Making SAHM get job to pay for private school

[Anonymous]

If your high income job allows you to drive children to school and sports, wait at home for plumber or cable guy, buy gifts for nephew’s graduation, , cook food, pay bills, teach geometry, sit with sick kid at doctor’s office, do grocery runs, arrange birthdays etc then sure, send her to work for minimum wage job to prove your point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i would think you could easily pay for private school with that HHI. many people pay for private school with FAR less.

That doesn’t make it a good use of the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work in a public school. Absolutely get your kids into a good private school if you can. A lot of what I see horrifies me.

Also, consider how your wife getting a job will impact your career. Are you prepared to handle half of the pickups and drop offs? Half of the housework? Half of the childcare? What if she has to work weekends? Think about the impact this will have on your career. It likely makes more sense for her to remain a SAHM, rather than you taking over half of the duties and taking a career hit over $30k (6% of your salary).

His kids are teens - there is no “childcare.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think it is a little ridiculous to both not work and insist on private school.

Agree. I’m a SAHM and private school would be a non-starter with my husband. He doesn’t quite make $500/k but it wouldn’t matter to him if he did. He is focused on college and retirement savings and generational wealth building. Private secondary school is just a badge like a luxury car or country club (we don’t those either.)

Whether it’s just a “badge” or could be meaningfully better depends on the kid and their current situation. Of course it’s true that for some people that it’s just a status symbol, but that’s not the only reason to send kids to private, and OP doesn’t even attempt to explain his wife’s reasons.

He doesn’t care. He doesn’t want to pay for this. He sees it as an unnecessary luxury.

OP, I grew up going to public schools and so did my partner. Our kids are in private because our public is nearly 30 to a class. It has been worth it for the pandemic because our public wasn’t even in person for almost a year. If your private is under 20 students a class with decent facilities and academics, I would say it probably is a waste. There’s nothing they do in private that we couldn’t do with our kids on the weekends. But with COVID and our local situation it has been worth it. You need to look at the details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a public school. Absolutely get your kids into a good private school if you can. A lot of what I see horrifies me.

Also, consider how your wife getting a job will impact your career. Are you prepared to handle half of the pickups and drop offs? Half of the housework? Half of the childcare? What if she has to work weekends? Think about the impact this will have on your career. It likely makes more sense for her to remain a SAHM, rather than you taking over half of the duties and taking a career hit over $30k (6% of your salary).

His kids are teens - there is no “childcare.”

Where are you getting that they’re teens? She wants to send both to private middle school so presumably they’re both in elementary now. But even if one has already begun middle, neither would be a teen yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a public school. Absolutely get your kids into a good private school if you can. A lot of what I see horrifies me.

Also, consider how your wife getting a job will impact your career. Are you prepared to handle half of the pickups and drop offs? Half of the housework? Half of the childcare? What if she has to work weekends? Think about the impact this will have on your career. It likely makes more sense for her to remain a SAHM, rather than you taking over half of the duties and taking a career hit over $30k (6% of your salary).

His kids are teens - there is no “childcare.”

What are you talking about? There’s driving them to/from school, to activities, helping with homework, keeping on top of their schoolwork and with things the school needs (like paperwork, deadlines, etc), staying home with them when they’re sick, being able to leave work at a moments notice to get them, cooking dinner for the family, buying supplies, plus just spending time with your kids so they’re not alone and getting into trouble.

And that’s not even considering household responsibilities OP probably doesn’t do, like grocery shopping, cleaning, handling repairs, bills, paperwork, etc. He would have to take over half of that, too, so his evenings will be spent cooking, cleaning, handling logistics, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a public school. Absolutely get your kids into a good private school if you can. A lot of what I see horrifies me.

Also, consider how your wife getting a job will impact your career. Are you prepared to handle half of the pickups and drop offs? Half of the housework? Half of the childcare? What if she has to work weekends? Think about the impact this will have on your career. It likely makes more sense for her to remain a SAHM, rather than you taking over half of the duties and taking a career hit over $30k (6% of your salary).

His kids are teens - there is no “childcare.”

What are you talking about? There’s driving them to/from school, to activities, helping with homework, keeping on top of their schoolwork and with things the school needs (like paperwork, deadlines, etc), staying home with them when they’re sick, being able to leave work at a moments notice to get them, cooking dinner for the family, buying supplies, plus just spending time with your kids so they’re not alone and getting into trouble.

And that’s not even considering household responsibilities OP probably doesn’t do, like grocery shopping, cleaning, handling repairs, bills, paperwork, etc. He would have to take over half of that, too, so his evenings will be spent cooking, cleaning, handling logistics, etc.

DP. It depends on your job. My husband and I both work. We do all of the above. If you have a flexible job you don’t need to have a SAHP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a public school. Absolutely get your kids into a good private school if you can. A lot of what I see horrifies me.

Also, consider how your wife getting a job will impact your career. Are you prepared to handle half of the pickups and drop offs? Half of the housework? Half of the childcare? What if she has to work weekends? Think about the impact this will have on your career. It likely makes more sense for her to remain a SAHM, rather than you taking over half of the duties and taking a career hit over $30k (6% of your salary).

His kids are teens - there is no “childcare.”

What are you talking about? There’s driving them to/from school, to activities, helping with homework, keeping on top of their schoolwork and with things the school needs (like paperwork, deadlines, etc), staying home with them when they’re sick, being able to leave work at a moments notice to get them, cooking dinner for the family, buying supplies, plus just spending time with your kids so they’re not alone and getting into trouble.

And that’s not even considering household responsibilities OP probably doesn’t do, like grocery shopping, cleaning, handling repairs, bills, paperwork, etc. He would have to take over half of that, too, so his evenings will be spent cooking, cleaning, handling logistics, etc.

