Does anyone else find ‘cherish these moments’ parenting advice a little traumatizing?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The hostility is palpable. Not fatigue or being overextended, downright disdain.

What a way to walk around the world.

I know, isn't it frustrating when you can't manipulate or bully someone into seeing the world as you see it, and behaving exactly the way you think they should behave? Isn't it annoying when you approach a complete stranger and try to give them advice, and they have the audacity to not like it? Isn't it awful when you try to change someone's mind, again and again, and they just...keep the opinion they have? Apparently that's very upsetting, no?

Do you hear yourself? You are doing exactly what you are complaining about. I'm sorry that you hate other people so much.

No, sorry, I'm not here telling people not to offer unsolicited advice and comments to strangers--if they want to be Nosey Nellies, that's on them. But when I shared my opinion that this kind of attention isn't welcome or productive to me, and then you tell me over and over again why I should change my mind? I'm just...not going to. But I have not once--not once--told other people to stop being intrusive to moms with small babies. I just said there's never a world where "oh I'm going to stop looking at you and your baby" [LOL] is going to persuade me out of my perspective.

I'm the person who said I wouldn't comment on anything about you or your baby. I didn't say or think that it was "punishment" I know my opinion matters very little to you but, when a few posters back asked what they would like people to say "cute baby" good job and you are doing your best or whatever...I was addressing those comments.

My basic point is sometimes as humans you are well intentioned and mean well and say the wrong thing. It isn't done intentionally and you were trying to connect to another mom/woman. So instead of saying hey this person had good intentions and they meant well you attack them and then dictate what they should say. Which I agree would be nice if we were robots and always knew what to say.

So to avoid the eye rolls and the nasty comments I am going to remove myself from the conversation and not talk to strangers about their babies. Most moms do like it when people say "cute baby" but hey you want to control us and I am saying no thanks!

OK? Shall I alert moms of babies that you will no longer be complimenting their babies? Or maybe you should start a new PSA thread?

HA HA HA I am not that conceited that my thoughts, compliments or 'advice' will be missed. But, if you wonder why very few older women say anything to you and your baby..now you now why!

Why would anyone wonder why older strangers aren’t saying anything to them and their babies? LOL.

I suppose I am not communicating very well or just different generation. I remember dressing up my baby and going to church and so happy when people would talk to me about my baby. Even if they gave advise like cherish this time. It made me feel connected. Or if my toddler was acting up a stranger would come over and get my baby to laugh.
If I was standing in line with my cute baby it isn't that I need validation from a stranger but it makes life happier place.

If you dont have the experience I can understand why my comment would be strange to you. Point is I wouldn't say anything for fear to anger you. Isn't that somewhat sad?

NP. People do like when people come talk to them at a place of worship (as in we all chose to be here and we are all here for community). That’s different from a total stranger giving you unsolicited advice in Target. People saying hello and complimenting a baby is quite different from “you think this is hard, try having a teenager.” Those are different things, and you seem to be conflating the two.

When someone gave me unsolicited advice I did not get offended so quickly. So what if they think teenagers are harder? I'm many ways it is harder. I suppose Covid has gotten people out of the habit of interacting.

I suppose we have to agree to disagree

People who are different from you and have different preferences then you do are not damaged from COVID. They just—are different from you.

We are all damaged from Covid. I can only imagine having a baby and being isolated from "strangers" would make new moms/dads more cautious. Covid could kill your baby and until recently no shots. I know I have changed because of Covid.

It makes sense people would also more sensitive.

I guess COVID also makes people completely stuck in their ways, quite literally unable to handle the fact that people have different opinions, preferences, and ideas. I’m trying to imagine you learning about and appreciating cultural differences, and you just don’t seem like the type who can learn or accept anything new and different. How interesting! Do you think that’s generational, or just your specific personality type?

Wow here I am thinking I am conversing with an adult but you yet here you are insulting me about a totally different topic. You don't know me and yet you feel quite confident to throw insults about something you dont know.

