My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.

[Anonymous]

This post reminds me how on DCUM the wife likes to act like she needs to be included in the relationship between her DH and her MIL/his mom at all times. As if just because MIL's son is married means her preexisting individual relationship goes out the window and he isn't an individual person anymore. But it's totally fine for a mother/daughter to do solely mother/daughter things and leave out her husband and that's ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wife was clearly and very obviously out of line to text the BIL.

I am so shocked though that so many people think the OP should put his brother first. They aren't children and this is his wife not his girlfriend. Your spouse besides your children should be #1. Why does he owe his brother more loyalty than his own wife the one he made marriage vows to. The one he makes life decisions with and wakes up every morning next to?

The only person I could understand him putting before his wife is his daughter because he helped to create her and she is still a dependent on her dad. His brother isn't any of those things. He is just another guy with most likely a family of his own. You get married and create your own nuclear family.

While the wife certainly shouldn't expect her BIL to treat her kids on an extravagant vacation she isn't out of line to expect that her kids do get treated equally within their own household.

My thing is OP stated himself that he has dated his wife for 8 years before he married her which would have made her kids young at the time the started dating. He should be familiar with these kids more than just a friend. That's how you view children you frequently babysit not your own step kids. When you marry someone with kids it is understood that you are to become a family. I'm not saying he has to love his step kids like his own daughter but certainly his wife and step kids should be on a higher pedestal then some brother of his.

You take care of your own family/ house hold first. When those kids are staying with him that is their household a marriage is a partnership.

Also yes divorce can happen but you don't put your brother over your wife in the order of priorities because she can possibly divorce you. If anything you should work harder at nurturing your relationship with your spouse because that's the person you are having or possibly creating a family with. Maybe that's why the divorce rate it so high because people don't grow up and continue to put other family members ahead of their spouse.

To all saying the brother is forever. Well maybe if more people viewed marriage that way it would be better. Also no I know plenty of people who don't talk to their own blood sibling either. My dad being one of them. So no blood and sibling doesn't guarantee forever either.

If my husband put his brother or anyone else besides our dependent child ahead of our marriage I would quite literally tell him to start sharing a bed with his brother, go live with his brother, while he is at it make vows to his brother.

I would expect my husband to laugh me out of the room and do the same if I wanted to preserve another relationship over our marriage and put it first.

His household consists of his daughter, his wife, and his stepkids while they are living there not his brother. His brother isn't his immediate family but rather extended family but his daughter and wife is so it's time to prioritize them and stop being so protective and concerned over his relationship with his brother a grown man that probably has a family of his own over preserving and protecting his relationship with his own wife.

+1000

Why do people act like he owes his brother something. What does he owe his brother over his own wife?

I agree with much of what you are saying, but I think most people would consider siblings “immediate” family. I mean I wouldn’t put my siblings above my spouse, but I’m also not going to disown my siblings over some clearly spouse shenanigans.

+1

Spouse is spoiled, and knew the deal before she married about how the family perceived the step kids. It is no surprise, and she is acting like an entitled brat. It is not OP's kids, it is OP's step kids - step kids are different - in most families - that is just the way it is. We may not like it, that is just how it is.

It has nothing to do with the fact that they are step children. The aunt and uncle can do as they please with their own money. They wish to give a vacation gift to a particlular person, but not to other people. As OP's daughter is 18, she can go or not go as she pleases. That would be equally true if his daughter won the vacation as a prize, as a work bonus, as an a study-abroad scholarship, or if her boyfriend paid for it, or if she paid for it out of her savings.

The reason that the uncle gave for not caving into the wife's extortion attempt was NOT because they are stepdaughters. It is because he does not like them. And he does not like thrm because they are greedy, nasty entitled people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wife was clearly and very obviously out of line to text the BIL.

I am so shocked though that so many people think the OP should put his brother first. They aren't children and this is his wife not his girlfriend. Your spouse besides your children should be #1. Why does he owe his brother more loyalty than his own wife the one he made marriage vows to. The one he makes life decisions with and wakes up every morning next to?

