Joint Christmas Card

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread got really long. So to summarize for newbies trying to follow….

Dcmoms: kids of divorced are traumatized because their lives have been turned upside down
Also Dcmoms: you MUST get rid of all family traditions after a divorce, this makes me feel more secure in my marriage

LOL to summarize:

Divorced moms: being divorced is just a minor thing like being right or left-handed; anyone who thinks it's weird to act married while being divorced lives in the stone ages;
Everyone else: you look thirsty AF when you advertise how much of a family you still are thru cards and social media
Divorced moms: NO!! LOOK AT US! We are better people and parents because of not in spite of divorce. BELIEVE US!! HAPPY AF!!

Research finds divorced women are happier https://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/a48019/women-happier-after-divorce/

Also, it is better for kids to grow up with divorced parents than in a home with abuse. Abuse is major contributor to the initiation of divorces. Lastly, when children are young and divorce occurs they typically are not eager to break family traditions. Most divorced parents are very familiar with this. They get questions like…can we still A, B, C.

Women deserve happiness and love abuse free. Children deserve to live in homes with happy parents and free of abuse. Love conquers all. Some divorced people can still have love for one another and not want to be romantically linked. There should no shame in loving yourself and your family.

None of these conclusions should upset the married people on this board. Just as gay marriage didn’t unravel your sacred institution, neither with cooperative divorces. It just means there will be more happiness to go around. Have a great day!

The question is not whether the parents are happier, but whether the children are happier. And I'm not talking about getting out of abusive relationships. That makes sense that everyone is happier. I'm talking about the divorce over chores, sex, etc. With gay marriage, that was increasing family stability, so it makes total sense to support it. With divorce, it is decreasing it, no matter what the gleefully divorced want to think.

You can’t say X (married) is happier or Y (divorced) is happier. What we know is some marriages are happy, some are not. Some divorces are happier, some are not.

This thread is about an amicable marriage. Is it good for the kids to be amicable? Or is it better to be not amicable?

Some thing being amicable is confusing for kids. So if you’re going to be amicable you should stay married.

So if you’re not abused stay married. Really?

Actually, yes. You stay married to stay a family. Minus abuse, you put the needs of your kids and family over marginal personal wants.

No you don’t. I know you need to believe that to justify your choices but no you don’t have to stay in an unhappy marriage. But obviously an amicable divorce is better than a toxic one.

You don’t stay in an unhappy marriage, you might have tough time you work through but you don’t stay in a broken marriage.

No, you work on your unhappiness and find a way to be happy, or at least fix the "broken" marriage, because there are others who are affected by your decisions. This is called being a responsible parent, a well functioning grown up. If there is abuse, that's a different story. If you are married with no kids, a different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread got really long. So to summarize for newbies trying to follow….

Dcmoms: kids of divorced are traumatized because their lives have been turned upside down
Also Dcmoms: you MUST get rid of all family traditions after a divorce, this makes me feel more secure in my marriage

LOL to summarize:

Divorced moms: being divorced is just a minor thing like being right or left-handed; anyone who thinks it's weird to act married while being divorced lives in the stone ages;
Everyone else: you look thirsty AF when you advertise how much of a family you still are thru cards and social media
Divorced moms: NO!! LOOK AT US! We are better people and parents because of not in spite of divorce. BELIEVE US!! HAPPY AF!!

Research finds divorced women are happier https://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/a48019/women-happier-after-divorce/

Also, it is better for kids to grow up with divorced parents than in a home with abuse. Abuse is major contributor to the initiation of divorces. Lastly, when children are young and divorce occurs they typically are not eager to break family traditions. Most divorced parents are very familiar with this. They get questions like…can we still A, B, C.

Women deserve happiness and love abuse free. Children deserve to live in homes with happy parents and free of abuse. Love conquers all. Some divorced people can still have love for one another and not want to be romantically linked. There should no shame in loving yourself and your family.

None of these conclusions should upset the married people on this board. Just as gay marriage didn’t unravel your sacred institution, neither with cooperative divorces. It just means there will be more happiness to go around. Have a great day!

The question is not whether the parents are happier, but whether the children are happier. And I'm not talking about getting out of abusive relationships. That makes sense that everyone is happier. I'm talking about the divorce over chores, sex, etc. With gay marriage, that was increasing family stability, so it makes total sense to support it. With divorce, it is decreasing it, no matter what the gleefully divorced want to think.

You can’t say X (married) is happier or Y (divorced) is happier. What we know is some marriages are happy, some are not. Some divorces are happier, some are not.

This thread is about an amicable marriage. Is it good for the kids to be amicable? Or is it better to be not amicable?

Some thing being amicable is confusing for kids. So if you’re going to be amicable you should stay married.

So if you’re not abused stay married. Really?

Actually, yes. You stay married to stay a family. Minus abuse, you put the needs of your kids and family over marginal personal wants.

No you don’t. I know you need to believe that to justify your choices but no you don’t have to stay in an unhappy marriage. But obviously an amicable divorce is better than a toxic one.

You don’t stay in an unhappy marriage, you might have tough time you work through but you don’t stay in a broken marriage.

No, you work on your unhappiness and find a way to be happy, or at least fix the "broken" marriage, because there are others who are affected by your decisions. This is called being a responsible parent, a well functioning grown up. If there is abuse, that's a different story. If you are married with no kids, a different story.

Some people believe in their marriage vows. Getting married isn’t some temporary relationship. You got married and created a family. No situation is perfect. Both parties have to be willing to put in the effort and be committed.

Children of divorce seem more willing to accept divorce and part ways.

In my experience, almost all divorces have some sort of infidelity. One or both parties not attracted to one another anymore sexually. One party has an emotional or physical affair or wants to have one or wants more. One or both spouses are selfish and put their happiness above their spouse and family. The selfish party may believe that it was better for everyone that they divorced but it was likely only better for the selfish party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread got really long. So to summarize for newbies trying to follow….

Dcmoms: kids of divorced are traumatized because their lives have been turned upside down
Also Dcmoms: you MUST get rid of all family traditions after a divorce, this makes me feel more secure in my marriage

LOL to summarize:

Divorced moms: being divorced is just a minor thing like being right or left-handed; anyone who thinks it's weird to act married while being divorced lives in the stone ages;
Everyone else: you look thirsty AF when you advertise how much of a family you still are thru cards and social media
Divorced moms: NO!! LOOK AT US! We are better people and parents because of not in spite of divorce. BELIEVE US!! HAPPY AF!!

Research finds divorced women are happier https://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/a48019/women-happier-after-divorce/

Also, it is better for kids to grow up with divorced parents than in a home with abuse. Abuse is major contributor to the initiation of divorces. Lastly, when children are young and divorce occurs they typically are not eager to break family traditions. Most divorced parents are very familiar with this. They get questions like…can we still A, B, C.

