Marriage is a horrible deal for women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is very dc centric

Sure dc girl bosses it makes sense to have this attitude

But out In flyover country there is a massive difference in QoL between singles and married couples, esp for women

I lived in the Midwest. I earned a doctorate from a R1 university. I owned my own home before I was 35. My quality of life as a single working woman was great there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's ask it this way. If you could go back in time, knowing what you know now,

What is your gender
Would you marry again
Would you marry the same person
Would you have children

For me,
F
N
N
N


Just let me move to Hawaii nwith my dog and end my life on a beach with a Pina Colada in my hand.

Given that I could have married almost anyone but chose to “marry for love” (thanks mom), I would probably go back and just marry better. I quite like my kids and my life…it’s the husband who gets on my nerves.
So for me, it goes:

F
Y
N
Y

Interesting that in the fantasy in your mind, you could have married almost anyone. And yet, women actually trying to find suitable partners in the real world find it an incredibly challenging experience. Sorry to burst your bubble, but your husband is who you deserve and very likely the best you could have done.

Nope. I was hot, Ivy educated, interesting and successful in a male-dominated industry, surrounded by similarly educated and driven men. I had all kinds of crazy propositions, including a retired 30-something who sold his company for over $150 mill who took me on a crazy exclusive date for a weekend asking me to procreate with him for money…lots of it. Because of my superior genes. Not making this up. His words were, there are many smart women out there, and many pretty ones, but very few who are the whole package, and I want the mother of my kids to be that. Obviously an extreme example and one I never considered (maybe I should have?), but there were many normal, fun, successful men who wanted to date me. I could have married almost anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in an UMC area and most women with kids, especially young ones, stay home. My college friends “married well” and seem pretty happy. At least as happy as the women working two shifts. They are married to men who make more money than they could in the workforce. The husbands wanted kids and are content with family life. The women enjoy doing all of the planning, driving kids around etc. Seems like a good deal for both parties.

I’m convinced most people in this area are so stressed, unhappy and don’t have any fun because of more families being dual income. It’s all work and no fun.

Agree with everyone that it’s terrible for women if you’re working AND doing everything at home.

I can assure you… your umc friends are eating poop in their marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's ask it this way. If you could go back in time, knowing what you know now,

What is your gender
Would you marry again
Would you marry the same person
Would you have children

For me,
F
N
N
N


Just let me move to Hawaii nwith my dog and end my life on a beach with a Pina Colada in my hand.

Given that I could have married almost anyone but chose to “marry for love” (thanks mom), I would probably go back and just marry better. I quite like my kids and my life…it’s the husband who gets on my nerves.
So for me, it goes:

F
Y
N
Y

Interesting that in the fantasy in your mind, you could have married almost anyone. And yet, women actually trying to find suitable partners in the real world find it an incredibly challenging experience. Sorry to burst your bubble, but your husband is who you deserve and very likely the best you could have done.

Nope. I was hot, Ivy educated, interesting and successful in a male-dominated industry, surrounded by similarly educated and driven men. I had all kinds of crazy propositions, including a retired 30-something who sold his company for over $150 mill who took me on a crazy exclusive date for a weekend asking me to procreate with him for money…lots of it. Because of my superior genes. Not making this up. His words were, there are many smart women out there, and many pretty ones, but very few who are the whole package, and I want the mother of my kids to be that. Obviously an extreme example and one I never considered (maybe I should have?), but there were many normal, fun, successful men who wanted to date me. I could have married almost anyone.

Wow. You must really be kicking yourself for being such a loser, then, huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my 52 years I can count on one hand the number of marriages I’ve seen that had anything in them to envy - most are about women in servitude and living in some degree of mutual contempt.

I most definitely have times when I lament my singledom and I’m sure my whole life would be better if I’d married and had kids. And I’m sure there are some things I would have really really loved about family life. But I am just not a person who eats poop well at all and there is enough of it in working life especially if you are an accomplished woman coming up against sexism and then ageism. I prefer my home life to be a peaceful sanctuary where I am appreciated and respected at all times. My dogs and I have always managed that.

This was said with so much grace and vulnerability.

100% agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The single Moms that work for me are literally paycheck to paycheck and are under a lot of stress. I've had to pay the repo man to get an employee's car out of the impound lock from a late car payment just so the woman could have a car to get to work.