The only person I could understand him putting before his wife is his daughter because he helped to create her and she is still a dependent on her dad. His brother isn't any of those things. He is just another guy with most likely a family of his own. You get married and create your own nuclear family.

While the wife certainly shouldn't expect her BIL to treat her kids on an extravagant vacation she isn't out of line to expect that her kids do get treated equally within their own household.

My thing is OP stated himself that he has dated his wife for 8 years before he married her which would have made her kids young at the time the started dating. He should be familiar with these kids more than just a friend. That's how you view children you frequently babysit not your own step kids. When you marry someone with kids it is understood that you are to become a family. I'm not saying he has to love his step kids like his own daughter but certainly his wife and step kids should be on a higher pedestal then some brother of his.

You take care of your own family/ house hold first. When those kids are staying with him that is their household a marriage is a partnership.

Also yes divorce can happen but you don't put your brother over your wife in the order of priorities because she can possibly divorce you. If anything you should work harder at nurturing your relationship with your spouse because that's the person you are having or possibly creating a family with. Maybe that's why the divorce rate it so high because people don't grow up and continue to put other family members ahead of their spouse.

To all saying the brother is forever. Well maybe if more people viewed marriage that way it would be better. Also no I know plenty of people who don't talk to their own blood sibling either. My dad being one of them. So no blood and sibling doesn't guarantee forever either.

If my husband put his brother or anyone else besides our dependent child ahead of our marriage I would quite literally tell him to start sharing a bed with his brother, go live with his brother, while he is at it make vows to his brother.

I would expect my husband to laugh me out of the room and do the same if I wanted to preserve another relationship over our marriage and put it first.

His household consists of his daughter, his wife, and his stepkids while they are living there not his brother. His brother isn't his immediate family but rather extended family but his daughter and wife is so it's time to prioritize them and stop being so protective and concerned over his relationship with his brother a grown man that probably has a family of his own over preserving and protecting his relationship with his own wife.

+1000

Why do people act like he owes his brother something. What does he owe his brother over his own wife?

I agree with much of what you are saying, but I think most people would consider siblings “immediate” family. I mean I wouldn’t put my siblings above my spouse, but I’m also not going to disown my siblings over some clearly spouse shenanigans.

I don't mean disown your sibling. I always thought when you get married though you are forming your own immediate family and everyone else becomes extended. You are no longer living with your sibling your spouse and any children you may have become your immediate family.

I was responding to the posters who were saying that a brother should be put ahead of the wife because that's his brother. Well that's his wife.

Nobody is saying put the brother first but the wife has undermined the husband and gone behind his back to make a ludicrous demand of his brother. OP doesn't have to support his wife over his brother when she's in the wrong just because they are married. Wrong is wrong. The only people defending the wife have to be step mothers who want to pretend their blended families are exactly the same as families where everyone is biologically related. One big happy family, right?

I mean yeah what's wrong with wanting one big happy family. Again with needing to be biologically related nonsense to be a family. Blood and biology doesn't mean anything when it comes to love. What about adopted kids?

Very good point. The OP's wife should therefore offer to pay for Dubai vacations fir her daughters, OP's daughter, and the aunt and uncle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, you OP have responsibility to protect relationship of your daughter with her blood aunt or uncle and not let money grabber greedy stepdaughter mess it up

Right because blood is automatically always more important than your relationship with your spouse...

I would definitely put my daughter before my spouse who was trying to drive a wedge between us. Spouse is easily replaced.

I'm not referring to the daughter I'm referring to his brother. Why does he owe his brother loyalty over the woman he chose to marry??

Everyone here seems to say his relationship with his brother is more important than his relationship with his wife. Your wife is now your immediate family and after marriage your siblings become extended family

Think it through, if you shut down the trips with the loving aunt and uncle you risk alienating the daughter. It's all related. OP has only been married 6 months and the wife is pulling the bait and switch. She knew about these trips, and now she's trying to change the rules to her benefit. I wouldn't jeopardize my relationship with my daughter for a duplicitous spouse.

6 months or 60 years you are still married just the same. Don't marry someone with kids if you put your relationship with your brother over the relationship with your step kids.

You know marriages can be ended with divorce, right? The daughter is forever the spouse is not.

