Neither AC wants kids. I can't help feeling like I failed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It is totally natural to want to enjoy grandchildren and want your own kids to know the blessings of being a parent. I recommend consulting with your daughter that she postpone any interventions for another few years. Don't come across as anti-the decision. Just from a point of view of being 100% sure. With your son and daughter - just share what a blessing they both have been to you and your wife and how much you love them and love knowing / spending time with them. Simultaneously, feverishly pray to God that they both have a softening of hearts.

I can smell your sanctimonious ass through my computer!

You sound like a troubled individual. I’ll say a prayer for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this selfish?

Sounds like you raised kids who know what they want and are willing to buck societal/social pressure to live their lives, which is a good thing. Lots of people don't really want kids but do it because it's expected or because it never occurred to them to do something else; why would you want that for your kids.

Their choices on this has nothing to do with you. Stop making it about you.

This is true, OP. When all is said and done, try to b at peace with it so you can continue a healthy relationship with them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It is totally natural to want to enjoy grandchildren and want your own kids to know the blessings of being a parent. I recommend consulting with your daughter that she postpone any interventions for another few years. Don't come across as anti-the decision. Just from a point of view of being 100% sure. With your son and daughter - just share what a blessing they both have been to you and your wife and how much you love them and love knowing / spending time with them. Simultaneously, feverishly pray to God that they both have a softening of hearts.

I can smell your sanctimonious ass through my computer!

You sound like a troubled individual. I’ll say a prayer for you.

PP here. I’m an atheist, so the prayers will be wasted on me.

[Anonymous]

It’s ok to feel sad. They don’t know what they are missing. All the Michelin star restaurants and fancy vacations won’t fill that void. They will realize when it’s too late but it’s their life. Volunteer with kids instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s ok to feel sad. They don’t know what they are missing. All the Michelin star restaurants and fancy vacations won’t fill that void. They will realize when it’s too late but it’s their life. Volunteer with kids instead.

Not everyone! Different strokes for different folks. I highly doubt Kamala Harris feels that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s ok to feel sad. They don’t know what they are missing. All the Michelin star restaurants and fancy vacations won’t fill that void. They will realize when it’s too late but it’s their life. Volunteer with kids instead.

Not everyone! Different strokes for different folks. I highly doubt Kamala Harris feels that way.

I mean, her kids aren’t Kamala Harris.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s ok to feel sad. They don’t know what they are missing. All the Michelin star restaurants and fancy vacations won’t fill that void. They will realize when it’s too late but it’s their life. Volunteer with kids instead.

This is so freaking presumptuous I can barely formulate a polite response. You have no idea what they will regret or be happy about.

You alsio have no idea if they have children whether they will turn out to be estranged from them, be close to them, or be criminals or serial killers. You know NOTHING. Please accept this before you comment again. And especially before your next conversation with your own kids, if you have them, because I can guarantee given the assumptions in your comment that you are saying things to them and conveying expectations, that they feel burdened by.

[Anonymous]

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 38 years. We don't regret at all never having kids. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 38 years. We don't regret at all never having kids. Yuck.

People who don't have kids who say they don't regret not having kids are like virgins who say they don't regret never having had sex. It may be true, but it's more likely that you simply don't know what you're missing.

[Anonymous]

OP maybe you’ve failed to make parenthood look desirable. Right now, the pervasive cultural message is that parenting is not worth it. It’s portrayed as purely an endless slog with few rewards, with kids being expensive but providing nothing in return. This is compounded by messaging that it’s unethical to even have children due to environmental and political concerns.

Were your kids constantly exposed to this kind of messaging growing up? Did you seem happy to be a parent? Or did they just see sacrifice? Kids will notice if their parents are not enjoying parenting or if they are making disproportionate sacrifices for their kids. This understandably turns lots off parenting. In previous generations kids saw all this but opting out of kids wasn’t a social possibility. Of you want your kids to want kids, you need to demonstrate the value of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s ok to feel sad. They don’t know what they are missing. All the Michelin star restaurants and fancy vacations won’t fill that void. They will realize when it’s too late but it’s their life. Volunteer with kids instead.

There are a lot more reasons people don't have kids than a desire for fancy vacations. Maybe some of these people experienced pregnancy loss or were unable to afford adoption. These are very personal issues and judging what you don't know about is ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Three of my friends are celebrating the birth of a second grandchild in each family. I am happy for them, but the pain is real. They enjoy watching their kids enjoy their kids, they get to be a part of the next generation, watching it all unfold, loving these new little creatures into the family.

Everything stopped on a dime in our family, and no, I don't think my kids are having a better life than their friends who have kids. They are missing out on so much and I can see the wheels turning in their heads when they see their friends enjoying their expanded families- subtle comments, wistful stares, but those ships have sailed and that's that.

I don’t think you know what’s going on in their heads. Too many moms would assume or interpret a look as a “wistful stare” to fit their narrative.

[Anonymous]

The problem of course is that grandkids are more fun for you for the most part. You can spoil them and enjoy them and hand them back to the parents for any heavy lifting parenting.

It’s like my neighbors cute puppy. I love they have one and my kids get to play with it often. We get 99% of the benefit but don’t deal with house training it or having our furniture destroyed, etc.

If only our other neighbor would install a pool that we could liberally use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP maybe you’ve failed to make parenthood look desirable. Right now, the pervasive cultural message is that parenting is not worth it. It’s portrayed as purely an endless slog with few rewards, with kids being expensive but providing nothing in return. This is compounded by messaging that it’s unethical to even have children due to environmental and political concerns.

Were your kids constantly exposed to this kind of messaging growing up? Did you seem happy to be a parent? Or did they just see sacrifice? Kids will notice if their parents are not enjoying parenting or if they are making disproportionate sacrifices for their kids. This understandably turns lots off parenting. In previous generations kids saw all this but opting out of kids wasn’t a social possibility. Of you want your kids to want kids, you need to demonstrate the value of parenting.

oh please. previous generations had kids because, um, there was not effective birth control and women couldn’t say no.

you know who is opting out? women. because they see that parenting falls heaviest on women.

if you want to change this then look to the MEN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP maybe you’ve failed to make parenthood look desirable. Right now, the pervasive cultural message is that parenting is not worth it. It’s portrayed as purely an endless slog with few rewards, with kids being expensive but providing nothing in return. This is compounded by messaging that it’s unethical to even have children due to environmental and political concerns.

Were your kids constantly exposed to this kind of messaging growing up? Did you seem happy to be a parent? Or did they just see sacrifice? Kids will notice if their parents are not enjoying parenting or if they are making disproportionate sacrifices for their kids. This understandably turns lots off parenting. In previous generations kids saw all this but opting out of kids wasn’t a social possibility. Of you want your kids to want kids, you need to demonstrate the value of parenting.

oh please. previous generations had kids because, um, there was not effective birth control and women couldn’t say no.

you know who is opting out? women. because they see that parenting falls heaviest on women.

if you want to change this then look to the MEN.

Well ummm the pill has been around for 60 years so….. not sure your first statement holds Betty Friedan.

I think Millennials held out too long to be honest. They were told by boomer parents to focus on careers and now they are 35 with dwindling options.

I think GenZ will have different priorities about work v life. Most are still in college so we will see but I think mental health relationships partnerships matter more to GenZ so I wouldn’t be surprised if they get married at higher numbers and have families at higher rates than the Millennials are/did.