I think that in the future you will become the person you claim to dislike...those giving unsolicited advice.

Good day!

You can think that, and it affects me not at all, because…you’re just a rando in the Target parking lot! Byeeeeeeee!!!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Hey! Stop fussing about your derailed pathetic life. It will still be derailed and pathetic when your baby grows up and leaves the house.

In the meanwhile, CHERISH YOUR BABY, you loser!!

You definitely don’t sound derailed or pathetic, yelling at moms on a parenting website.

These moms need a yelling and a reminder to cherish their babies.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The hostility is palpable. Not fatigue or being overextended, downright disdain.

What a way to walk around the world.

I know, isn't it frustrating when you can't manipulate or bully someone into seeing the world as you see it, and behaving exactly the way you think they should behave? Isn't it annoying when you approach a complete stranger and try to give them advice, and they have the audacity to not like it? Isn't it awful when you try to change someone's mind, again and again, and they just...keep the opinion they have? Apparently that's very upsetting, no?

Do you hear yourself? You are doing exactly what you are complaining about. I'm sorry that you hate other people so much.

No, sorry, I'm not here telling people not to offer unsolicited advice and comments to strangers--if they want to be Nosey Nellies, that's on them. But when I shared my opinion that this kind of attention isn't welcome or productive to me, and then you tell me over and over again why I should change my mind? I'm just...not going to. But I have not once--not once--told other people to stop being intrusive to moms with small babies. I just said there's never a world where "oh I'm going to stop looking at you and your baby" [LOL] is going to persuade me out of my perspective.

I'm the person who said I wouldn't comment on anything about you or your baby. I didn't say or think that it was "punishment" I know my opinion matters very little to you but, when a few posters back asked what they would like people to say "cute baby" good job and you are doing your best or whatever...I was addressing those comments.

My basic point is sometimes as humans you are well intentioned and mean well and say the wrong thing. It isn't done intentionally and you were trying to connect to another mom/woman. So instead of saying hey this person had good intentions and they meant well you attack them and then dictate what they should say. Which I agree would be nice if we were robots and always knew what to say.

So to avoid the eye rolls and the nasty comments I am going to remove myself from the conversation and not talk to strangers about their babies. Most moms do like it when people say "cute baby" but hey you want to control us and I am saying no thanks!

OK? Shall I alert moms of babies that you will no longer be complimenting their babies? Or maybe you should start a new PSA thread?

HA HA HA I am not that conceited that my thoughts, compliments or 'advice' will be missed. But, if you wonder why very few older women say anything to you and your baby..now you now why!

Why would anyone wonder why older strangers aren’t saying anything to them and their babies? LOL.

I suppose I am not communicating very well or just different generation. I remember dressing up my baby and going to church and so happy when people would talk to me about my baby. Even if they gave advise like cherish this time. It made me feel connected. Or if my toddler was acting up a stranger would come over and get my baby to laugh.
If I was standing in line with my cute baby it isn't that I need validation from a stranger but it makes life happier place.

If you dont have the experience I can understand why my comment would be strange to you. Point is I wouldn't say anything for fear to anger you. Isn't that somewhat sad?

NP. People do like when people come talk to them at a place of worship (as in we all chose to be here and we are all here for community). That’s different from a total stranger giving you unsolicited advice in Target. People saying hello and complimenting a baby is quite different from “you think this is hard, try having a teenager.” Those are different things, and you seem to be conflating the two.

When someone gave me unsolicited advice I did not get offended so quickly. So what if they think teenagers are harder? I'm many ways it is harder. I suppose Covid has gotten people out of the habit of interacting.

I suppose we have to agree to disagree

People who are different from you and have different preferences then you do are not damaged from COVID. They just—are different from you.

We are all damaged from Covid. I can only imagine having a baby and being isolated from "strangers" would make new moms/dads more cautious. Covid could kill your baby and until recently no shots. I know I have changed because of Covid.