Women deserve happiness and love abuse free. Children deserve to live in homes with happy parents and free of abuse. Love conquers all. Some divorced people can still have love for one another and not want to be romantically linked. There should no shame in loving yourself and your family.

None of these conclusions should upset the married people on this board. Just as gay marriage didn’t unravel your sacred institution, neither with cooperative divorces. It just means there will be more happiness to go around. Have a great day!

The question is not whether the parents are happier, but whether the children are happier. And I'm not talking about getting out of abusive relationships. That makes sense that everyone is happier. I'm talking about the divorce over chores, sex, etc. With gay marriage, that was increasing family stability, so it makes total sense to support it. With divorce, it is decreasing it, no matter what the gleefully divorced want to think.

You can’t say X (married) is happier or Y (divorced) is happier. What we know is some marriages are happy, some are not. Some divorces are happier, some are not.

This thread is about an amicable marriage. Is it good for the kids to be amicable? Or is it better to be not amicable?

Some thing being amicable is confusing for kids. So if you’re going to be amicable you should stay married.

So if you’re not abused stay married. Really?

Actually, yes. You stay married to stay a family. Minus abuse, you put the needs of your kids and family over marginal personal wants.

No you don’t. I know you need to believe that to justify your choices but no you don’t have to stay in an unhappy marriage. But obviously an amicable divorce is better than a toxic one.

You don’t stay in an unhappy marriage, you might have tough time you work through but you don’t stay in a broken marriage.

No, you work on your unhappiness and find a way to be happy, or at least fix the "broken" marriage, because there are others who are affected by your decisions. This is called being a responsible parent, a well functioning grown up. If there is abuse, that's a different story. If you are married with no kids, a different story.

Some people believe in their marriage vows. Getting married isn’t some temporary relationship. You got married and created a family. No situation is perfect. Both parties have to be willing to put in the effort and be committed.

Children of divorce seem more willing to accept divorce and part ways.

In my experience, almost all divorces have some sort of infidelity. One or both parties not attracted to one another anymore sexually. One party has an emotional or physical affair or wants to have one or wants more. One or both spouses are selfish and put their happiness above their spouse and family. The selfish party may believe that it was better for everyone that they divorced but it was likely only better for the selfish party.

Oof a million yeses to all of this. Sometimes I wish my STBXW would read these posts and other times I feel like she knows this already on some level but doesn’t care enough about any of us to do the work.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of us who find a joint Christmas card odd, I think the general consensus is that this doesn’t seem like a thing you are doing for the kids. It seems like a thing you are doing for yourselves. It also doesn’t seem particularly healthy for the kids. I am a child of an amicable divorce. My parents went to all of my events together and I really appreciated it. They also brought their significant others (once they were married), so there was no confusion on our end about the situation. The idea that there is never room for other significant others in your life leaves a lot of room for confusion with your kids. People showing up amicably for their kids’ events does not have to be mutually exclusive with moving on with new relationships. In fact, that’s what divorce is most of the time.

Nobody, talking about normal mature people, are doing Xmas cards for a reason other than to say happy holidays. It’s not advertising, it’s not a PR stunt.

You find a picture in your phone… sometimes just kids, sometimes everybody and you make card.

Nobody is not moving on. We are talking about 2 holidays, birthdays, weddings and graduations. Don’t be a d!ck take a simple pic.

Lol! This is why men think women are crazy they think everything is a move or has a meaning.

I really truly don’t think my Dh cares about sending a card to anyone.

If the mom wants to send a holiday greeting, fine. Send one. Her ex husband doesn’t have to be in it. Same for the dad. If he wants to make and send out a holiday card, also great. Just don’t send it out together. You are not married anymore. You are no longer a family that should be sending a holiday card together.

So every man is exactly like your H? My H sent me the pic, hey here’s a good one from graduation. Cool, 15 min later Xmas card complete. I even put “his” dog on the card, so sue me.

Maybe I should stop celebrating holidays and birthdays too because I’m “not a family” lol, you got mad takes.

Send your broken happy family photo card. do whatever you want. You asked. We answered. Send the picture of your dh’s dog. You can laugh at me. I’m laughing at you.

enjoy your disconnect disinterested H. I'm laughing all the way while I reach for the martini my ex just made me.

NP. Enjoy that martini. It’s a very costly one when you think of the legal fees, lost income, split assets…yikes!

Not PP. divorce is as expensive as people make it. Mine was less than 5k. No lost income. Split assets not an issue with equal earners.

Paying for 2 houses is not more expensive?

One with a $5K mortgage vs 2 with a 3K mortgage. Sure if you wanna split hairs. We also have to take 2 trashes out, the horror.

Sounds like you really are having your cake and eating it too.

By having two lame houses instead of one good one? Good luck on the dating scene to the divorcee with kids. Her ex-husband will probably get snapped up fairly quickly.

You don’t know what you are talking about. Dating now mid 40s with kids is vastly easier than it was 20 years ago without kids. Apps have changed everything. Women have more options than men.

“The options” being divorced dads lugging around kids with behavioral problems, who were either cheaters or total do-nothings…or never-been-married 40somethings who were never married for a reason, maybe the type to prey upon your daughters…sounds great. So many OPTIONS!

Hey, idiot: you need to read the research--the vast majority of kids do fine with divorce and do not suffer any more than their peers with married parents. This is well documented. You are so rude to say kids must have behaviorial problems.
Two: many people do not want kids...40 something men who never had kids are not necessarily damaged.
Also, dating is not cohabitation or remarriage. Kids have nothing to do with it. Many divorced people do not introduce members of the opposite sex to their kids. It is not at all necessary unless there is cohabitation or remarriage. In my case...not happening.

Maybe it is because the kids we know going through it are suffering and not fine at all. I am sure kids can grow up and become well adjusted adults. This can be the case if a parent dies, kid suffers abuse and any other traumatic event. These kids are in elementary and middle school.

Dh’s parents divorced when he went to college so he was already out of the house.

My elementary kids are fine. The research says most kids are completely fine and adjusted within 2 years. Stop with the divorce horror stories. It all depends on how the parents handle a divorce…not the divorce itself.

Sure, "fine and adjusted" for now until life dynamics come up when they are adults. My brother's partner told us at Thanksgiving how stressful it is for him to twist himself into knots this Christmas, trying to see mom's family and dad/stepmom's family and splitting holidays in general...it sounded fraught and is literally something he still talks to his therapist about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of us who find a joint Christmas card odd, I think the general consensus is that this doesn’t seem like a thing you are doing for the kids. It seems like a thing you are doing for yourselves. It also doesn’t seem particularly healthy for the kids. I am a child of an amicable divorce. My parents went to all of my events together and I really appreciated it. They also brought their significant others (once they were married), so there was no confusion on our end about the situation. The idea that there is never room for other significant others in your life leaves a lot of room for confusion with your kids. People showing up amicably for their kids’ events does not have to be mutually exclusive with moving on with new relationships. In fact, that’s what divorce is most of the time.

