Any men here who walked away from their families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this just shows how little how you or the men in your life care about their kids.

"What Happens if a Mother Refuses Access?
If there’s a court order granting visitation and the mother refuses to comply, she could face legal consequences. The father can go back to court and file a motion to enforce visitation. If she continues to block access, she could be found in contempt of court, which might lead to fines or other penalties. In some cases, a judge could even modify custody arrangements in favor of the father."

So instead of whining and complaining about their ex on the internet, they could have been doing the work and getting even more custody. Oh wait, it's working exactly as planned because these men didn't even want custody in the first place.

She "can" face legal consequences but likely she won't. Most often the result of a woman ignoring a court order is, you drag her back to court, and the judge issues another court order which she ignores. The judge is not going to award the father custody unless it's an extreme and provable case of the mom being unfit. Very rare.

And when push comes to shove, most ex-husbands are very hesitant to have their ex-wives thrown in jail, because that will traumatize his kids no matter how much his XW deserved it.

None of this happened to you, because this is a crazy scenario. Stop talking mess and start talking facts, if you even have any. You sound paranoid and delusional, not to mention misogynist af.

I am not the PP but this is actually not a crazy scenario - I know someone living it right now. The mom is actively keeping the child from the dad. She is making false allegations against him, she pulled the child out of summer camp two weeks early, and has gone so far as to take the kid to another state for a month. Is that kidnapping? Yeah. Do you know how quickly a court does something about that? Not very. And frankly, the dad doesn't want to charge her with it because he cares enough to know that it's not good for their kid if one parent is convicted of a crime (although the mom doesn't feel this way so she's trying to press charges for things she has already said he didn't do). The legal system isn't quick, and when you're talking about an 8-year old, there's not a lot the kid can do to try to reach the dad either. His lawyers have advised him not to try to go get the kid because he needs to let the system work its way through things. I'd like to go kidnap the child myself and deliver her to her dad but obviously I wouldn't do that. You want more facts?

So he recognizes the danger, keeps his child in danger, and doesnt bother going to court to fight for his 8 year old? Yikes. Great parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this just shows how little how you or the men in your life care about their kids.

"What Happens if a Mother Refuses Access?
If there’s a court order granting visitation and the mother refuses to comply, she could face legal consequences. The father can go back to court and file a motion to enforce visitation. If she continues to block access, she could be found in contempt of court, which might lead to fines or other penalties. In some cases, a judge could even modify custody arrangements in favor of the father."

So instead of whining and complaining about their ex on the internet, they could have been doing the work and getting even more custody. Oh wait, it's working exactly as planned because these men didn't even want custody in the first place.

She "can" face legal consequences but likely she won't. Most often the result of a woman ignoring a court order is, you drag her back to court, and the judge issues another court order which she ignores. The judge is not going to award the father custody unless it's an extreme and provable case of the mom being unfit. Very rare.

And when push comes to shove, most ex-husbands are very hesitant to have their ex-wives thrown in jail, because that will traumatize his kids no matter how much his XW deserved it.

None of this happened to you, because this is a crazy scenario. Stop talking mess and start talking facts, if you even have any. You sound paranoid and delusional, not to mention misogynist af.

I am not the PP but this is actually not a crazy scenario - I know someone living it right now. The mom is actively keeping the child from the dad. She is making false allegations against him, she pulled the child out of summer camp two weeks early, and has gone so far as to take the kid to another state for a month. Is that kidnapping? Yeah. Do you know how quickly a court does something about that? Not very. And frankly, the dad doesn't want to charge her with it because he cares enough to know that it's not good for their kid if one parent is convicted of a crime (although the mom doesn't feel this way so she's trying to press charges for things she has already said he didn't do). The legal system isn't quick, and when you're talking about an 8-year old, there's not a lot the kid can do to try to reach the dad either. His lawyers have advised him not to try to go get the kid because he needs to let the system work its way through things. I'd like to go kidnap the child myself and deliver her to her dad but obviously I wouldn't do that. You want more facts?

Secondhand "facts" from the guy who doesn't want to make a case about it, but wants to tell you, whoever you are to him? Nah. Victimese isn't facts, bro. It's not "kidnapping" to take your own kid out of state. If there's a custody order that says something about notice/consent to travel, then there's a path of legal recourse for addressing the issue. "It'll take too long" is a cheap excuse.

Y'all sound overly dramatic for people sitting around doing literally nothing about the situation. And no, his lawyers didn't advise him to not file a contempt proceeding if that was an applicable route. Maybe it's not an applicable route. Maybe get the actual facts before you come in hot like you've got a case. You sound mental; I can see why she feels the need to get herself and her kid away from you. And if you're not doing all you legally can to try to get the kid back, well, you're alienating yourself. "I didn't want to file a contempt proceeding because the legal system isn't quick, son". Hokay. That's your choice.

Exactly! He has options, he is just refusing to pursue them. He's sitting on his a$$ and apparently b##tching to his friends about this instead of actually, y'know, trying to do something to help his child. How is this NOT his fault? If he wanted to see his child, he would pursue the legal options available to him.

[Anonymous]

The title of this thread is "any men who walked away from their families". So far the only people posting are apparently people who "know" men who've been kept away from their kids, but still haven't answered any of the actual questions.

They clearly aren't fighting for their children anymore, but how long did they fight before they gave up? Did they start a new family? Do they still keep tabs on their child/ren?

