Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn’t realize this thread was still going.

I’ve had 4 other serious relationship. 3 in my twenties where it was serious but neither of us were at a point where we wanted to settle down at that age. My last was two years long and was very serious. I planned to marry her but ultimately she didn’t want kids and it ended. She felt like she needed to have kids because bed family was telling her that’s what is normal, but she told me when we were about to get engaged that she didn’t want kids, and didn’t feel right marrying me knowing I wanted kids. She said she loved me and didn’t want to lie to me. She tried to want those things but she just didn’t want kids. I loved her but I do want kids and decided it was best to end the relationship. That was two years ago and she has since married a man who also doesn’t want kids. We would be married today if she did want kids because she was an amazing partner and we got along very well.

I’ve lived in my parents paid off condo that they own but I have lived in with roommates and on my own when before moving in here two years ago. I’ve paid rent, paid utilities, and paid for my school on my own. I know how to function as an adult. I could have lived on more money, but I chose to save money because I want to make life easier for my future wife and kids.

I’m open to having a SAHM wife. My mother quit her job to raise me and my brother. I have a strong respect for women who want to stay home and I ultimately don’t care if my wife wants to stay home or work. I don’t mind supporting my family if my wife chooses to stay home. It’s just that she needs to understand that we can’t live beyond our means and have the most expensive everything. She will have full access to money and will never have to worry about looking over every expense. I’ve lived with my ex before this one for a year and never had an issue. I just want someone reasonable who will live within their means and not spend money or the point that we can’t afford a comfortable lifestyle.

I never said I would pay for the wedding and down payment, she just assumed. She was raised in an upper middle class family but she is not from a rich family. She does work and makes a good income. She does pay for her own apartment. I did pay for everything while we were together. When discussing finances, she just assumed I would pay for everything. We discussed my savings and I told her how I save most of my money because I want to be able to afford a house, have a wife who has the option to stay at home, have kids, etc. Besides groceries, she had never once paid for anything, and she just assumed I would pay for everything as well. I don’t mind paying for it, but the assumption that I would pay for it all feels like I’m being used.

I’m not perfect and I don’t pretend to be. I just want someone who loves me and wants to be with me for more than what I can do for them. I want a real partner, not someone who sees me as their meal ticket. My parents have been married for over 40 years and have been an excellent example of what real love, commitment, and partnership is. I want that for my future kids.

She already paid her own rent. She lived with you for two months, in a condo that you do not have to pay rent on, and paid for groceries and "household things" (of course now you're erasing that as well). What did you want her to do, pay rent to you and for her apartment, when you live in a paid-off condo as a gift from your parents? Where is the money you think she owes you? Should she have taken over the light bill in addition to her own bills, while you save 90% of your income for a house? The more you post the crazier it seems that you're trying to paint her as a gold digger. You bought her a ring, which she gave back. Beyond that I don't see where she got any gold, but she did dodge a bullet.

I think you have something pathological going on with your savings. You like seeing it grow but are very upset at the idea of using it for its intended purpose. You say you were saving for a house, wedding, for your wife to be a SAHM, about half a dozen times in this thread. But when you propose to a woman who wants to buy a house and to stay at home after kids are born, you decide that she's materialistic for wanting the things you profess to want yourself. You can keep blaming her but you're the one who proposed to this person, and no she did not change her mind between making fun of someone else's ring for being small, telling you she wanted a big ring, and then telling you she wanted a bigger ring than what you bought. There's no change there. That's the same woman, behaving in the same way. The one you proposed to.

OP here. I never requested she pay for anything in the house. I know she had her own expenses. She did buy groceries and some household stuff on occasion. I paid for everything else. She had never once during our relationship paid for a date or an outing. We had gone on two vacations and I paid for everything. She didn’t buy me a gift for my bday or valentines days but I bought her expensive gifts for both. She gave me a bottle of wine for Christmas and homemade brownies. She makes $200k and has the means to support herself.

I paid for almost everything with my ex ex before this because I was raised that men are the main providers. She still made an effort to pay for dinner on occasion or buy me presents for my birthday.

The gesture is the important part for me. I didn’t think it was an issue then but now I’m starting to see that it was a problem. This is coming from women who have told me that she is a gold digger. I never once called her or that or thought she was one. I still don’t think she is. I just think we have different ideas of lifestyle we want and she is looking for man who will pay for everything for her.

OP, did you really have no clue that she wanted a different lifestyle than you are willing to contribute to? Does she wear cheap, frumpy clothes, no jewelry, hair only gets cut every six months, carrying an extra 10 pounds because she doesn’t want to pay for a gym or even new running shoes, living in a cheap crummy apartment and never spending money to socialize with friends?

You do realize many people have nice clothes, work out, and socialize with friends without having a high HHI? You don’t sound very smart.

