Making SAHM get job to pay for private school

[Anonymous]

Regardless of financial status or work status, spouses need to both agree on large financial expenditures. One spouse doesn’t get to just say, “Well we can afford X, so I’m doing it even though you don’t agree.” That’s not how marriage works. Not a functioning marriage anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of financial status or work status, spouses need to both agree on large financial expenditures. One spouse doesn’t get to just say, “Well we can afford X, so I’m doing it even though you don’t agree.” That’s not how marriage works. Not a functioning marriage anyway.

So you agree OP is being a jerk about this then?

Reasonable people can disagree about the value of private school or not (and it's kind of shocking how much of the thread has been dedicated to that topic, which we don't have enough information to comment on).

But what is absolutely clear based on the OP and followups is that the wife's POV has been dismissed entirely, which I totally agree is not how a functioning marriage should look. - "make her," etc. We have zero evidence that there has been a mature discussion about the pros and cons on this topic from both adults (as evidenced by OP's inability to articulate any of his wife's reasons, despite being asked). And we have ample evidence that the person wanting to put their foot down and say it's my way or nothing here is the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of financial status or work status, spouses need to both agree on large financial expenditures. One spouse doesn’t get to just say, “Well we can afford X, so I’m doing it even though you don’t agree.” That’s not how marriage works. Not a functioning marriage anyway.

So you agree OP is being a jerk about this then?

Reasonable people can disagree about the value of private school or not (and it's kind of shocking how much of the thread has been dedicated to that topic, which we don't have enough information to comment on).

But what is absolutely clear based on the OP and followups is that the wife's POV has been dismissed entirely, which I totally agree is not how a functioning marriage should look. - "make her," etc. We have zero evidence that there has been a mature discussion about the pros and cons on this topic from both adults (as evidenced by OP's inability to articulate any of his wife's reasons, despite being asked). And we have ample evidence that the person wanting to put their foot down and say it's my way or nothing here is the OP.

Money maker breaks a deadlock. Easy peasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of financial status or work status, spouses need to both agree on large financial expenditures. One spouse doesn’t get to just say, “Well we can afford X, so I’m doing it even though you don’t agree.” That’s not how marriage works. Not a functioning marriage anyway.

So you agree OP is being a jerk about this then?

Reasonable people can disagree about the value of private school or not (and it's kind of shocking how much of the thread has been dedicated to that topic, which we don't have enough information to comment on).

But what is absolutely clear based on the OP and followups is that the wife's POV has been dismissed entirely, which I totally agree is not how a functioning marriage should look. - "make her," etc. We have zero evidence that there has been a mature discussion about the pros and cons on this topic from both adults (as evidenced by OP's inability to articulate any of his wife's reasons, despite being asked). And we have ample evidence that the person wanting to put their foot down and say it's my way or nothing here is the OP.

Money maker breaks a deadlock. Easy peasy.

The person who loses less in a divorce breaks the deadlock in the end, don't they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A marriage is a partnership. It’s family money. She has a right to want private.

She is in her right to want private. She should get a job so she can contribute to that.

She has a job. She takes care of her family.

In the eyes of the law she has no job. So, be quiet.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alimony

The delusion is real with a lot of women. It’s becoming clearer and clearer. The majority of women do not get alimony and alimony does not last forever. A lot of women do not want to be responsible for their lives, fate, and destiny.

This thread is eye opening and a case study. I hope both men and women are paying attention.

How many women do or don't get alimony is totally irrelevant. In the eyes of the law, she basically does have a job. Now we can quibble about the definition of "job" but the very fact that alimony exists means that in the eyes of the law the work stay at home moms do is of monetary value, no matter what you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP doesn’t have to agree with his wife that private school is worth the money. He doesn’t have to do it just because she wants it and he can afford it.

+1

Honestly, OP - if she wants private school so much, she needs to get out, get a job, and earn substantial money toward private school. Such entitlement.

Yeah, jeez, the entitlement of a mother wanting better education for the kids. Poor OP is going to have to work two whole years more!

Again, we have absolutely no idea if it would be better. The fact that you automatically assume it would be better is telling.

No, I don't know, and it doesn't matter what you or I know. What we do know is that OP's wife thinks it would be better. That is not "entitlement" even if she is not direclty earning the money that would pay for it.

it's very much entitlement if she is not earning the money. So many women on this board are delusional af and this si coming from woman.