Why won't any of the people who "know" all these men answer? Why won't any of the men who've done this answer?

[Anonymous]

My best friend’s dad did. He left his wife and four kids (13 - 19). Married his AP and had two children with AP.

My friend and her siblings didn’t interact with him. Their mom died when the youngest was 20.

When two of the kids had significant mental health and substance abuse issues, the eldest reached out to their dad. Their dad stepped up to help, which was critical and helpful. Eldest described how hard it was to get him to help and that he was a complete ass and

[Anonymous]

^^ played money games with and between the first set of kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this just shows how little how you or the men in your life care about their kids.

"What Happens if a Mother Refuses Access?
If there’s a court order granting visitation and the mother refuses to comply, she could face legal consequences. The father can go back to court and file a motion to enforce visitation. If she continues to block access, she could be found in contempt of court, which might lead to fines or other penalties. In some cases, a judge could even modify custody arrangements in favor of the father."

So instead of whining and complaining about their ex on the internet, they could have been doing the work and getting even more custody. Oh wait, it's working exactly as planned because these men didn't even want custody in the first place.

She "can" face legal consequences but likely she won't. Most often the result of a woman ignoring a court order is, you drag her back to court, and the judge issues another court order which she ignores. The judge is not going to award the father custody unless it's an extreme and provable case of the mom being unfit. Very rare.

And when push comes to shove, most ex-husbands are very hesitant to have their ex-wives thrown in jail, because that will traumatize his kids no matter how much his XW deserved it.

None of this happened to you, because this is a crazy scenario. Stop talking mess and start talking facts, if you even have any. You sound paranoid and delusional, not to mention misogynist af.

I am not the PP but this is actually not a crazy scenario - I know someone living it right now. The mom is actively keeping the child from the dad. She is making false allegations against him, she pulled the child out of summer camp two weeks early, and has gone so far as to take the kid to another state for a month. Is that kidnapping? Yeah. Do you know how quickly a court does something about that? Not very. And frankly, the dad doesn't want to charge her with it because he cares enough to know that it's not good for their kid if one parent is convicted of a crime (although the mom doesn't feel this way so she's trying to press charges for things she has already said he didn't do). The legal system isn't quick, and when you're talking about an 8-year old, there's not a lot the kid can do to try to reach the dad either. His lawyers have advised him not to try to go get the kid because he needs to let the system work its way through things. I'd like to go kidnap the child myself and deliver her to her dad but obviously I wouldn't do that. You want more facts?

Secondhand "facts" from the guy who doesn't want to make a case about it, but wants to tell you, whoever you are to him? Nah. Victimese isn't facts, bro. It's not "kidnapping" to take your own kid out of state. If there's a custody order that says something about notice/consent to travel, then there's a path of legal recourse for addressing the issue. "It'll take too long" is a cheap excuse.

Y'all sound overly dramatic for people sitting around doing literally nothing about the situation. And no, his lawyers didn't advise him to not file a contempt proceeding if that was an applicable route. Maybe it's not an applicable route. Maybe get the actual facts before you come in hot like you've got a case. You sound mental; I can see why she feels the need to get herself and her kid away from you. And if you're not doing all you legally can to try to get the kid back, well, you're alienating yourself. "I didn't want to file a contempt proceeding because the legal system isn't quick, son". Hokay. That's your choice.

Wow ok lol. You sure sound thoughtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this just shows how little how you or the men in your life care about their kids.

"What Happens if a Mother Refuses Access?
If there’s a court order granting visitation and the mother refuses to comply, she could face legal consequences. The father can go back to court and file a motion to enforce visitation. If she continues to block access, she could be found in contempt of court, which might lead to fines or other penalties. In some cases, a judge could even modify custody arrangements in favor of the father."

So instead of whining and complaining about their ex on the internet, they could have been doing the work and getting even more custody. Oh wait, it's working exactly as planned because these men didn't even want custody in the first place.

She "can" face legal consequences but likely she won't. Most often the result of a woman ignoring a court order is, you drag her back to court, and the judge issues another court order which she ignores. The judge is not going to award the father custody unless it's an extreme and provable case of the mom being unfit. Very rare.

And when push comes to shove, most ex-husbands are very hesitant to have their ex-wives thrown in jail, because that will traumatize his kids no matter how much his XW deserved it.

None of this happened to you, because this is a crazy scenario. Stop talking mess and start talking facts, if you even have any. You sound paranoid and delusional, not to mention misogynist af.

I am not the PP but this is actually not a crazy scenario - I know someone living it right now. The mom is actively keeping the child from the dad. She is making false allegations against him, she pulled the child out of summer camp two weeks early, and has gone so far as to take the kid to another state for a month. Is that kidnapping? Yeah. Do you know how quickly a court does something about that? Not very. And frankly, the dad doesn't want to charge her with it because he cares enough to know that it's not good for their kid if one parent is convicted of a crime (although the mom doesn't feel this way so she's trying to press charges for things she has already said he didn't do). The legal system isn't quick, and when you're talking about an 8-year old, there's not a lot the kid can do to try to reach the dad either. His lawyers have advised him not to try to go get the kid because he needs to let the system work its way through things. I'd like to go kidnap the child myself and deliver her to her dad but obviously I wouldn't do that. You want more facts?