DP. You are nitpicking at detail. The point is, did OP’s ex live a frugal lifestyle during their entire relationship, or did he enjoy having a girlfriend on his arm who dressed really well, got her hair cut and highlights touched up every six weeks, and went to SoulCycle three times a week so her ass would still look like it was 22 when they had all of that amazing sex? If she didn’t live a frugal lifestyle during the first year of their relationship, OP was fooling himself that she would start living one after they got engaged.

She’s been doing all those things while paying for it with her $200k job. Why does she think he becomes her ATM the minute they get engaged? There aren’t even any children yet. So she thinks she’s entitled to be a — what? — stay at home plant mom?

There's nothing in OP's posts about her staying home before kids. It's all about staying home after kids, which he simultaneously claims to value and uses as proof she's a bad person. I get that you super duper hate women, but don't let it break your brain.

OP never used it against her.

DP, yes, he specifically complained that she did a 180 after getting engaged about wanting to have kids and stay home right after they got married instead of waiting a couple more years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck finding an extra frugal partner OP. You sound ridiculous.

Yep, totally ridiculous, willing to spend 1.5 million on a house, bought a 20k ring, and doesn't want to pay for everything his fiance wants. The nerve!

$1.5 million is not a huge budget for the neighborhoods OP mentioned. Maybe you’re not from this area?

Maybe you are not aware that not everyone in the DC metro Area can afford a 1.5 million home. A lot of us don't have family money and make $500k a year. Maybe get your head out of your a$$.

Do you live in the areas OP said they were looking at?

Yes, I grow up in Arlington. I know what homes cost there. OP can get a house under $1.5 million near one of the best high schools in the area. What are you so hellbent on proving me wrong. It won't be a luxurious house but it will be a SFH house with a yard. I don't live in North Arlington anymore b/c I got more bang for my buck further out but still within the beltway. Do you know the history of Arlington?

He won’t get a 4-bedroom house with a “nice yard” for that price anymore.

And yes, I am familiar with the history of Arlington.

Ok, here is a house that I found with minimal effort. https://www.redfin.com/VA/Arlington/3830-30th-Rd-N-22207/home/11230938#schools, but hey you know more than me so not sure where to go from here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn’t realize this thread was still going.

I’ve had 4 other serious relationship. 3 in my twenties where it was serious but neither of us were at a point where we wanted to settle down at that age. My last was two years long and was very serious. I planned to marry her but ultimately she didn’t want kids and it ended. She felt like she needed to have kids because bed family was telling her that’s what is normal, but she told me when we were about to get engaged that she didn’t want kids, and didn’t feel right marrying me knowing I wanted kids. She said she loved me and didn’t want to lie to me. She tried to want those things but she just didn’t want kids. I loved her but I do want kids and decided it was best to end the relationship. That was two years ago and she has since married a man who also doesn’t want kids. We would be married today if she did want kids because she was an amazing partner and we got along very well.

I’ve lived in my parents paid off condo that they own but I have lived in with roommates and on my own when before moving in here two years ago. I’ve paid rent, paid utilities, and paid for my school on my own. I know how to function as an adult. I could have lived on more money, but I chose to save money because I want to make life easier for my future wife and kids.

I’m open to having a SAHM wife. My mother quit her job to raise me and my brother. I have a strong respect for women who want to stay home and I ultimately don’t care if my wife wants to stay home or work. I don’t mind supporting my family if my wife chooses to stay home. It’s just that she needs to understand that we can’t live beyond our means and have the most expensive everything. She will have full access to money and will never have to worry about looking over every expense. I’ve lived with my ex before this one for a year and never had an issue. I just want someone reasonable who will live within their means and not spend money or the point that we can’t afford a comfortable lifestyle.

I never said I would pay for the wedding and down payment, she just assumed. She was raised in an upper middle class family but she is not from a rich family. She does work and makes a good income. She does pay for her own apartment. I did pay for everything while we were together. When discussing finances, she just assumed I would pay for everything. We discussed my savings and I told her how I save most of my money because I want to be able to afford a house, have a wife who has the option to stay at home, have kids, etc. Besides groceries, she had never once paid for anything, and she just assumed I would pay for everything as well. I don’t mind paying for it, but the assumption that I would pay for it all feels like I’m being used.

I’m not perfect and I don’t pretend to be. I just want someone who loves me and wants to be with me for more than what I can do for them. I want a real partner, not someone who sees me as their meal ticket. My parents have been married for over 40 years and have been an excellent example of what real love, commitment, and partnership is. I want that for my future kids.

She already paid her own rent. She lived with you for two months, in a condo that you do not have to pay rent on, and paid for groceries and "household things" (of course now you're erasing that as well). What did you want her to do, pay rent to you and for her apartment, when you live in a paid-off condo as a gift from your parents? Where is the money you think she owes you? Should she have taken over the light bill in addition to her own bills, while you save 90% of your income for a house? The more you post the crazier it seems that you're trying to paint her as a gold digger. You bought her a ring, which she gave back. Beyond that I don't see where she got any gold, but she did dodge a bullet.