It makes sense people would also more sensitive.

I guess COVID also makes people completely stuck in their ways, quite literally unable to handle the fact that people have different opinions, preferences, and ideas. I’m trying to imagine you learning about and appreciating cultural differences, and you just don’t seem like the type who can learn or accept anything new and different. How interesting! Do you think that’s generational, or just your specific personality type?

Wow here I am thinking I am conversing with an adult but you yet here you are insulting me about a totally different topic. You don't know me and yet you feel quite confident to throw insults about something you dont know.

I think that in the future you will become the person you claim to dislike...those giving unsolicited advice.

Good day!

You can think that, and it affects me not at all, because…you’re just a rando in the Target parking lot! Byeeeeeeee!!!

Oh no you hurt my feeelings! Not. You can't see anyone else's point of view. Bye yourself

[Anonymous]

I don't usually say anything to moms with babies, but maybe I will start on the off chance one is OP and I can set her off!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey! Stop fussing about your derailed pathetic life. It will still be derailed and pathetic when your baby grows up and leaves the house.

In the meanwhile, CHERISH YOUR BABY, you loser!!

You definitely don’t sound derailed or pathetic, yelling at moms on a parenting website.

These moms need a yelling and a reminder to cherish their babies.

What a lovely day when a woman says a mom with a baby needs to be yelled at. Imagine if a man said that here on DCUM. He’d be raked over the coals. “I want my wife to breastfeed in order to cherish memories and bond with the baby, so I yelled at her.” Same energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't usually say anything to moms with babies, but maybe I will start on the off chance one is OP and I can set her off!

Setting people off is a goal of yours. That’s the kind of person you are. Noted.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Empathy Reminder: did it ever strike you that those older women are experiencing their own trauma? Triggered by seeing your angelic child. It is called Empty Nest.

Again, don't see other moms (even those in different phases of the process) as judges or competitors. They are on the same journey as you, just in a different leg.

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS.

Um, you tried, but nope. Empty Nest "Trauma" (give me a break) can be alleviated with phone calls, texts, visits, FaceTime, future plans, etc.

There is no immediate alleviation for sleep deprivation, cracked nipples and colic.

-Mom of college-aged kids

Also, empty nest trauma isn’t my problem. You came up to me and initiated a “conversation” about how you think I should cherish these days because you personally miss these days. Okay? Cool? Are you offering to babysit for the rest of the day so I can go home and nap? No? Then leave me to finish grocery shopping in peace. Don’t add your “trauma” to the list of things I’m supposed to care about right now.

Some of you moms sound so bitter and overwhelmed. I hope that you can get some help. Put on your oxygen mask first people, you have a job to do.

PS-for the mom whose kid keeps putting small objects in their mouth. Yeah, that is what kids that age do. That is why you have to remove small objects from their environment. I am glad that it sounds like she has come through it unscathed up to now.

Yes- most moms of preschoolers are bitter and overwhelmed at trying to parent their kids during pandemic lockdowns, mask mandates, etc for the past 2 years on top of normal toddlerhood stresses. “Oh , get a sitter!” wasn’t an option for MONTHS. Remember? But sure, keep telling us how our problems are so minor compared to your problems with your older kids. Be sure to chuckle knowingly when you say it.

Oh, FFS. It’s 2022. How long are you going to milk this victim complex? Mooooove oooooon.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The hostility is palpable. Not fatigue or being overextended, downright disdain.

What a way to walk around the world.

I know, isn't it frustrating when you can't manipulate or bully someone into seeing the world as you see it, and behaving exactly the way you think they should behave? Isn't it annoying when you approach a complete stranger and try to give them advice, and they have the audacity to not like it? Isn't it awful when you try to change someone's mind, again and again, and they just...keep the opinion they have? Apparently that's very upsetting, no?

Do you hear yourself? You are doing exactly what you are complaining about. I'm sorry that you hate other people so much.