I'm talking about the brother. You should owe your wife and children a little more than your sibling

Mmkay. Then the BROTHER is forever. The spouse is not.

I'm so shocked everyone on here thinks the brother should be more important than your own spouse. Do you create a family with your sibling? Did you make vows with your sibling? You literally create vows with your spouse not your sibling. Once married you are creating your own nuclear family and putting them first.

Would you expect your own spouse to put their sibling ahead of you just based on principle that they are your sibling?

Those vows are worth nothing. They are dispensed with when they are inconvenient. You don’t need vows with siblings because they remain your sibling no matter what. Same with parents.

Considering the OP and his evil wife were both previously married, it is laughable to talk about “vows to put them first”.

You never answered my question of if you believe inherently a sibling always comes before a spouse based on principle that they are a sibling.

Besides I know quite a few estranged siblings so don't give me that but blooood nonsensical response.

Good observation. Therefore, you believe OP's wife should fund Dubai vacations firnher daughters, OP's daughter, and aunt and uncle, who will be chaperones for four young women.

And that is exactly what OP's wife should have offered the uncle: she pays for everyone to go in exchange for aunt and uncle chaperoning the four women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister has a 16-year-old daughter who I am very close with. I take her on outings/excursions, though certainly not weeks-long international trips. I'm trying to imagine a world in which my sister remarried and I was expected to take her new husband's teenagers, who don't even live with her, on the excursions also.

Yeah, no. I will treat them equally in other ways and include them on whole-family vacations, mark their birthdays, give gifts on holidays, etc. It would be a given that a family invitation to my home included them. But, I wouldn't feel like I had to include them in one-on-one long-standing traditions I had with just my niece.

They do all live together.
And I think that the BIL was in his rights to say that this was a long standing tradition with his niece or that taking four teenage girls on a trip would seriously change the dynamic. That’s not what he said though.

Brother not BIL was within his rights to say exactly what he said. Tradition or not. You still don't seem to grasp that OP's wife has no right to tell brother how he should spend his own money.

Some of you folks seem like you must be so used to grabbing other peoples money and getting away with it that you think it's always fair game to try and the victim of the extortion attempt has to sit there and take it.

Its the mentality of the criminal underclass.

[Anonymous]

Geez. I can’t believe your wife thinks it was appropriate to expect your brother to take her kids on an exodus vacation or to contact him. Red flags all over the place. Did you realize she was this immature when you were dating? What about her made you want to marry her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wife was clearly and very obviously out of line to text the BIL.

I am so shocked though that so many people think the OP should put his brother first. They aren't children and this is his wife not his girlfriend. Your spouse besides your children should be #1. Why does he owe his brother more loyalty than his own wife the one he made marriage vows to. The one he makes life decisions with and wakes up every morning next to?

The only person I could understand him putting before his wife is his daughter because he helped to create her and she is still a dependent on her dad. His brother isn't any of those things. He is just another guy with most likely a family of his own. You get married and create your own nuclear family.

While the wife certainly shouldn't expect her BIL to treat her kids on an extravagant vacation she isn't out of line to expect that her kids do get treated equally within their own household.

My thing is OP stated himself that he has dated his wife for 8 years before he married her which would have made her kids young at the time the started dating. He should be familiar with these kids more than just a friend. That's how you view children you frequently babysit not your own step kids. When you marry someone with kids it is understood that you are to become a family. I'm not saying he has to love his step kids like his own daughter but certainly his wife and step kids should be on a higher pedestal then some brother of his.

You take care of your own family/ house hold first. When those kids are staying with him that is their household a marriage is a partnership.

Also yes divorce can happen but you don't put your brother over your wife in the order of priorities because she can possibly divorce you. If anything you should work harder at nurturing your relationship with your spouse because that's the person you are having or possibly creating a family with. Maybe that's why the divorce rate it so high because people don't grow up and continue to put other family members ahead of their spouse.

To all saying the brother is forever. Well maybe if more people viewed marriage that way it would be better. Also no I know plenty of people who don't talk to their own blood sibling either. My dad being one of them. So no blood and sibling doesn't guarantee forever either.