I think you have something pathological going on with your savings. You like seeing it grow but are very upset at the idea of using it for its intended purpose. You say you were saving for a house, wedding, for your wife to be a SAHM, about half a dozen times in this thread. But when you propose to a woman who wants to buy a house and to stay at home after kids are born, you decide that she's materialistic for wanting the things you profess to want yourself. You can keep blaming her but you're the one who proposed to this person, and no she did not change her mind between making fun of someone else's ring for being small, telling you she wanted a big ring, and then telling you she wanted a bigger ring than what you bought. There's no change there. That's the same woman, behaving in the same way. The one you proposed to.

OP here. I never requested she pay for anything in the house. I know she had her own expenses. She did buy groceries and some household stuff on occasion. I paid for everything else. She had never once during our relationship paid for a date or an outing. We had gone on two vacations and I paid for everything. She didn’t buy me a gift for my bday or valentines days but I bought her expensive gifts for both. She gave me a bottle of wine for Christmas and homemade brownies. She makes $200k and has the means to support herself.

I paid for almost everything with my ex ex before this because I was raised that men are the main providers. She still made an effort to pay for dinner on occasion or buy me presents for my birthday.

The gesture is the important part for me. I didn’t think it was an issue then but now I’m starting to see that it was a problem. This is coming from women who have told me that she is a gold digger. I never once called her or that or thought she was one. I still don’t think she is. I just think we have different ideas of lifestyle we want and she is looking for man who will pay for everything for her.

OP, did you really have no clue that she wanted a different lifestyle than you are willing to contribute to? Does she wear cheap, frumpy clothes, no jewelry, hair only gets cut every six months, carrying an extra 10 pounds because she doesn’t want to pay for a gym or even new running shoes, living in a cheap crummy apartment and never spending money to socialize with friends?

You do realize many people have nice clothes, work out, and socialize with friends without having a high HHI? You don’t sound very smart.

DP. You are nitpicking at detail. The point is, did OP’s ex live a frugal lifestyle during their entire relationship, or did he enjoy having a girlfriend on his arm who dressed really well, got her hair cut and highlights touched up every six weeks, and went to SoulCycle three times a week so her ass would still look like it was 22 when they had all of that amazing sex? If she didn’t live a frugal lifestyle during the first year of their relationship, OP was fooling himself that she would start living one after they got engaged.

She’s been doing all those things while paying for it with her $200k job. Why does she think he becomes her ATM the minute they get engaged? There aren’t even any children yet. So she thinks she’s entitled to be a — what? — stay at home plant mom?

There's nothing in OP's posts about her staying home before kids. It's all about staying home after kids, which he simultaneously claims to value and uses as proof she's a bad person. I get that you super duper hate women, but don't let it break your brain.

OP never used it against her.

DP, yes, he specifically complained that she did a 180 after getting engaged about wanting to have kids and stay home right after they got married instead of waiting a couple more years.

OP’s ex is 30. She will probably be 31 when they actually get married. Wanting a kid or 2 before age 35 is totally reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck finding an extra frugal partner OP. You sound ridiculous.

Yep, totally ridiculous, willing to spend 1.5 million on a house, bought a 20k ring, and doesn't want to pay for everything his fiance wants. The nerve!

$1.5 million is not a huge budget for the neighborhoods OP mentioned. Maybe you’re not from this area?

Maybe you are not aware that not everyone in the DC metro Area can afford a 1.5 million home. A lot of us don't have family money and make $500k a year. Maybe get your head out of your a$$.

Do you live in the areas OP said they were looking at?

Yes, I grow up in Arlington. I know what homes cost there. OP can get a house under $1.5 million near one of the best high schools in the area. What are you so hellbent on proving me wrong. It won't be a luxurious house but it will be a SFH house with a yard. I don't live in North Arlington anymore b/c I got more bang for my buck further out but still within the beltway. Do you know the history of Arlington?

He won’t get a 4-bedroom house with a “nice yard” for that price anymore.

And yes, I am familiar with the history of Arlington.

Ok, here is a house that I found with minimal effort. https://www.redfin.com/VA/Arlington/3830-30th-Rd-N-22207/home/11230938#schools, but hey you know more than me so not sure where to go from here.

DP. 2 bedrooms up, 2 bedrooms down is a pretty lousy layout with young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck finding an extra frugal partner OP. You sound ridiculous.

Yep, totally ridiculous, willing to spend 1.5 million on a house, bought a 20k ring, and doesn't want to pay for everything his fiance wants. The nerve!

$1.5 million is not a huge budget for the neighborhoods OP mentioned. Maybe you’re not from this area?

Maybe you are not aware that not everyone in the DC metro Area can afford a 1.5 million home. A lot of us don't have family money and make $500k a year. Maybe get your head out of your a$$.

Do you live in the areas OP said they were looking at?

