Making SAHM get job to pay for private school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How many women do or don't get alimony is totally irrelevant. In the eyes of the law, she basically does have a job. Now we can quibble about the definition of "job" but the very fact that alimony exists means that in the eyes of the law the work stay at home moms do is of monetary value, no matter what you think.

Alimony is extended to the non-earning partner regardless of whether they had children. It is also not dependent on how much work that person did at home. I mean even ladies in fully staffed households are entitled to alimony. It's not about them having a job, it's a reflection of the fact that marriage means joint claim on assets accumulated over marriage.

[Anonymous]

[b wrote:Anonymous]Doesn't matter if she gets lifetime alimony. Its not going to keep in her in the same house with the same lifestyle AND pay for her kids to go to private school. A court is not going to force OP to pay for private school.[/b] OP's wife is better of staying, she knows it and he knows it which is why he holds the cards.

BOOM!!!

Someone gets it and is bringing in common sense and *wisdom* !!! Thank you!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

I love when men who have children pretend like they could work their high earning job if their wife didn't totally sacrifice their career. OP sounds like an entitled douche and I think private school is stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

[b wrote:Anonymous]Doesn't matter if she gets lifetime alimony. Its not going to keep in her in the same house with the same lifestyle AND pay for her kids to go to private school. A court is not going to force OP to pay for private school.[/b] OP's wife is better of staying, she knows it and he knows it which is why he holds the cards.

BOOM!!!

Someone gets it and is bringing in common sense and *wisdom* !!! Thank you!!!!!!!!!

I don't know... no PITA husband AND a decent income even if it's not near the old one? Yeah, I'd probably like that deal if OP were my DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

[b wrote:Anonymous]Doesn't matter if she gets lifetime alimony. Its not going to keep in her in the same house with the same lifestyle AND pay for her kids to go to private school. A court is not going to force OP to pay for private school.[/b] OP's wife is better of staying, she knows it and he knows it which is why he holds the cards.

BOOM!!!

Someone gets it and is bringing in common sense and *wisdom* !!! Thank you!!!!!!!!!

I don't know... no PITA husband AND a decent income even if it's not near the old one? Yeah, I'd probably like that deal if OP were my DH.

OP's wife is free to take that deal. Doubt she will though - she seems to like her finances the way they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can I force this issue or am I in the wrong? I am sole breadwinner, make about 500k so money isn't an issue but wife wants our 2 kids to go to private school for middle and high school. The school is about 30k per year. That's about $700k I'm pre tax money and not counting college.

I went to public school my whole life, including a good state school so my tuition from kindergarten through end of grad school was about the cost of one year of this middle school, combined. I think private school is a waste, unless you are in a bad school district or your kid has unique needs.

Leaving aside I could retire several years earlier if we sent the kids to the good, local public school, I feel my wife has lost the sense of what a dollar is. She isn't a spendthrift on other areas. I feel like if this is so important, then she can work with basically every penny she earns going to pay tuition.

How do I raise this without blowing things up?

If she goes back to work are you prepared to be the default parent for the next few years as she builds up her career and has very little vacation time to take? That means being home to do the after school and dinner duties. She gets to the be the one who drops off if necessary. It means grocery shopping and cooking. If means figuring out how the house gets clean and how the lawn gets mowed. It means scheduling and going to the doctors appointments. It means staying home when they are sick…

All this. OP doesn’t understand why he’s made it this far in his career while raising kids.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I do think it is a little ridiculous to both not work and insist on private school.

Agree. I’m a SAHM and private school would be a non-starter with my husband. He doesn’t quite make $500/k but it wouldn’t matter to him if he did. He is focused on college and retirement savings and generational wealth building. Private secondary school is just a badge like a luxury car or country club (we don’t those either.)

This kind of thinking is why you will never generate true generational wealth.

This isn’t true as well.

A lot of people don’t know or understand what generational wealth is.

A lot of people also don’t understand the difference between generational wealth and generational assets. Sure, buy a few rental properties and pass them down to your kids. But that’s not real generational wealth.

This!!! Thank you!!!

OK. So enlighten us what "real generational wealth" is. I'm guessing it somehow involves sending your kids to a tony private school.

Isn't it about being able to live off the interest of investments?

NP. Why would anyone want their kids to loaf around living off of interest? How is that doing them any kind of service?