Nobody, talking about normal mature people, are doing Xmas cards for a reason other than to say happy holidays. It’s not advertising, it’s not a PR stunt.

You find a picture in your phone… sometimes just kids, sometimes everybody and you make card.

Nobody is not moving on. We are talking about 2 holidays, birthdays, weddings and graduations. Don’t be a d!ck take a simple pic.

Lol! This is why men think women are crazy they think everything is a move or has a meaning.

I really truly don’t think my Dh cares about sending a card to anyone.

If the mom wants to send a holiday greeting, fine. Send one. Her ex husband doesn’t have to be in it. Same for the dad. If he wants to make and send out a holiday card, also great. Just don’t send it out together. You are not married anymore. You are no longer a family that should be sending a holiday card together.

So every man is exactly like your H? My H sent me the pic, hey here’s a good one from graduation. Cool, 15 min later Xmas card complete. I even put “his” dog on the card, so sue me.

Maybe I should stop celebrating holidays and birthdays too because I’m “not a family” lol, you got mad takes.

Send your broken happy family photo card. do whatever you want. You asked. We answered. Send the picture of your dh’s dog. You can laugh at me. I’m laughing at you.

enjoy your disconnect disinterested H. I'm laughing all the way while I reach for the martini my ex just made me.

NP. Enjoy that martini. It’s a very costly one when you think of the legal fees, lost income, split assets…yikes!

Not PP. divorce is as expensive as people make it. Mine was less than 5k. No lost income. Split assets not an issue with equal earners.

Paying for 2 houses is not more expensive?

One with a $5K mortgage vs 2 with a 3K mortgage. Sure if you wanna split hairs. We also have to take 2 trashes out, the horror.

Sounds like you really are having your cake and eating it too.

By having two lame houses instead of one good one? Good luck on the dating scene to the divorcee with kids. Her ex-husband will probably get snapped up fairly quickly.

You don’t know what you are talking about. Dating now mid 40s with kids is vastly easier than it was 20 years ago without kids. Apps have changed everything. Women have more options than men.

“The options” being divorced dads lugging around kids with behavioral problems, who were either cheaters or total do-nothings…or never-been-married 40somethings who were never married for a reason, maybe the type to prey upon your daughters…sounds great. So many OPTIONS!

Hey, idiot: you need to read the research--the vast majority of kids do fine with divorce and do not suffer any more than their peers with married parents. This is well documented. You are so rude to say kids must have behaviorial problems.
Two: many people do not want kids...40 something men who never had kids are not necessarily damaged.
Also, dating is not cohabitation or remarriage. Kids have nothing to do with it. Many divorced people do not introduce members of the opposite sex to their kids. It is not at all necessary unless there is cohabitation or remarriage. In my case...not happening.

Maybe it is because the kids we know going through it are suffering and not fine at all. I am sure kids can grow up and become well adjusted adults. This can be the case if a parent dies, kid suffers abuse and any other traumatic event. These kids are in elementary and middle school.

Dh’s parents divorced when he went to college so he was already out of the house.

My elementary kids are fine. The research says most kids are completely fine and adjusted within 2 years. Stop with the divorce horror stories. It all depends on how the parents handle a divorce…not the divorce itself.

Sure, "fine and adjusted" for now until life dynamics come up when they are adults. My brother's partner told us at Thanksgiving how stressful it is for him to twist himself into knots this Christmas, trying to see mom's family and dad/stepmom's family and splitting holidays in general...it sounded fraught and is literally something he still talks to his therapist about.

I wonder if the divorced parents realize how unpleasant holidays became with all the different sets of parents.

It is hard enough to juggle parents and in laws. Throw in multiple sets of parents. Someone’s feelings are always hurt. I have friends who seem confused/upset with stepparents who then become divorced so it gets even more complicated.

My in laws are divorced and my MiL is so freakin needy. I know it is because she is alone and lonely. Every holiday is stressful because of her. FIL is remarried and we don’t hear from him often. MIL gets jealous when I hang out with my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of us who find a joint Christmas card odd, I think the general consensus is that this doesn’t seem like a thing you are doing for the kids. It seems like a thing you are doing for yourselves. It also doesn’t seem particularly healthy for the kids. I am a child of an amicable divorce. My parents went to all of my events together and I really appreciated it. They also brought their significant others (once they were married), so there was no confusion on our end about the situation. The idea that there is never room for other significant others in your life leaves a lot of room for confusion with your kids. People showing up amicably for their kids’ events does not have to be mutually exclusive with moving on with new relationships. In fact, that’s what divorce is most of the time.

Nobody, talking about normal mature people, are doing Xmas cards for a reason other than to say happy holidays. It’s not advertising, it’s not a PR stunt.

You find a picture in your phone… sometimes just kids, sometimes everybody and you make card.

Nobody is not moving on. We are talking about 2 holidays, birthdays, weddings and graduations. Don’t be a d!ck take a simple pic.

Lol! This is why men think women are crazy they think everything is a move or has a meaning.

I really truly don’t think my Dh cares about sending a card to anyone.

If the mom wants to send a holiday greeting, fine. Send one. Her ex husband doesn’t have to be in it. Same for the dad. If he wants to make and send out a holiday card, also great. Just don’t send it out together. You are not married anymore. You are no longer a family that should be sending a holiday card together.

So every man is exactly like your H? My H sent me the pic, hey here’s a good one from graduation. Cool, 15 min later Xmas card complete. I even put “his” dog on the card, so sue me.

Maybe I should stop celebrating holidays and birthdays too because I’m “not a family” lol, you got mad takes.

Send your broken happy family photo card. do whatever you want. You asked. We answered. Send the picture of your dh’s dog. You can laugh at me. I’m laughing at you.

enjoy your disconnect disinterested H. I'm laughing all the way while I reach for the martini my ex just made me.

NP. Enjoy that martini. It’s a very costly one when you think of the legal fees, lost income, split assets…yikes!

Not PP. divorce is as expensive as people make it. Mine was less than 5k. No lost income. Split assets not an issue with equal earners.

Paying for 2 houses is not more expensive?

One with a $5K mortgage vs 2 with a 3K mortgage. Sure if you wanna split hairs. We also have to take 2 trashes out, the horror.

Sounds like you really are having your cake and eating it too.

By having two lame houses instead of one good one? Good luck on the dating scene to the divorcee with kids. Her ex-husband will probably get snapped up fairly quickly.

You don’t know what you are talking about. Dating now mid 40s with kids is vastly easier than it was 20 years ago without kids. Apps have changed everything. Women have more options than men.

“The options” being divorced dads lugging around kids with behavioral problems, who were either cheaters or total do-nothings…or never-been-married 40somethings who were never married for a reason, maybe the type to prey upon your daughters…sounds great. So many OPTIONS!