Secondhand "facts" from the guy who doesn't want to make a case about it, but wants to tell you, whoever you are to him? Nah. Victimese isn't facts, bro. It's not "kidnapping" to take your own kid out of state. If there's a custody order that says something about notice/consent to travel, then there's a path of legal recourse for addressing the issue. "It'll take too long" is a cheap excuse.

Y'all sound overly dramatic for people sitting around doing literally nothing about the situation. And no, his lawyers didn't advise him to not file a contempt proceeding if that was an applicable route. Maybe it's not an applicable route. Maybe get the actual facts before you come in hot like you've got a case. You sound mental; I can see why she feels the need to get herself and her kid away from you. And if you're not doing all you legally can to try to get the kid back, well, you're alienating yourself. "I didn't want to file a contempt proceeding because the legal system isn't quick, son". Hokay. That's your choice.

Wow ok lol. You sure sound thoughtful.

PP put more thought into her post than your friend did in seeing his kid soo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this just shows how little how you or the men in your life care about their kids.

"What Happens if a Mother Refuses Access?
If there’s a court order granting visitation and the mother refuses to comply, she could face legal consequences. The father can go back to court and file a motion to enforce visitation. If she continues to block access, she could be found in contempt of court, which might lead to fines or other penalties. In some cases, a judge could even modify custody arrangements in favor of the father."

So instead of whining and complaining about their ex on the internet, they could have been doing the work and getting even more custody. Oh wait, it's working exactly as planned because these men didn't even want custody in the first place.

She "can" face legal consequences but likely she won't. Most often the result of a woman ignoring a court order is, you drag her back to court, and the judge issues another court order which she ignores. The judge is not going to award the father custody unless it's an extreme and provable case of the mom being unfit. Very rare.

And when push comes to shove, most ex-husbands are very hesitant to have their ex-wives thrown in jail, because that will traumatize his kids no matter how much his XW deserved it.

None of this happened to you, because this is a crazy scenario. Stop talking mess and start talking facts, if you even have any. You sound paranoid and delusional, not to mention misogynist af.

I am not the PP but this is actually not a crazy scenario - I know someone living it right now. The mom is actively keeping the child from the dad. She is making false allegations against him, she pulled the child out of summer camp two weeks early, and has gone so far as to take the kid to another state for a month. Is that kidnapping? Yeah. Do you know how quickly a court does something about that? Not very. And frankly, the dad doesn't want to charge her with it because he cares enough to know that it's not good for their kid if one parent is convicted of a crime (although the mom doesn't feel this way so she's trying to press charges for things she has already said he didn't do). The legal system isn't quick, and when you're talking about an 8-year old, there's not a lot the kid can do to try to reach the dad either. His lawyers have advised him not to try to go get the kid because he needs to let the system work its way through things. I'd like to go kidnap the child myself and deliver her to her dad but obviously I wouldn't do that. You want more facts?

Secondhand "facts" from the guy who doesn't want to make a case about it, but wants to tell you, whoever you are to him? Nah. Victimese isn't facts, bro. It's not "kidnapping" to take your own kid out of state. If there's a custody order that says something about notice/consent to travel, then there's a path of legal recourse for addressing the issue. "It'll take too long" is a cheap excuse.

Y'all sound overly dramatic for people sitting around doing literally nothing about the situation. And no, his lawyers didn't advise him to not file a contempt proceeding if that was an applicable route. Maybe it's not an applicable route. Maybe get the actual facts before you come in hot like you've got a case. You sound mental; I can see why she feels the need to get herself and her kid away from you. And if you're not doing all you legally can to try to get the kid back, well, you're alienating yourself. "I didn't want to file a contempt proceeding because the legal system isn't quick, son". Hokay. That's your choice.

Wow ok lol. You sure sound thoughtful.

PP put more thought into her post than your friend did in seeing his kid soo

Gold star for you and this beauty of a burn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this just shows how little how you or the men in your life care about their kids.

"What Happens if a Mother Refuses Access?
If there’s a court order granting visitation and the mother refuses to comply, she could face legal consequences. The father can go back to court and file a motion to enforce visitation. If she continues to block access, she could be found in contempt of court, which might lead to fines or other penalties. In some cases, a judge could even modify custody arrangements in favor of the father."

So instead of whining and complaining about their ex on the internet, they could have been doing the work and getting even more custody. Oh wait, it's working exactly as planned because these men didn't even want custody in the first place.

She "can" face legal consequences but likely she won't. Most often the result of a woman ignoring a court order is, you drag her back to court, and the judge issues another court order which she ignores. The judge is not going to award the father custody unless it's an extreme and provable case of the mom being unfit. Very rare.

And when push comes to shove, most ex-husbands are very hesitant to have their ex-wives thrown in jail, because that will traumatize his kids no matter how much his XW deserved it.

None of this happened to you, because this is a crazy scenario. Stop talking mess and start talking facts, if you even have any. You sound paranoid and delusional, not to mention misogynist af.

I am not the PP but this is actually not a crazy scenario - I know someone living it right now. The mom is actively keeping the child from the dad. She is making false allegations against him, she pulled the child out of summer camp two weeks early, and has gone so far as to take the kid to another state for a month. Is that kidnapping? Yeah. Do you know how quickly a court does something about that? Not very. And frankly, the dad doesn't want to charge her with it because he cares enough to know that it's not good for their kid if one parent is convicted of a crime (although the mom doesn't feel this way so she's trying to press charges for things she has already said he didn't do). The legal system isn't quick, and when you're talking about an 8-year old, there's not a lot the kid can do to try to reach the dad either. His lawyers have advised him not to try to go get the kid because he needs to let the system work its way through things. I'd like to go kidnap the child myself and deliver her to her dad but obviously I wouldn't do that. You want more facts?

