the things she is upset about is the fact that MIL was breaking out cocktail hour fare and dinner wine before it was time for either. You really need to brush up on your reading comprehension. -np

Says the person whi never read the OP.

Sorry, hunny! It’s right here:

“Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.” She never sits down and acts like a guest. And no, she doesn’t bring dishes or wine or anything, and doesn’t offer to do anything actually helpful. She basically tries to run our show, but doesn’t actually bring so much as a side dish or an extra bottle of red. I’m so over it.”

So yes, imagine “X” is shrimp and “Y” is cheese. That is one of the things OP is upset about. And it’s valid.

Whatever. You read MiL and lpst your mind.

The words are right there, sweetie. I’m so sorry you can’t deal with facts.

Stay mad, over some snacks. It’s amusing. These MILs run circles around you all by putting the shrimp cocktail out too soon.

“These MILs” are childish attention-seekers who “run circles” around no one.

[Anonymous]

She sounds great. Let her take over and go get your nails done. Byyyyye!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she feels like she should be sharing hosting duties as the MIL, but she doesn't actually want or know how to do that, so she "helps" by offering the things you've already prepared on her own timeline.

I agree, it's annoying. Don't think there's much you can do, other than the gentle corrections you've described so far.

The people in the thread saying you're a terrible hostess because you don't have a constantly-refreshed full open bar buffet like a cruise ship or a Vegas casino are bending over backwards in order to be contrarian. You're clearly in the right.

+1000. This nails it. So tired of the annoying poster who insists this is about OP closing off access to any food. It’s not.

It’s hilarious that some of you are imagining an alternate reality where mil made the prime rib, lasagna and cheesecake a 3pm snack. Come on.

OK, I re-read the OP, and it totally sounds like MIL got out items that were meant for cocktail hour. Because then DH re-directed her and said "X and Y" were for cocktail hour, and the wine she was bringing out was actually for dinner. Let's say "X" is shrimp cocktail and "Y" is a cheese plate. Does that help you out?

You finally read the Op and see how ridiculous this has gotten? OP isn’t mad about the food but you all are. People are getting outraged over imaginary scenarios. Its bizarre.

The whole premise is yes, one of the things she is upset about is the fact that MIL was breaking out cocktail hour fare and dinner wine before it was time for either. You really need to brush up on your reading comprehension. -np

Says the person whi never read the OP.

Sorry, hunny! It’s right here:

“Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.” She never sits down and acts like a guest. And no, she doesn’t bring dishes or wine or anything, and doesn’t offer to do anything actually helpful. She basically tries to run our show, but doesn’t actually bring so much as a side dish or an extra bottle of red. I’m so over it.”

So yes, imagine “X” is shrimp and “Y” is cheese. That is one of the things OP is upset about. And it’s valid.

Whatever. You read MiL and lpst your mind.

The words are right there, sweetie. I’m so sorry you can’t deal with facts.

Stay mad, over some snacks. It’s amusing. These MILs run circles around you all by putting the shrimp cocktail out too soon.

“These MILs” are childish attention-seekers who “run circles” around no one.

20 pages suggests something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't dinner at 5 or 5:30? If I had to starve until 5 or 5:30 to finally get a few cheese slices, I'd never come back.

Are you 85? We are hosting multiple houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast around 7, lunch around 12, cocktail hour at 5, dinner around 6/6:30. And the kitchen is open all day. Who is starving?!

No, I am 48, and my relatives throw "holidays" for about 30-75 people, maybe 10 trays of appetizers, a full size bar with 15 stools and booze flowing, oh I forgot the bar has 5-10 more appetizers, fully stocked, real arcade games, poker table going, movie room going, and then yes we have dinner at 5:30, they have catering equipment, some have sternos going for heat, maybe main dish is a few 19 pound turkeys, all homemade sides. Nobody has to fuss about getting food or serving it. It's just there everywhere the entire freaking time. You did say you throw holidays. Booze is not rationed to cocktail hour, food is not saved for a particular time slot. You are a weirdo. Even if guests stay for the day before or after the holiday, it's polite to leave out food for people to snack on and drinks mid-afternoon. I use an island to display chips, nuts, cheeses, crackers. After 2 days maybe I drop the cheeses. Who doesn't do that? Who sets an hour for when drinks and snacks are permitted? I know some hotels offer a cocktail hour, but that's different.

Lol at "who doesn't do that?"

Lady, pretty sure 99% of people have family holiday dinners without catering equipment, chafing dishes, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she feels like she should be sharing hosting duties as the MIL, but she doesn't actually want or know how to do that, so she "helps" by offering the things you've already prepared on her own timeline.

I agree, it's annoying. Don't think there's much you can do, other than the gentle corrections you've described so far.

The people in the thread saying you're a terrible hostess because you don't have a constantly-refreshed full open bar buffet like a cruise ship or a Vegas casino are bending over backwards in order to be contrarian. You're clearly in the right.

+1000. This nails it. So tired of the annoying poster who insists this is about OP closing off access to any food. It’s not.

It’s hilarious that some of you are imagining an alternate reality where mil made the prime rib, lasagna and cheesecake a 3pm snack. Come on.