Hey, idiot: you need to read the research--the vast majority of kids do fine with divorce and do not suffer any more than their peers with married parents. This is well documented. You are so rude to say kids must have behaviorial problems.
Two: many people do not want kids...40 something men who never had kids are not necessarily damaged.
Also, dating is not cohabitation or remarriage. Kids have nothing to do with it. Many divorced people do not introduce members of the opposite sex to their kids. It is not at all necessary unless there is cohabitation or remarriage. In my case...not happening.

NP. I recently helped my friend who is divorced set up her online dating profile, and we went through the matches. It’s pretty grim out there!

Tell her to get old fashioned and meet people through friends, hobbies and interests.

Among my peer/age group, I know exactly one divorced guy I could introduce someone to, and he’s a cheater and a tub of lard. Everyone I know is married or partnered up.

Then you are not the friend to ask.

My friend is the head of a non-profit and just set my trust fund friend up with a big donor retired widow. Live at 60
Is beautiful.
My neighbor is a teacher and just set up my widowed neighbor with a father she met at school,
My niece is divorced at 38 and met her husband volunteering.
My best friend met her H at a running club.

Sorry you only know slubs.

Oh, your critical thinking skills are rather weak, eh? It’s not that I know “slubs,” I know happily married people and literally one divorced dude. My circle is full of successful, married or in-a-committed-relationship people not divorced people. I also don’t know any 60-year-olds because that’s not my peer group.

When your niece said her vows to her second husband, did she say, “This time, for real for real”?

You sound limited in your experience in life and myopic.

My friend who met at the running club said forever and her H died of cancer 5 years later.

I’m sure every single friend of yours is in a long committed marriage with no cheating, verbal abuse, and the men all do 50/50. Lolz.

How do you not know any 60 year olds, don’t you work?

Who knows maybe it’s forever maybe not, maybe your h will die, you never know or maybe he’s bang his secretary or he may become disabled. Life is not perfect if yours is it’s not the norm or maybe your just not old enough to know that yet.

Of course I work, just not with old people.

So not with the C suite.

Young companies aren't structured that way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of us who find a joint Christmas card odd, I think the general consensus is that this doesn’t seem like a thing you are doing for the kids. It seems like a thing you are doing for yourselves. It also doesn’t seem particularly healthy for the kids. I am a child of an amicable divorce. My parents went to all of my events together and I really appreciated it. They also brought their significant others (once they were married), so there was no confusion on our end about the situation. The idea that there is never room for other significant others in your life leaves a lot of room for confusion with your kids. People showing up amicably for their kids’ events does not have to be mutually exclusive with moving on with new relationships. In fact, that’s what divorce is most of the time.

Nobody, talking about normal mature people, are doing Xmas cards for a reason other than to say happy holidays. It’s not advertising, it’s not a PR stunt.

You find a picture in your phone… sometimes just kids, sometimes everybody and you make card.

Nobody is not moving on. We are talking about 2 holidays, birthdays, weddings and graduations. Don’t be a d!ck take a simple pic.

Lol! This is why men think women are crazy they think everything is a move or has a meaning.

I really truly don’t think my Dh cares about sending a card to anyone.

If the mom wants to send a holiday greeting, fine. Send one. Her ex husband doesn’t have to be in it. Same for the dad. If he wants to make and send out a holiday card, also great. Just don’t send it out together. You are not married anymore. You are no longer a family that should be sending a holiday card together.

So every man is exactly like your H? My H sent me the pic, hey here’s a good one from graduation. Cool, 15 min later Xmas card complete. I even put “his” dog on the card, so sue me.

Maybe I should stop celebrating holidays and birthdays too because I’m “not a family” lol, you got mad takes.

Send your broken happy family photo card. do whatever you want. You asked. We answered. Send the picture of your dh’s dog. You can laugh at me. I’m laughing at you.

enjoy your disconnect disinterested H. I'm laughing all the way while I reach for the martini my ex just made me.

NP. Enjoy that martini. It’s a very costly one when you think of the legal fees, lost income, split assets…yikes!

Not PP. divorce is as expensive as people make it. Mine was less than 5k. No lost income. Split assets not an issue with equal earners.

Paying for 2 houses is not more expensive?

One with a $5K mortgage vs 2 with a 3K mortgage. Sure if you wanna split hairs. We also have to take 2 trashes out, the horror.

Sounds like you really are having your cake and eating it too.

By having two lame houses instead of one good one? Good luck on the dating scene to the divorcee with kids. Her ex-husband will probably get snapped up fairly quickly.

You don’t know what you are talking about. Dating now mid 40s with kids is vastly easier than it was 20 years ago without kids. Apps have changed everything. Women have more options than men.

“The options” being divorced dads lugging around kids with behavioral problems, who were either cheaters or total do-nothings…or never-been-married 40somethings who were never married for a reason, maybe the type to prey upon your daughters…sounds great. So many OPTIONS!

Hey, idiot: you need to read the research--the vast majority of kids do fine with divorce and do not suffer any more than their peers with married parents. This is well documented. You are so rude to say kids must have behaviorial problems.
Two: many people do not want kids...40 something men who never had kids are not necessarily damaged.
Also, dating is not cohabitation or remarriage. Kids have nothing to do with it. Many divorced people do not introduce members of the opposite sex to their kids. It is not at all necessary unless there is cohabitation or remarriage. In my case...not happening.

NP. I recently helped my friend who is divorced set up her online dating profile, and we went through the matches. It’s pretty grim out there!

Tell her to get old fashioned and meet people through friends, hobbies and interests.

Among my peer/age group, I know exactly one divorced guy I could introduce someone to, and he’s a cheater and a tub of lard. Everyone I know is married or partnered up.

Then you are not the friend to ask.

My friend is the head of a non-profit and just set my trust fund friend up with a big donor retired widow. Live at 60
Is beautiful.
My neighbor is a teacher and just set up my widowed neighbor with a father she met at school,
My niece is divorced at 38 and met her husband volunteering.
My best friend met her H at a running club.

Sorry you only know slubs.

Oh, your critical thinking skills are rather weak, eh? It’s not that I know “slubs,” I know happily married people and literally one divorced dude. My circle is full of successful, married or in-a-committed-relationship people not divorced people. I also don’t know any 60-year-olds because that’s not my peer group.

When your niece said her vows to her second husband, did she say, “This time, for real for real”?

You sound limited in your experience in life and myopic.

My friend who met at the running club said forever and her H died of cancer 5 years later.

I’m sure every single friend of yours is in a long committed marriage with no cheating, verbal abuse, and the men all do 50/50. Lolz.

How do you not know any 60 year olds, don’t you work?

Who knows maybe it’s forever maybe not, maybe your h will die, you never know or maybe he’s bang his secretary or he may become disabled. Life is not perfect if yours is it’s not the norm or maybe your just not old enough to know that yet.

Of course I work, just not with old people.

So not with the C suite.

Young companies aren't structured that way!