So he recognizes the danger, keeps his child in danger, and doesnt bother going to court to fight for his 8 year old? Yikes. Great parent.

Mom is at fault. Courts do nothing. Be real. What can he do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this just shows how little how you or the men in your life care about their kids.

"What Happens if a Mother Refuses Access?
If there’s a court order granting visitation and the mother refuses to comply, she could face legal consequences. The father can go back to court and file a motion to enforce visitation. If she continues to block access, she could be found in contempt of court, which might lead to fines or other penalties. In some cases, a judge could even modify custody arrangements in favor of the father."

So instead of whining and complaining about their ex on the internet, they could have been doing the work and getting even more custody. Oh wait, it's working exactly as planned because these men didn't even want custody in the first place.

She "can" face legal consequences but likely she won't. Most often the result of a woman ignoring a court order is, you drag her back to court, and the judge issues another court order which she ignores. The judge is not going to award the father custody unless it's an extreme and provable case of the mom being unfit. Very rare.

And when push comes to shove, most ex-husbands are very hesitant to have their ex-wives thrown in jail, because that will traumatize his kids no matter how much his XW deserved it.

None of this happened to you, because this is a crazy scenario. Stop talking mess and start talking facts, if you even have any. You sound paranoid and delusional, not to mention misogynist af.

I am not the PP but this is actually not a crazy scenario - I know someone living it right now. The mom is actively keeping the child from the dad. She is making false allegations against him, she pulled the child out of summer camp two weeks early, and has gone so far as to take the kid to another state for a month. Is that kidnapping? Yeah. Do you know how quickly a court does something about that? Not very. And frankly, the dad doesn't want to charge her with it because he cares enough to know that it's not good for their kid if one parent is convicted of a crime (although the mom doesn't feel this way so she's trying to press charges for things she has already said he didn't do). The legal system isn't quick, and when you're talking about an 8-year old, there's not a lot the kid can do to try to reach the dad either. His lawyers have advised him not to try to go get the kid because he needs to let the system work its way through things. I'd like to go kidnap the child myself and deliver her to her dad but obviously I wouldn't do that. You want more facts?

Secondhand "facts" from the guy who doesn't want to make a case about it, but wants to tell you, whoever you are to him? Nah. Victimese isn't facts, bro. It's not "kidnapping" to take your own kid out of state. If there's a custody order that says something about notice/consent to travel, then there's a path of legal recourse for addressing the issue. "It'll take too long" is a cheap excuse.

Y'all sound overly dramatic for people sitting around doing literally nothing about the situation. And no, his lawyers didn't advise him to not file a contempt proceeding if that was an applicable route. Maybe it's not an applicable route. Maybe get the actual facts before you come in hot like you've got a case. You sound mental; I can see why she feels the need to get herself and her kid away from you. And if you're not doing all you legally can to try to get the kid back, well, you're alienating yourself. "I didn't want to file a contempt proceeding because the legal system isn't quick, son". Hokay. That's your choice.

Exactly! He has options, he is just refusing to pursue them. He's sitting on his a$$ and apparently b##tching to his friends about this instead of actually, y'know, trying to do something to help his child. How is this NOT his fault? If he wanted to see his child, he would pursue the legal options available to him.

Courts do nothing to help and it costs both parties many thousands and that’s not good for the kids. What do you think a court would do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this just shows how little how you or the men in your life care about their kids.

"What Happens if a Mother Refuses Access?
If there’s a court order granting visitation and the mother refuses to comply, she could face legal consequences. The father can go back to court and file a motion to enforce visitation. If she continues to block access, she could be found in contempt of court, which might lead to fines or other penalties. In some cases, a judge could even modify custody arrangements in favor of the father."

So instead of whining and complaining about their ex on the internet, they could have been doing the work and getting even more custody. Oh wait, it's working exactly as planned because these men didn't even want custody in the first place.

She "can" face legal consequences but likely she won't. Most often the result of a woman ignoring a court order is, you drag her back to court, and the judge issues another court order which she ignores. The judge is not going to award the father custody unless it's an extreme and provable case of the mom being unfit. Very rare.

And when push comes to shove, most ex-husbands are very hesitant to have their ex-wives thrown in jail, because that will traumatize his kids no matter how much his XW deserved it.

None of this happened to you, because this is a crazy scenario. Stop talking mess and start talking facts, if you even have any. You sound paranoid and delusional, not to mention misogynist af.

Of coursed it happened to someone I am close to. Women get a free pass to cheat, hold the kids hostage, etc.

How long did he fight for his kids before giving up? How much effort are - excuse me, were - his children worth to him?

People keep saying this in this thread. It shows you have no clue whatsoever about how the court system works, and no experience with custody fights against a rageful ex. So naturally you default to "men bad". Just shut up already.

Quit whining about "how the court system works" when you're not using it because you assume you know how the court system works. I went through a custody fight with a rageful ex. It wasn't fun, but it worked out just fine. Sorry you're too lazy to try harder, and have chosen instead to lash out at women in general.

Courts are bias to mom. They rarely help dads with vindictive exs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question about the men who do this and then launch new families with a younger woman. Do those stick or do they end up walking away from those too?

