Marriage is a horrible deal for women

[Anonymous]

Let's ask it this way. If you could go back in time, knowing what you know now,

What is your gender
Would you marry again
Would you marry the same person
Would you have children

For me,
F
N
N
N


Just let me move to Hawaii nwith my dog and end my life on a beach with a Pina Colada in my hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course she has a way out: divorce and leave the children to the husband.

My friends mom did this when I was growing up. Both her children had pretty awful lives. One attempted suicide. The other had two kids and divorced; last I heard she was dating a married man, then one of her own kids died in an accident.

I would never trust my DH to raise kids on his own. Never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a single mother who isn’t poor is the best.

I’m a not poor single mother and it’s no bed of roses.

i'm a not poor single mom and good god, it sucked. It sucked so bad.

Honestly, I hope I can just survive long enough to launch the last one the I will die content that I did my duty. That is all.

My sister was a single mother. She never moved out of my parents house so no rent expenses. Worked out well for all involved. Obviously a unique situation; they all live in the middle of nowhere in a place I never liked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look at the # of single mothers by choice vs. # of single fathers by choice and decide for yourself who needs children more.

This is crucial. Do men really, really need and want babies? It depends on the man. But IMHO most men are not really willing to do the work involved in babies.

Which is fine if that's your deal. But not fine if you are working outside the home, just as much as he is.

Men care about passing on their legacy, their last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is modern day slavery.

Then why are millions of women voluntarily agreeing to it FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is modern day slavery.

Then why are millions of women voluntarily agreeing to it FFS.

Unmarried women aren’t viewed positively. Especially ones that have or want kids.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Women make more hours to make the same salaries as men. With same skill set. This is already proved to be true in the US and confirmed by multiple research. Thus, if she’s earning less plus also has to pull off all the household work she ends up doing 2 work shifts vs husband . Until men and women are absolutely equalized on corporate ladder there may be no equality in marriage.

Not sure how it’s even hard to understand!

Precisely.

The people who don't understand are SAHMs who have no idea how hard it is to work AND be the primary parent. They have a cushy existence compared to most WOHMs.

I’m a single dad who works and is the primary parent and the alleged difficulty of this is vastly exaggerated.

Because you probably suck as a dad compared to what single/working moms are doing. Sorry.

Signed,

SAHM with a cushy existence

I dated single dads with 2-3 kids who are actual, involved parents. They literally never have time for themselves or serious dating !

Right. They were better dads than the PP who thinks that moms are vastly exaggerating how hard it is to work full-time and be the primary parent.

Or maybe he's just a harder worker and not as used to complaining. Or maybe he doesn't see parenting as a hassle. Or maybe he's more efficient at accomplishing what needs to be done at work and home. Or maybe he doesn't spend a lot of time shopping for leggings and watching Tik Tok dances while "working" at his cushy middle management fed job.

Hmm, no, I think it's that he isn't as good of a dad as women who report their experience with the well-documented phenomenon of the difficulties of being a primary parent while working full-time.

“Well documented” = women who complained a lot on DCUM lol.

Google is free, you know.

https://fortune.com/2021/06/25/women-men-unpaid-child-care-pandemic-gender-equality-workforce/
https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2015/10/01/women-more-than-men-adjust-their-careers-for-family-life/

https://www.smh.com.au/politics/federal/women-do-extra-hour-a-day-of-chores-childcare-than-men-20221007-p5bnzv.html

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/wellbeing/articles/menenjoyfivehoursmoreleisuretimeperweekthanwomen/2018-01-09

Seriously I don’t know what kind of mental gymnastics people are doing that leads them to believe that there is not an overall gender imbalance in domestic labor in dual-income households.

The internet is full of lies, you know. Including dishonest, politically motivated “studies”.

No, sorry. Nice try though.