Yes, I grow up in Arlington. I know what homes cost there. OP can get a house under $1.5 million near one of the best high schools in the area. What are you so hellbent on proving me wrong. It won't be a luxurious house but it will be a SFH house with a yard. I don't live in North Arlington anymore b/c I got more bang for my buck further out but still within the beltway. Do you know the history of Arlington?

He won’t get a 4-bedroom house with a “nice yard” for that price anymore.

And yes, I am familiar with the history of Arlington.

Ok, here is a house that I found with minimal effort. https://www.redfin.com/VA/Arlington/3830-30th-Rd-N-22207/home/11230938#schools, but hey you know more than me so not sure where to go from here.

DP. 2 bedrooms up, 2 bedrooms down is a pretty lousy layout with young kids.

You made an assertion that he could not get a SFH house for under 1.5 in Arlington. He can. I showed you a typical house in Arlington. They aren't all new mansions. I lived in a house similar to this style. My parents were on one level and my siblings and I were on another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck finding an extra frugal partner OP. You sound ridiculous.

Yep, totally ridiculous, willing to spend 1.5 million on a house, bought a 20k ring, and doesn't want to pay for everything his fiance wants. The nerve!

$1.5 million is not a huge budget for the neighborhoods OP mentioned. Maybe you’re not from this area?

Maybe you are not aware that not everyone in the DC metro Area can afford a 1.5 million home. A lot of us don't have family money and make $500k a year. Maybe get your head out of your a$$.

Do you live in the areas OP said they were looking at?

Yes, I grow up in Arlington. I know what homes cost there. OP can get a house under $1.5 million near one of the best high schools in the area. What are you so hellbent on proving me wrong. It won't be a luxurious house but it will be a SFH house with a yard. I don't live in North Arlington anymore b/c I got more bang for my buck further out but still within the beltway. Do you know the history of Arlington?

He won’t get a 4-bedroom house with a “nice yard” for that price anymore.

And yes, I am familiar with the history of Arlington.

Ok, here is a house that I found with minimal effort. https://www.redfin.com/VA/Arlington/3830-30th-Rd-N-22207/home/11230938#schools, but hey you know more than me so not sure where to go from here.

DP. 2 bedrooms up, 2 bedrooms down is a pretty lousy layout with young kids.

You made an assertion that he could not get a SFH house for under 1.5 in Arlington. He can. I showed you a typical house in Arlington. They aren't all new mansions. I lived in a house similar to this style. My parents were on one level and my siblings and I were on another.

It’s a mediocre house. They could make it work if they had to, but she’s not unreasonable for wanting something a bit more appropriate for a family with young kids when they can afford something better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck finding an extra frugal partner OP. You sound ridiculous.

Yep, totally ridiculous, willing to spend 1.5 million on a house, bought a 20k ring, and doesn't want to pay for everything his fiance wants. The nerve!

$1.5 million is not a huge budget for the neighborhoods OP mentioned. Maybe you’re not from this area?

Maybe you are not aware that not everyone in the DC metro Area can afford a 1.5 million home. A lot of us don't have family money and make $500k a year. Maybe get your head out of your a$$.

Do you live in the areas OP said they were looking at?

Yes, I grow up in Arlington. I know what homes cost there. OP can get a house under $1.5 million near one of the best high schools in the area. What are you so hellbent on proving me wrong. It won't be a luxurious house but it will be a SFH house with a yard. I don't live in North Arlington anymore b/c I got more bang for my buck further out but still within the beltway. Do you know the history of Arlington?

He won’t get a 4-bedroom house with a “nice yard” for that price anymore.

And yes, I am familiar with the history of Arlington.

Ok, here is a house that I found with minimal effort. https://www.redfin.com/VA/Arlington/3830-30th-Rd-N-22207/home/11230938#schools, but hey you know more than me so not sure where to go from here.

DP. 2 bedrooms up, 2 bedrooms down is a pretty lousy layout with young kids.

You made an assertion that he could not get a SFH house for under 1.5 in Arlington. He can. I showed you a typical house in Arlington. They aren't all new mansions. I lived in a house similar to this style. My parents were on one level and my siblings and I were on another.

It’s a mediocre house. They could make it work if they had to, but she’s not unreasonable for wanting something a bit more appropriate for a family with young kids when they can afford something better.

DP but I suspect that house will also be bid up over $1.5. It's priced below the Redfin estimate in a red-hot market: that's bait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck finding an extra frugal partner OP. You sound ridiculous.

Yep, totally ridiculous, willing to spend 1.5 million on a house, bought a 20k ring, and doesn't want to pay for everything his fiance wants. The nerve!

$1.5 million is not a huge budget for the neighborhoods OP mentioned. Maybe you’re not from this area?

Maybe you are not aware that not everyone in the DC metro Area can afford a 1.5 million home. A lot of us don't have family money and make $500k a year. Maybe get your head out of your a$$.

Do you live in the areas OP said they were looking at?