You’re young you will get there eventually

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:For those of us who find a joint Christmas card odd, I think the general consensus is that this doesn’t seem like a thing you are doing for the kids. It seems like a thing you are doing for yourselves. It also doesn’t seem particularly healthy for the kids. I am a child of an amicable divorce. My parents went to all of my events together and I really appreciated it. They also brought their significant others (once they were married), so there was no confusion on our end about the situation. The idea that there is never room for other significant others in your life leaves a lot of room for confusion with your kids. People showing up amicably for their kids’ events does not have to be mutually exclusive with moving on with new relationships. In fact, that’s what divorce is most of the time.

Nobody, talking about normal mature people, are doing Xmas cards for a reason other than to say happy holidays. It’s not advertising, it’s not a PR stunt.

You find a picture in your phone… sometimes just kids, sometimes everybody and you make card.

Nobody is not moving on. We are talking about 2 holidays, birthdays, weddings and graduations. Don’t be a d!ck take a simple pic.

Lol! This is why men think women are crazy they think everything is a move or has a meaning.

I really truly don’t think my Dh cares about sending a card to anyone.

If the mom wants to send a holiday greeting, fine. Send one. Her ex husband doesn’t have to be in it. Same for the dad. If he wants to make and send out a holiday card, also great. Just don’t send it out together. You are not married anymore. You are no longer a family that should be sending a holiday card together.

So every man is exactly like your H? My H sent me the pic, hey here’s a good one from graduation. Cool, 15 min later Xmas card complete. I even put “his” dog on the card, so sue me.

Maybe I should stop celebrating holidays and birthdays too because I’m “not a family” lol, you got mad takes.

Send your broken happy family photo card. do whatever you want. You asked. We answered. Send the picture of your dh’s dog. You can laugh at me. I’m laughing at you.

enjoy your disconnect disinterested H. I'm laughing all the way while I reach for the martini my ex just made me.

NP. Enjoy that martini. It’s a very costly one when you think of the legal fees, lost income, split assets…yikes!

Not PP. divorce is as expensive as people make it. Mine was less than 5k. No lost income. Split assets not an issue with equal earners.

Paying for 2 houses is not more expensive?

One with a $5K mortgage vs 2 with a 3K mortgage. Sure if you wanna split hairs. We also have to take 2 trashes out, the horror.

Sounds like you really are having your cake and eating it too.

By having two lame houses instead of one good one? Good luck on the dating scene to the divorcee with kids. Her ex-husband will probably get snapped up fairly quickly.

You don’t know what you are talking about. Dating now mid 40s with kids is vastly easier than it was 20 years ago without kids. Apps have changed everything. Women have more options than men.

“The options” being divorced dads lugging around kids with behavioral problems, who were either cheaters or total do-nothings…or never-been-married 40somethings who were never married for a reason, maybe the type to prey upon your daughters…sounds great. So many OPTIONS!

Hey, idiot: you need to read the research--the vast majority of kids do fine with divorce and do not suffer any more than their peers with married parents. This is well documented. You are so rude to say kids must have behaviorial problems.
Two: many people do not want kids...40 something men who never had kids are not necessarily damaged.
Also, dating is not cohabitation or remarriage. Kids have nothing to do with it. Many divorced people do not introduce members of the opposite sex to their kids. It is not at all necessary unless there is cohabitation or remarriage. In my case...not happening.

Maybe it is because the kids we know going through it are suffering and not fine at all. I am sure kids can grow up and become well adjusted adults. This can be the case if a parent dies, kid suffers abuse and any other traumatic event. These kids are in elementary and middle school.

Dh’s parents divorced when he went to college so he was already out of the house.

My elementary kids are fine. The research says most kids are completely fine and adjusted within 2 years. Stop with the divorce horror stories. It all depends on how the parents handle a divorce…not the divorce itself.

Sure, "fine and adjusted" for now until life dynamics come up when they are adults. My brother's partner told us at Thanksgiving how stressful it is for him to twist himself into knots this Christmas, trying to see mom's family and dad/stepmom's family and splitting holidays in general...it sounded fraught and is literally something he still talks to his therapist about.

Married people do the same with in laws.

Part of being amicable is we don’t fight over holidays or we do them together specifically to not put it on the kids.

We do our together and only expect Xmas eve dinner and breakfast … they do dinners with in laws/whoever they are dating family… sometimes dinner with us too. But we can change it if needed.

It’s flexible, once we just did something the Saturday after Xmas. (Because of travel)

Being amicable spreads to many facets of life.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This thread got really long. So to summarize for newbies trying to follow….

Dcmoms: kids of divorced are traumatized because their lives have been turned upside down
Also Dcmoms: you MUST get rid of all family traditions after a divorce, this makes me feel more secure in my marriage

LOL to summarize:

Divorced moms: being divorced is just a minor thing like being right or left-handed; anyone who thinks it's weird to act married while being divorced lives in the stone ages;
Everyone else: you look thirsty AF when you advertise how much of a family you still are thru cards and social media
Divorced moms: NO!! LOOK AT US! We are better people and parents because of not in spite of divorce. BELIEVE US!! HAPPY AF!!

Research finds divorced women are happier https://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/a48019/women-happier-after-divorce/

Also, it is better for kids to grow up with divorced parents than in a home with abuse. Abuse is major contributor to the initiation of divorces. Lastly, when children are young and divorce occurs they typically are not eager to break family traditions. Most divorced parents are very familiar with this. They get questions like…can we still A, B, C.

Women deserve happiness and love abuse free. Children deserve to live in homes with happy parents and free of abuse. Love conquers all. Some divorced people can still have love for one another and not want to be romantically linked. There should no shame in loving yourself and your family.

None of these conclusions should upset the married people on this board. Just as gay marriage didn’t unravel your sacred institution, neither with cooperative divorces. It just means there will be more happiness to go around. Have a great day!

The question is not whether the parents are happier, but whether the children are happier. And I'm not talking about getting out of abusive relationships. That makes sense that everyone is happier. I'm talking about the divorce over chores, sex, etc. With gay marriage, that was increasing family stability, so it makes total sense to support it. With divorce, it is decreasing it, no matter what the gleefully divorced want to think.

You can’t say X (married) is happier or Y (divorced) is happier. What we know is some marriages are happy, some are not. Some divorces are happier, some are not.

This thread is about an amicable marriage. Is it good for the kids to be amicable? Or is it better to be not amicable?

Some thing being amicable is confusing for kids. So if you’re going to be amicable you should stay married.

So if you’re not abused stay married. Really?

Actually, yes. You stay married to stay a family. Minus abuse, you put the needs of your kids and family over marginal personal wants.

No you don’t. I know you need to believe that to justify your choices but no you don’t have to stay in an unhappy marriage. But obviously an amicable divorce is better than a toxic one.

You don’t stay in an unhappy marriage, you might have tough time you work through but you don’t stay in a broken marriage.

No, you work on your unhappiness and find a way to be happy, or at least fix the "broken" marriage, because there are others who are affected by your decisions. This is called being a responsible parent, a well functioning grown up. If there is abuse, that's a different story. If you are married with no kids, a different story.