Hilarious that you think that stamping your foot and yelling “it is, too!” is a compelling response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Women make more hours to make the same salaries as men. With same skill set. This is already proved to be true in the US and confirmed by multiple research. Thus, if she’s earning less plus also has to pull off all the household work she ends up doing 2 work shifts vs husband . Until men and women are absolutely equalized on corporate ladder there may be no equality in marriage.

Not sure how it’s even hard to understand!

Precisely.

The people who don't understand are SAHMs who have no idea how hard it is to work AND be the primary parent. They have a cushy existence compared to most WOHMs.

I’m a single dad who works and is the primary parent and the alleged difficulty of this is vastly exaggerated.

Because you probably suck as a dad compared to what single/working moms are doing. Sorry.

Signed,

SAHM with a cushy existence

I dated single dads with 2-3 kids who are actual, involved parents. They literally never have time for themselves or serious dating !

Right. They were better dads than the PP who thinks that moms are vastly exaggerating how hard it is to work full-time and be the primary parent.

Or maybe he's just a harder worker and not as used to complaining. Or maybe he doesn't see parenting as a hassle. Or maybe he's more efficient at accomplishing what needs to be done at work and home. Or maybe he doesn't spend a lot of time shopping for leggings and watching Tik Tok dances while "working" at his cushy middle management fed job.

Hmm, no, I think it's that he isn't as good of a dad as women who report their experience with the well-documented phenomenon of the difficulties of being a primary parent while working full-time.

“Well documented” = women who complained a lot on DCUM lol.

Google is free, you know.

https://fortune.com/2021/06/25/women-men-unpaid-child-care-pandemic-gender-equality-workforce/
https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2015/10/01/women-more-than-men-adjust-their-careers-for-family-life/

https://www.smh.com.au/politics/federal/women-do-extra-hour-a-day-of-chores-childcare-than-men-20221007-p5bnzv.html

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/wellbeing/articles/menenjoyfivehoursmoreleisuretimeperweekthanwomen/2018-01-09

Seriously I don’t know what kind of mental gymnastics people are doing that leads them to believe that there is not an overall gender imbalance in domestic labor in dual-income households.

I love that you obviously Googled for the result you wanted but were too lazy to read the articles.

This one you posted -- https://www.smh.com.au/politics/federal/women-do-extra-hour-a-day-of-chores-childcare-than-men-20221007-p5bnzv.html -- actually says that while women work more hours in the house, men work more outside of the house. This is the issue. Women don't see all the work that men are doing outside of the house and thus see the imbalance in the house as a sign that the division of labor is unfair overall, and assume that the reason that men make more money must be discrimination, rather than doing more work.

The Pew study you linked also says that men spend more time in paid work, and the Pew research also says that married men with children work more hours overall than married women with children.

And men on average make more money than women, so disproportionately contribute to family finances than women. Yet I love that the irrational conclusion you draw from these studies is that married women get the short end of the stick.

1. Where does the pew research say that married men work more overall? I must have missed that. Regardless, look at the amount of measure time dads v moms have. Moms have less leisure time on average.

2. Just because moms work less outside the home doesn’t mean that they were fewer hours total. If a dad works 50 hours and does 5 hours at home and a mom works 40 hours and does 20 hours at home, the mom is working more hours overall.

3. Why is it okay that women are the ones who have to pull back in their careers? Why is that not done equally? And why does doing so result in career interruptions for women more than it does for men? And you can’t say that it’s because of biology because the biology of Americans isn’t different than that of other countries and their stats are different.

4. Do you think the reason women are opting out of marriage more and more is because they too are bad at looking at a marriage and seeing who benefits and who doesn’t?

The solid majority of women initiate divorce, and it’s not because they are worse than men at gauging whether or not a marriage is equitable. It’s because they are fed up with crap.

Why do women have to pull back in their careers more than men? Just refer to all the DCUM posts from women who are only interested in a partner who earns at least as much as them (and note men make no such posts). Women have told men, "We don't value you unless you are a financial success." Sorry not sorry but that means that your career will have to take a backseat more often than not.