Yes, I grow up in Arlington. I know what homes cost there. OP can get a house under $1.5 million near one of the best high schools in the area. What are you so hellbent on proving me wrong. It won't be a luxurious house but it will be a SFH house with a yard. I don't live in North Arlington anymore b/c I got more bang for my buck further out but still within the beltway. Do you know the history of Arlington?

He won’t get a 4-bedroom house with a “nice yard” for that price anymore.

And yes, I am familiar with the history of Arlington.

Ok, here is a house that I found with minimal effort. https://www.redfin.com/VA/Arlington/3830-30th-Rd-N-22207/home/11230938#schools, but hey you know more than me so not sure where to go from here.

DP. 2 bedrooms up, 2 bedrooms down is a pretty lousy layout with young kids.

You made an assertion that he could not get a SFH house for under 1.5 in Arlington. He can. I showed you a typical house in Arlington. They aren't all new mansions. I lived in a house similar to this style. My parents were on one level and my siblings and I were on another.

It’s a mediocre house. They could make it work if they had to, but she’s not unreasonable for wanting something a bit more appropriate for a family with young kids when they can afford something better.

Don't you mean when he can afford something better? I missed the part where she was contributing to the downpayment of the house despite her 200k a year income.

Yes, a lot of my friends and I had to make do living in our Medicare houses in Arlington. We were so disadvantaged in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck finding an extra frugal partner OP. You sound ridiculous.

Yep, totally ridiculous, willing to spend 1.5 million on a house, bought a 20k ring, and doesn't want to pay for everything his fiance wants. The nerve!

$1.5 million is not a huge budget for the neighborhoods OP mentioned. Maybe you’re not from this area?

Maybe you are not aware that not everyone in the DC metro Area can afford a 1.5 million home. A lot of us don't have family money and make $500k a year. Maybe get your head out of your a$$.

Do you live in the areas OP said they were looking at?

Yes, I grow up in Arlington. I know what homes cost there. OP can get a house under $1.5 million near one of the best high schools in the area. What are you so hellbent on proving me wrong. It won't be a luxurious house but it will be a SFH house with a yard. I don't live in North Arlington anymore b/c I got more bang for my buck further out but still within the beltway. Do you know the history of Arlington?

He won’t get a 4-bedroom house with a “nice yard” for that price anymore.

And yes, I am familiar with the history of Arlington.

Ok, here is a house that I found with minimal effort. https://www.redfin.com/VA/Arlington/3830-30th-Rd-N-22207/home/11230938#schools, but hey you know more than me so not sure where to go from here.

DP. 2 bedrooms up, 2 bedrooms down is a pretty lousy layout with young kids.

You made an assertion that he could not get a SFH house for under 1.5 in Arlington. He can. I showed you a typical house in Arlington. They aren't all new mansions. I lived in a house similar to this style. My parents were on one level and my siblings and I were on another.

It’s a mediocre house. They could make it work if they had to, but she’s not unreasonable for wanting something a bit more appropriate for a family with young kids when they can afford something better.

Don't you mean when he can afford something better? I missed the part where she was contributing to the downpayment of the house despite her 200k a year income.

Yes, a lot of my friends and I had to make do living in our Medicare houses in Arlington. We were so disadvantaged in life.

OP said she has savings too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck finding an extra frugal partner OP. You sound ridiculous.

Yep, totally ridiculous, willing to spend 1.5 million on a house, bought a 20k ring, and doesn't want to pay for everything his fiance wants. The nerve!

$1.5 million is not a huge budget for the neighborhoods OP mentioned. Maybe you’re not from this area?

Maybe you are not aware that not everyone in the DC metro Area can afford a 1.5 million home. A lot of us don't have family money and make $500k a year. Maybe get your head out of your a$$.

Do you live in the areas OP said they were looking at?

Yes, I grow up in Arlington. I know what homes cost there. OP can get a house under $1.5 million near one of the best high schools in the area. What are you so hellbent on proving me wrong. It won't be a luxurious house but it will be a SFH house with a yard. I don't live in North Arlington anymore b/c I got more bang for my buck further out but still within the beltway. Do you know the history of Arlington?

He won’t get a 4-bedroom house with a “nice yard” for that price anymore.

And yes, I am familiar with the history of Arlington.

Ok, here is a house that I found with minimal effort. https://www.redfin.com/VA/Arlington/3830-30th-Rd-N-22207/home/11230938#schools, but hey you know more than me so not sure where to go from here.

DP. 2 bedrooms up, 2 bedrooms down is a pretty lousy layout with young kids.

You made an assertion that he could not get a SFH house for under 1.5 in Arlington. He can. I showed you a typical house in Arlington. They aren't all new mansions. I lived in a house similar to this style. My parents were on one level and my siblings and I were on another.

It’s a mediocre house. They could make it work if they had to, but she’s not unreasonable for wanting something a bit more appropriate for a family with young kids when they can afford something better.

Don't you mean when he can afford something better? I missed the part where she was contributing to the downpayment of the house despite her 200k a year income.

Yes, a lot of my friends and I had to make do living in our Medicare houses in Arlington. We were so disadvantaged in life.