Not every marriage is fixable. But once people move on it’s easier to get along not having the marital drama. Even when there is abuse/infidelity.

Being a responsible parent is knowing when to call it quits instead of staying in a broken situation.

[Anonymous]

The absolute worst is when the divorced parent brings different men and women to family gatherings. Every year it is a different guy. Sadly when the divorced mom gets older, there was guys.

My MIL’s boyfriend is always trying to come over to join our holidays. We want to celebrate our holidays with our family. We don’t want some random guy at our house. It would be different if MIL is hosting and we go there but we do not want the random guy to be part of our holidays. I already know it won’t last long. I don’t want to waste any time of my children’s Christmas with the random dude. I don’t want random dude part of our presents, family breakfast. None of it. I don’t want him there. Dh doesn’t want him there. My kids don’t know him and don’t want him there. The guy is not family.

My FIL is remarried and rarely even visits us. He lives in a different state and not driving distance.

Many divorced parents ruin the most important holidays by being divorced.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:For those of us who find a joint Christmas card odd, I think the general consensus is that this doesn’t seem like a thing you are doing for the kids. It seems like a thing you are doing for yourselves. It also doesn’t seem particularly healthy for the kids. I am a child of an amicable divorce. My parents went to all of my events together and I really appreciated it. They also brought their significant others (once they were married), so there was no confusion on our end about the situation. The idea that there is never room for other significant others in your life leaves a lot of room for confusion with your kids. People showing up amicably for their kids’ events does not have to be mutually exclusive with moving on with new relationships. In fact, that’s what divorce is most of the time.

Nobody, talking about normal mature people, are doing Xmas cards for a reason other than to say happy holidays. It’s not advertising, it’s not a PR stunt.

You find a picture in your phone… sometimes just kids, sometimes everybody and you make card.

Nobody is not moving on. We are talking about 2 holidays, birthdays, weddings and graduations. Don’t be a d!ck take a simple pic.

Lol! This is why men think women are crazy they think everything is a move or has a meaning.

I really truly don’t think my Dh cares about sending a card to anyone.

If the mom wants to send a holiday greeting, fine. Send one. Her ex husband doesn’t have to be in it. Same for the dad. If he wants to make and send out a holiday card, also great. Just don’t send it out together. You are not married anymore. You are no longer a family that should be sending a holiday card together.

So every man is exactly like your H? My H sent me the pic, hey here’s a good one from graduation. Cool, 15 min later Xmas card complete. I even put “his” dog on the card, so sue me.

Maybe I should stop celebrating holidays and birthdays too because I’m “not a family” lol, you got mad takes.

Send your broken happy family photo card. do whatever you want. You asked. We answered. Send the picture of your dh’s dog. You can laugh at me. I’m laughing at you.

enjoy your disconnect disinterested H. I'm laughing all the way while I reach for the martini my ex just made me.

NP. Enjoy that martini. It’s a very costly one when you think of the legal fees, lost income, split assets…yikes!

Not PP. divorce is as expensive as people make it. Mine was less than 5k. No lost income. Split assets not an issue with equal earners.

Paying for 2 houses is not more expensive?

One with a $5K mortgage vs 2 with a 3K mortgage. Sure if you wanna split hairs. We also have to take 2 trashes out, the horror.

Sounds like you really are having your cake and eating it too.

By having two lame houses instead of one good one? Good luck on the dating scene to the divorcee with kids. Her ex-husband will probably get snapped up fairly quickly.

You don’t know what you are talking about. Dating now mid 40s with kids is vastly easier than it was 20 years ago without kids. Apps have changed everything. Women have more options than men.

“The options” being divorced dads lugging around kids with behavioral problems, who were either cheaters or total do-nothings…or never-been-married 40somethings who were never married for a reason, maybe the type to prey upon your daughters…sounds great. So many OPTIONS!

Hey, idiot: you need to read the research--the vast majority of kids do fine with divorce and do not suffer any more than their peers with married parents. This is well documented. You are so rude to say kids must have behaviorial problems.
Two: many people do not want kids...40 something men who never had kids are not necessarily damaged.
Also, dating is not cohabitation or remarriage. Kids have nothing to do with it. Many divorced people do not introduce members of the opposite sex to their kids. It is not at all necessary unless there is cohabitation or remarriage. In my case...not happening.

Maybe it is because the kids we know going through it are suffering and not fine at all. I am sure kids can grow up and become well adjusted adults. This can be the case if a parent dies, kid suffers abuse and any other traumatic event. These kids are in elementary and middle school.

Dh’s parents divorced when he went to college so he was already out of the house.

My elementary kids are fine. The research says most kids are completely fine and adjusted within 2 years. Stop with the divorce horror stories. It all depends on how the parents handle a divorce…not the divorce itself.

Sure, "fine and adjusted" for now until life dynamics come up when they are adults. My brother's partner told us at Thanksgiving how stressful it is for him to twist himself into knots this Christmas, trying to see mom's family and dad/stepmom's family and splitting holidays in general...it sounded fraught and is literally something he still talks to his therapist about.

Married people do the same with in laws.

Part of being amicable is we don’t fight over holidays or we do them together specifically to not put it on the kids.

We do our together and only expect Xmas eve dinner and breakfast … they do dinners with in laws/whoever they are dating family… sometimes dinner with us too. But we can change it if needed.

It’s flexible, once we just did something the Saturday after Xmas. (Because of travel)

Being amicable spreads to many facets of life.

I mean yes, married people do the same with in-laws. And that's enough splitting and expectations and sharing and not being able to please. Now you throw in multiple divorcees and remarriages and ay yi yi...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of us who find a joint Christmas card odd, I think the general consensus is that this doesn’t seem like a thing you are doing for the kids. It seems like a thing you are doing for yourselves. It also doesn’t seem particularly healthy for the kids. I am a child of an amicable divorce. My parents went to all of my events together and I really appreciated it. They also brought their significant others (once they were married), so there was no confusion on our end about the situation. The idea that there is never room for other significant others in your life leaves a lot of room for confusion with your kids. People showing up amicably for their kids’ events does not have to be mutually exclusive with moving on with new relationships. In fact, that’s what divorce is most of the time.

Nobody, talking about normal mature people, are doing Xmas cards for a reason other than to say happy holidays. It’s not advertising, it’s not a PR stunt.

You find a picture in your phone… sometimes just kids, sometimes everybody and you make card.

Nobody is not moving on. We are talking about 2 holidays, birthdays, weddings and graduations. Don’t be a d!ck take a simple pic.

Lol! This is why men think women are crazy they think everything is a move or has a meaning.

I really truly don’t think my Dh cares about sending a card to anyone.

If the mom wants to send a holiday greeting, fine. Send one. Her ex husband doesn’t have to be in it. Same for the dad. If he wants to make and send out a holiday card, also great. Just don’t send it out together. You are not married anymore. You are no longer a family that should be sending a holiday card together.