No, sorry, I'm not here telling people not to offer unsolicited advice and comments to strangers--if they want to be Nosey Nellies, that's on them. But when I shared my opinion that this kind of attention isn't welcome or productive to me, and then you tell me over and over again why I should change my mind? I'm just...not going to. But I have not once--not once--told other people to stop being intrusive to moms with small babies. I just said there's never a world where "oh I'm going to stop looking at you and your baby" [LOL] is going to persuade me out of my perspective.

I'm the person who said I wouldn't comment on anything about you or your baby. I didn't say or think that it was "punishment" I know my opinion matters very little to you but, when a few posters back asked what they would like people to say "cute baby" good job and you are doing your best or whatever...I was addressing those comments.

My basic point is sometimes as humans you are well intentioned and mean well and say the wrong thing. It isn't done intentionally and you were trying to connect to another mom/woman. So instead of saying hey this person had good intentions and they meant well you attack them and then dictate what they should say. Which I agree would be nice if we were robots and always knew what to say.

So to avoid the eye rolls and the nasty comments I am going to remove myself from the conversation and not talk to strangers about their babies. Most moms do like it when people say "cute baby" but hey you want to control us and I am saying no thanks!

OK? Shall I alert moms of babies that you will no longer be complimenting their babies? Or maybe you should start a new PSA thread?

HA HA HA I am not that conceited that my thoughts, compliments or 'advice' will be missed. But, if you wonder why very few older women say anything to you and your baby..now you now why!

Why would anyone wonder why older strangers aren’t saying anything to them and their babies? LOL.

I suppose I am not communicating very well or just different generation. I remember dressing up my baby and going to church and so happy when people would talk to me about my baby. Even if they gave advise like cherish this time. It made me feel connected. Or if my toddler was acting up a stranger would come over and get my baby to laugh.
If I was standing in line with my cute baby it isn't that I need validation from a stranger but it makes life happier place.

If you dont have the experience I can understand why my comment would be strange to you. Point is I wouldn't say anything for fear to anger you. Isn't that somewhat sad?

NP. People do like when people come talk to them at a place of worship (as in we all chose to be here and we are all here for community). That’s different from a total stranger giving you unsolicited advice in Target. People saying hello and complimenting a baby is quite different from “you think this is hard, try having a teenager.” Those are different things, and you seem to be conflating the two.

When someone gave me unsolicited advice I did not get offended so quickly. So what if they think teenagers are harder? I'm many ways it is harder. I suppose Covid has gotten people out of the habit of interacting.

I suppose we have to agree to disagree

People who are different from you and have different preferences then you do are not damaged from COVID. They just—are different from you.

We are all damaged from Covid. I can only imagine having a baby and being isolated from "strangers" would make new moms/dads more cautious. Covid could kill your baby and until recently no shots. I know I have changed because of Covid.

It makes sense people would also more sensitive.

I guess COVID also makes people completely stuck in their ways, quite literally unable to handle the fact that people have different opinions, preferences, and ideas. I’m trying to imagine you learning about and appreciating cultural differences, and you just don’t seem like the type who can learn or accept anything new and different. How interesting! Do you think that’s generational, or just your specific personality type?

Wow here I am thinking I am conversing with an adult but you yet here you are insulting me about a totally different topic. You don't know me and yet you feel quite confident to throw insults about something you dont know.

I think that in the future you will become the person you claim to dislike...those giving unsolicited advice.

Good day!

You can think that, and it affects me not at all, because…you’re just a rando in the Target parking lot! Byeeeeeeee!!!

Oh no you hurt my feeelings! Not. You can't see anyone else's point of view. Bye yourself

Aww, you’re one of those old birds who takes 30-45 minute to leave after announcing she’s going to do so. Take your time, Linda! We’ll just keep nodding and waving until you’re gone!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Some of you all just need to sleep train your babies! Once my babies were 5-6 months old, the sleep deprivation was over.

