Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it was just a house for which you have money, I would say go for it as house is an investment. However, if she wants that then she has to compromise on wedding. Have a simple wedding. She is 30 and working, not a 20 year old with no financial sense. You two should meet a financial counselor to get a reality check. As far as having kids right after wedding is never a great idea, enjoy an year or two as a couple before taking on responsibility of a child. If you two can afford being one income, its fine but to go on one income, y’all need to be more prudent. This doesn’t have to be your forever home, if you have 2 kids, you can move to a bigger house in 5-6 years when kids start KG.

It seems she is comparing things with other couples and wants to do as good or better or trying to recreate her childhood. Its immature for a 30 year old woman. You on the other side are saving 90% of your income, this doesn’t seem like a great match but what were you talking about this whole year?

I agree with all of this.

A house in these areas is a decent investment. There is no reason to think that you won’t be able to sell it if you need to. It’s not a $2 million house in Omaha. I have no idea if it’s a better investment to buy a smaller house now and move later or to just go with the house that you are planning to stay in for the next 20+ years. I think it’s the latter. I don’t know, but you could likely meet with a financial counselor and get a better idea of what’s reasonable to spend on a house.

The bigger issue is that you really seem to be on opposite extremes of the spectrum in terms of spending and saving. I get it that a year is a short time to know someone before getting engaged, but it seems like a long time to know someone and not have this come up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had a long talk this morning and we have decided to put our engagement on hold and go to couples therapy. I worry that couples therapy this early into a relationship is not a good sign, but I do love her and I’m willing I try to work past our differences. I explained my situation and how she had done a 180 and how that is concerning to me. She said she didn’t think it was a big issue but can now see it from my side. She loves me and wants to marry and wants to put in the effort to see if we can resolve these issues.

As for being cheap, I’m not. Some may think I am because I lived on $40k/year for many years, but that was just to build up my wealth so I can afford things like a nice home, wedding, and kids. My parents did the same. We live together and I no longer live on $40k/year, but I’m still frugal so I can save. I stroll enjoy life - nice clothes bought on major holidays, nice car I paid off, once a year vacations, etc., that are outside of the $40k/year because they are not as frequent. I bought my gf a $20k ring and will be buying a $1-1.5m house. I’m willing to live far beyond the $40k I’m used to living on because I know I can with the savings. I’m 35 and have no debt and a savings of about $2m. I know a family will require a larger budget and I’m willing to expand it, but it’s nice to know my wife and I and my future kids will have a safety net to rely on.

It sounds like you have maybe been spending more than you normally would in the last year while you two have been dating. You probably both feel a little duped by the other person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP kind of sounds like the leech to me. He wants a wife on whom he can offload all the domestic duties while maximizing his own income and net worth, while refusing to share it with the wife who has to put her own career on the back burner to keep the family life running. Pretty sexist.

good job of making sh*t up to fit your own narrative. typical DCUM man-hater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP kind of sounds like the leech to me. He wants a wife on whom he can offload all the domestic duties while maximizing his own income and net worth, while refusing to share it with the wife who has to put her own career on the back burner to keep the family life running. Pretty sexist.

good job of making sh*t up to fit your own narrative. typical DCUM man-hater.

Your incel is showing.

[Anonymous]

OP cares too much about money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP cares too much about money.

Yep, and then he projects it all over everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Friend: Why did you guys break up?

OP: X decided she wanted to live in big house and stay home with our kids.

Friend: The nerve of the girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it was just a house for which you have money, I would say go for it as house is an investment. However, if she wants that then she has to compromise on wedding. Have a simple wedding. She is 30 and working, not a 20 year old with no financial sense. You two should meet a financial counselor to get a reality check. As far as having kids right after wedding is never a great idea, enjoy an year or two as a couple before taking on responsibility of a child. If you two can afford being one income, its fine but to go on one income, y’all need to be more prudent. This doesn’t have to be your forever home, if you have 2 kids, you can move to a bigger house in 5-6 years when kids start KG.

It seems she is comparing things with other couples and wants to do as good or better or trying to recreate her childhood. Its immature for a 30 year old woman. You on the other side are saving 90% of your income, this doesn’t seem like a great match but what were you talking about this whole year?

Sounds like he got the bait and switch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have thought about this thread today.

I have a daughter who is sweet, pretty and smart. I don’t know what she will be when she grows up but I would think her future husband should be able to afford her a minimum lifestyle and living in a comfortable home and allowing her to stay home if she wants should be a minimum.

My daughter does come from privilege. She lives in a giant house in an affluent neighborhood, used to country club life and constant vacations. We don’t even think of these items as luxuries. They are part of our everyday lives.

