Guy wants exclusivity before first date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been chatting with a guy from a dating app. I’ve enjoyed the convo and we have a date planned. Today he says he prefers to date one person at a time, and would I be willing to date him exclusively? Is this a red flag? I don’t even know the guy

I see both sides of this. I think I'd tell him I'm not seeing anyone else now and I am not planning to (if that's the case) and why don't we see how the first date goes and discuss. He could be a desperate wacko or he could be someone that is just ready to have a relationship. If he has an objection to the above I would back out of the date.

+1
I would do this too. I don’t understand the ones who say red flag and don’t go. You don’t have to continue after the first date but if you otherwise like him, why not meet up. Do you have a bunch of dates planned between now and then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok I’m old but why is this a red flag?
I never actually dated more than one person at a time anyways. Who has time?

It's funny you say old-fashioned, but our grandmothers did this all the time go on several dates with different guys until one showed himself to be the one you wanted to get to know on a deeper relational level, that would lead to marriage. I find it bizarre that this generation thinks one date equal the start of the relationship. I think this kind of thinking leads to becoming overly invested in someone too soon, and how you end up wasting years of your life on a guy you decide isn't worth your time, but that you basically just kept dating just because.

I think that's because sex is expected relatively soon in a relationship versus our grandmother's time. Seeing one person exclusively back in the day meant there was a more or less public understanding that the relationship was headed towards marriage. That's just not the case today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been chatting with a guy from a dating app. I’ve enjoyed the convo and we have a date planned. Today he says he prefers to date one person at a time, and would I be willing to date him exclusively? Is this a red flag? I don’t even know the guy

I see both sides of this. I think I'd tell him I'm not seeing anyone else now and I am not planning to (if that's the case) and why don't we see how the first date goes and discuss. He could be a desperate wacko or he could be someone that is just ready to have a relationship. If he has an objection to the above I would back out of the date.

The bold is simply not any of his business at this point. All OP needs to reply to is " Why don't we see how the date goes and then discuss?" or even better " I'm not comfortable with that"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok I’m old but why is this a red flag?
I never actually dated more than one person at a time anyways. Who has time?

It's funny you say old-fashioned, but our grandmothers did this all the time go on several dates with different guys until one showed himself to be the one you wanted to get to know on a deeper relational level, that would lead to marriage. I find it bizarre that this generation thinks one date equal the start of the relationship. I think this kind of thinking leads to becoming overly invested in someone too soon, and how you end up wasting years of your life on a guy you decide isn't worth your time, but that you basically just kept dating just because.

I think that's because sex is expected relatively soon in a relationship versus our grandmother's time. Seeing one person exclusively back in the day meant there was a more or less public understanding that the relationship was headed towards marriage. That's just not the case today.

So basically creating fake intimacy in order to be intimate.

[Anonymous]

Stop dating online you weirdos. Throw your smartphone in the ocean and meet people in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop dating online you weirdos. Throw your smartphone in the ocean and meet people in real life.

Where did you meet your SO and how long have you been together?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I disagree with most of PPs. This is a completely legitimate request. If we’re going to try dating, then I don’t want to feel like you just got done blowing someone else earlier that day.

It’s not a “commitment” or controlling. We have a date, or a couple dates, and it’s not clicking then cool. We go our separate ways. But I don’t think it’s odd to just date one person at a time, even if it’s only briefly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I disagree with most of PPs. This is a completely legitimate request. If we’re going to try dating, then I don’t want to feel like you just got done blowing someone else earlier that day.

It’s not a “commitment” or controlling. We have a date, or a couple dates, and it’s not clicking then cool. We go our separate ways. But I don’t think it’s odd to just date one person at a time, even if it’s only briefly.

Here come the incels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omfg just dump him before your date.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure you didn’t misunderstand? Are you sure he is t asking “are you dating because you want to hopefully find an exclusive relationship, or are you going to want to date multiple people at once indefinitely?”

+1 This is my question. Because otherwise it’s so far-fetched.

[Anonymous]

Also could it be covid related? I mean I wouldn’t want to go around even kissing different people right now. There is still a pandemic on.

[Anonymous]

Even if his intentions are good, I think this is a sign that he is likely a very controlling and jealous person. Run

[Anonymous]

I only date on person at a time, but the fact that he’s asking for exclusivity before you've even met is a huge red flag. He’s looking for LTR. Great, but you don’t demand all that before meeting in person. He’s got issues.

[Anonymous]

Wow - I never really had the option to date multiple people at once. Maybe I wasn't hot enough.
I wouldn't have an issue with it. However, I wouldn't be calling him my boyfriend, hopping into bed and introducing him to the parents. It would just mean that I would focus on getting to know him. If I didn't like him after the first date or second date or whatever, exclusivity wouldn't mean anything, he would be gone.

[Anonymous]

Seems to me like he's asking that you give this possible relationship a shot by not setting up a bunch of other dates. I get it because online dating has created the opportunity to endlessly shop around. That being said I would tell him that you're interested in an exclusive ltr (if you are, that is)!but you haven't met yet so it's premature. If he can't handle that, cancel date