And yes, I'd give anything to go back and visit and cuddle my babies, toddlers, and preschoolers again. They are pretty good as far as teens go, but there is just no comparison.

What great advice for someone with a two-month-old, when sleep training is not an option. No one wants your advice. If they did, they would ask for it. Why do you have to “cherish” your memories by speaking them out loud to new parents who are total strangers? You are free to cherish your own memories in your own head.

Time to buckle up buttercup because, like it or not, you can't actually control what strangers think or say. When your baby is 14, you will understand what we mean, and that we are not attacking you. In the meantime, maybe check your anger a bit, its probably not good for you or your baby.

Right? The outrage is so one-sided. I feel like saying, let's revisit this topic in a few years when you are in a better place.

Or how about you just don’t revisit it?? It seems like moms of older kids really, really want to announce things at moms of younger kids (“time flies!” “Just wait till he is walking/ in school/ driving/ dating then you’ll REALLY have your hands full!” “Don’t blink, these days will be gone and you’ll miss them!” “Little kids little problems… you just wait!”) and moms of younger kids really, really dislike hearing these things.

So why not just stop doing it?

You can’t control what others say. Control your reaction. Take a pill.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It is like you are hiking on a trail. The people who are coming back might say, "that next part is a bear." Or, "didn't the part you just finished have spectacular views?" They are not being smug or competitive or mean. They are sharing the journey you are both on.

If you were not so exhausted and overwhelmed, you could probably take it as it is meant. I just don't think you realize that your strong negative reaction emanates from your quality of life right now, not the friendly women who is looking fondly at your beautiful child.

[/b]If you saw a hiker half dead from exhaustion, with a sprained ankle, limping down the trail[b] would you truly say “wasn’t that view you passed just spectacular!?!?” Because that’s the analogy here.

Or telling that same hiker “you think it’s hard now but wait till you get around the bend!” and then smile and walk off. As opposed to, like, helping them around the bend.

So melodramatic.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Some of you all just need to sleep train your babies! Once my babies were 5-6 months old, the sleep deprivation was over.

And yes, I'd give anything to go back and visit and cuddle my babies, toddlers, and preschoolers again. They are pretty good as far as teens go, but there is just no comparison.

What great advice for someone with a two-month-old, when sleep training is not an option. No one wants your advice. If they did, they would ask for it. Why do you have to “cherish” your memories by speaking them out loud to new parents who are total strangers? You are free to cherish your own memories in your own head.

Time to buckle up buttercup because, like it or not, you can't actually control what strangers think or say. When your baby is 14, you will understand what we mean, and that we are not attacking you. In the meantime, maybe check your anger a bit, its probably not good for you or your baby.

My kids are 11 and 9, I just remember the newborn days when "helpful" people were annoying as hell. Back off. You're a stranger, dude. If a friend or family member wants advice, they'll ask for it. Until someone asks you, leave people alone, especially strangers.

They aren’t going to “back off” or “leave you alone,” dude.” Cope.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Some of you all just need to sleep train your babies! Once my babies were 5-6 months old, the sleep deprivation was over.

And yes, I'd give anything to go back and visit and cuddle my babies, toddlers, and preschoolers again. They are pretty good as far as teens go, but there is just no comparison.

What great advice for someone with a two-month-old, when sleep training is not an option. No one wants your advice. If they did, they would ask for it. Why do you have to “cherish” your memories by speaking them out loud to new parents who are total strangers? You are free to cherish your own memories in your own head.

Time to buckle up buttercup because, like it or not, you can't actually control what strangers think or say. When your baby is 14, you will understand what we mean, and that we are not attacking you. In the meantime, maybe check your anger a bit, its probably not good for you or your baby.

Right? The outrage is so one-sided. I feel like saying, let's revisit this topic in a few years when you are in a better place.

