Please be gentle/positive: 8 year age gap

[Anonymous]

We have a 7.5 year old only, and I just found out I’m pregnant. I’m terrified I am ruining my child’s life by bringing this new baby into the picture. DC absolutely LOVES being an only, and has never wanted a sibling. I already have an appointment with my therapist next week, but in the meantime can people share positives of massive age gaps? Happy stories, ways it was awesome, things you did that made it good. Thank you!

(I can think of all the negatives myself, please don’t add to it!)

[Anonymous]

I am 8 years older than my brother and we’re very close. I’m now 40 and he is 32. Growing up, my mom joked I was his second mother because I loved him so much. Until I had my own kids, in fact, when I dreamed about him he was always a baby in my dreams!

Congrats on your pregnancy. It will be great. I believe age gaps are overrated as a driver of sibling/family dynamics.

[Anonymous]

My DH is so close to his sister who is 8 years younger. She is now pregnant and her youngest is 7. I think it’s a great spacing.

[Anonymous]

My sister and I are 6 years apart and I am SO thankful to have her. She’s an amazing person and friend. We weren’t close til she was in high school though.

[Anonymous]

6 year age gap between my first two kids. Elder child adores baby, and baby treats elder child like an adult (asks permission for things, asks to be fed) which absolutely delights elder child. Currently pregnant with 3rd and I’m much more worried about how the middle child will react.

[Anonymous]

OP

Your child is not in charge you are.

Nothing wrong with the 8 year spread, but you surely need parenting advice if your 7.5 year old is causing you this much grief.

Make sure the therapist understands you need major help parenting.

[Anonymous]

DH is best friend witht his brother who is 7 years younger. They were a total of 4 kids though…

He said they were not very close until younger brother went to college though because the age gap was big.

Similarly, his older sister is very close to his younger sister with an 8 year age gap.

[Anonymous]

DH is 8 years older than his sister. The gender difference makes it even more pronounced. They experienced life a bit differently but neither seems bothered by it and, at 50 and 42, they are very close.

I think the key will be helping your older child maintain the life they’re used to while fitting in a new baby. Certainly life will change, but try hard to minimize any big upheaval being “because of the baby.” Unless DC would see it as a good change!!

[Anonymous]

DD is 7 yrs older than DS. She is like a little wish-fulfilling mom to him. Both kids love each other to bits and are very close. I love their interactions. DS looks up to DD and she guides him for a lot of life advice. As a mom, having my oldest child willing to help in taking care of the baby was an enormous help. No sibling rivalry. It has been fantastic and peaceful.

[Anonymous]

I had friends who were 9 and 11 when their brother was born, and they adored him. I'm sure YOUR life will chance a lot, but I'm sure you can find ways to fit the baby into your family's life, or divide and conquer, so that your DC's life doesn't change that much.

[Anonymous]

We have an 8 year gap (son is 16, daughter 8) and it’s lovely. Occasionally it feels like we have to divide and conquer more than we’d like (so they each only get one parent at their activity) but overall, theyve always been at different stages and DS was pretty independent and easy by the time she came along (thank G-d because she was as anything but). I am not someone who could have done 3 toddlers.

Tell your kid it’s exciting news and you may be surprised at the reaction. If not, they feelhow they feel, and it is what it is. Time to learn how to adapt.

[Anonymous]

I know you asked for positive stories, but I feel I need to be real with you hear because it might help you. My sister and I are 8 years apart with me being the younger sister. WE get along find now as adults, not so much as kids, part of this is due to the age gap and part of this is because my parents forced my sister to be happy about it.

I think things probably would have gone more smoothly if they had accepted she may not be excited about it, and not try to force her into the big sister role.

Let your oldest child have their feelings.
Try to keep as much of their routine and life the same as possible.

[Anonymous]

5 1/2 year age gap and my kids adore each other.

It was really hard at first so don’t freak out if you think it is not working early on - you will get your groove.

Congratulations!!

[Anonymous]

I’m 52 and my brother is 59 and we’ve always been close

[Anonymous]

My MIL was 8 years younger than her sister. Only the two of them. She looked up to her sister to the end of her life. Whatever her older sister did, she copied it. Her sister purchased a certain kind of dish set? She got the same set. They loved and doted on each other to the end of their lives.