I’m the new wife (now ex-wife). I was actually wife #3. Yes, I was stupid, and yes, I should have known better.

He tried to stick it out because a third divorce and broken family looks bad, but even though he was physically in the home, mentally and emotionally he was completely checked out.

Reality is a lot of men simply don’t want families and go through with it because of pressure from society, peer groups, family, etc. In our case, I do believe he wanted companionship, and he only went through with marriage and kids because I was going to break up with him if he didn’t.

He moved about 10 minutes from me and we do 50/50 custody. I don’t know how he parents (DC is 3, so can’t communicate about xH’s parenting) and I don’t know if he’ll end up bailing like he did on his first two families. It would not surprise me if he did leave (with the first two he moved out of state “for work”), but I do think he’s a better father when he only has to be a father half the time and can spend the rest of the time on his hobbies, which aren’t very compatible with family life.

Even if he does stick around, I know he won’t be contributing to DC’s college fund or leaving any sort of inheritance. He is absolutely terrible with money and convinced his oldest child (23yo) not to go to college because he didn’t want to pay for it, which has of course ruined that child’s life and they bounce from minimum wage job to minimum wage job. He also never paid child support for any of his previous kids, even though he saw them only 1-2 times a year and their moms had full custody.

When younger women ask me for dating advice, I always tell them if a man is an even the slightest bit hesitant at the idea of marriage and kids, dump him. Don’t try to convince him. Don’t issue ultimatums. Don’t believe them when you dump them and they come crawling, swearing they changed their mind. They didn’t. They just don’t want to be alone.

I am so curious how he managed to get you to marry him. Did he just conceal all of this?

Honestly, I'm baffled myself how I fell for it. My self-esteem is great. What I think happened:

1. He actually did years of therapy and knew all the right things to say. I do believe on some level he wanted to change. But all therapy really did was give him a bunch of buzzwords to make it sound like he had changed. However, since he did therapy before we met and throughout the duration of our relationship, I took that as a sign he was committed, was improving, and was serious about me.

2. We had intense physical chemistry. I'm not usually a slave to pheromones or my hormones, but yowza. Hard to explain if you haven't experienced that yourself.

3. We had a ton in common, more than I'd had with anyone prior. We actually made great friends, and everyone always says to marry your best friend.

4. I actually did break up with him multiple times over the fact that I wanted marriage & kids, and he didn't. I'd end things cordially, saying what we wanted wasn't in alignment, he'd come crawling to me a couple weeks/months later saying he'd been reflecting on it, talking to his therapist, etc, and realized he actually did want to get married and have a family. And he *would* follow through on whatever he promised.

I also think a lot is messaging from the media and pop culture that if a man wants you, he will change for you. I've since learned that no, people don't ever actually change. They may try, they may seem to, but you can't undo decades of habits and patterns.

So you never said something like "Okay, if you're so committed to improving, start paying your child support" and then waited to see if he did it?

PP. I actually didn't know he didn't pay child support until near the end of our marriage. He was pocketing the money he said was for child support.

I did ask him to make certain improvements, which he did. Things really started falling apart after we actually had DC and he realized he didn't actually want more kids after all.

It is what it is. Yes, in hindsight, I should have just moved on rather than believe him. But it's too late now. I don't beat myself up over his decision to mislead me, that's on him.

When my ex didn’t pay child support I made sure everyone, yes including his at the time current live in love, his family, and friends. When that didn’t work I wrecked his credit, took his passport, etc., and if he had property that could be it had a lien on it.

I find it really hard to believe you had no idea if you got close enough to marry him. We see what we want to see.

The best advice you can give a younger woman is don’t be so desperate for anything that will have you, that you fail to really see a man’s character.

Ask for a copy of his credit report, chid support isn’t fun, but not paying it isn’t the same as forgetting to pay the water bill. One is absent minded the other is a lack of character.

if he has kids already, and you chose to get involved anyway you had no excuse, you weren’t duped you were an idiot. You can’t hide easily verifiable things like not paying support or being there for your kids.

Does he put their needs before yours. If not that’s a lack of character. If you married or dated him thinking “he loves me so much he even puts me before his children” then you have low self esteem and lack character.

If he’s been married twice already, and already has 2 sets of kids of course he can’t make time for them, iif he has time to date then he’s not making time for his kids because you can’t be in 3 places at once. Also he’s a moron who can’t manage adulting because who consistently makes such careless and reckless decisions. It’s not cute it’s stupid.

You’d have to be blind, deaf and dumb to think the 3rd time is the charm. No the 3rd woman who steps up to that plate just proves there is a sucker born every minute.

Best advice be wary of a divorced man, if he’s been divorced more than once, easy, run in the opposite direction. No excuses.

If only divorced once give him a chance but talk to the ex, if she’s still mad, after a few years there’s probably a good reason and it probably involves money and his not sharing the child rearing load.

Get to know his friends and family. A man who walks away from his kids isn’t just bad in one way, he’s usually bad in a lot of ways and there is always at least a few who will be honest with you.

No doubt you and your kids got burned and that sucks, but if you are going to give advice, start with check his references and his credit report before you have mind blowing intimacy.

And easiest advice of all if he’s been married twice already, danger, danger, abort, abort. Abandon mission and run the opposite way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question about the men who do this and then launch new families with a younger woman. Do those stick or do they end up walking away from those too?

I’m the new wife (now ex-wife). I was actually wife #3. Yes, I was stupid, and yes, I should have known better.