As the saying goes... "NO MONEY, NO TALK!!!!"

Huh? As a guy with a SAH wife, I could not disagree more. My wife does a lot for everyone and deserves an equal say in how we raise the kids and spend the money.

Equal. Not to dictate. And as someone who is doing less actual raising of the kids, I’m sure you understand you give up some say in that domain. I would not command my H to work more years for something if we didn’t agree. It would be a discussion, taking into account that this affects him more than me.

It doesn't sound like OP's wife is "commanding" him to do anything. The troll poster above is the one talking about commanding, it sounds like OP is doing the commanding too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think its a great idea for your wife to go back to work. Clearly you are not a particularly nice person and would probably leave her high and dry in a divorce and she needs a back up plan.

With that said, if she goes back to work, she will have little to no leave. Are you prepared to do all the doctor/dental appointments? Are you prepared to take of for half days and teacher work days? Are you prepared to make child care arrangements for summers, spring break and winter break. Are you prepared to take off at a moments notice to pick up your sick chid from school? Are you prepared to be at home 10-14 days if they get covid? Are you prepared to be home early to drive you kids to every activity? No including, the cooking, cleaning and other household duties. And, how much do you think it would cost to hire a full-time nanny?

You make a fortune. I don't get it.

If we made what you did there is no question our kids would be in private. The publics are a hot mess right now.

Is this a joke??? The majority of family have two working parents. Give me a break.

No one is denying that families make it work with two working parents. I don’t understand why you keep bringing that up as a retort to multiple posts.

Those who make it work, do so because BOTH parents take on the house and child responsibilities. Which means, yes, OP will have to handle sick days and breaks and doctors appointments and driving to activities.

You seem to believe OP should not take on any responsibilities, and I don’t understand why. It’s perfectly reasonable to expect OP to take on his fair share, rather than leaving his wife to work full time AND continue all the work of being a SAHM.

Unfortunately not necessarily true. In most two income families, the women take on a disproportionate share of the household admin duties. This is almost every mom that I know in our high income neighborhood. All of the texts that fly around about registering for summer camps, coordinating carpools, organizing birthday parties, etc. are done by the working moms. And most of these moms have high paying and high demand/stress jobs. Not saying that it’s easy but it’s done everyday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of financial status or work status, spouses need to both agree on large financial expenditures. One spouse doesn’t get to just say, “Well we can afford X, so I’m doing it even though you don’t agree.” That’s not how marriage works. Not a functioning marriage anyway.

So you agree OP is being a jerk about this then?

Reasonable people can disagree about the value of private school or not (and it's kind of shocking how much of the thread has been dedicated to that topic, which we don't have enough information to comment on).

But what is absolutely clear based on the OP and followups is that the wife's POV has been dismissed entirely, which I totally agree is not how a functioning marriage should look. - "make her," etc. We have zero evidence that there has been a mature discussion about the pros and cons on this topic from both adults (as evidenced by OP's inability to articulate any of his wife's reasons, despite being asked). And we have ample evidence that the person wanting to put their foot down and say it's my way or nothing here is the OP.

All of this. Even if you think private school is a waste, it's clear OP doesn't respect his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP doesn’t have to agree with his wife that private school is worth the money. He doesn’t have to do it just because she wants it and he can afford it.

+1

Honestly, OP - if she wants private school so much, she needs to get out, get a job, and earn substantial money toward private school. Such entitlement.

Yeah, jeez, the entitlement of a mother wanting better education for the kids. Poor OP is going to have to work two whole years more!

Again, we have absolutely no idea if it would be better. The fact that you automatically assume it would be better is telling.

No, I don't know, and it doesn't matter what you or I know. What we do know is that OP's wife thinks it would be better. That is not "entitlement" even if she is not direclty earning the money that would pay for it.

it's very much entitlement if she is not earning the money. So many women on this board are delusional af and this si coming from woman.

As the saying goes... "NO MONEY, NO TALK!!!!"

Huh? As a guy with a SAH wife, I could not disagree more. My wife does a lot for everyone and deserves an equal say in how we raise the kids and spend the money.

Equal. Not to dictate. And as someone who is doing less actual raising of the kids, I’m sure you understand you give up some say in that domain. I would not command my H to work more years for something if we didn’t agree. It would be a discussion, taking into account that this affects him more than me.