If my husband put his brother or anyone else besides our dependent child ahead of our marriage I would quite literally tell him to start sharing a bed with his brother, go live with his brother, while he is at it make vows to his brother.

I would expect my husband to laugh me out of the room and do the same if I wanted to preserve another relationship over our marriage and put it first.

His household consists of his daughter, his wife, and his stepkids while they are living there not his brother. His brother isn't his immediate family but rather extended family but his daughter and wife is so it's time to prioritize them and stop being so protective and concerned over his relationship with his brother a grown man that probably has a family of his own over preserving and protecting his relationship with his own wife.

+1000

Why do people act like he owes his brother something. What does he owe his brother over his own wife?

I agree with much of what you are saying, but I think most people would consider siblings “immediate” family. I mean I wouldn’t put my siblings above my spouse, but I’m also not going to disown my siblings over some clearly spouse shenanigans.

I don't mean disown your sibling. I always thought when you get married though you are forming your own immediate family and everyone else becomes extended. You are no longer living with your sibling your spouse and any children you may have become your immediate family.

I was responding to the posters who were saying that a brother should be put ahead of the wife because that's his brother. Well that's his wife.

Nobody is saying put the brother first but the wife has undermined the husband and gone behind his back to make a ludicrous demand of his brother. OP doesn't have to support his wife over his brother when she's in the wrong just because they are married. Wrong is wrong. The only people defending the wife have to be step mothers who want to pretend their blended families are exactly the same as families where everyone is biologically related. One big happy family, right?

DP.

I am not defending the wife.

But the real shocker here is that OP's brother told his wife that he did not like her children, and OP did not set his brother straight.

Yes, the wife is out of her mind, but so is OP's brother if he thinks it's okay to reply in that manner.

And OP is the real idiot here, coming here from some sympathy instead of drawing clear boundaries with his family, immediate and extended.

Set him straight about what?

I don't like her or her kids either, not because they are steps, but because they are manipulative grifters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are people getting the idea that this was supposed to be on the BIL’s dime? The OP and his wife have separate finances. Why would the one instance where she would suddenly decide not to pay for her daughters be when an extended family member is taking them?

Because op said that his new wife can’t afford to pay for her kids’ colleges and that they’ll all need to get loans.

What?!?!? So it’s okay to ask an unrelated adult to take your three minor children on an international vancation bc they owe you that if you pay for it? Are you nuts??

Not nuts. A Democrat. Obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.

Uh, no. This young woman’s aunt and uncle are taking her on vacation. Neither she nor the OP owe anything to his wife’s spoiled, whiny brats.

OP, stay in the guest room and do whatever to need to do to get out of this marriage. The constant greed and keeping count from your step daughters and wife is just beginning.

Those whiny brats are somebody's children.

And he committed to respecting those whiny brats when he committed to their mother.

respecting doesn't equal foisting them on his brother for an expensive international trip.

OP’s wife is mad at *him* and has him in the doghouse for not checking and correcting his brother’s over the top disrespectful comment NOT because the brother said no. She is in the right, DH is a passive coward in that regard.

No. OP's wife picked a fight that OP told her not to even think about. She deliberately went behind OP's back to do so. She got her head handed to her, appropproately so, by the brother's righteous truth,
and having done so, NOW comes running back to OP to clean up the mess SHE made?

OP's wife is a toxic, greedy little 304 who wants to blame everyone but herself for her poor decisions and for the conflict she single handedly created. Now she is doubling down, basically daring OP to divorce her.

Well, let's hope OP has even 10% of the spine his brother has, and she can sail right on out of his life into the sunset with her little witch-children and move to East Palestine Ohio right where she belongs, with all the other toxic waste.

In what world is it appropriate to tell your brother's wife that you dislike her children?

Is this man planning to come into that house and fake pleasantries with that woman and her children after this utterance or does he plan to pick up his niece at the curb from now henceforth?

Who in their right mind creates such a toxic environment around them?

In the world in which she calls you up, throws a toddler temper tantrum and demands you take her THREE spoiled brats on an international trip you’re taking with your own niece.

Any other questions?