I am working on leaving my kids a great inheritance, but my main priority is teaching a kid to fish. My children are preschool age, but whether or not they go to private school will be completely based on to what extent the education and culture of the school contributes to self-reliance, curiosity, a bit of competition, and hard work. In my area, the public school's math team sends 10+ kids to HYPSM every year. The fancy private sends kids to rando liberal arts colleges no one has ever heard of. I really do not care that the parents of these kids are high profile and my kids to get access to that "network" because it turns out it is a network to spoiled nowheresville.

My guess is that you don't know people with that kind of wealth if that is your idea of how it works. You can give your kids both a work ethic and drive to succeed and a steady stream of income that gives them so many more options in life.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think it is a little ridiculous to both not work and insist on private school.

Agree. I’m a SAHM and private school would be a non-starter with my husband. He doesn’t quite make $500/k but it wouldn’t matter to him if he did. He is focused on college and retirement savings and generational wealth building. Private secondary school is just a badge like a luxury car or country club (we don’t those either.)

This kind of thinking is why you will never generate true generational wealth.

This isn’t true as well.

A lot of people don’t know or understand what generational wealth is.

A lot of people also don’t understand the difference between generational wealth and generational assets. Sure, buy a few rental properties and pass them down to your kids. But that’s not real generational wealth.

This!!! Thank you!!!

OK. So enlighten us what "real generational wealth" is. I'm guessing it somehow involves sending your kids to a tony private school.

Isn't it about being able to live off the interest of investments?

NP. Why would anyone want their kids to loaf around living off of interest? How is that doing them any kind of service?

I am working on leaving my kids a great inheritance, but my main priority is teaching a kid to fish. My children are preschool age, but whether or not they go to private school will be completely based on to what extent the education and culture of the school contributes to self-reliance, curiosity, a bit of competition, and hard work. In my area, the public school's math team sends 10+ kids to HYPSM every year. The fancy private sends kids to rando liberal arts colleges no one has ever heard of. I really do not care that the parents of these kids are high profile and my kids to get access to that "network" because it turns out it is a network to spoiled nowheresville.

My guess is that you don't know people with that kind of wealth if that is your idea of how it works. You can give your kids both a work ethic and drive to succeed and a steady stream of income that gives them so many more options in life.

My guess is that your reading comprehension was not fully developed at your private school. I clearly wrote that I value leaving my children money but that ensuring work ethic was simply a higher priority; without it, wealthy heirs and heiresses do loaf around and quite unhappily. This is well documented, and while most of the people I know are working slobs like me, I do know a handful of high net work families with extremely unhealthy family dynamics where siblings in the families have vastly different levels of competence and mental health. If you have to choose between a high quality education as well as giving your children time and attention and leaving your children money, you should pick the former.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love when men who have children pretend like they could work their high earning job if their wife didn't totally sacrifice their career. OP sounds like an entitled douche and I think private school is stupid.

Many times the wife didn't have a career to sacrifice. Yes, some high-powered, highly accomplished and educated women do choose to stay at home. However, in my observation, most women who opt to stay at home had limited ambition and were destined for a lifetime of middling jobs with limited earning potential. That's not to put this group down; clearly, they are a majority because not everyone is destined for high accomplishment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love when men who have children pretend like they could work their high earning job if their wife didn't totally sacrifice their career. OP sounds like an entitled douche and I think private school is stupid.

Many times the wife didn't have a career to sacrifice. Yes, some high-powered, highly accomplished and educated women do choose to stay at home. However, in my observation, most women who opt to stay at home had limited ambition and were destined for a lifetime of middling jobs with limited earning potential. That's not to put this group down; clearly, they are a majority because not everyone is destined for high accomplishment.

The uncomfortable truth that no one ever wants to acknowledge. The whole “gave up high powered career to be a sahm” is greatly exaggerated.

And a lot of women who are sahm had zero intentions of ever becoming highly accomplished. A lot of them like hiding behind motherhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love when men who have children pretend like they could work their high earning job if their wife didn't totally sacrifice their career. OP sounds like an entitled douche and I think private school is stupid.

Many times the wife didn't have a career to sacrifice. Yes, some high-powered, highly accomplished and educated women do choose to stay at home. However, in my observation, most women who opt to stay at home had limited ambition and were destined for a lifetime of middling jobs with limited earning potential. That's not to put this group down; clearly, they are a majority because not everyone is destined for high accomplishment.

