Husband said I’m selfish and terrible wife and he will divorce me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn’t you do the laundry earlier ?

Not OP but I can't leave someone else's house after 11 and still be ready for work Monday morning.

OP has a right to leave at an appropriate time for her, she doesn’t need an excuse. They spent many hours there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. His family tends to drink and get into drama with each other. His sister is perpetually unkind to me where she hardly acknowledges me. I was already on edge because earlier she was rude to me:

Our puppy peed on MILs floor. I got up to say oh I’m sorry let me clean it. MIL said don’t worry and started wiping it away. SIL yells at me from across the room “ yes go clean! It’s your dog!”

Then after dinner SIL and MIL were in a fight about something. I was restless as usually once drama begins it tends to drag on. I asked where MIL was and everyone said no idea. I volunteered to go find her so we could begin desert. I said, “ let’s go find her so we can start our desert before it’s too late. It’s a Sunday night.”

SIL gets angry and gets up, “ ok! Since you’re in such a rush legs all quickly eat!” And walked out. I tried to explain I didn’t mean it like that.

So on the way home husband was upset that I embarrassed the family by keeping track of time and hitting his moms feelings. That I was being selfish by making it about me.

Do these people just drink and maybe pop pills and sleep and never work? This all sounds really dysfunctional

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. His family tends to drink and get into drama with each other. His sister is perpetually unkind to me where she hardly acknowledges me. I was already on edge because earlier she was rude to me:

Our puppy peed on MILs floor. I got up to say oh I’m sorry let me clean it. MIL said don’t worry and started wiping it away. SIL yells at me from across the room “ yes go clean! It’s your dog!”

Then after dinner SIL and MIL were in a fight about something. I was restless as usually once drama begins it tends to drag on. I asked where MIL was and everyone said no idea. I volunteered to go find her so we could begin desert. I said, “ let’s go find her so we can start our desert before it’s too late. It’s a Sunday night.”

SIL gets angry and gets up, “ ok! Since you’re in such a rush legs all quickly eat!” And walked out. I tried to explain I didn’t mean it like that.

So on the way home husband was upset that I embarrassed the family by keeping track of time and hitting his moms feelings. That I was being selfish by making it about me.

Do these people just drink and maybe pop pills and sleep and never work? This all sounds really dysfunctional

OP here. SIL and BIL left promptly after dessert. FWIW. So I don’t know why she was mad at me. Husband feels like it’s rude or we left as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t have kids I have no idea why you are staying with him. Imagine this while stupid fight but with a toddler crying starting at about 8 pm straight through the fight.
This stuff only gets much worse with kids. Tell him he’s right you should get a divorce and find a better life for yourself.

This. It only gets worse with kids. If he is perpetually scared of upsetting his mother and refuses to put your needs over his fear of making her disappointed (especially in a situation like this where your request to leave was entirely reasonable) you will be in for a world of hurt if you have a kid.

I’d give him a chance to talk it over with you but if he can truly not empathize with you or understand your needs in this situation, I would seriously consider separation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help him pack!

This, then take money from all the joint accounts and change the locks.

[Anonymous]

This is all on the wife. Some stuff you have to do and you do not get to complain. This is one of those. You have to suck it up and stay late. It is father's day for sakes. Also based on your post you probably did overlook at your watch.

Let him go. Get counseling if you want to continue with the relationship. Nothing good can come of talking it out on your own. Too much has been said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is all on the wife. Some stuff you have to do and you do not get to complain. This is one of those. You have to suck it up and stay late. It is father's day for sakes. Also based on your post you probably did overlook at your watch.

Let him go. Get counseling if you want to continue with the relationship. Nothing good can come of talking it out on your own. Too much has been said.

WTF? You’re encouraging OP to be a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is all on the wife. Some stuff you have to do and you do not get to complain. This is one of those. You have to suck it up and stay late. It is father's day for sakes. Also based on your post you probably did overlook at your watch.

Let him go. Get counseling if you want to continue with the relationship. Nothing good can come of talking it out on your own. Too much has been said.

This is probably the worst piece of advice ever given on DCUM. He's not a father. And even if he was that's not a reason to not leave his mother's house at a reasonable time after spending 6 hours with them because his mother might get upsets. It's not a reason for him to be verbally abusive to his wife. ANd most importantly wives do not just have to sit around and do whatever their husbands tell them because their husbands don't want to make mommy mad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you didn’t realize you were marrying into families that party and gather long into the night. It’s considered extremely rude to leave in just two hours no matter who you are because family time is precious.