The women that are married with children are a lot less stressed. They don't have to work 2 or 3 jobs to get by and have a lot more of a safety net from the man's income.
They also have double the support of family help.

You ignore the married ‘single’ mothers that are prevalent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's ask it this way. If you could go back in time, knowing what you know now,

What is your gender
Would you marry again
Would you marry the same person
Would you have children

For me,
F
N
N
N


Just let me move to Hawaii nwith my dog and end my life on a beach with a Pina Colada in my hand.

Given that I could have married almost anyone but chose to “marry for love” (thanks mom), I would probably go back and just marry better. I quite like my kids and my life…it’s the husband who gets on my nerves.
So for me, it goes:

F
Y
N
Y

Interesting that in the fantasy in your mind, you could have married almost anyone. And yet, women actually trying to find suitable partners in the real world find it an incredibly challenging experience. Sorry to burst your bubble, but your husband is who you deserve and very likely the best you could have done.

Nope. I was hot, Ivy educated, interesting and successful in a male-dominated industry, surrounded by similarly educated and driven men. I had all kinds of crazy propositions, including a retired 30-something who sold his company for over $150 mill who took me on a crazy exclusive date for a weekend asking me to procreate with him for money…lots of it. Because of my superior genes. Not making this up. His words were, there are many smart women out there, and many pretty ones, but very few who are the whole package, and I want the mother of my kids to be that. Obviously an extreme example and one I never considered (maybe I should have?), but there were many normal, fun, successful men who wanted to date me. I could have married almost anyone.

Cool story, sis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in an UMC area and most women with kids, especially young ones, stay home. My college friends “married well” and seem pretty happy. At least as happy as the women working two shifts. They are married to men who make more money than they could in the workforce. The husbands wanted kids and are content with family life. The women enjoy doing all of the planning, driving kids around etc. Seems like a good deal for both parties.

I’m convinced most people in this area are so stressed, unhappy and don’t have any fun because of more families being dual income. It’s all work and no fun.

Agree with everyone that it’s terrible for women if you’re working AND doing everything at home.

I can assure you… your umc friends are eating poop in their marriage.

It’s funny you say that. I used to think I made the better choices and had a better life. After two kids I’m not so sure. There’s no way to know who is happier and more content but I certainly don’t think I’m winning that contest.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Women make more hours to make the same salaries as men. With same skill set. This is already proved to be true in the US and confirmed by multiple research. Thus, if she’s earning less plus also has to pull off all the household work she ends up doing 2 work shifts vs husband . Until men and women are absolutely equalized on corporate ladder there may be no equality in marriage.

Not sure how it’s even hard to understand!

Precisely.

The people who don't understand are SAHMs who have no idea how hard it is to work AND be the primary parent. They have a cushy existence compared to most WOHMs.

I’m a single dad who works and is the primary parent and the alleged difficulty of this is vastly exaggerated.

Because you probably suck as a dad compared to what single/working moms are doing. Sorry.

Signed,

SAHM with a cushy existence

I dated single dads with 2-3 kids who are actual, involved parents. They literally never have time for themselves or serious dating !

Right. They were better dads than the PP who thinks that moms are vastly exaggerating how hard it is to work full-time and be the primary parent.

Or maybe he's just a harder worker and not as used to complaining. Or maybe he doesn't see parenting as a hassle. Or maybe he's more efficient at accomplishing what needs to be done at work and home. Or maybe he doesn't spend a lot of time shopping for leggings and watching Tik Tok dances while "working" at his cushy middle management fed job.

Hmm, no, I think it's that he isn't as good of a dad as women who report their experience with the well-documented phenomenon of the difficulties of being a primary parent while working full-time.

“Well documented” = women who complained a lot on DCUM lol.

Google is free, you know.

https://fortune.com/2021/06/25/women-men-unpaid-child-care-pandemic-gender-equality-workforce/
https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2015/10/01/women-more-than-men-adjust-their-careers-for-family-life/

https://www.smh.com.au/politics/federal/women-do-extra-hour-a-day-of-chores-childcare-than-men-20221007-p5bnzv.html

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/wellbeing/articles/menenjoyfivehoursmoreleisuretimeperweekthanwomen/2018-01-09

Seriously I don’t know what kind of mental gymnastics people are doing that leads them to believe that there is not an overall gender imbalance in domestic labor in dual-income households.