What if she calls up and offers to pay for the whole trip including BIL and his wife if they take the kids?
You have no idea what her side of the phone call was.

pay with what, her looks? This is hilarious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.

Uh, no. This young woman’s aunt and uncle are taking her on vacation. Neither she nor the OP owe anything to his wife’s spoiled, whiny brats.

OP, stay in the guest room and do whatever to need to do to get out of this marriage. The constant greed and keeping count from your step daughters and wife is just beginning.

Those whiny brats are somebody's children.

And he committed to respecting those whiny brats when he committed to their mother.

respecting doesn't equal foisting them on his brother for an expensive international trip.

OP’s wife is mad at *him* and has him in the doghouse for not checking and correcting his brother’s over the top disrespectful comment NOT because the brother said no. She is in the right, DH is a passive coward in that regard.

No. OP's wife picked a fight that OP told her not to even think about. She deliberately went behind OP's back to do so. She got her head handed to her, appropproately so, by the brother's righteous truth,
and having done so, NOW comes running back to OP to clean up the mess SHE made?

OP's wife is a toxic, greedy little 304 who wants to blame everyone but herself for her poor decisions and for the conflict she single handedly created. Now she is doubling down, basically daring OP to divorce her.

Well, let's hope OP has even 10% of the spine his brother has, and she can sail right on out of his life into the sunset with her little witch-children and move to East Palestine Ohio right where she belongs, with all the other toxic waste.

In what world is it appropriate to tell your brother's wife that you dislike her children?

Is this man planning to come into that house and fake pleasantries with that woman and her children after this utterance or does he plan to pick up his niece at the curb from now henceforth?

Who in their right mind creates such a toxic environment around them?

In the world in which she calls you up, throws a toddler temper tantrum and demands you take her THREE spoiled brats on an international trip you’re taking with your own niece.

Any other questions?

Yes. I have some more questions.

Since you think this is an appropriate reaction, please put yourselves in BIL's frame of thought fir a little longer here.

Would you say that to someone and then enter their house to pick up your niece? When you get there, how to you interact with them and those children? Do you still give them Christmas gifts after this or are you going to stop now that their mother knows how you feel about them?

BIL now feels rightfully liberated from having to play this game at all.

Glad someone admits it's a game for this idiot BIL.

He does not care that this makes it difficult for him to visit the niece he claims to love so much.

It's all about scoring points and putting his brother's wife in her place.

No, it's about making sure a grifter who his brother had the poor judgment to marry stops looking for handouts from him.

And it won't interefere with his relationship with his niece at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP the disturbing pattern here is that you didn’t stand up for anyone except your daughter—including yourself.

Your wife is 100% wrong.

Your brother is 100% right BUT he did disrespect your wife and family in the way he expressed it bc he knew full well the problems that would create for you and how now you won’t be able to have him over at your house. He doesn’t like your wife, fine: he doesn’t get to say so. And he certainly doesn’t get to insult your step kids. He gets to say no. You chose this woman and these kids and made them your family and yes, your loyalty should be to them not your brother. That’s not to say She isn’t wrong. She is. But he can say no without degrading your family. OTOH you wife is absolutely trying to sabotage this relationship and your daughter’s relationship with her uncle, and you need to defend that to the teeth.

So:
1) you didn’t defend your wife against your brother
2) you didn’t defend your daughter against your wife
3) you didn’t defend yourself against your wife and have been sleeping on the sofa.

Your wife is the common denominator and source of these problems. However, she’s your wife now, and you need to defend your own family and yourself.

BIL did not insult the wife or stepchildren. He said he did not like them when she asked why he would not agree to pay for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's situation is what happens when a man marries solely for proximity to and frequency of pu$$y only to end up with his hand, a couch and step children he couldn't care less about.

Serves him right for thinking with his small brain.

You win this thread, PP. PERFECT response.

And I'll bet his hand is better anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, you OP have responsibility to protect relationship of your daughter with her blood aunt or uncle and not let money grabber greedy stepdaughter mess it up

Right because blood is automatically always more important than your relationship with your spouse...

I would definitely put my daughter before my spouse who was trying to drive a wedge between us. Spouse is easily replaced.

