Expecting a different life at this age, so help with a reset:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish there was a way to match people who would like to be grandparents with children who don’t have any local grandparents who actively engage with them. My SIL has parents who aren’t very interested in her kids and neither are her in-laws. She’s sad that her kids have 4 living grandparents, but none who want to get to know their grandchildren.

You should start a grandparent matching business!

OP here..Sign me up.

It would be nice, wouldn't it? I'm also grandchildless. But we've become such a litigious and suspicious society when it comes to children which makes it very difficult. I can't even imagine what a single/widowed/divorced man in his 60s would deal with if he wanted to volunteer with kids. It's such a shame because other cultures and societies are open to embracing mature people into their communities. Not so much here.

Very true. And- I can offer examples of serious consequences for those who don't understand that. No one is just going to have kids sleep over or take them out to various places these days, and I wouldn't recommend it.

[Anonymous]

Have you considered opening up your home to an older child or young adult? Exchange student, foster care, or friend's kid going through a rough patch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you religious, OP? You may be able to find that community/family feel you are missing by getting more connected at your place of worship. You may even get to know families who would love to have “honorary grandparent” sort of figures.

+1 I know a couple older couples at our church who have become "honorary grandparents" to younger families. As a kid, my neighbors were my honorary grandparents as mine lived far away and their children were very slow to have children.

I'm sure an honorary grandparent is just that. An affectionate term, with little to back it up. There's little in the way of a real relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered opening up your home to an older child or young adult? Exchange student, foster care, or friend's kid going through a rough patch?

Yes. Apparently we are out of age parameters.

[Anonymous]

How old are you and want really calls to you?
Want to foster some kids?
If you like nurturing things but not people, how about start a garden and grow a community that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What, besides grandchildren, were in your plans?

A large family, with grandchildren, were in our plans. My friends and cousins spend 2 or more days a week helping out with grandchild logistics, events, etc. Holidays and birthdays with all, trips, etc. In fact, this is everyone. The grandchildren are growing up among their cousins, aunts, uncles, in a large family group, with close relationships.

No other plans? Are you interested in learning a craft or art? If knitting isn’t your style, you can learn to weave, or spin and dye wool. You can take up pottery. you can learn how to blow glass. You can learn how to make stained glass windows. Or garden. Growing veggies not your thing? Create a pollinator garden or herb garden. Volunteer at a local elementary school and do one on one reading. Find a faith community and become involved there. If you like walking and hiking, join the Potomac Appalachian Trail Club and help keep up the lean to sans trails. Learn how to arrange flowers. Learn how to make pastry from scratch. take a sushi class. Take a woodworking class and learn to build small pieces of furniture. Volunteer at a food pantry or soup kitchen. Learn to sew. Learn how to change the oil in your car. Travel. Planning, anticipating, going and remembering. Learn a foreign language and participate ina weekly conversation group. Exercise two hours a day. Bake from scratch. Learn how to make really really good homemade pasta or hummus or roasted veggies. Join a card and games group. Learn how to play bridge. Join an advocacy group and advocate for a cause you feel deeply about. Plan a girls weekend with friends-a few times a year. Most people don’t want to do the planning, but want to participate. Adopt a family the area that does not have grandparents - or become a big sister. Start a book club for the books that you like. Buy tickets to the Nationals, or a series from the Folger theatre, the Kennedy Center or Signature theater....

If you don’t want to become an expert. do a little of everything-one or two at a time.

I am not in need of ideas of things to do. I am very active. In fact, I do almost everything on this list, except the Nats. I am not into sports..and will not be ever playing golf as well, which is a lifestyle in and of itself. Never understood golf and it's appeal. I'm not sitting alone wondering how to fill my time. I cook, refinish furniture, volunteer in several organizations, am politically active, write, manage two IG
business accounts that are turning profitable, interestingly enough- wasn't expecting that. I design fabric, I garden. We are big theater goers, before pandemic, and will be again. We have friends. Some,though, have moved to Florida into over 55 resort type communities. That's not me. They are finding out it might not be them, either!
I am talking about a loss of family, of a community, of support, of love, and what that looks like going forward alone. My parents and grandparents were enveloped by family.
I guess it was short lived, and I'll have to accept that.

Okay, you are an active person. So, this is more psychological than “what do I do”. How did you deal with unexpected life changes in the past? Lean on the skills that you developed to deal with those times. Life is constantly throwing unexpected things at us. Use the skills you have built up in your life to attack this.

[Anonymous]

The naval academy has a sponsor midshipmen program where you host them for meals, etc.

[Anonymous]

But it sounds like you want to live near your kids so why not go do that. You don’t need grandkids for an excuse to see them.

[Anonymous]

Buy a house in a vacation destination location and announce to family and friends that you have room for visitors.