I love that you obviously Googled for the result you wanted but were too lazy to read the articles.

This one you posted -- https://www.smh.com.au/politics/federal/women-do-extra-hour-a-day-of-chores-childcare-than-men-20221007-p5bnzv.html -- actually says that while women work more hours in the house, men work more outside of the house. This is the issue. Women don't see all the work that men are doing outside of the house and thus see the imbalance in the house as a sign that the division of labor is unfair overall, and assume that the reason that men make more money must be discrimination, rather than doing more work.

The Pew study you linked also says that men spend more time in paid work, and the Pew research also says that married men with children work more hours overall than married women with children.

And men on average make more money than women, so disproportionately contribute to family finances than women. Yet I love that the irrational conclusion you draw from these studies is that married women get the short end of the stick.

1. Where does the pew research say that married men work more overall? I must have missed that. Regardless, look at the amount of measure time dads v moms have. Moms have less leisure time on average.

2. Just because moms work less outside the home doesn’t mean that they were fewer hours total. If a dad works 50 hours and does 5 hours at home and a mom works 40 hours and does 20 hours at home, the mom is working more hours overall.

3. Why is it okay that women are the ones who have to pull back in their careers? Why is that not done equally? And why does doing so result in career interruptions for women more than it does for men? And you can’t say that it’s because of biology because the biology of Americans isn’t different than that of other countries and their stats are different.

4. Do you think the reason women are opting out of marriage more and more is because they too are bad at looking at a marriage and seeing who benefits and who doesn’t?

The solid majority of women initiate divorce, and it’s not because they are worse than men at gauging whether or not a marriage is equitable. It’s because they are fed up with crap.

Why do women have to pull back in their careers more than men? Just refer to all the DCUM posts from women who are only interested in a partner who earns at least as much as them (and note men make no such posts). Women have told men, "We don't value you unless you are a financial success." Sorry not sorry but that means that your career will have to take a backseat more often than not.

And why do women initiate 70-80% of divorces? You're right - that one is confusing, especially when you look at all the DCUM posts from late 30s women desperate to find a husband. They're desperate to build a career and/or have fun, then desperate to marry, and then desperate to divorce a decade later. It's almost as if women are fickle, mercurial and not generally grounded in a sense of reality.

I sincerely believe that many (most ?) women are better than their husbands at almost everything, and once they figure that out, some move on, and some stay for the sake of their kids in unhappy marriages.

Yes, women are better than their husbands at everything. But, oh wait, isn't there also a totally huge and totally unfair gender gap in wages? Shouldn't all those savvy, cost-conscious employers fire their male employees and hire better female workers at lower wages? Imagine -- better workers and lower costs! Or -- and hear me out here -- maybe you're just talking out of your ass.

Because having children for men gets in the way. Before birth control women couldn’t even work. The progress women have made in the last 50+ years should demonstrate that we are the superior gender. Sorry but it’s true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my 52 years I can count on one hand the number of marriages I’ve seen that had anything in them to envy - most are about women in servitude and living in some degree of mutual contempt.

I most definitely have times when I lament my singledom and I’m sure my whole life would be better if I’d married and had kids. And I’m sure there are some things I would have really really loved about family life. But I am just not a person who eats poop well at all and there is enough of it in working life especially if you are an accomplished woman coming up against sexism and then ageism. I prefer my home life to be a peaceful sanctuary where I am appreciated and respected at all times. My dogs and I have always managed that.

It’s great you are happy single and have led a wonderful life.

Most women aren’t able to achieve the same things in life without a male partner. The best thing financially for a woman is to get married. Especially if she’s a white woman who can marry a man in a white collar job.

Most women won’t go on nice vacations, will live in a small apartment, drive an old car etc by not being married. Just look at what divorce does financially to women.

So it’s awesome you’ve done so well and I assume a lot of the reason you’re content is that you had a successful career and earned enough money to live a lifestyle similar to a man. Keep in mind that a lot of women still can’t pull this off. Think of how many women are nurses, teachers or have $60k corporate jobs in some flyover city.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in an UMC area and most women with kids, especially young ones, stay home. My college friends “married well” and seem pretty happy. At least as happy as the women working two shifts. They are married to men who make more money than they could in the workforce. The husbands wanted kids and are content with family life. The women enjoy doing all of the planning, driving kids around etc. Seems like a good deal for both parties.