We can and probably will pay for the wedding and can pay for the house easily. We probably will gift our children homes. I would not want the future husband to know that though. I would want him to love my daughter and want to provide these things. Of course if he is just starting out and can’t afford it, that is different and we would happily help.

Your daughter should reserve her spot in the “Family Relationships” forum now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it was just a house for which you have money, I would say go for it as house is an investment. However, if she wants that then she has to compromise on wedding. Have a simple wedding. She is 30 and working, not a 20 year old with no financial sense. You two should meet a financial counselor to get a reality check. As far as having kids right after wedding is never a great idea, enjoy an year or two as a couple before taking on responsibility of a child. If you two can afford being one income, its fine but to go on one income, y’all need to be more prudent. This doesn’t have to be your forever home, if you have 2 kids, you can move to a bigger house in 5-6 years when kids start KG.

It seems she is comparing things with other couples and wants to do as good or better or trying to recreate her childhood. Its immature for a 30 year old woman. You on the other side are saving 90% of your income, this doesn’t seem like a great match but what were you talking about this whole year?

Buying a starter home first with the plan of upgrading in 5-6 years when you could afford the forever home now is a really poor investment decision because you lost tens of thousands of dollars in transaction costs alone. Not to mention that mortgage interest rates are still crazy low right now and could be substantially higher in 5-6 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friend: Why did you guys break up?

OP: X decided she wanted to live in big house and stay home with our kids.

Friend: The nerve of the girl.

You are leaving a lot out but you know that. Not even close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend: Why did you guys break up?

OP: X decided she wanted to live in big house and stay home with our kids.

Friend: The nerve of the girl.

You are leaving a lot out but you know that. Not even close.

DP. So is OP. He has been dodging a lot of questions in this discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it was just a house for which you have money, I would say go for it as house is an investment. However, if she wants that then she has to compromise on wedding. Have a simple wedding. She is 30 and working, not a 20 year old with no financial sense. You two should meet a financial counselor to get a reality check. As far as having kids right after wedding is never a great idea, enjoy an year or two as a couple before taking on responsibility of a child. If you two can afford being one income, its fine but to go on one income, y’all need to be more prudent. This doesn’t have to be your forever home, if you have 2 kids, you can move to a bigger house in 5-6 years when kids start KG.

It seems she is comparing things with other couples and wants to do as good or better or trying to recreate her childhood. Its immature for a 30 year old woman. You on the other side are saving 90% of your income, this doesn’t seem like a great match but what were you talking about this whole year?

Buying a starter home first with the plan of upgrading in 5-6 years when you could afford the forever home now is a really poor investment decision because you lost tens of thousands of dollars in transaction costs alone. Not to mention that mortgage interest rates are still crazy low right now and could be substantially higher in 5-6 years.

Maybe this is why the GF changed her mind on how much house to buy. The OP has $2m in savings. The house seems like a good investment right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP kind of sounds like the leech to me. He wants a wife on whom he can offload all the domestic duties while maximizing his own income and net worth, while refusing to share it with the wife who has to put her own career on the back burner to keep the family life running. Pretty sexist.

good job of making sh*t up to fit your own narrative. typical DCUM man-hater.

Your incel is showing.

so anyone who disagrees with such utter nonsense is an incel? nice try. married woman with 2 kids here. but you do you honey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it was just a house for which you have money, I would say go for it as house is an investment. However, if she wants that then she has to compromise on wedding. Have a simple wedding. She is 30 and working, not a 20 year old with no financial sense. You two should meet a financial counselor to get a reality check. As far as having kids right after wedding is never a great idea, enjoy an year or two as a couple before taking on responsibility of a child. If you two can afford being one income, its fine but to go on one income, y’all need to be more prudent. This doesn’t have to be your forever home, if you have 2 kids, you can move to a bigger house in 5-6 years when kids start KG.

It seems she is comparing things with other couples and wants to do as good or better or trying to recreate her childhood. Its immature for a 30 year old woman. You on the other side are saving 90% of your income, this doesn’t seem like a great match but what were you talking about this whole year?

Buying a starter home first with the plan of upgrading in 5-6 years when you could afford the forever home now is a really poor investment decision because you lost tens of thousands of dollars in transaction costs alone. Not to mention that mortgage interest rates are still crazy low right now and could be substantially higher in 5-6 years.

Maybe this is why the GF changed her mind on how much house to buy. The OP has $2m in savings. The house seems like a good investment right now.

yeah, she's showing her true colors - she's a gold digger putting claims on his savings to support her lifestyle. sure OP may not be responding anymore but IMO, he did the right think to confront his ex-GF and dodged a serious bullet with this one.