What? They had been there for hours already and it was a Sunday night. Eff that.

[Anonymous]

Each of you had reasonable desires. I would work on validating the other person's perspective and framing it as finding a solution together. It may be that your DH has boundary issues with his family but hopefully it doesn't have to blow up your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all on the wife. Some stuff you have to do and you do not get to complain. This is one of those. You have to suck it up and stay late. It is father's day for sakes. Also based on your post you probably did overlook at your watch.

Let him go. Get counseling if you want to continue with the relationship. Nothing good can come of talking it out on your own. Too much has been said.

This is probably the worst piece of advice ever given on DCUM. He's not a father. And even if he was that's not a reason to not leave his mother's house at a reasonable time after spending 6 hours with them because his mother might get upsets. It's not a reason for him to be verbally abusive to his wife. ANd most importantly wives do not just have to sit around and do whatever their husbands tell them because their husbands don't want to make mommy mad.

Yes they do. If they want to stay married. And husbands have to do the same. You do not get to do what you want once you are married, frankly even dating, when it comes to people's parents. You have to suck it up and deal secure in the knowledge that your inlaws will be dead soon enough.

[Anonymous]

SIL and BIL left right after dessert but you are somehow at fault for wanting to go home soon after? Your husband has some complicated and toxic issues around his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all on the wife. Some stuff you have to do and you do not get to complain. This is one of those. You have to suck it up and stay late. It is father's day for sakes. Also based on your post you probably did overlook at your watch.

Let him go. Get counseling if you want to continue with the relationship. Nothing good can come of talking it out on your own. Too much has been said.

This is probably the worst piece of advice ever given on DCUM. He's not a father. And even if he was that's not a reason to not leave his mother's house at a reasonable time after spending 6 hours with them because his mother might get upsets. It's not a reason for him to be verbally abusive to his wife. ANd most importantly wives do not just have to sit around and do whatever their husbands tell them because their husbands don't want to make mommy mad.

Yes they do. If they want to stay married. And husbands have to do the same. You do not get to do what you want once you are married, frankly even dating, when it comes to people's parents. You have to suck it up and deal secure in the knowledge that your inlaws will be dead soon enough.

Not sure if you're just trolling. But if you aren't you are dead wrong and have a very toxic view of relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. His family tends to drink and get into drama with each other. His sister is perpetually unkind to me where she hardly acknowledges me. I was already on edge because earlier she was rude to me:

Our puppy peed on MILs floor. I got up to say oh I’m sorry let me clean it. MIL said don’t worry and started wiping it away. SIL yells at me from across the room “ yes go clean! It’s your dog!”

Then after dinner SIL and MIL were in a fight about something. I was restless as usually once drama begins it tends to drag on. I asked where MIL was and everyone said no idea. I volunteered to go find her so we could begin desert. I said, “ let’s go find her so we can start our desert before it’s too late. It’s a Sunday night.”

SIL gets angry and gets up, “ ok! Since you’re in such a rush legs all quickly eat!” And walked out. I tried to explain I didn’t mean it like that.

So on the way home husband was upset that I embarrassed the family by keeping track of time and hitting his moms feelings. That I was being selfish by making it about me.

Family seems toxic and dysfunctional. No wonder OP’s husband is a mess. Awful situation OP, and I wish you luck navigating the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all on the wife. Some stuff you have to do and you do not get to complain. This is one of those. You have to suck it up and stay late. It is father's day for sakes. Also based on your post you probably did overlook at your watch.

Let him go. Get counseling if you want to continue with the relationship. Nothing good can come of talking it out on your own. Too much has been said.

This is probably the worst piece of advice ever given on DCUM. He's not a father. And even if he was that's not a reason to not leave his mother's house at a reasonable time after spending 6 hours with them because his mother might get upsets. It's not a reason for him to be verbally abusive to his wife. ANd most importantly wives do not just have to sit around and do whatever their husbands tell them because their husbands don't want to make mommy mad.

Yes they do. If they want to stay married. And husbands have to do the same. You do not get to do what you want once you are married, frankly even dating, when it comes to people's parents. You have to suck it up and deal secure in the knowledge that your inlaws will be dead soon enough.

Marriage comes 1st. What God joins, let no one separate. Spouse comes before parents. Unless they are paying your bills