Please be gentle/positive: 8 year age gap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:what loss? no loss.

Oh good and please pardon me. You spoke in past tense and I incorrectly assumed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to sell this to 7 year old. Let child know they will be even more important because baby will always look up to them, and oldest will do everything first. I don't know, think up stuff to sell it. And don't ask it, tell it. Reverse psychology man. Finally, your kid can say they have a sister or brother when other kids talk about theirs.

My 7 year old would flip for joy if she had a baby sibling. She would be like an underaged mother’s helper and secretly plotting to dispose of me so she could have the baby all to herself.

[Anonymous]

I have two boys, 6.5 years apart. It’s GREAT. They adore each other and play together and don’t have rivalry. It’s much better than having an only, imho, and I loved having an only. You’ll all adjust!

[Anonymous]

My best friend and her sister (only sibling) are ten years apart in age and have always been super close!

[Anonymous]

Its a great age gap as you can much more easily give each one the attention they need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to sell this to 7 year old. Let child know they will be even more important because baby will always look up to them, and oldest will do everything first. I don't know, think up stuff to sell it. And don't ask it, tell it. Reverse psychology man. Finally, your kid can say they have a sister or brother when other kids talk about theirs.

Oh Lord? Please don't do this! It's sets up a dynamic of superiority and it simply isn't true being older doesn't mean they Will do everything first. Op wants her children to get along not set up a dynamic of rivalry.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read all the replies, but if no one has mentioned it… please read Siblings Without Rivalry. I’d recommend reading it now before the new baby arrives because it will likely provide some valuable insight into your current child’s perception of a new sibling and potentially help you avoid some major pitfalls. My DDs are close in age but the book would definitely be applicable to your situation as well.

One big takeaway… don’t force your older child into a role. They don’t need to be a protector, best friend, advisor, caretaker, etc. of their sibling just because they’re older and related to your new child. Hear them when they express negative emotions about the new baby without being dismissive. Saying things that seem general and OK like “Of course we don’t love the baby more than you!” Or “You should be nice to Larla because she’s smaller than you and your little sister.” isn’t helpful and actually creates a lot of tension.

Regardless of the age gap, I firmly believe that siblings can have close relationships if their parents set them up for success. The book will really help to guide you in shaping their relationship.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

My DD was 9.5 and older DS 7.5 when the youngest was born. Now they are 22, 20, and 12. It has been amazing. Younger DS came along at a perfect time to defuse the sibling rivalry between the older two. They both adore him. I’m sure he sometimes wishes he had two people in his immediate family trying to help him become the person they hope he can be instead of 4 (all of us with a different focus), but in general he is very happy and very close with both of them. It’s a different world than the one I grew up in. With texting:siblings are constantly in touch regardless of age differences.

[Anonymous]

I know three families with siblings who are 7-9 years apart and they all have great relationships. Two families have both boys, and the third family have an older boy followed by a younger girl. Congrats OP, and don’t worry too much!

[Anonymous]

My boys were 6 and 8 when their baby sister was born. My oldest adores his baby sister. He takes care of her.

My middle child fights with both the older and younger.

[Anonymous]

My sister is 7 years older than me and I love our relationship. I felt like an only and she wasn’t too jealous of me because I was so much younger. I idolized her and loved going to her college little siblings events etc, and felt cool that my sister could drive etc. Don’t worry/ no one’s life is ruined! Just different. Congratulations, OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your snowflakes will be better off

Gentle responses and positive vibes only!! /gag me

Agree!

[Anonymous]

My husband’s sister is 11 years younger. They are close as adults, but he basically ignored her growing up.

[Anonymous]

My kiddos have a 6-year gap and Big brother (8) is SUCH A HELP. Little sister (2) is high maintenance but she goes to bed at 7 (doesn't always sleep but stays in her room) and we prioritize the hour between 7-8 to be 1:1 time with big brother. We play card games or have special desserts that LS can't have.

When he's extra helpful (like Friday when school was closed but both DH and I had remote work) - over nap time/ lunch we walked to target and got a special toy as a thank you.

Don't know how their relationship will change as they get older. But it's been so great to watch him practice leadership skills and compassion.

Do they fight - of course they do. Does he ditch her at the playground to hang out with peers - of course. Does he tell the entire world she is going through her terrible twos and will be cool again when she is 4..... he also does.

Good luck to you and your family!

[Anonymous]

DH has siblings 10 (brother) and 12 (sister) years older than him. Their mom had two miscarriages before DH. He idolized his brother growing up. His sister treated him like her child. Fast forward and the brothers are still close, but the sister never let go of DH being the baby and they have drifted apart. There are some underlying, unresolved issues going on here though.