And why do women initiate 70-80% of divorces? You're right - that one is confusing, especially when you look at all the DCUM posts from late 30s women desperate to find a husband. They're desperate to build a career and/or have fun, then desperate to marry, and then desperate to divorce a decade later. It's almost as if women are fickle, mercurial and not generally grounded in a sense of reality.

I sincerely believe that many (most ?) women are better than their husbands at almost everything, and once they figure that out, some move on, and some stay for the sake of their kids in unhappy marriages.

I absolutely agree with this. I wish I was a lesbian. Alas, love D.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women make more hours to make the same salaries as men. With same skill set. This is already proved to be true in the US and confirmed by multiple research. Thus, if she’s earning less plus also has to pull off all the household work she ends up doing 2 work shifts vs husband . Until men and women are absolutely equalized on corporate ladder there may be no equality in marriage.

Not sure how it’s even hard to understand!

Precisely.

The people who don't understand are SAHMs who have no idea how hard it is to work AND be the primary parent. They have a cushy existence compared to most WOHMs.

I’m a single dad who works and is the primary parent and the alleged difficulty of this is vastly exaggerated.

Because you probably suck as a dad compared to what single/working moms are doing. Sorry.

Signed,

SAHM with a cushy existence

I dated single dads with 2-3 kids who are actual, involved parents. They literally never have time for themselves or serious dating !

Right. They were better dads than the PP who thinks that moms are vastly exaggerating how hard it is to work full-time and be the primary parent.

Or maybe he's just a harder worker and not as used to complaining. Or maybe he doesn't see parenting as a hassle. Or maybe he's more efficient at accomplishing what needs to be done at work and home. Or maybe he doesn't spend a lot of time shopping for leggings and watching Tik Tok dances while "working" at his cushy middle management fed job.

Hmm, no, I think it's that he isn't as good of a dad as women who report their experience with the well-documented phenomenon of the difficulties of being a primary parent while working full-time.

“Well documented” = women who complained a lot on DCUM lol.

Google is free, you know.

https://fortune.com/2021/06/25/women-men-unpaid-child-care-pandemic-gender-equality-workforce/
https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2015/10/01/women-more-than-men-adjust-their-careers-for-family-life/

https://www.smh.com.au/politics/federal/women-do-extra-hour-a-day-of-chores-childcare-than-men-20221007-p5bnzv.html

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/wellbeing/articles/menenjoyfivehoursmoreleisuretimeperweekthanwomen/2018-01-09

Seriously I don’t know what kind of mental gymnastics people are doing that leads them to believe that there is not an overall gender imbalance in domestic labor in dual-income households.

I love that you obviously Googled for the result you wanted but were too lazy to read the articles.

This one you posted -- https://www.smh.com.au/politics/federal/women-do-extra-hour-a-day-of-chores-childcare-than-men-20221007-p5bnzv.html -- actually says that while women work more hours in the house, men work more outside of the house. This is the issue. Women don't see all the work that men are doing outside of the house and thus see the imbalance in the house as a sign that the division of labor is unfair overall, and assume that the reason that men make more money must be discrimination, rather than doing more work.

The Pew study you linked also says that men spend more time in paid work, and the Pew research also says that married men with children work more hours overall than married women with children.

And men on average make more money than women, so disproportionately contribute to family finances than women. Yet I love that the irrational conclusion you draw from these studies is that married women get the short end of the stick.

1. Where does the pew research say that married men work more overall? I must have missed that. Regardless, look at the amount of measure time dads v moms have. Moms have less leisure time on average.

2. Just because moms work less outside the home doesn’t mean that they were fewer hours total. If a dad works 50 hours and does 5 hours at home and a mom works 40 hours and does 20 hours at home, the mom is working more hours overall.

3. Why is it okay that women are the ones who have to pull back in their careers? Why is that not done equally? And why does doing so result in career interruptions for women more than it does for men? And you can’t say that it’s because of biology because the biology of Americans isn’t different than that of other countries and their stats are different.