It doesn't sound like OP's wife is "commanding" him to do anything. The troll poster above is the one talking about commanding, it sounds like OP is doing the commanding too.

OP, question for you: why does your wife not want to go get a paying job? Think you need to understand that.

[Anonymous]

If OP's wife wants to divorce over not getting to put her kids in private school, that's obviously her choice but it seems unlikely she could then afford private school, even with child support and alimony. There's a reason she hasn't left and we all know what it is.

I think its obvious OP doesn't respect his wife, but we don't know why. She could be a terrible person for all we know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A marriage is a partnership. It’s family money. She has a right to want private.

She is in her right to want private. She should get a job so she can contribute to that.

She has a job. She takes care of her family.

In the eyes of the law she has no job. So, be quiet.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alimony

The delusion is real with a lot of women. It’s becoming clearer and clearer. The majority of women do not get alimony and alimony does not last forever. A lot of women do not want to be responsible for their lives, fate, and destiny.

This thread is eye opening and a case study. I hope both men and women are paying attention.

How many women do or don't get alimony is totally irrelevant. In the eyes of the law, she basically does have a job. Now we can quibble about the definition of "job" but the very fact that alimony exists means that in the eyes of the law the work stay at home moms do is of monetary value, no matter what you think.

Again, the delusion is real. The majority of women are not going to get a substantial amount of alimony to begin with. Also, it’s TEMPORARY!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A marriage is a partnership. It’s family money. She has a right to want private.

She is in her right to want private. She should get a job so she can contribute to that.

She has a job. She takes care of her family.

In the eyes of the law she has no job. So, be quiet.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alimony

The delusion is real with a lot of women. It’s becoming clearer and clearer. The majority of women do not get alimony and alimony does not last forever. A lot of women do not want to be responsible for their lives, fate, and destiny.

This thread is eye opening and a case study. I hope both men and women are paying attention.

How many women do or don't get alimony is totally irrelevant. In the eyes of the law, she basically does have a job. Now we can quibble about the definition of "job" but the very fact that alimony exists means that in the eyes of the law the work stay at home moms do is of monetary value, no matter what you think.

It’s very much relevant in regards to how many women get alimony. You’re delusional and not that bright.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A marriage is a partnership. It’s family money. She has a right to want private.

She is in her right to want private. She should get a job so she can contribute to that.

She has a job. She takes care of her family.

In the eyes of the law she has no job. So, be quiet.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alimony

The delusion is real with a lot of women. It’s becoming clearer and clearer. The majority of women do not get alimony and alimony does not last forever. A lot of women do not want to be responsible for their lives, fate, and destiny.

This thread is eye opening and a case study. I hope both men and women are paying attention.

How many women do or don't get alimony is totally irrelevant. In the eyes of the law, she basically does have a job. Now we can quibble about the definition of "job" but the very fact that alimony exists means that in the eyes of the law the work stay at home moms do is of monetary value, no matter what you think.

Again, the delusion is real. The majority of women are not going to get a substantial amount of alimony to begin with. Also, it’s TEMPORARY!!!

I do not understand how what you are saying contradicts what I am saying. Many women do not get alimony, yes. Also, in the eyes of the law, many women are entitled to alimony and therefore in the eyes of the law the work of a stay at home mom does deserve monetary compensation if it enabled the husband to earn more money. This is literally the whole idea behind alimony. Are you saying that is delusional?

[Anonymous]

Doesn't matter if she gets lifetime alimony. Its not going to keep in her in the same house with the same lifestyle AND pay for her kids to go to private school. A court is not going to force OP to pay for private school. OP's wife is better of staying, she knows it and he knows it which is why he holds the cards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think it is a little ridiculous to both not work and insist on private school.

Agree. I’m a SAHM and private school would be a non-starter with my husband. He doesn’t quite make $500/k but it wouldn’t matter to him if he did. He is focused on college and retirement savings and generational wealth building. Private secondary school is just a badge like a luxury car or country club (we don’t those either.)

This kind of thinking is why you will never generate true generational wealth.

This isn’t true as well.

A lot of people don’t know or understand what generational wealth is.

A lot of people also don’t understand the difference between generational wealth and generational assets. Sure, buy a few rental properties and pass them down to your kids. But that’s not real generational wealth.

This!!! Thank you!!!