Husband said I’m selfish and terrible wife and he will divorce me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I had a yelling match just now. We were over at the in laws for a Father’s Day celebration. We left around 2 pm and left their place around 8:20pm. The long-standing issue seems to be that my husband, whenever we go over there, doesn’t seem to want to leave until very late. His reasoning for that is that his mother’s feelings get hurt. Whenever we have gone over there, we stay over until 11 pm or so or end up spending the night. As I’ve gotten older, I’d much prefer to come home at at a more reasonable hour on a Sunday. I need to shower, do laundry or prepare for the week and would like to get home at a time when I have a few hours to get myself situated before my week begins.

I have been telling my husband when we go over there to leave for home at 7:30 pm or so but he doesn’t commit to anything. Today we were over there and we left at 8:20 pm. I was tired and kept trying to hint to him to leave. We get in the car and he tells me I embarrassed him by keep checking the time. Everyone knows I wanted to leave and their feelings get hurt.

I was angry and told him it’s actually he that keeps disrespecting me. I said mean things, he said mean things. It escalated to a screaming match where I told him I feel foolish as it’s obvious he doesn’t care about me. He called me names and told me f*ck you! He said he hates me and I’m a selfish and terrible wife and he wants to divorce me and he is leaving. He starts trying to pack and I start crying and told him to stop. He screamed that he didn’t want to see my face.

I’m shaking and crying in the bedroom.

Am I a terrible wife?

It concerns me that this is your question after your husband's behavior. Sure you could have taken another car. Agreed to him staying the night or ubering home, but that's irrelevant. him screaming at you calling names etc is so far over the line of appropriateness and is in abusive territory. Please take this as the warning sign it is and get out now.

[Anonymous]

oh you don't have kids? still take 2 cars

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you want to stay married to this jackass? Convince us why you should stay.

+1. It sounds like there are no kids? Don't get pregnant. Divorce his ass and find someone who can either have your back or disagree like an adult (and isn't on his mom's apron strings).

All of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you didn’t realize you were marrying into families that party and gather long into the night. It’s considered extremely rude to leave in just two hours no matter who you are because family time is precious.

And this completely irrelevant and doesn't i excuse her husband's behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you didn’t realize you were marrying into families that party and gather long into the night. It’s considered extremely rude to leave in just two hours no matter who you are because family time is precious.

They were there probably 5 or 6 hours

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you want to stay married to this jackass? Convince us why you should stay.

+1. It sounds like there are no kids? Don't get pregnant. Divorce his ass and find someone who can either have your back or disagree like an adult (and isn't on his mom's apron strings).

All of this.

Yeah, I'd think twice too. He sounds controlling and could care less about your needs

[Anonymous]

We are about to celebrate 20 years of marriage and have never once yelled at each other, much less said anything even close to this horrible. Is alcohol involved? This is not okay or normal behavior.

[Anonymous]

Op here. His family tends to drink and get into drama with each other. His sister is perpetually unkind to me where she hardly acknowledges me. I was already on edge because earlier she was rude to me:

Our puppy peed on MILs floor. I got up to say oh I’m sorry let me clean it. MIL said don’t worry and started wiping it away. SIL yells at me from across the room “ yes go clean! It’s your dog!”

Then after dinner SIL and MIL were in a fight about something. I was restless as usually once drama begins it tends to drag on. I asked where MIL was and everyone said no idea. I volunteered to go find her so we could begin desert. I said, “ let’s go find her so we can start our desert before it’s too late. It’s a Sunday night.”

SIL gets angry and gets up, “ ok! Since you’re in such a rush legs all quickly eat!” And walked out. I tried to explain I didn’t mean it like that.

So on the way home husband was upset that I embarrassed the family by keeping track of time and hitting his moms feelings. That I was being selfish by making it about me.

[Anonymous]

I'd be curious to hear the other side of this one. You guys both seem to be contributing.

[Anonymous]

His family of toxic and that won’t change

[Anonymous]

Why didn’t you do the laundry earlier ?

[Anonymous]

I have read some of the responses here & I like the idea of taking two vehicles if that is a possibility.

However I think your husband will still be upset if you leave before he does.

He said some awful things to you today.
I get the feeling that what occurred tonight was a trigger for him.
Meaning it looks like he already has some residual anger inside.

That needs to be addressed as soon as you both cool off + can talk in a reasonable manner. ❤️‍🩹

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why didn’t you do the laundry earlier ?

Not OP but I can't leave someone else's house after 11 and still be ready for work Monday morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His family of toxic and that won’t change

+1. You are being reasonable. A grown man should not be scared of upsetting his mother by leaving a gathering you both spent hours at. Toxic family dynamic.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t have kids I have no idea why you are staying with him. Imagine this while stupid fight but with a toddler crying starting at about 8 pm straight through the fight.
This stuff only gets much worse with kids. Tell him he’s right you should get a divorce and find a better life for yourself.