4. Do you think the reason women are opting out of marriage more and more is because they too are bad at looking at a marriage and seeing who benefits and who doesn’t?

The solid majority of women initiate divorce, and it’s not because they are worse than men at gauging whether or not a marriage is equitable. It’s because they are fed up with crap.

Why do women have to pull back in their careers more than men? Just refer to all the DCUM posts from women who are only interested in a partner who earns at least as much as them (and note men make no such posts). Women have told men, "We don't value you unless you are a financial success." Sorry not sorry but that means that your career will have to take a backseat more often than not.

And why do women initiate 70-80% of divorces? You're right - that one is confusing, especially when you look at all the DCUM posts from late 30s women desperate to find a husband. They're desperate to build a career and/or have fun, then desperate to marry, and then desperate to divorce a decade later. It's almost as if women are fickle, mercurial and not generally grounded in a sense of reality.

I sincerely believe that many (most ?) women are better than their husbands at almost everything, and once they figure that out, some move on, and some stay for the sake of their kids in unhappy marriages.

Yes, women are better than their husbands at everything. But, oh wait, isn't there also a totally huge and totally unfair gender gap in wages? Shouldn't all those savvy, cost-conscious employers fire their male employees and hire better female workers at lower wages? Imagine -- better workers and lower costs! Or -- and hear me out here -- maybe you're just talking out of your ass.

[Anonymous]

I was taught to view spinsters with distrust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's ask it this way. If you could go back in time, knowing what you know now,

What is your gender
Would you marry again
Would you marry the same person
Would you have children

For me,
F
N
N
N


Just let me move to Hawaii nwith my dog and end my life on a beach with a Pina Colada in my hand.

+1

F
N
N
N

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was taught to view spinsters with distrust.

Nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women make more hours to make the same salaries as men. With same skill set. This is already proved to be true in the US and confirmed by multiple research. Thus, if she’s earning less plus also has to pull off all the household work she ends up doing 2 work shifts vs husband . Until men and women are absolutely equalized on corporate ladder there may be no equality in marriage.

Not sure how it’s even hard to understand!

Precisely.

The people who don't understand are SAHMs who have no idea how hard it is to work AND be the primary parent. They have a cushy existence compared to most WOHMs.

I’m a single dad who works and is the primary parent and the alleged difficulty of this is vastly exaggerated.

Because you probably suck as a dad compared to what single/working moms are doing. Sorry.

Signed,

SAHM with a cushy existence

I dated single dads with 2-3 kids who are actual, involved parents. They literally never have time for themselves or serious dating !

Right. They were better dads than the PP who thinks that moms are vastly exaggerating how hard it is to work full-time and be the primary parent.

Or maybe he's just a harder worker and not as used to complaining. Or maybe he doesn't see parenting as a hassle. Or maybe he's more efficient at accomplishing what needs to be done at work and home. Or maybe he doesn't spend a lot of time shopping for leggings and watching Tik Tok dances while "working" at his cushy middle management fed job.

Hmm, no, I think it's that he isn't as good of a dad as women who report their experience with the well-documented phenomenon of the difficulties of being a primary parent while working full-time.

“Well documented” = women who complained a lot on DCUM lol.

Google is free, you know.

https://fortune.com/2021/06/25/women-men-unpaid-child-care-pandemic-gender-equality-workforce/
https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2015/10/01/women-more-than-men-adjust-their-careers-for-family-life/

https://www.smh.com.au/politics/federal/women-do-extra-hour-a-day-of-chores-childcare-than-men-20221007-p5bnzv.html

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/wellbeing/articles/menenjoyfivehoursmoreleisuretimeperweekthanwomen/2018-01-09

Seriously I don’t know what kind of mental gymnastics people are doing that leads them to believe that there is not an overall gender imbalance in domestic labor in dual-income households.

I love that you obviously Googled for the result you wanted but were too lazy to read the articles.