I’m convinced most people in this area are so stressed, unhappy and don’t have any fun because of more families being dual income. It’s all work and no fun.

Agree with everyone that it’s terrible for women if you’re working AND doing everything at home.

I can assure you… your umc friends are eating poop in their marriage.

We all have to eat poop somewhere.

As a PP mentioned if it’s not in the marriage then it’s in the job. And there are social and financial implications for either choice that place additional stress and anxiety that manifests in different ways. I think it offers an opportunity, though, for women to self-actualise. At least it has for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's ask it this way. If you could go back in time, knowing what you know now,

What is your gender
Would you marry again
Would you marry the same person
Would you have children

For me,
F
N
N
N


Just let me move to Hawaii nwith my dog and end my life on a beach with a Pina Colada in my hand.

Given that I could have married almost anyone but chose to “marry for love” (thanks mom), I would probably go back and just marry better. I quite like my kids and my life…it’s the husband who gets on my nerves.
So for me, it goes:

F
Y
N
Y

Interesting that in the fantasy in your mind, you could have married almost anyone. And yet, women actually trying to find suitable partners in the real world find it an incredibly challenging experience. Sorry to burst your bubble, but your husband is who you deserve and very likely the best you could have done.

Nope. I was hot, Ivy educated, interesting and successful in a male-dominated industry, surrounded by similarly educated and driven men. I had all kinds of crazy propositions, including a retired 30-something who sold his company for over $150 mill who took me on a crazy exclusive date for a weekend asking me to procreate with him for money…lots of it. Because of my superior genes. Not making this up. His words were, there are many smart women out there, and many pretty ones, but very few who are the whole package, and I want the mother of my kids to be that. Obviously an extreme example and one I never considered (maybe I should have?), but there were many normal, fun, successful men who wanted to date me. I could have married almost anyone.

Cool story, sis.

In cringing for the sis that wrote this.

I read this to the sound of Bruce Springsteen “glory days” in my head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in an UMC area and most women with kids, especially young ones, stay home. My college friends “married well” and seem pretty happy. At least as happy as the women working two shifts. They are married to men who make more money than they could in the workforce. The husbands wanted kids and are content with family life. The women enjoy doing all of the planning, driving kids around etc. Seems like a good deal for both parties.

I’m convinced most people in this area are so stressed, unhappy and don’t have any fun because of more families being dual income. It’s all work and no fun.

Agree with everyone that it’s terrible for women if you’re working AND doing everything at home.

I can assure you… your umc friends are eating poop in their marriage.

We all have to eat poop somewhere.

As a PP mentioned if it’s not in the marriage then it’s in the job. And there are social and financial implications for either choice that place additional stress and anxiety that manifests in different ways. I think it offers an opportunity, though, for women to self-actualise. At least it has for me.

Agree with this. Is a corporate job that much better of a support system than your average marriage? Maybe but maybe not. Both have their downsides. Personally I’d prefer my mostly decent marriage AND a successful career. Not sure which I’d choose if I could only have one but most likely the husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in an UMC area and most women with kids, especially young ones, stay home. My college friends “married well” and seem pretty happy. At least as happy as the women working two shifts. They are married to men who make more money than they could in the workforce. The husbands wanted kids and are content with family life. The women enjoy doing all of the planning, driving kids around etc. Seems like a good deal for both parties.

I’m convinced most people in this area are so stressed, unhappy and don’t have any fun because of more families being dual income. It’s all work and no fun.

Agree with everyone that it’s terrible for women if you’re working AND doing everything at home.

I can assure you… your umc friends are eating poop in their marriage.

We all have to eat poop somewhere.

As a PP mentioned if it’s not in the marriage then it’s in the job. And there are social and financial implications for either choice that place additional stress and anxiety that manifests in different ways. I think it offers an opportunity, though, for women to self-actualise. At least it has for me.

If it’s at your job at least you don’t have to go to bed with them.

[Anonymous]

It’s tragic that nobody values traditional family life anywhere. The poorest people seem to value it the most.