So every man is exactly like your H? My H sent me the pic, hey here’s a good one from graduation. Cool, 15 min later Xmas card complete. I even put “his” dog on the card, so sue me.

Maybe I should stop celebrating holidays and birthdays too because I’m “not a family” lol, you got mad takes.

Send your broken happy family photo card. do whatever you want. You asked. We answered. Send the picture of your dh’s dog. You can laugh at me. I’m laughing at you.

enjoy your disconnect disinterested H. I'm laughing all the way while I reach for the martini my ex just made me.

NP. Enjoy that martini. It’s a very costly one when you think of the legal fees, lost income, split assets…yikes!

Not PP. divorce is as expensive as people make it. Mine was less than 5k. No lost income. Split assets not an issue with equal earners.

Paying for 2 houses is not more expensive?

One with a $5K mortgage vs 2 with a 3K mortgage. Sure if you wanna split hairs. We also have to take 2 trashes out, the horror.

Sounds like you really are having your cake and eating it too.

By having two lame houses instead of one good one? Good luck on the dating scene to the divorcee with kids. Her ex-husband will probably get snapped up fairly quickly.

You don’t know what you are talking about. Dating now mid 40s with kids is vastly easier than it was 20 years ago without kids. Apps have changed everything. Women have more options than men.

“The options” being divorced dads lugging around kids with behavioral problems, who were either cheaters or total do-nothings…or never-been-married 40somethings who were never married for a reason, maybe the type to prey upon your daughters…sounds great. So many OPTIONS!

Hey, idiot: you need to read the research--the vast majority of kids do fine with divorce and do not suffer any more than their peers with married parents. This is well documented. You are so rude to say kids must have behaviorial problems.
Two: many people do not want kids...40 something men who never had kids are not necessarily damaged.
Also, dating is not cohabitation or remarriage. Kids have nothing to do with it. Many divorced people do not introduce members of the opposite sex to their kids. It is not at all necessary unless there is cohabitation or remarriage. In my case...not happening.

Maybe it is because the kids we know going through it are suffering and not fine at all. I am sure kids can grow up and become well adjusted adults. This can be the case if a parent dies, kid suffers abuse and any other traumatic event. These kids are in elementary and middle school.

Dh’s parents divorced when he went to college so he was already out of the house.

My elementary kids are fine. The research says most kids are completely fine and adjusted within 2 years. Stop with the divorce horror stories. It all depends on how the parents handle a divorce…not the divorce itself.

Sure, "fine and adjusted" for now until life dynamics come up when they are adults. My brother's partner told us at Thanksgiving how stressful it is for him to twist himself into knots this Christmas, trying to see mom's family and dad/stepmom's family and splitting holidays in general...it sounded fraught and is literally something he still talks to his therapist about.

Married people do the same with in laws.

Part of being amicable is we don’t fight over holidays or we do them together specifically to not put it on the kids.

We do our together and only expect Xmas eve dinner and breakfast … they do dinners with in laws/whoever they are dating family… sometimes dinner with us too. But we can change it if needed.

It’s flexible, once we just did something the Saturday after Xmas. (Because of travel)

Being amicable spreads to many facets of life.

I mean yes, married people do the same with in-laws. And that's enough splitting and expectations and sharing and not being able to please. Now you throw in multiple divorcees and remarriages and ay yi yi...

Yea that’s why amicable people either do holidays together or just pick a day close by because they don’t want to cause that type of situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of us who find a joint Christmas card odd, I think the general consensus is that this doesn’t seem like a thing you are doing for the kids. It seems like a thing you are doing for yourselves. It also doesn’t seem particularly healthy for the kids. I am a child of an amicable divorce. My parents went to all of my events together and I really appreciated it. They also brought their significant others (once they were married), so there was no confusion on our end about the situation. The idea that there is never room for other significant others in your life leaves a lot of room for confusion with your kids. People showing up amicably for their kids’ events does not have to be mutually exclusive with moving on with new relationships. In fact, that’s what divorce is most of the time.

Nobody, talking about normal mature people, are doing Xmas cards for a reason other than to say happy holidays. It’s not advertising, it’s not a PR stunt.

You find a picture in your phone… sometimes just kids, sometimes everybody and you make card.

Nobody is not moving on. We are talking about 2 holidays, birthdays, weddings and graduations. Don’t be a d!ck take a simple pic.

Lol! This is why men think women are crazy they think everything is a move or has a meaning.

I really truly don’t think my Dh cares about sending a card to anyone.

If the mom wants to send a holiday greeting, fine. Send one. Her ex husband doesn’t have to be in it. Same for the dad. If he wants to make and send out a holiday card, also great. Just don’t send it out together. You are not married anymore. You are no longer a family that should be sending a holiday card together.

So every man is exactly like your H? My H sent me the pic, hey here’s a good one from graduation. Cool, 15 min later Xmas card complete. I even put “his” dog on the card, so sue me.

Maybe I should stop celebrating holidays and birthdays too because I’m “not a family” lol, you got mad takes.

Send your broken happy family photo card. do whatever you want. You asked. We answered. Send the picture of your dh’s dog. You can laugh at me. I’m laughing at you.

enjoy your disconnect disinterested H. I'm laughing all the way while I reach for the martini my ex just made me.

NP. Enjoy that martini. It’s a very costly one when you think of the legal fees, lost income, split assets…yikes!

Not PP. divorce is as expensive as people make it. Mine was less than 5k. No lost income. Split assets not an issue with equal earners.

Paying for 2 houses is not more expensive?

One with a $5K mortgage vs 2 with a 3K mortgage. Sure if you wanna split hairs. We also have to take 2 trashes out, the horror.

Sounds like you really are having your cake and eating it too.

By having two lame houses instead of one good one? Good luck on the dating scene to the divorcee with kids. Her ex-husband will probably get snapped up fairly quickly.

You don’t know what you are talking about. Dating now mid 40s with kids is vastly easier than it was 20 years ago without kids. Apps have changed everything. Women have more options than men.

“The options” being divorced dads lugging around kids with behavioral problems, who were either cheaters or total do-nothings…or never-been-married 40somethings who were never married for a reason, maybe the type to prey upon your daughters…sounds great. So many OPTIONS!

Hey, idiot: you need to read the research--the vast majority of kids do fine with divorce and do not suffer any more than their peers with married parents. This is well documented. You are so rude to say kids must have behaviorial problems.
Two: many people do not want kids...40 something men who never had kids are not necessarily damaged.
Also, dating is not cohabitation or remarriage. Kids have nothing to do with it. Many divorced people do not introduce members of the opposite sex to their kids. It is not at all necessary unless there is cohabitation or remarriage. In my case...not happening.

Maybe it is because the kids we know going through it are suffering and not fine at all. I am sure kids can grow up and become well adjusted adults. This can be the case if a parent dies, kid suffers abuse and any other traumatic event. These kids are in elementary and middle school.