I'm not referring to the daughter I'm referring to his brother. Why does he owe his brother loyalty over the woman he chose to marry??

Everyone here seems to say his relationship with his brother is more important than his relationship with his wife. Your wife is now your immediate family and after marriage your siblings become extended family

Think it through, if you shut down the trips with the loving aunt and uncle you risk alienating the daughter. It's all related. OP has only been married 6 months and the wife is pulling the bait and switch. She knew about these trips, and now she's trying to change the rules to her benefit. I wouldn't jeopardize my relationship with my daughter for a duplicitous spouse.

6 months or 60 years you are still married just the same. Don't marry someone with kids if you put your relationship with your brother over the relationship with your step kids.

You know marriages can be ended with divorce, right? The daughter is forever the spouse is not.

I'm talking about the brother. You should owe your wife and children a little more than your sibling

Mmkay. Then the BROTHER is forever. The spouse is not.

I'm so shocked everyone on here thinks the brother should be more important than your own spouse. Do you create a family with your sibling? Did you make vows with your sibling? You literally create vows with your spouse not your sibling. Once married you are creating your own nuclear family and putting them first.

Would you expect your own spouse to put their sibling ahead of you just based on principle that they are your sibling?

Those vows are worth nothing. They are dispensed with when they are inconvenient. You don’t need vows with siblings because they remain your sibling no matter what. Same with parents.

Considering the OP and his evil wife were both previously married, it is laughable to talk about “vows to put them first”.

This. For all the people saying that spouses are forever, OP and his wife both know that this isn’t true. OP is on his second marriage, his brother is still his brother. I could see this marriage dissolving and OP still having a good relationship with his brother. It’s not nice to talk about, but it’s true.

Ok but he he is still married to his current wife so at this juncture his loyalty should go to his wife over his brother.

“loyalty” does not mean you put up with whatever bullsh*t your spouse pulls. And here, he needs to be loyal to his CHILD first and foremost. That means absolutely not tolerating his wife’s obvious attempt to sabotage her trip and her fanning the flames of jealousy among the children.

Putting the CHILD or children first is the reason so many marriages on this board fail or are sexless.

who cares. are you kidding me? my child is #1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wife was clearly and very obviously out of line to text the BIL.

I am so shocked though that so many people think the OP should put his brother first. They aren't children and this is his wife not his girlfriend. Your spouse besides your children should be #1. Why does he owe his brother more loyalty than his own wife the one he made marriage vows to. The one he makes life decisions with and wakes up every morning next to?

The only person I could understand him putting before his wife is his daughter because he helped to create her and she is still a dependent on her dad. His brother isn't any of those things. He is just another guy with most likely a family of his own. You get married and create your own nuclear family.

While the wife certainly shouldn't expect her BIL to treat her kids on an extravagant vacation she isn't out of line to expect that her kids do get treated equally within their own household.

My thing is OP stated himself that he has dated his wife for 8 years before he married her which would have made her kids young at the time the started dating. He should be familiar with these kids more than just a friend. That's how you view children you frequently babysit not your own step kids. When you marry someone with kids it is understood that you are to become a family. I'm not saying he has to love his step kids like his own daughter but certainly his wife and step kids should be on a higher pedestal then some brother of his.

You take care of your own family/ house hold first. When those kids are staying with him that is their household a marriage is a partnership.

Also yes divorce can happen but you don't put your brother over your wife in the order of priorities because she can possibly divorce you. If anything you should work harder at nurturing your relationship with your spouse because that's the person you are having or possibly creating a family with. Maybe that's why the divorce rate it so high because people don't grow up and continue to put other family members ahead of their spouse.

To all saying the brother is forever. Well maybe if more people viewed marriage that way it would be better. Also no I know plenty of people who don't talk to their own blood sibling either. My dad being one of them. So no blood and sibling doesn't guarantee forever either.

If my husband put his brother or anyone else besides our dependent child ahead of our marriage I would quite literally tell him to start sharing a bed with his brother, go live with his brother, while he is at it make vows to his brother.

I would expect my husband to laugh me out of the room and do the same if I wanted to preserve another relationship over our marriage and put it first.

