Please be gentle/positive: 8 year age gap

[Anonymous]

?? I don't understand why you'd rush to your therapist. Was this an accident and you're ambivalent about the pregnancy?

My son and daughter are 5 years apart and it's been wonderful. They are very close. When my second was a baby, my oldest could entertain himself and wait and help, so their early years were really easy. If I had another, my oldest would be 17 years older than the newborn, and we'd still be a happy family.

[Anonymous]

My mother was 8 years younger than her brother and they were very close. He was like a second father, in a way. There had been another child in the middle who passed from influenza so that may have added to their closeness. But they were dear to each other.

Also, a friend of mine got remarried and had a kid when her children were 8 and 11. They were all very close. The baby loved looking at his big siblings.

Wishing your family joy and closeness!

[Anonymous]

Congrats OP, what wonderful news! Your children will adore each other, and there will be less "annoying brat" than a closer age group. I think of that Steve Martin movie, father of the bride. I feel like there was about that age gap between siblings in that movie and I thought it was so neat the younger sibling had a brother-in-law come into the family to be his confidant, advisor, older brother, etc.

Good luck to your family!

[Anonymous]

I know a family just like this! The older sister was very content and it was hard to imagine their family as anything but a family of 3 with an only child. Now that it’s real they are all so happy and all of us with kids the same age as the older sister are thrilled, too, because we have the time and energy to really enjoy the baby years with them. It’s a gift and I am very happy for you!

[Anonymous]

Congratulations! I think that your oldest will surprise you.

[Anonymous]

I think it is tough for only children to adjust to new siblings, period. My oldest really wanted many siblings; it was still tough for him at age 5 to adjust to having to share his parents' attention. This is part of life. It happens to everyone with siblings. It almost never ruins their life (I will leave space for extreme unusual circumstances involving medical emergencies or death of mom or baby, maybe). So your kid can have those feelings at age 8, but it doesn't mean they'll be scarred at 16 or 38. It's a new normal.

Congrats, OP, and best wishes to all of you!

[Anonymous]

It will be like having two only-children. I was the younger one. He had big concerns that I would be spoiled, so he didn't want that to happen. I think I had to toughen up some.

I don't remember him playing with me but we had lots of fun later. I remember visiting him at college.

[Anonymous]

This is not the same, but I am much closer to my brother who is 7 years older than either of my two siblings who are much closer in age. I think a big age gap can be really nice because it reduces the amount of competition between siblings. And sometimes being less close as kids can help make you more close as adults. That's what happened with my brother and I. He was just in a very different place in his childhood than I was when I was growing up, but then one day he came home from college and I was in high school and we discovered we both liked watching sports and had similar taste in music, and we built a relationship based on our more adult interests.

Also, as someone who is currently contemplating a smaller age difference (4 years), something I hear a lot from other families with bigger gaps is that a larger age gap can allow both your kids to have something resembling the experience of an only. Your first has all those years before the second comes along (and those are the critical years for one on one time with parents, as they are learning to trust), and then is busier with school and friends and activities by the time the second arrives. There may still be jealousy initially, but it's not like with a 2 or 3 year old who often just feels like they are being replaced. Your 8 year old will not be watching a younger sibling doing things she just stopped doing (sleeping in a crib, nursing, playing with baby toys, etc.). It should help make that transition easier, even if they aren't gaining an instant pal in the same age group.

[Anonymous]

My DH is 8 years younger than his sister, and they were extremely close as kids and now as adults are best friends.

I’m 3 years younger than my sister and we hardly talk - and we constantly fought as kids.

Age difference does not determine much IMO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It will be like having two only-children. I was the younger one. He had big concerns that I would be spoiled, so he didn't want that to happen. I think I had to toughen up some.

I don't remember him playing with me but we had lots of fun later. I remember visiting him at college.

I’m sorry for your loss, PP.

[Anonymous]

what loss? no loss.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP pregnant with my second and my child will be 4 but I completely completely get it. My son thrives on the attention and gets mad when our attention is away so I get it. I have those fears that I ruined everything and he will always hate me for bringing a new baby. All those negative thoughts when the newborn stage is hard I get it I get it. My anxiety is sky high. I have no advice besides sending big hugs and wishing we could fast forward 10 years when our kids can play and enjoy each other.

[Anonymous]

Too late now. Your child will have to deal. Such is life.

[Anonymous]

You need to sell this to 7 year old. Let child know they will be even more important because baby will always look up to them, and oldest will do everything first. I don't know, think up stuff to sell it. And don't ask it, tell it. Reverse psychology man. Finally, your kid can say they have a sister or brother when other kids talk about theirs.

[Anonymous]

Your snowflakes will be better off