He tried to stick it out because a third divorce and broken family looks bad, but even though he was physically in the home, mentally and emotionally he was completely checked out.

Reality is a lot of men simply don’t want families and go through with it because of pressure from society, peer groups, family, etc. In our case, I do believe he wanted companionship, and he only went through with marriage and kids because I was going to break up with him if he didn’t.

He moved about 10 minutes from me and we do 50/50 custody. I don’t know how he parents (DC is 3, so can’t communicate about xH’s parenting) and I don’t know if he’ll end up bailing like he did on his first two families. It would not surprise me if he did leave (with the first two he moved out of state “for work”), but I do think he’s a better father when he only has to be a father half the time and can spend the rest of the time on his hobbies, which aren’t very compatible with family life.

Even if he does stick around, I know he won’t be contributing to DC’s college fund or leaving any sort of inheritance. He is absolutely terrible with money and convinced his oldest child (23yo) not to go to college because he didn’t want to pay for it, which has of course ruined that child’s life and they bounce from minimum wage job to minimum wage job. He also never paid child support for any of his previous kids, even though he saw them only 1-2 times a year and their moms had full custody.

When younger women ask me for dating advice, I always tell them if a man is an even the slightest bit hesitant at the idea of marriage and kids, dump him. Don’t try to convince him. Don’t issue ultimatums. Don’t believe them when you dump them and they come crawling, swearing they changed their mind. They didn’t. They just don’t want to be alone.

I am so curious how he managed to get you to marry him. Did he just conceal all of this?

Honestly, I'm baffled myself how I fell for it. My self-esteem is great. What I think happened:

1. He actually did years of therapy and knew all the right things to say. I do believe on some level he wanted to change. But all therapy really did was give him a bunch of buzzwords to make it sound like he had changed. However, since he did therapy before we met and throughout the duration of our relationship, I took that as a sign he was committed, was improving, and was serious about me.

2. We had intense physical chemistry. I'm not usually a slave to pheromones or my hormones, but yowza. Hard to explain if you haven't experienced that yourself.

3. We had a ton in common, more than I'd had with anyone prior. We actually made great friends, and everyone always says to marry your best friend.

4. I actually did break up with him multiple times over the fact that I wanted marriage & kids, and he didn't. I'd end things cordially, saying what we wanted wasn't in alignment, he'd come crawling to me a couple weeks/months later saying he'd been reflecting on it, talking to his therapist, etc, and realized he actually did want to get married and have a family. And he *would* follow through on whatever he promised.

I also think a lot is messaging from the media and pop culture that if a man wants you, he will change for you. I've since learned that no, people don't ever actually change. They may try, they may seem to, but you can't undo decades of habits and patterns.

So you never said something like "Okay, if you're so committed to improving, start paying your child support" and then waited to see if he did it?

PP. I actually didn't know he didn't pay child support until near the end of our marriage. He was pocketing the money he said was for child support.

I did ask him to make certain improvements, which he did. Things really started falling apart after we actually had DC and he realized he didn't actually want more kids after all.

It is what it is. Yes, in hindsight, I should have just moved on rather than believe him. But it's too late now. I don't beat myself up over his decision to mislead me, that's on him.

When my ex didn’t pay child support I made sure everyone, yes including his at the time current live in love, his family, and friends. When that didn’t work I wrecked his credit, took his passport, etc., and if he had property that could be it had a lien on it.

I find it really hard to believe you had no idea if you got close enough to marry him. We see what we want to see.

The best advice you can give a younger woman is don’t be so desperate for anything that will have you, that you fail to really see a man’s character.

Ask for a copy of his credit report, chid support isn’t fun, but not paying it isn’t the same as forgetting to pay the water bill. One is absent minded the other is a lack of character.

if he has kids already, and you chose to get involved anyway you had no excuse, you weren’t duped you were an idiot. You can’t hide easily verifiable things like not paying support or being there for your kids.

Does he put their needs before yours. If not that’s a lack of character. If you married or dated him thinking “he loves me so much he even puts me before his children” then you have low self esteem and lack character.

If he’s been married twice already, and already has 2 sets of kids of course he can’t make time for them, iif he has time to date then he’s not making time for his kids because you can’t be in 3 places at once. Also he’s a moron who can’t manage adulting because who consistently makes such careless and reckless decisions. It’s not cute it’s stupid.

You’d have to be blind, deaf and dumb to think the 3rd time is the charm. No the 3rd woman who steps up to that plate just proves there is a sucker born every minute.

Best advice be wary of a divorced man, if he’s been divorced more than once, easy, run in the opposite direction. No excuses.

If only divorced once give him a chance but talk to the ex, if she’s still mad, after a few years there’s probably a good reason and it probably involves money and his not sharing the child rearing load.

Get to know his friends and family. A man who walks away from his kids isn’t just bad in one way, he’s usually bad in a lot of ways and there is always at least a few who will be honest with you.

No doubt you and your kids got burned and that sucks, but if you are going to give advice, start with check his references and his credit report before you have mind blowing intimacy.

And easiest advice of all if he’s been married twice already, danger, danger, abort, abort. Abandon mission and run the opposite way.

You sound psychotic. You know it’s illegal to take someone’s passport?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question about the men who do this and then launch new families with a younger woman. Do those stick or do they end up walking away from those too?

I’m the new wife (now ex-wife). I was actually wife #3. Yes, I was stupid, and yes, I should have known better.