OP said she has savings too.

He did say she had savings. He also said earlier in the post that she didn't even ask him but assumed he would use his savings for the downpayment. He never once said she offered to pay for the downpayment with her savings.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck finding an extra frugal partner OP. You sound ridiculous.

Yep, totally ridiculous, willing to spend 1.5 million on a house, bought a 20k ring, and doesn't want to pay for everything his fiance wants. The nerve!

$1.5 million is not a huge budget for the neighborhoods OP mentioned. Maybe you’re not from this area?

Maybe you are not aware that not everyone in the DC metro Area can afford a 1.5 million home. A lot of us don't have family money and make $500k a year. Maybe get your head out of your a$$.

Do you live in the areas OP said they were looking at?

Yes, I grow up in Arlington. I know what homes cost there. OP can get a house under $1.5 million near one of the best high schools in the area. What are you so hellbent on proving me wrong. It won't be a luxurious house but it will be a SFH house with a yard. I don't live in North Arlington anymore b/c I got more bang for my buck further out but still within the beltway. Do you know the history of Arlington?

He won’t get a 4-bedroom house with a “nice yard” for that price anymore.

And yes, I am familiar with the history of Arlington.

Ok, here is a house that I found with minimal effort. https://www.redfin.com/VA/Arlington/3830-30th-Rd-N-22207/home/11230938#schools, but hey you know more than me so not sure where to go from here.

DP. 2 bedrooms up, 2 bedrooms down is a pretty lousy layout with young kids.

You made an assertion that he could not get a SFH house for under 1.5 in Arlington. He can. I showed you a typical house in Arlington. They aren't all new mansions. I lived in a house similar to this style. My parents were on one level and my siblings and I were on another.

It’s a mediocre house. They could make it work if they had to, but she’s not unreasonable for wanting something a bit more appropriate for a family with young kids when they can afford something better.

Don't you mean when he can afford something better? I missed the part where she was contributing to the downpayment of the house despite her 200k a year income.

Yes, a lot of my friends and I had to make do living in our Medicare houses in Arlington. We were so disadvantaged in life.

OP said she has savings too.

He did say she had savings. He also said earlier in the post that she didn't even ask him but assumed he would use his savings for the downpayment. He never once said she offered to pay for the downpayment with her savings.

I can only assume you have never shared finances with another adult.

[Anonymous]

OP kind of sounds like the leech to me. He wants a wife on whom he can offload all the domestic duties while maximizing his own income and net worth, while refusing to share it with the wife who has to put her own career on the back burner to keep the family life running. Pretty sexist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn’t realize this thread was still going.

I’ve had 4 other serious relationship. 3 in my twenties where it was serious but neither of us were at a point where we wanted to settle down at that age. My last was two years long and was very serious. I planned to marry her but ultimately she didn’t want kids and it ended. She felt like she needed to have kids because bed family was telling her that’s what is normal, but she told me when we were about to get engaged that she didn’t want kids, and didn’t feel right marrying me knowing I wanted kids. She said she loved me and didn’t want to lie to me. She tried to want those things but she just didn’t want kids. I loved her but I do want kids and decided it was best to end the relationship. That was two years ago and she has since married a man who also doesn’t want kids. We would be married today if she did want kids because she was an amazing partner and we got along very well.

I’ve lived in my parents paid off condo that they own but I have lived in with roommates and on my own when before moving in here two years ago. I’ve paid rent, paid utilities, and paid for my school on my own. I know how to function as an adult. I could have lived on more money, but I chose to save money because I want to make life easier for my future wife and kids.

I’m open to having a SAHM wife. My mother quit her job to raise me and my brother. I have a strong respect for women who want to stay home and I ultimately don’t care if my wife wants to stay home or work. I don’t mind supporting my family if my wife chooses to stay home. It’s just that she needs to understand that we can’t live beyond our means and have the most expensive everything. She will have full access to money and will never have to worry about looking over every expense. I’ve lived with my ex before this one for a year and never had an issue. I just want someone reasonable who will live within their means and not spend money or the point that we can’t afford a comfortable lifestyle.

I never said I would pay for the wedding and down payment, she just assumed. She was raised in an upper middle class family but she is not from a rich family. She does work and makes a good income. She does pay for her own apartment. I did pay for everything while we were together. When discussing finances, she just assumed I would pay for everything. We discussed my savings and I told her how I save most of my money because I want to be able to afford a house, have a wife who has the option to stay at home, have kids, etc. Besides groceries, she had never once paid for anything, and she just assumed I would pay for everything as well. I don’t mind paying for it, but the assumption that I would pay for it all feels like I’m being used.

I’m not perfect and I don’t pretend to be. I just want someone who loves me and wants to be with me for more than what I can do for them. I want a real partner, not someone who sees me as their meal ticket. My parents have been married for over 40 years and have been an excellent example of what real love, commitment, and partnership is. I want that for my future kids.

