S/O How do you justify having an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a single guy that wears a fake wedding ring (not married) when he hits the bars. He said it’s crazy how many women he can bring home then when he isn’t wearing it.

* more when he IS wearing it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Soooo….how realistic is frequent sex at home if DH has an AP? The ones I’ve heard of have little to no sex at home.

My exH had sex with me 1-2 times/week; particular after his Sunday jog. He would f…k me and go call AP from our basement. 15 year marriage. I was younger than him by 11 years; she was his age with 2 grown up kids. They lived in a rented apartment on his trips abroad (every 4 months for 10-14 days). He also took her on our holiday trip (she stayed in hotel across the square). He slept with me almost every night on that trip not sure how often he visited her.

He was poly, I was mono and divorced him once I found out

[Anonymous]

Wow.

[Anonymous]

I once asked DH what is that deal breaker, that one thing that would make you stray outside the marriage or even file for divorce. Not money, not nagging, not hating his mother, but, sex life. DH made it clear that he considers sex to be a huge asset in being married and would expect that his wife would value that as much as he does. DH said it is the one thing we do that is just us and the one thing that holds us together spiritually and emotionally. If he doesn't have that (and I agree) what's the point of staying in a relationship? The intimate connection, go figure, I thought for sure he would say money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a single guy that wears a fake wedding ring (not married) when he hits the bars. He said it’s crazy how many women he can bring home then when he isn’t wearing it.

Interesting...I never would have thought that would bring in the ladies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soooo….how realistic is frequent sex at home if DH has an AP? The ones I’ve heard of have little to no sex at home.

Very. It’s usually the alpha male with a good looking wife at home who can still get whatever he wants on the side. And, attractiveness is directly related to greater chance of man stepping out.

Lol. It must be so painful to have such intense chemistry after 25 years and still have him run around on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once asked DH what is that deal breaker, that one thing that would make you stray outside the marriage or even file for divorce. Not money, not nagging, not hating his mother, but, sex life. DH made it clear that he considers sex to be a huge asset in being married and would expect that his wife would value that as much as he does. DH said it is the one thing we do that is just us and the one thing that holds us together spiritually and emotionally. If he doesn't have that (and I agree) what's the point of staying in a relationship? The intimate connection, go figure, I thought for sure he would say money.

Yeah but then how do you explain the posters saying they have sex almost nightly at home? Must be different for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once asked DH what is that deal breaker, that one thing that would make you stray outside the marriage or even file for divorce. Not money, not nagging, not hating his mother, but, sex life. DH made it clear that he considers sex to be a huge asset in being married and would expect that his wife would value that as much as he does. DH said it is the one thing we do that is just us and the one thing that holds us together spiritually and emotionally. If he doesn't have that (and I agree) what's the point of staying in a relationship? The intimate connection, go figure, I thought for sure he would say money.

Different men and women have different expectations of how much sex is “enough” in marriage

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Ho say “what”?
Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

She HAS to assume that. She was humiliated and will never get over that.

How is she being humiliated if she knows what she is getting into and the risk.

She’s being used, not humiliated because that would imply she had class and self-awareness. Instead, she glamorizes blowing married guys. 98% of Americans consider her trash and being in an affair wrong- but she owns it man and claims misogyny anytime people suggest that being part of an a affair on either side is wrong.

All women who call some “classy” and others “trashy” are without exception drooling idiots, and are frankly very unlikely to have satisfying relationships with their husbands. It speaks to a grimy and stupid personality, and that kind of person doesn’t tend to be good to be around, let alone to be good in bed or able to roll with life’s challenges.

Queen wrote a song about you, it goes: I like to ride my bicycle ….

I mean, no, but the person singing that song in your life isn’t Freddie Mercury. It’s every man who has ever had to spend time with you.

That makes zero sense in the context of the jokes on this thread, but nobody claimed wit was needed for the job.

There, there. We can get you a reading specialist if you’re still school age.

Ho say “what” ?

I’m not that but, serious question: have you ever been in a romantic relationship? We all already know the answer but let’s just hear it from the dependapotamus’s mouth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soooo….how realistic is frequent sex at home if DH has an AP? The ones I’ve heard of have little to no sex at home.

Very. It’s usually the alpha male with a good looking wife at home who can still get whatever he wants on the side. And, attractiveness is directly related to greater chance of man stepping out.

Two things for these guys—Attractiveness and power in the workplace. Power brings you in contact with admiring younger women, even more so than just money. Think of the attractive professors cheating with grad students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once asked DH what is that deal breaker, that one thing that would make you stray outside the marriage or even file for divorce. Not money, not nagging, not hating his mother, but, sex life. DH made it clear that he considers sex to be a huge asset in being married and would expect that his wife would value that as much as he does. DH said it is the one thing we do that is just us and the one thing that holds us together spiritually and emotionally. If he doesn't have that (and I agree) what's the point of staying in a relationship? The intimate connection, go figure, I thought for sure he would say money.

Yeah but then how do you explain the posters saying they have sex almost nightly at home? Must be different for everyone.

Those posters are lying.

[Anonymous]

There is NO way DH is getting sex almost nighty and also stepping out. Maybe on the rare exception that he is a sex addict, but not the case for the average affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soooo….how realistic is frequent sex at home if DH has an AP? The ones I’ve heard of have little to no sex at home.

Very. It’s usually the alpha male with a good looking wife at home who can still get whatever he wants on the side. And, attractiveness is directly related to greater chance of man stepping out.

Lol. It must be so painful to have such intense chemistry after 25 years and still have him run around on you.

Yes that was me and my ex. Much younger trophy-turned business woman wife and very high earner husband. AP was office colleague. After divorce both got fired, and his friends told me he had an affair at his previous job as well. Well before we met, I had no idea and wish someone told me earlier

[Anonymous]

Not saying affairs are good, but at the same time these women saying it's great at home and the sex is plentiful are just delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once asked DH what is that deal breaker, that one thing that would make you stray outside the marriage or even file for divorce. Not money, not nagging, not hating his mother, but, sex life. DH made it clear that he considers sex to be a huge asset in being married and would expect that his wife would value that as much as he does. DH said it is the one thing we do that is just us and the one thing that holds us together spiritually and emotionally. If he doesn't have that (and I agree) what's the point of staying in a relationship? The intimate connection, go figure, I thought for sure he would say money.

Yeah but then how do you explain the posters saying they have sex almost nightly at home? Must be different for everyone.

Those posters are lying.

You know that it’s pretty normal to have sex once or twice a week in a long marriage? People who want more sex in marriage communicate that , not cheat