Or how about you just don’t revisit it?? It seems like moms of older kids really, really want to announce things at moms of younger kids (“time flies!” “Just wait till he is walking/ in school/ driving/ dating then you’ll REALLY have your hands full!” “Don’t blink, these days will be gone and you’ll miss them!” “Little kids little problems… you just wait!”) and moms of younger kids really, really dislike hearing these things.

So why not just stop doing it?

Because people are different and they cannot read your mind. You know you sound like a 6 year old. Why won’t people do what I want them to do!! you are doing the digital equivalent of laying on the floor and kicking your feet.

NP. You're the one who can't quite seem to grasp that other people have a view that is different from yours. I get that you are slowly starting to feel defensive that you are likely annoying perfect strangers with your comment, but...take the hint.

You can’t control others’ behavior. Take the hint.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This isn't hard. Some people appreciate hearing stuff like this. Others don't. Sometimes it's just small talk. Sometimes it's not that deep--and believe it or not, sometimes it isn't even about you. Shocking, I know. I swear, half the time the women making these types of comments are actually talking about or thinking back to their own experiences. This seems to be especially true for old ladies.

You can't police what people say, nor can you control them. You don't like the comment? Just nod or smile and be on your way.

Literally no one has jumped on here to say "oh, I love hearing that! It's such a good reminder." The range is - "meh, no biggie" to the woman on page 4, crying 10 times a day and saying that comments like this made her life harder.

Everyone recognizes that you can't control other people. But the point of this thread is - hey, if you're saying this, maybe stop and here's why.

They aren’t going to stop because you whined on the internet.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It is like you are hiking on a trail. The people who are coming back might say, "that next part is a bear." Or, "didn't the part you just finished have spectacular views?" They are not being smug or competitive or mean. They are sharing the journey you are both on.

If you were not so exhausted and overwhelmed, you could probably take it as it is meant. I just don't think you realize that your strong negative reaction emanates from your quality of life right now, not the friendly women who is looking fondly at your beautiful child.

Totally agree. There is their weird generation that never wants to interact with anyone, won’t answer their front door, and only sees the world through their own eyes. It is a strange and sad lot.

This. And they literally don't have the time of day for someone 10-15 years ahead of them on this path, and actually wonder why we have the audacity to even breathe the same air they do. Hope all these angry moms don't have more kids, but because more kids are actually MORE work, despite what cute Instagram image they have in their head.

It is actually shocking how women on this site, who share the same difficult job of parenting are ripping each other apart (one side only mind you) instead of supporting each other.

Talk about smug. How many of the younger posters seem to think they are superior because their moms gave birth to them after the older posters' moms. That takes not talent and guess what, you will reach our age. And hopefully the younger women you encounter will have respect for you and realize that you have a tremendous amount in common despite the wrinkles on your face.

They are the same ones complaining they have no family or support network and they wonder whatever happened to "it takes a village"? The village is still there, but apparently we are beneath them.

I have a village full of friends, family, co-workers and neighbors. My village is supportive, considerate, positive and polite. It is not full of Smug Mommys who try to one-up people and make everything about them.

Older moms are not beneath me. Smug Mommys are, indeed, beneath me. Seek attention elsewhere. I focus on positive people who approach with a smile and a kind word, not unsolicited advice and Just You Waits.

Your repeated comments and arguments and name-calling here make the bolded statements impossible to believe. Our generation is terrified of offending yours, and with good reason. You seem okay with that though.

LOL, OK. Bye!

You just proved their point about you. Congratulations.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Smug Mommy isn't a thing, stop trying to make it happen.

Smug Mommy is…literally why this thread exists. I get that you’re unsettled by knowing what people really think and say about you after you drop your unsolicited advice and smug comments and exit stage left.

You sweet summer child. Do you honestly think any of the older moms you are trying to demean care at all what you think about them? None of them are unsettled by any of the complaining here. Caring about what others think is very much a young woman's issue, as evidenced by this thread.

OK, thanks, Linda! You have a great day!

You’re so insecure. It’s sad. Keep going. We know you’re desperate for that last word with the desperate, childish laugh emoji.