She already paid her own rent. She lived with you for two months, in a condo that you do not have to pay rent on, and paid for groceries and "household things" (of course now you're erasing that as well). What did you want her to do, pay rent to you and for her apartment, when you live in a paid-off condo as a gift from your parents? Where is the money you think she owes you? Should she have taken over the light bill in addition to her own bills, while you save 90% of your income for a house? The more you post the crazier it seems that you're trying to paint her as a gold digger. You bought her a ring, which she gave back. Beyond that I don't see where she got any gold, but she did dodge a bullet.

I think you have something pathological going on with your savings. You like seeing it grow but are very upset at the idea of using it for its intended purpose. You say you were saving for a house, wedding, for your wife to be a SAHM, about half a dozen times in this thread. But when you propose to a woman who wants to buy a house and to stay at home after kids are born, you decide that she's materialistic for wanting the things you profess to want yourself. You can keep blaming her but you're the one who proposed to this person, and no she did not change her mind between making fun of someone else's ring for being small, telling you she wanted a big ring, and then telling you she wanted a bigger ring than what you bought. There's no change there. That's the same woman, behaving in the same way. The one you proposed to.

OP here. I never requested she pay for anything in the house. I know she had her own expenses. She did buy groceries and some household stuff on occasion. I paid for everything else. She had never once during our relationship paid for a date or an outing. We had gone on two vacations and I paid for everything. She didn’t buy me a gift for my bday or valentines days but I bought her expensive gifts for both. She gave me a bottle of wine for Christmas and homemade brownies. She makes $200k and has the means to support herself.

I paid for almost everything with my ex ex before this because I was raised that men are the main providers. She still made an effort to pay for dinner on occasion or buy me presents for my birthday.

The gesture is the important part for me. I didn’t think it was an issue then but now I’m starting to see that it was a problem. This is coming from women who have told me that she is a gold digger. I never once called her or that or thought she was one. I still don’t think she is. I just think we have different ideas of lifestyle we want and she is looking for man who will pay for everything for her.

OP, did you really have no clue that she wanted a different lifestyle than you are willing to contribute to? Does she wear cheap, frumpy clothes, no jewelry, hair only gets cut every six months, carrying an extra 10 pounds because she doesn’t want to pay for a gym or even new running shoes, living in a cheap crummy apartment and never spending money to socialize with friends?

You do realize many people have nice clothes, work out, and socialize with friends without having a high HHI? You don’t sound very smart.

DP. You are nitpicking at detail. The point is, did OP’s ex live a frugal lifestyle during their entire relationship, or did he enjoy having a girlfriend on his arm who dressed really well, got her hair cut and highlights touched up every six weeks, and went to SoulCycle three times a week so her ass would still look like it was 22 when they had all of that amazing sex? If she didn’t live a frugal lifestyle during the first year of their relationship, OP was fooling himself that she would start living one after they got engaged.

She’s been doing all those things while paying for it with her $200k job. Why does she think he becomes her ATM the minute they get engaged? There aren’t even any children yet. So she thinks she’s entitled to be a — what? — stay at home plant mom?

There's nothing in OP's posts about her staying home before kids. It's all about staying home after kids, which he simultaneously claims to value and uses as proof she's a bad person. I get that you super duper hate women, but don't let it break your brain.

I don't "hate women," you moron. I am a woman. I hate gold diggers and lazy people. And in one of OP's posts, he said she was talking about stopping work right after they got married because "you make so much more than I do." Catch up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn’t realize this thread was still going.

I’ve had 4 other serious relationship. 3 in my twenties where it was serious but neither of us were at a point where we wanted to settle down at that age. My last was two years long and was very serious. I planned to marry her but ultimately she didn’t want kids and it ended. She felt like she needed to have kids because bed family was telling her that’s what is normal, but she told me when we were about to get engaged that she didn’t want kids, and didn’t feel right marrying me knowing I wanted kids. She said she loved me and didn’t want to lie to me. She tried to want those things but she just didn’t want kids. I loved her but I do want kids and decided it was best to end the relationship. That was two years ago and she has since married a man who also doesn’t want kids. We would be married today if she did want kids because she was an amazing partner and we got along very well.

I’ve lived in my parents paid off condo that they own but I have lived in with roommates and on my own when before moving in here two years ago. I’ve paid rent, paid utilities, and paid for my school on my own. I know how to function as an adult. I could have lived on more money, but I chose to save money because I want to make life easier for my future wife and kids.

I’m open to having a SAHM wife. My mother quit her job to raise me and my brother. I have a strong respect for women who want to stay home and I ultimately don’t care if my wife wants to stay home or work. I don’t mind supporting my family if my wife chooses to stay home. It’s just that she needs to understand that we can’t live beyond our means and have the most expensive everything. She will have full access to money and will never have to worry about looking over every expense. I’ve lived with my ex before this one for a year and never had an issue. I just want someone reasonable who will live within their means and not spend money or the point that we can’t afford a comfortable lifestyle.