This one you posted -- https://www.smh.com.au/politics/federal/women-do-extra-hour-a-day-of-chores-childcare-than-men-20221007-p5bnzv.html -- actually says that while women work more hours in the house, men work more outside of the house. This is the issue. Women don't see all the work that men are doing outside of the house and thus see the imbalance in the house as a sign that the division of labor is unfair overall, and assume that the reason that men make more money must be discrimination, rather than doing more work.

The Pew study you linked also says that men spend more time in paid work, and the Pew research also says that married men with children work more hours overall than married women with children.

And men on average make more money than women, so disproportionately contribute to family finances than women. Yet I love that the irrational conclusion you draw from these studies is that married women get the short end of the stick.

1. Where does the pew research say that married men work more overall? I must have missed that. Regardless, look at the amount of measure time dads v moms have. Moms have less leisure time on average.

2. Just because moms work less outside the home doesn’t mean that they were fewer hours total. If a dad works 50 hours and does 5 hours at home and a mom works 40 hours and does 20 hours at home, the mom is working more hours overall.

3. Why is it okay that women are the ones who have to pull back in their careers? Why is that not done equally? And why does doing so result in career interruptions for women more than it does for men? And you can’t say that it’s because of biology because the biology of Americans isn’t different than that of other countries and their stats are different.

4. Do you think the reason women are opting out of marriage more and more is because they too are bad at looking at a marriage and seeing who benefits and who doesn’t?

The solid majority of women initiate divorce, and it’s not because they are worse than men at gauging whether or not a marriage is equitable. It’s because they are fed up with crap.

Why do women have to pull back in their careers more than men? Just refer to all the DCUM posts from women who are only interested in a partner who earns at least as much as them (and note men make no such posts). Women have told men, "We don't value you unless you are a financial success." Sorry not sorry but that means that your career will have to take a backseat more often than not.

And why do women initiate 70-80% of divorces? You're right - that one is confusing, especially when you look at all the DCUM posts from late 30s women desperate to find a husband. They're desperate to build a career and/or have fun, then desperate to marry, and then desperate to divorce a decade later. It's almost as if women are fickle, mercurial and not generally grounded in a sense of reality.

I sincerely believe that many (most ?) women are better than their husbands at almost everything, and once they figure that out, some move on, and some stay for the sake of their kids in unhappy marriages.

Yes, women are better than their husbands at everything. But, oh wait, isn't there also a totally huge and totally unfair gender gap in wages? Shouldn't all those savvy, cost-conscious employers fire their male employees and hire better female workers at lower wages? Imagine -- better workers and lower costs! Or -- and hear me out here -- maybe you're just talking out of your ass.

They should, but then who will raise their kids and plan their social lives and cook their meals? So they don’t. You know, that little annoying thing called a patriarchy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's ask it this way. If you could go back in time, knowing what you know now,

What is your gender
Would you marry again
Would you marry the same person
Would you have children

For me,
F
N
N
N


Just let me move to Hawaii nwith my dog and end my life on a beach with a Pina Colada in my hand.

Given that I could have married almost anyone but chose to “marry for love” (thanks mom), I would probably go back and just marry better. I quite like my kids and my life…it’s the husband who gets on my nerves.
So for me, it goes:

F
Y
N
Y

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's ask it this way. If you could go back in time, knowing what you know now,

What is your gender
Would you marry again
Would you marry the same person
Would you have children

For me,
F
N
N
N


Just let me move to Hawaii nwith my dog and end my life on a beach with a Pina Colada in my hand.

Given that I could have married almost anyone but chose to “marry for love” (thanks mom), I would probably go back and just marry better. I quite like my kids and my life…it’s the husband who gets on my nerves.
So for me, it goes:

F
Y
N
Y

Interesting that in the fantasy in your mind, you could have married almost anyone. And yet, women actually trying to find suitable partners in the real world find it an incredibly challenging experience. Sorry to burst your bubble, but your husband is who you deserve and very likely the best you could have done.