He tried to stick it out because a third divorce and broken family looks bad, but even though he was physically in the home, mentally and emotionally he was completely checked out.

Reality is a lot of men simply don’t want families and go through with it because of pressure from society, peer groups, family, etc. In our case, I do believe he wanted companionship, and he only went through with marriage and kids because I was going to break up with him if he didn’t.

He moved about 10 minutes from me and we do 50/50 custody. I don’t know how he parents (DC is 3, so can’t communicate about xH’s parenting) and I don’t know if he’ll end up bailing like he did on his first two families. It would not surprise me if he did leave (with the first two he moved out of state “for work”), but I do think he’s a better father when he only has to be a father half the time and can spend the rest of the time on his hobbies, which aren’t very compatible with family life.

Even if he does stick around, I know he won’t be contributing to DC’s college fund or leaving any sort of inheritance. He is absolutely terrible with money and convinced his oldest child (23yo) not to go to college because he didn’t want to pay for it, which has of course ruined that child’s life and they bounce from minimum wage job to minimum wage job. He also never paid child support for any of his previous kids, even though he saw them only 1-2 times a year and their moms had full custody.

When younger women ask me for dating advice, I always tell them if a man is an even the slightest bit hesitant at the idea of marriage and kids, dump him. Don’t try to convince him. Don’t issue ultimatums. Don’t believe them when you dump them and they come crawling, swearing they changed their mind. They didn’t. They just don’t want to be alone.

I am so curious how he managed to get you to marry him. Did he just conceal all of this?

Honestly, I'm baffled myself how I fell for it. My self-esteem is great. What I think happened:

1. He actually did years of therapy and knew all the right things to say. I do believe on some level he wanted to change. But all therapy really did was give him a bunch of buzzwords to make it sound like he had changed. However, since he did therapy before we met and throughout the duration of our relationship, I took that as a sign he was committed, was improving, and was serious about me.

2. We had intense physical chemistry. I'm not usually a slave to pheromones or my hormones, but yowza. Hard to explain if you haven't experienced that yourself.

3. We had a ton in common, more than I'd had with anyone prior. We actually made great friends, and everyone always says to marry your best friend.

4. I actually did break up with him multiple times over the fact that I wanted marriage & kids, and he didn't. I'd end things cordially, saying what we wanted wasn't in alignment, he'd come crawling to me a couple weeks/months later saying he'd been reflecting on it, talking to his therapist, etc, and realized he actually did want to get married and have a family. And he *would* follow through on whatever he promised.

I also think a lot is messaging from the media and pop culture that if a man wants you, he will change for you. I've since learned that no, people don't ever actually change. They may try, they may seem to, but you can't undo decades of habits and patterns.

So you never said something like "Okay, if you're so committed to improving, start paying your child support" and then waited to see if he did it?

PP. I actually didn't know he didn't pay child support until near the end of our marriage. He was pocketing the money he said was for child support.

I did ask him to make certain improvements, which he did. Things really started falling apart after we actually had DC and he realized he didn't actually want more kids after all.

It is what it is. Yes, in hindsight, I should have just moved on rather than believe him. But it's too late now. I don't beat myself up over his decision to mislead me, that's on him.

When my ex didn’t pay child support I made sure everyone, yes including his at the time current live in love, his family, and friends. When that didn’t work I wrecked his credit, took his passport, etc., and if he had property that could be it had a lien on it.

I find it really hard to believe you had no idea if you got close enough to marry him. We see what we want to see.

The best advice you can give a younger woman is don’t be so desperate for anything that will have you, that you fail to really see a man’s character.

Ask for a copy of his credit report, chid support isn’t fun, but not paying it isn’t the same as forgetting to pay the water bill. One is absent minded the other is a lack of character.

if he has kids already, and you chose to get involved anyway you had no excuse, you weren’t duped you were an idiot. You can’t hide easily verifiable things like not paying support or being there for your kids.

Does he put their needs before yours. If not that’s a lack of character. If you married or dated him thinking “he loves me so much he even puts me before his children” then you have low self esteem and lack character.

If he’s been married twice already, and already has 2 sets of kids of course he can’t make time for them, iif he has time to date then he’s not making time for his kids because you can’t be in 3 places at once. Also he’s a moron who can’t manage adulting because who consistently makes such careless and reckless decisions. It’s not cute it’s stupid.

You’d have to be blind, deaf and dumb to think the 3rd time is the charm. No the 3rd woman who steps up to that plate just proves there is a sucker born every minute.

Best advice be wary of a divorced man, if he’s been divorced more than once, easy, run in the opposite direction. No excuses.

If only divorced once give him a chance but talk to the ex, if she’s still mad, after a few years there’s probably a good reason and it probably involves money and his not sharing the child rearing load.

Get to know his friends and family. A man who walks away from his kids isn’t just bad in one way, he’s usually bad in a lot of ways and there is always at least a few who will be honest with you.

No doubt you and your kids got burned and that sucks, but if you are going to give advice, start with check his references and his credit report before you have mind blowing intimacy.

And easiest advice of all if he’s been married twice already, danger, danger, abort, abort. Abandon mission and run the opposite way.

You sound psychotic. You know it’s illegal to take someone’s passport?

NP. I kinda like the gumption. And the rest of the advice is solid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question about the men who do this and then launch new families with a younger woman. Do those stick or do they end up walking away from those too?