His household consists of his daughter, his wife, and his stepkids while they are living there not his brother. His brother isn't his immediate family but rather extended family but his daughter and wife is so it's time to prioritize them and stop being so protective and concerned over his relationship with his brother a grown man that probably has a family of his own over preserving and protecting his relationship with his own wife.

+1000

Why do people act like he owes his brother something. What does he owe his brother over his own wife?

I agree with much of what you are saying, but I think most people would consider siblings “immediate” family. I mean I wouldn’t put my siblings above my spouse, but I’m also not going to disown my siblings over some clearly spouse shenanigans.

I don't mean disown your sibling. I always thought when you get married though you are forming your own immediate family and everyone else becomes extended. You are no longer living with your sibling your spouse and any children you may have become your immediate family.

I was responding to the posters who were saying that a brother should be put ahead of the wife because that's his brother. Well that's his wife.

Nobody is saying put the brother first but the wife has undermined the husband and gone behind his back to make a ludicrous demand of his brother. OP doesn't have to support his wife over his brother when she's in the wrong just because they are married. Wrong is wrong. The only people defending the wife have to be step mothers who want to pretend their blended families are exactly the same as families where everyone is biologically related. One big happy family, right?

I mean yeah what's wrong with wanting one big happy family. Again with needing to be biologically related nonsense to be a family. Blood and biology doesn't mean anything when it comes to love. What about adopted kids?

Very good point. The OP's wife should therefore offer to pay for Dubai vacations fir her daughters, OP's daughter, and the aunt and uncle.

I think she did. Or she at least offered to pay for her daughters. That’s why he told he that it wasn’t about money. It was because he doesn’t like her or her kids.

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Anonymous wrote:And, you OP have responsibility to protect relationship of your daughter with her blood aunt or uncle and not let money grabber greedy stepdaughter mess it up

Right because blood is automatically always more important than your relationship with your spouse...

I would definitely put my daughter before my spouse who was trying to drive a wedge between us. Spouse is easily replaced.

I'm not referring to the daughter I'm referring to his brother. Why does he owe his brother loyalty over the woman he chose to marry??

Everyone here seems to say his relationship with his brother is more important than his relationship with his wife. Your wife is now your immediate family and after marriage your siblings become extended family

Think it through, if you shut down the trips with the loving aunt and uncle you risk alienating the daughter. It's all related. OP has only been married 6 months and the wife is pulling the bait and switch. She knew about these trips, and now she's trying to change the rules to her benefit. I wouldn't jeopardize my relationship with my daughter for a duplicitous spouse.

6 months or 60 years you are still married just the same. Don't marry someone with kids if you put your relationship with your brother over the relationship with your step kids.

You know marriages can be ended with divorce, right? The daughter is forever the spouse is not.

I'm talking about the brother. You should owe your wife and children a little more than your sibling

Mmkay. Then the BROTHER is forever. The spouse is not.

I'm so shocked everyone on here thinks the brother should be more important than your own spouse. Do you create a family with your sibling? Did you make vows with your sibling? You literally create vows with your spouse not your sibling. Once married you are creating your own nuclear family and putting them first.

Would you expect your own spouse to put their sibling ahead of you just based on principle that they are your sibling?

Those vows are worth nothing. They are dispensed with when they are inconvenient. You don’t need vows with siblings because they remain your sibling no matter what. Same with parents.

Considering the OP and his evil wife were both previously married, it is laughable to talk about “vows to put them first”.

This. For all the people saying that spouses are forever, OP and his wife both know that this isn’t true. OP is on his second marriage, his brother is still his brother. I could see this marriage dissolving and OP still having a good relationship with his brother. It’s not nice to talk about, but it’s true.

Ok but he he is still married to his current wife so at this juncture his loyalty should go to his wife over his brother.

“loyalty” does not mean you put up with whatever bullsh*t your spouse pulls. And here, he needs to be loyal to his CHILD first and foremost. That means absolutely not tolerating his wife’s obvious attempt to sabotage her trip and her fanning the flames of jealousy among the children.

Putting the CHILD or children first is the reason so many marriages on this board fail or are sexless.

who cares. are you kidding me? my child is #1

And OP's wife is Number 2.