DP. It depends on your job. My husband and I both work. We do all of the above. If you have a flexible job you don’t need to have a SAHP.

OP hasn’t said if his job is flexible. But for $500k/year, it’s probably not.

My guess is OP wants his wife to get a minimum wage job to pay for school but will also expect her to continue her SAHM responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the bigger problem here is that you don’t know how to have a conversation with your wife without “blowing things up.”

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You must have some budget assumptions upon which you are saying that to afford $60K/yr of tuition you need a HHI of $700K. Do you and your DW agree on your annual budget? Or does your DW think that there's somewhere in your current spending that you can cut back?

There are plenty of people who pay for private school and college with a HHI of $500K, so it's not a matter literally not having enough money...it's a matter of priorities. You and your DW probably aren't aligned on other areas of spending either...and that's what you need to address instead of jumping to, "You need to find a job in order to educate our kids the way you think makes sense."

Also, you should try to understand her reasons for wanting private over public. They might be good ones. Your personal experience doesn't apply, even if you live in the same school district you grew up in since kids are different and schools change.

FWIW, I went to private growing up and DH went to only publics. When we were first thinking about schools, he had the attitude that "public was good enough for me, so it's fine". We both did a lot of research, and we ended up exploring both publics and privates. Our kids ended up in public for now, but we may reconsider. Importantly, though, we are having discussions about these things on the merits of the decisions for our kids...not on just wanting our kids to have the same experiences we did.

It's not just about priorities in terms of spending on other things. It's also about how much savings you are comfortable with and how secure your job is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a public school. Absolutely get your kids into a good private school if you can. A lot of what I see horrifies me.

Also, consider how your wife getting a job will impact your career. Are you prepared to handle half of the pickups and drop offs? Half of the housework? Half of the childcare? What if she has to work weekends? Think about the impact this will have on your career. It likely makes more sense for her to remain a SAHM, rather than you taking over half of the duties and taking a career hit over $30k (6% of your salary).

His kids are teens - there is no “childcare.”

What are you talking about? There’s driving them to/from school, to activities, helping with homework, keeping on top of their schoolwork and with things the school needs (like paperwork, deadlines, etc), staying home with them when they’re sick, being able to leave work at a moments notice to get them, cooking dinner for the family, buying supplies, plus just spending time with your kids so they’re not alone and getting into trouble.

And that’s not even considering household responsibilities OP probably doesn’t do, like grocery shopping, cleaning, handling repairs, bills, paperwork, etc. He would have to take over half of that, too, so his evenings will be spent cooking, cleaning, handling logistics, etc.

DP. It depends on your job. My husband and I both work. We do all of the above. If you have a flexible job you don’t need to have a SAHP.

Does one of you make $500k/yr and have that level of flexibility?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a public school. Absolutely get your kids into a good private school if you can. A lot of what I see horrifies me.

Also, consider how your wife getting a job will impact your career. Are you prepared to handle half of the pickups and drop offs? Half of the housework? Half of the childcare? What if she has to work weekends? Think about the impact this will have on your career. It likely makes more sense for her to remain a SAHM, rather than you taking over half of the duties and taking a career hit over $30k (6% of your salary).

His kids are teens - there is no “childcare.”

What are you talking about? There’s driving them to/from school, to activities, helping with homework, keeping on top of their schoolwork and with things the school needs (like paperwork, deadlines, etc), staying home with them when they’re sick, being able to leave work at a moments notice to get them, cooking dinner for the family, buying supplies, plus just spending time with your kids so they’re not alone and getting into trouble.

And that’s not even considering household responsibilities OP probably doesn’t do, like grocery shopping, cleaning, handling repairs, bills, paperwork, etc. He would have to take over half of that, too, so his evenings will be spent cooking, cleaning, handling logistics, etc.

DP. It depends on your job. My husband and I both work. We do all of the above. If you have a flexible job you don’t need to have a SAHP.

OP hasn’t said if his job is flexible. But for $500k/year, it’s probably not.

My guess is OP wants his wife to get a minimum wage job to pay for school but will also expect her to continue her SAHM responsibilities.

+1

[Anonymous]

Why the heck does a SAHM do all day when the kids are busy in school?!? Of COURSE she should get a freaking job!

[Anonymous]

You title and attitude in the post are what stops me. "Making" your wife get a job...you don't "make" your spouse do anything. You talk, bring up pros and cons etc and go from there. Then you come to a decision that's best for the family.

Sounds like you have issues working (and you sound stressed) and this is adding to your stress both now and long-term...all good points. And she probably has good points to why she thinks private school is a good idea for your kids (and it doesn't matter what anyone else did or does).

Talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a public school. Absolutely get your kids into a good private school if you can. A lot of what I see horrifies me.

Also, consider how your wife getting a job will impact your career. Are you prepared to handle half of the pickups and drop offs? Half of the housework? Half of the childcare? What if she has to work weekends? Think about the impact this will have on your career. It likely makes more sense for her to remain a SAHM, rather than you taking over half of the duties and taking a career hit over $30k (6% of your salary).

His kids are teens - there is no “childcare.”

What are you talking about? There’s driving them to/from school, to activities, helping with homework, keeping on top of their schoolwork and with things the school needs (like paperwork, deadlines, etc), staying home with them when they’re sick, being able to leave work at a moments notice to get them, cooking dinner for the family, buying supplies, plus just spending time with your kids so they’re not alone and getting into trouble.

And that’s not even considering household responsibilities OP probably doesn’t do, like grocery shopping, cleaning, handling repairs, bills, paperwork, etc. He would have to take over half of that, too, so his evenings will be spent cooking, cleaning, handling logistics, etc.

Looks like a SAHM of teens has found this thread!