OK, I re-read the OP, and it totally sounds like MIL got out items that were meant for cocktail hour. Because then DH re-directed her and said "X and Y" were for cocktail hour, and the wine she was bringing out was actually for dinner. Let's say "X" is shrimp cocktail and "Y" is a cheese plate. Does that help you out?

You finally read the Op and see how ridiculous this has gotten? OP isn’t mad about the food but you all are. People are getting outraged over imaginary scenarios. Its bizarre.

The whole premise is yes, one of the things she is upset about is the fact that MIL was breaking out cocktail hour fare and dinner wine before it was time for either. You really need to brush up on your reading comprehension. -np

Says the person whi never read the OP.

Sorry, hunny! It’s right here:

“Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.” She never sits down and acts like a guest. And no, she doesn’t bring dishes or wine or anything, and doesn’t offer to do anything actually helpful. She basically tries to run our show, but doesn’t actually bring so much as a side dish or an extra bottle of red. I’m so over it.”

So yes, imagine “X” is shrimp and “Y” is cheese. That is one of the things OP is upset about. And it’s valid.

"Run our show?" Why is this a show? OP alleged kitchen was "open." So is it really open for the hungrier, or is this really a "show" in which you believe you are a star when in reality getting people fed shouldn't be a Broadway musical. Hungry? There's food, wanna drink, there's beverages. How freaking hard is that? This shouldn't be a game of hide and seek.

[Anonymous]

This thread is for sure destined to go down in DCUM history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she feels like she should be sharing hosting duties as the MIL, but she doesn't actually want or know how to do that, so she "helps" by offering the things you've already prepared on her own timeline.

I agree, it's annoying. Don't think there's much you can do, other than the gentle corrections you've described so far.

The people in the thread saying you're a terrible hostess because you don't have a constantly-refreshed full open bar buffet like a cruise ship or a Vegas casino are bending over backwards in order to be contrarian. You're clearly in the right.

+1000. This nails it. So tired of the annoying poster who insists this is about OP closing off access to any food. It’s not.

It’s hilarious that some of you are imagining an alternate reality where mil made the prime rib, lasagna and cheesecake a 3pm snack. Come on.

OK, I re-read the OP, and it totally sounds like MIL got out items that were meant for cocktail hour. Because then DH re-directed her and said "X and Y" were for cocktail hour, and the wine she was bringing out was actually for dinner. Let's say "X" is shrimp cocktail and "Y" is a cheese plate. Does that help you out?

You finally read the Op and see how ridiculous this has gotten? OP isn’t mad about the food but you all are. People are getting outraged over imaginary scenarios. Its bizarre.

The whole premise is yes, one of the things she is upset about is the fact that MIL was breaking out cocktail hour fare and dinner wine before it was time for either. You really need to brush up on your reading comprehension. -np

Says the person whi never read the OP.

Sorry, hunny! It’s right here:

“Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.” She never sits down and acts like a guest. And no, she doesn’t bring dishes or wine or anything, and doesn’t offer to do anything actually helpful. She basically tries to run our show, but doesn’t actually bring so much as a side dish or an extra bottle of red. I’m so over it.”

So yes, imagine “X” is shrimp and “Y” is cheese. That is one of the things OP is upset about. And it’s valid.

"Run our show?" Why is this a show? OP alleged kitchen was "open." So is it really open for the hungrier, or is this really a "show" in which you believe you are a star when in reality getting people fed shouldn't be a Broadway musical. Hungry? There's food, wanna drink, there's beverages. How freaking hard is that? This shouldn't be a game of hide and seek.

Some people put more effort into holiday meals and cocktail hours than putting some cheese cubes and Wheat Thins, but you do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't dinner at 5 or 5:30? If I had to starve until 5 or 5:30 to finally get a few cheese slices, I'd never come back.

Are you 85? We are hosting multiple houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast around 7, lunch around 12, cocktail hour at 5, dinner around 6/6:30. And the kitchen is open all day. Who is starving?!

No, I am 48, and my relatives throw "holidays" for about 30-75 people, maybe 10 trays of appetizers, a full size bar with 15 stools and booze flowing, oh I forgot the bar has 5-10 more appetizers, fully stocked, real arcade games, poker table going, movie room going, and then yes we have dinner at 5:30, they have catering equipment, some have sternos going for heat, maybe main dish is a few 19 pound turkeys, all homemade sides. Nobody has to fuss about getting food or serving it. It's just there everywhere the entire freaking time. You did say you throw holidays. Booze is not rationed to cocktail hour, food is not saved for a particular time slot. You are a weirdo. Even if guests stay for the day before or after the holiday, it's polite to leave out food for people to snack on and drinks mid-afternoon. I use an island to display chips, nuts, cheeses, crackers. After 2 days maybe I drop the cheeses. Who doesn't do that? Who sets an hour for when drinks and snacks are permitted? I know some hotels offer a cocktail hour, but that's different.

Lol at "who doesn't do that?"

Lady, pretty sure 99% of people have family holiday dinners without catering equipment, chafing dishes, etc

Haha, also, no one under the age of 65 says “booze” and expects people to be impressed by an “island display of chips, nuts, cheeses, crackers.”