I never said I would pay for the wedding and down payment, she just assumed. She was raised in an upper middle class family but she is not from a rich family. She does work and makes a good income. She does pay for her own apartment. I did pay for everything while we were together. When discussing finances, she just assumed I would pay for everything. We discussed my savings and I told her how I save most of my money because I want to be able to afford a house, have a wife who has the option to stay at home, have kids, etc. Besides groceries, she had never once paid for anything, and she just assumed I would pay for everything as well. I don’t mind paying for it, but the assumption that I would pay for it all feels like I’m being used.

I’m not perfect and I don’t pretend to be. I just want someone who loves me and wants to be with me for more than what I can do for them. I want a real partner, not someone who sees me as their meal ticket. My parents have been married for over 40 years and have been an excellent example of what real love, commitment, and partnership is. I want that for my future kids.

She already paid her own rent. She lived with you for two months, in a condo that you do not have to pay rent on, and paid for groceries and "household things" (of course now you're erasing that as well). What did you want her to do, pay rent to you and for her apartment, when you live in a paid-off condo as a gift from your parents? Where is the money you think she owes you? Should she have taken over the light bill in addition to her own bills, while you save 90% of your income for a house? The more you post the crazier it seems that you're trying to paint her as a gold digger. You bought her a ring, which she gave back. Beyond that I don't see where she got any gold, but she did dodge a bullet.

I think you have something pathological going on with your savings. You like seeing it grow but are very upset at the idea of using it for its intended purpose. You say you were saving for a house, wedding, for your wife to be a SAHM, about half a dozen times in this thread. But when you propose to a woman who wants to buy a house and to stay at home after kids are born, you decide that she's materialistic for wanting the things you profess to want yourself. You can keep blaming her but you're the one who proposed to this person, and no she did not change her mind between making fun of someone else's ring for being small, telling you she wanted a big ring, and then telling you she wanted a bigger ring than what you bought. There's no change there. That's the same woman, behaving in the same way. The one you proposed to.

OP here. I never requested she pay for anything in the house. I know she had her own expenses. She did buy groceries and some household stuff on occasion. I paid for everything else. She had never once during our relationship paid for a date or an outing. We had gone on two vacations and I paid for everything. She didn’t buy me a gift for my bday or valentines days but I bought her expensive gifts for both. She gave me a bottle of wine for Christmas and homemade brownies. She makes $200k and has the means to support herself.

I paid for almost everything with my ex ex before this because I was raised that men are the main providers. She still made an effort to pay for dinner on occasion or buy me presents for my birthday.

The gesture is the important part for me. I didn’t think it was an issue then but now I’m starting to see that it was a problem. This is coming from women who have told me that she is a gold digger. I never once called her or that or thought she was one. I still don’t think she is. I just think we have different ideas of lifestyle we want and she is looking for man who will pay for everything for her.

OP, did you really have no clue that she wanted a different lifestyle than you are willing to contribute to? Does she wear cheap, frumpy clothes, no jewelry, hair only gets cut every six months, carrying an extra 10 pounds because she doesn’t want to pay for a gym or even new running shoes, living in a cheap crummy apartment and never spending money to socialize with friends?

You do realize many people have nice clothes, work out, and socialize with friends without having a high HHI? You don’t sound very smart.

DP. You are nitpicking at detail. The point is, did OP’s ex live a frugal lifestyle during their entire relationship, or did he enjoy having a girlfriend on his arm who dressed really well, got her hair cut and highlights touched up every six weeks, and went to SoulCycle three times a week so her ass would still look like it was 22 when they had all of that amazing sex? If she didn’t live a frugal lifestyle during the first year of their relationship, OP was fooling himself that she would start living one after they got engaged.

She’s been doing all those things while paying for it with her $200k job. Why does she think he becomes her ATM the minute they get engaged? There aren’t even any children yet. So she thinks she’s entitled to be a — what? — stay at home plant mom?

There's nothing in OP's posts about her staying home before kids. It's all about staying home after kids, which he simultaneously claims to value and uses as proof she's a bad person. I get that you super duper hate women, but don't let it break your brain.

I don't "hate women," you moron. I am a woman. I hate gold diggers and lazy people. And in one of OP's posts, he said she was talking about stopping work right after they got married because "you make so much more than I do." Catch up.

DP. You might want to go back and read again. Here is what OP said

“We had talked about getting married and waiting 1-2 years and then having kids. She has since decided we should start trying right after we have her married. She has said that she wants to stay home since I make more money than she anyway.”

She didn’t say she wanted to stop working right after they got married, she wants to start trying to get pregnant right after the wedding. Staying home is after they have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP kind of sounds like the leech to me. He wants a wife on whom he can offload all the domestic duties while maximizing his own income and net worth, while refusing to share it with the wife who has to put her own career on the back burner to keep the family life running. Pretty sexist.

I don' t think you read the full thread. Fiance said on her accord she would quit her job to be a SAHM.