You will have lots of visitors. But it has to be a place your kids really want to visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered opening up your home to an older child or young adult? Exchange student, foster care, or friend's kid going through a rough patch?

Yes. Apparently we are out of age parameters.

It’s absolutely crazy that you can’t be matched with someone who is about to age out of foster care without a family. They have no support network and you have all this life experience and love to give. ☹️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered opening up your home to an older child or young adult? Exchange student, foster care, or friend's kid going through a rough patch?

Yes. Apparently we are out of age parameters.

It’s absolutely crazy that you can’t be matched with someone who is about to age out of foster care without a family. They have no support network and you have all this life experience and love to give. ☹️

You may also be surprised at how difficult it is to adopt a mutt from a kill shelter. Most people are turned down. Not kidding.
Having a foster kid is probably easier (!), although yes, age plays a large consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But what did you and your DH do before you had kids? What's wrong with traveling? I traveled a lot with dh and my parents before kids. This is your time to see places- Hawaiii,machu picchu or whatever you've always wanted before old age.

What about your careers? Are you retired?

I'm sorry about the lack of grandchildren. I will say that it factored into us having a 3rd baby. We're hoping one of the three will want to have kids. We only have one sibling each and they didn't have children. Our parents basically fight over every holiday for grandkids.

Good idea. We often wish we had more kids.

But again, we are pretty active. Not needing things to do.

I get it. I'm not at that stage yet, but would feel the same as you. You things to fill your time....but not your heart. I get it.

I feel like it's an outgrowth of our culture. True family connection (not splitting off and making other tiny families, but remaining a multigenerational connected family) has become secondary to education/jobs/careers/money/"independence". This is our culture and I am trying hard to teach my children a different value system. Just keep track of how many people on this board alone are starting to recognize that being close to extended family is something they wish they had. It's sad but has to change on a personal level before society will accept a change.

I think you get it. Thanks. That's it.

I think this PP gets it, but wow, to try and go against the culture of independence is going to be a real fight. I say this because of a more general concept or belief I have, which is that it's much easier to be in an environment that will help you attain what you want, that one that is going against what you want (e.g. "it takes a village").
I recall talking with someone years ago who wanted something like this, and was going to move to Spain to try to attain it.

I agree with a PP to mourn, and then construct as best you can something that is similar. (like moving to be near a cousin's family, etc. I'll have to look up your OP again, to see if that is a possibility). I think it is possible to be a "special friend" (as in "Grandparents and Special Friends Day" at schools). For years, my friend Larla, whose mom lived across the country and was not that enthusiastic about her children, had a neighbor who was like a surrogate grandma.

[Anonymous]

Would you ever consider being foster parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish there was a way to match people who would like to be grandparents with children who don’t have any local grandparents who actively engage with them. My SIL has parents who aren’t very interested in her kids and neither are her in-laws. She’s sad that her kids have 4 living grandparents, but none who want to get to know their grandchildren.

You should start a grandparent matching business!

OP here..Sign me up.

Me too! We have kids in need of grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But what did you and your DH do before you had kids? What's wrong with traveling? I traveled a lot with dh and my parents before kids. This is your time to see places- Hawaiii,machu picchu or whatever you've always wanted before old age.

What about your careers? Are you retired?

I'm sorry about the lack of grandchildren. I will say that it factored into us having a 3rd baby. We're hoping one of the three will want to have kids. We only have one sibling each and they didn't have children. Our parents basically fight over every holiday for grandkids.

Good idea. We often wish we had more kids.

But again, we are pretty active. Not needing things to do.

I get it. I'm not at that stage yet, but would feel the same as you. You things to fill your time....but not your heart. I get it.

I feel like it's an outgrowth of our culture. True family connection (not splitting off and making other tiny families, but remaining a multigenerational connected family) has become secondary to education/jobs/careers/money/"independence". This is our culture and I am trying hard to teach my children a different value system. Just keep track of how many people on this board alone are starting to recognize that being close to extended family is something they wish they had. It's sad but has to change on a personal level before society will accept a change.

I think you get it. Thanks. That's it.

I think this PP gets it, but wow, to try and go against the culture of independence is going to be a real fight. I say this because of a more general concept or belief I have, which is that it's much easier to be in an environment that will help you attain what you want, that one that is going against what you want (e.g. "it takes a village").
I recall talking with someone years ago who wanted something like this, and was going to move to Spain to try to attain it.

I agree with a PP to mourn, and then construct as best you can something that is similar. (like moving to be near a cousin's family, etc. I'll have to look up your OP again, to see if that is a possibility). I think it is possible to be a "special friend" (as in "Grandparents and Special Friends Day" at schools). For years, my friend Larla, whose mom lived across the country and was not that enthusiastic about her children, had a neighbor who was like a surrogate grandma.

South Asian cultures combine both cultures really well.