Dh’s parents divorced when he went to college so he was already out of the house.

My elementary kids are fine. The research says most kids are completely fine and adjusted within 2 years. Stop with the divorce horror stories. It all depends on how the parents handle a divorce…not the divorce itself.

Sure, "fine and adjusted" for now until life dynamics come up when they are adults. My brother's partner told us at Thanksgiving how stressful it is for him to twist himself into knots this Christmas, trying to see mom's family and dad/stepmom's family and splitting holidays in general...it sounded fraught and is literally something he still talks to his therapist about.

Married people do the same with in laws.

Part of being amicable is we don’t fight over holidays or we do them together specifically to not put it on the kids.

We do our together and only expect Xmas eve dinner and breakfast … they do dinners with in laws/whoever they are dating family… sometimes dinner with us too. But we can change it if needed.

It’s flexible, once we just did something the Saturday after Xmas. (Because of travel)

Being amicable spreads to many facets of life.

It is not the same at all. Most divorced parents don’t do holidays altogether. Maybe OP does but I don’t know anyone in real life who does this.

When kids are young, parents switch holidays.

When kids are grown up, almost always, the kid(s) prefer one parent for whatever reason (proximity, more comfortable home, no stepparent).

When adult kids get married and have kids, it adds another layer of proximity and it is not all happy.

It is never equal between divorced parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of us who find a joint Christmas card odd, I think the general consensus is that this doesn’t seem like a thing you are doing for the kids. It seems like a thing you are doing for yourselves. It also doesn’t seem particularly healthy for the kids. I am a child of an amicable divorce. My parents went to all of my events together and I really appreciated it. They also brought their significant others (once they were married), so there was no confusion on our end about the situation. The idea that there is never room for other significant others in your life leaves a lot of room for confusion with your kids. People showing up amicably for their kids’ events does not have to be mutually exclusive with moving on with new relationships. In fact, that’s what divorce is most of the time.

Nobody, talking about normal mature people, are doing Xmas cards for a reason other than to say happy holidays. It’s not advertising, it’s not a PR stunt.

You find a picture in your phone… sometimes just kids, sometimes everybody and you make card.

Nobody is not moving on. We are talking about 2 holidays, birthdays, weddings and graduations. Don’t be a d!ck take a simple pic.

Lol! This is why men think women are crazy they think everything is a move or has a meaning.

I really truly don’t think my Dh cares about sending a card to anyone.

If the mom wants to send a holiday greeting, fine. Send one. Her ex husband doesn’t have to be in it. Same for the dad. If he wants to make and send out a holiday card, also great. Just don’t send it out together. You are not married anymore. You are no longer a family that should be sending a holiday card together.

So every man is exactly like your H? My H sent me the pic, hey here’s a good one from graduation. Cool, 15 min later Xmas card complete. I even put “his” dog on the card, so sue me.

Maybe I should stop celebrating holidays and birthdays too because I’m “not a family” lol, you got mad takes.

Send your broken happy family photo card. do whatever you want. You asked. We answered. Send the picture of your dh’s dog. You can laugh at me. I’m laughing at you.

enjoy your disconnect disinterested H. I'm laughing all the way while I reach for the martini my ex just made me.

NP. Enjoy that martini. It’s a very costly one when you think of the legal fees, lost income, split assets…yikes!

Not PP. divorce is as expensive as people make it. Mine was less than 5k. No lost income. Split assets not an issue with equal earners.

Paying for 2 houses is not more expensive?

One with a $5K mortgage vs 2 with a 3K mortgage. Sure if you wanna split hairs. We also have to take 2 trashes out, the horror.

Sounds like you really are having your cake and eating it too.

By having two lame houses instead of one good one? Good luck on the dating scene to the divorcee with kids. Her ex-husband will probably get snapped up fairly quickly.

You don’t know what you are talking about. Dating now mid 40s with kids is vastly easier than it was 20 years ago without kids. Apps have changed everything. Women have more options than men.

“The options” being divorced dads lugging around kids with behavioral problems, who were either cheaters or total do-nothings…or never-been-married 40somethings who were never married for a reason, maybe the type to prey upon your daughters…sounds great. So many OPTIONS!

Hey, idiot: you need to read the research--the vast majority of kids do fine with divorce and do not suffer any more than their peers with married parents. This is well documented. You are so rude to say kids must have behaviorial problems.
Two: many people do not want kids...40 something men who never had kids are not necessarily damaged.
Also, dating is not cohabitation or remarriage. Kids have nothing to do with it. Many divorced people do not introduce members of the opposite sex to their kids. It is not at all necessary unless there is cohabitation or remarriage. In my case...not happening.

Maybe it is because the kids we know going through it are suffering and not fine at all. I am sure kids can grow up and become well adjusted adults. This can be the case if a parent dies, kid suffers abuse and any other traumatic event. These kids are in elementary and middle school.

Dh’s parents divorced when he went to college so he was already out of the house.

My elementary kids are fine. The research says most kids are completely fine and adjusted within 2 years. Stop with the divorce horror stories. It all depends on how the parents handle a divorce…not the divorce itself.

Sure, "fine and adjusted" for now until life dynamics come up when they are adults. My brother's partner told us at Thanksgiving how stressful it is for him to twist himself into knots this Christmas, trying to see mom's family and dad/stepmom's family and splitting holidays in general...it sounded fraught and is literally something he still talks to his therapist about.

Married people do the same with in laws.

Part of being amicable is we don’t fight over holidays or we do them together specifically to not put it on the kids.

We do our together and only expect Xmas eve dinner and breakfast … they do dinners with in laws/whoever they are dating family… sometimes dinner with us too. But we can change it if needed.

It’s flexible, once we just did something the Saturday after Xmas. (Because of travel)

Being amicable spreads to many facets of life.

I mean yes, married people do the same with in-laws. And that's enough splitting and expectations and sharing and not being able to please. Now you throw in multiple divorcees and remarriages and ay yi yi...

Yea that’s why amicable people either do holidays together or just pick a day close by because they don’t want to cause that type of situation.

My friend was just complaining how she hates having multiple holidays. It is all burden and obligation.

[Anonymous]

Married people do the same with in laws.

Part of being amicable is we don’t fight over holidays or we do them together specifically to not put it on the kids.

We do our together and only expect Xmas eve dinner and breakfast … they do dinners with in laws/whoever they are dating family… sometimes dinner with us too. But we can change it if needed.

It’s flexible, once we just did something the Saturday after Xmas. (Because of travel)

Being amicable spreads to many facets of life.

You think you have the perfect divorce. Meantime, there are plenty of posters on DCUM - many on this thread - who are adult children of divorce who are sharing their experiences that even when the adults thinks it's all great, the kids often disagree but don't feel comfortable saying that. And many say that it's worse as adults. Your narrative doesn't leave any space for your kid to have different feelings.