I’m the new wife (now ex-wife). I was actually wife #3. Yes, I was stupid, and yes, I should have known better.

He tried to stick it out because a third divorce and broken family looks bad, but even though he was physically in the home, mentally and emotionally he was completely checked out.

Reality is a lot of men simply don’t want families and go through with it because of pressure from society, peer groups, family, etc. In our case, I do believe he wanted companionship, and he only went through with marriage and kids because I was going to break up with him if he didn’t.

He moved about 10 minutes from me and we do 50/50 custody. I don’t know how he parents (DC is 3, so can’t communicate about xH’s parenting) and I don’t know if he’ll end up bailing like he did on his first two families. It would not surprise me if he did leave (with the first two he moved out of state “for work”), but I do think he’s a better father when he only has to be a father half the time and can spend the rest of the time on his hobbies, which aren’t very compatible with family life.

Even if he does stick around, I know he won’t be contributing to DC’s college fund or leaving any sort of inheritance. He is absolutely terrible with money and convinced his oldest child (23yo) not to go to college because he didn’t want to pay for it, which has of course ruined that child’s life and they bounce from minimum wage job to minimum wage job. He also never paid child support for any of his previous kids, even though he saw them only 1-2 times a year and their moms had full custody.

When younger women ask me for dating advice, I always tell them if a man is an even the slightest bit hesitant at the idea of marriage and kids, dump him. Don’t try to convince him. Don’t issue ultimatums. Don’t believe them when you dump them and they come crawling, swearing they changed their mind. They didn’t. They just don’t want to be alone.

I am so curious how he managed to get you to marry him. Did he just conceal all of this?

Honestly, I'm baffled myself how I fell for it. My self-esteem is great. What I think happened:

1. He actually did years of therapy and knew all the right things to say. I do believe on some level he wanted to change. But all therapy really did was give him a bunch of buzzwords to make it sound like he had changed. However, since he did therapy before we met and throughout the duration of our relationship, I took that as a sign he was committed, was improving, and was serious about me.

2. We had intense physical chemistry. I'm not usually a slave to pheromones or my hormones, but yowza. Hard to explain if you haven't experienced that yourself.

3. We had a ton in common, more than I'd had with anyone prior. We actually made great friends, and everyone always says to marry your best friend.

4. I actually did break up with him multiple times over the fact that I wanted marriage & kids, and he didn't. I'd end things cordially, saying what we wanted wasn't in alignment, he'd come crawling to me a couple weeks/months later saying he'd been reflecting on it, talking to his therapist, etc, and realized he actually did want to get married and have a family. And he *would* follow through on whatever he promised.

I also think a lot is messaging from the media and pop culture that if a man wants you, he will change for you. I've since learned that no, people don't ever actually change. They may try, they may seem to, but you can't undo decades of habits and patterns.

So you never said something like "Okay, if you're so committed to improving, start paying your child support" and then waited to see if he did it?

PP. I actually didn't know he didn't pay child support until near the end of our marriage. He was pocketing the money he said was for child support.

I did ask him to make certain improvements, which he did. Things really started falling apart after we actually had DC and he realized he didn't actually want more kids after all.

It is what it is. Yes, in hindsight, I should have just moved on rather than believe him. But it's too late now. I don't beat myself up over his decision to mislead me, that's on him.

When my ex didn’t pay child support I made sure everyone, yes including his at the time current live in love, his family, and friends. When that didn’t work I wrecked his credit, took his passport, etc., and if he had property that could be it had a lien on it.

I find it really hard to believe you had no idea if you got close enough to marry him. We see what we want to see.

The best advice you can give a younger woman is don’t be so desperate for anything that will have you, that you fail to really see a man’s character.

Ask for a copy of his credit report, chid support isn’t fun, but not paying it isn’t the same as forgetting to pay the water bill. One is absent minded the other is a lack of character.

if he has kids already, and you chose to get involved anyway you had no excuse, you weren’t duped you were an idiot. You can’t hide easily verifiable things like not paying support or being there for your kids.

Does he put their needs before yours. If not that’s a lack of character. If you married or dated him thinking “he loves me so much he even puts me before his children” then you have low self esteem and lack character.

If he’s been married twice already, and already has 2 sets of kids of course he can’t make time for them, iif he has time to date then he’s not making time for his kids because you can’t be in 3 places at once. Also he’s a moron who can’t manage adulting because who consistently makes such careless and reckless decisions. It’s not cute it’s stupid.

You’d have to be blind, deaf and dumb to think the 3rd time is the charm. No the 3rd woman who steps up to that plate just proves there is a sucker born every minute.

Best advice be wary of a divorced man, if he’s been divorced more than once, easy, run in the opposite direction. No excuses.

If only divorced once give him a chance but talk to the ex, if she’s still mad, after a few years there’s probably a good reason and it probably involves money and his not sharing the child rearing load.

Get to know his friends and family. A man who walks away from his kids isn’t just bad in one way, he’s usually bad in a lot of ways and there is always at least a few who will be honest with you.

No doubt you and your kids got burned and that sucks, but if you are going to give advice, start with check his references and his credit report before you have mind blowing intimacy.

And easiest advice of all if he’s been married twice already, danger, danger, abort, abort. Abandon mission and run the opposite way.

You sound psychotic. You know it’s illegal to take someone’s passport?

If you owe a lot of child support, your passport can get taken away. Obviously that's what she's talking about,