The uncomfortable truth that no one ever wants to acknowledge. The whole “gave up high powered career to be a sahm” is greatly exaggerated.

And a lot of women who are sahm had zero intentions of ever becoming highly accomplished. A lot of them like hiding behind motherhood.

There is absolultely nothing wrong with this. But it has nothing whatsoever to do with OP's situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love when men who have children pretend like they could work their high earning job if their wife didn't totally sacrifice their career. OP sounds like an entitled douche and I think private school is stupid.

Many times the wife didn't have a career to sacrifice. Yes, some high-powered, highly accomplished and educated women do choose to stay at home. However, in my observation, most women who opt to stay at home had limited ambition and were destined for a lifetime of middling jobs with limited earning potential. That's not to put this group down; clearly, they are a majority because not everyone is destined for high accomplishment.

The uncomfortable truth that no one ever wants to acknowledge. The whole “gave up high powered career to be a sahm” is greatly exaggerated.

And a lot of women who are sahm had zero intentions of ever becoming highly accomplished. A lot of them like hiding behind motherhood.

There is absolultely nothing wrong with this. But it has nothing whatsoever to do with OP's situation.

There is something wrong with this if you want to be of this mindset AND expect to depend on a man 100%. At the end of the day we women have to be responsible for our lives and fate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Um, I am PP and from my point of view, that'd be a hard no for me. Nothing wastes resources as hard and fast as the government. Furthermore, it is unethical to tax the same money repeatedly. If I make it, I get to decide what happens to it.

Off topic, but this is simply not true. I've worked in government and the private sector. Hands-down the private sector is several times more wasteful. I was actually astonished making the transition. Meanwhile everyone in the private sector smugly wants to put down government while at the same time benefiting from the security government provides us despite refusing to pay taxes.

I work in the private sector, but I also think that for-profit American private sector is the most self-serving, unethical, and amoral sector that has ever existing. I am frequently revolted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think it is a little ridiculous to both not work and insist on private school.

Agree. I’m a SAHM and private school would be a non-starter with my husband. He doesn’t quite make $500/k but it wouldn’t matter to him if he did. He is focused on college and retirement savings and generational wealth building. Private secondary school is just a badge like a luxury car or country club (we don’t those either.)

This kind of thinking is why you will never generate true generational wealth.

This isn’t true as well.

A lot of people don’t know or understand what generational wealth is.

A lot of people also don’t understand the difference between generational wealth and generational assets. Sure, buy a few rental properties and pass them down to your kids. But that’s not real generational wealth.

This!!! Thank you!!!

OK. So enlighten us what "real generational wealth" is. I'm guessing it somehow involves sending your kids to a tony private school.

Isn't it about being able to live off the interest of investments?

NP. Why would anyone want their kids to loaf around living off of interest? How is that doing them any kind of service?

I am working on leaving my kids a great inheritance, but my main priority is teaching a kid to fish. My children are preschool age, but whether or not they go to private school will be completely based on to what extent the education and culture of the school contributes to self-reliance, curiosity, a bit of competition, and hard work. In my area, the public school's math team sends 10+ kids to HYPSM every year. The fancy private sends kids to rando liberal arts colleges no one has ever heard of. I really do not care that the parents of these kids are high profile and my kids to get access to that "network" because it turns out it is a network to spoiled nowheresville.

My guess is that you don't know people with that kind of wealth if that is your idea of how it works. You can give your kids both a work ethic and drive to succeed and a steady stream of income that gives them so many more options in life.

My guess is that your reading comprehension was not fully developed at your private school. I clearly wrote that I value leaving my children money but that ensuring work ethic was simply a higher priority; without it, wealthy heirs and heiresses do loaf around and quite unhappily. This is well documented, and while most of the people I know are working slobs like me, I do know a handful of high net work families with extremely unhealthy family dynamics where siblings in the families have vastly different levels of competence and mental health. If you have to choose between a high quality education as well as giving your children time and attention and leaving your children money, you should pick the former.

I'm sorry, but you still don't get it. Notwithstanding the "handful of high net work" families you've been observing with your nose pressed against the glass, people who have truly generational wealth are not choosing between that wealth and having successful, motivated children. Maybe you tell yourself that to feel better about your life choices, but that's not how it works in real life. It's ok though; I'm sure you are doing the best you can with the mental and material resources at your disposal.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she can sell your mom some essential oils OP