Expecting a different life at this age, so help with a reset:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What, besides grandchildren, were in your plans?

A large family, with grandchildren, were in our plans. My friends and cousins spend 2 or more days a week helping out with grandchild logistics, events, etc. Holidays and birthdays with all, trips, etc. In fact, this is everyone. The grandchildren are growing up among their cousins, aunts, uncles, in a large family group, with close relationships.

No other plans? Are you interested in learning a craft or art? If knitting isn’t your style, you can learn to weave, or spin and dye wool. You can take up pottery. you can learn how to blow glass. You can learn how to make stained glass windows. Or garden. Growing veggies not your thing? Create a pollinator garden or herb garden. Volunteer at a local elementary school and do one on one reading. Find a faith community and become involved there. If you like walking and hiking, join the Potomac Appalachian Trail Club and help keep up the lean to sans trails. Learn how to arrange flowers. Learn how to make pastry from scratch. take a sushi class. Take a woodworking class and learn to build small pieces of furniture. Volunteer at a food pantry or soup kitchen. Learn to sew. Learn how to change the oil in your car. Travel. Planning, anticipating, going and remembering. Learn a foreign language and participate ina weekly conversation group. Exercise two hours a day. Bake from scratch. Learn how to make really really good homemade pasta or hummus or roasted veggies. Join a card and games group. Learn how to play bridge. Join an advocacy group and advocate for a cause you feel deeply about. Plan a girls weekend with friends-a few times a year. Most people don’t want to do the planning, but want to participate. Adopt a family the area that does not have grandparents - or become a big sister. Start a book club for the books that you like. Buy tickets to the Nationals, or a series from the Folger theatre, the Kennedy Center or Signature theater....

If you don’t want to become an expert. do a little of everything-one or two at a time.

I am not in need of ideas of things to do. I am very active. In fact, I do almost everything on this list, except the Nats. I am not into sports..and will not be ever playing golf as well, which is a lifestyle in and of itself. Never understood golf and it's appeal. I'm not sitting alone wondering how to fill my time. I cook, refinish furniture, volunteer in several organizations, am politically active, write, manage two IG
business accounts that are turning profitable, interestingly enough- wasn't expecting that. I design fabric, I garden. We are big theater goers, before pandemic, and will be again. We have friends. Some,though, have moved to Florida into over 55 resort type communities. That's not me. They are finding out it might not be them, either!
I am talking about a loss of family, of a community, of support, of love, and what that looks like going forward alone. My parents and grandparents were enveloped by family.
I guess it was short lived, and I'll have to accept that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What, besides grandchildren, were in your plans?

A large family, with grandchildren, were in our plans. My friends and cousins spend 2 or more days a week helping out with grandchild logistics, events, etc. Holidays and birthdays with all, trips, etc. In fact, this is everyone. The grandchildren are growing up among their cousins, aunts, uncles, in a large family group, with close relationships.

No other plans? Are you interested in learning a craft or art? If knitting isn’t your style, you can learn to weave, or spin and dye wool. You can take up pottery. you can learn how to blow glass. You can learn how to make stained glass windows. Or garden. Growing veggies not your thing? Create a pollinator garden or herb garden. Volunteer at a local elementary school and do one on one reading. Find a faith community and become involved there. If you like walking and hiking, join the Potomac Appalachian Trail Club and help keep up the lean to sans trails. Learn how to arrange flowers. Learn how to make pastry from scratch. take a sushi class. Take a woodworking class and learn to build small pieces of furniture. Volunteer at a food pantry or soup kitchen. Learn to sew. Learn how to change the oil in your car. Travel. Planning, anticipating, going and remembering. Learn a foreign language and participate ina weekly conversation group. Exercise two hours a day. Bake from scratch. Learn how to make really really good homemade pasta or hummus or roasted veggies. Join a card and games group. Learn how to play bridge. Join an advocacy group and advocate for a cause you feel deeply about. Plan a girls weekend with friends-a few times a year. Most people don’t want to do the planning, but want to participate. Adopt a family the area that does not have grandparents - or become a big sister. Start a book club for the books that you like. Buy tickets to the Nationals, or a series from the Folger theatre, the Kennedy Center or Signature theater....

If you don’t want to become an expert. do a little of everything-one or two at a time.

Hold babies in the NICU. Get a job at a part time nursery school. Have an open house and make dinner every Friday night and invite everyone over. You will the ones that come most of the time and you can build your community with them. Become a docent at a museum. become an usher at the Kennedy Center. Learn to scuba dive. Learn to sail. Learn to drive stick shift (again). Tutor HS students in an after school program. Learn to shuck oysters. Be fickle about your wardrobe and shop carefully. Dry herbs. Investigate flowering plants and make sure you have something blooming from March through November. Teach a class. Swim everyday. Take up square dancing. Find what works for you.

[Anonymous]

The above appeared as one comment due to quote fail, so:


I am not in need of ideas of things to do. I am very active. In fact, I do almost everything on this list, except the Nats. I am not into sports..and will not be ever playing golf as well, which is a lifestyle in and of itself. Never understood golf and it's appeal. I'm not sitting alone wondering how to fill my time. I cook, refinish furniture, volunteer in several organizations, am politically active, write, manage two IG
business accounts that are turning profitable, interestingly enough- wasn't expecting that. I design fabric, I garden. We are big theater goers, before pandemic, and will be again. We have friends. Some,though, have moved to Florida into over 55 resort type communities. That's not me. They are finding out it might not be them, either!
I am talking about a loss of family, of a community, of support, of love, and what that looks like going forward alone. My parents and grandparents were enveloped by family.
I guess it was short lived, and I'll have to accept that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But what did you and your DH do before you had kids? What's wrong with traveling? I traveled a lot with dh and my parents before kids. This is your time to see places- Hawaiii,machu picchu or whatever you've always wanted before old age.

What about your careers? Are you retired?

I'm sorry about the lack of grandchildren. I will say that it factored into us having a 3rd baby. We're hoping one of the three will want to have kids. We only have one sibling each and they didn't have children. Our parents basically fight over every holiday for grandkids.

Good idea. We often wish we had more kids.

But again, we are pretty active. Not needing things to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But what did you and your DH do before you had kids? What's wrong with traveling? I traveled a lot with dh and my parents before kids. This is your time to see places- Hawaiii,machu picchu or whatever you've always wanted before old age.

What about your careers? Are you retired?

I'm sorry about the lack of grandchildren. I will say that it factored into us having a 3rd baby. We're hoping one of the three will want to have kids. We only have one sibling each and they didn't have children. Our parents basically fight over every holiday for grandkids.

Good idea. We often wish we had more kids.

But again, we are pretty active. Not needing things to do.

I get it. I'm not at that stage yet, but would feel the same as you. You things to fill your time....but not your heart. I get it.

I feel like it's an outgrowth of our culture. True family connection (not splitting off and making other tiny families, but remaining a multigenerational connected family) has become secondary to education/jobs/careers/money/"independence". This is our culture and I am trying hard to teach my children a different value system. Just keep track of how many people on this board alone are starting to recognize that being close to extended family is something they wish they had. It's sad but has to change on a personal level before society will accept a change.

[Anonymous]

Are you religious, OP? You may be able to find that community/family feel you are missing by getting more connected at your place of worship. You may even get to know families who would love to have “honorary grandparent” sort of figures.

[Anonymous]

I think you grieve the dream that you’ve lost, and then decide to be happy doing something else. There are lots of ways to have a happy and productive retirement life phase, and you had imagined one. If your kids are under 45 it may still happen. But don’t wait - create a new good life.

I would also encourage you to go be with people you love. Cousins, friends, your children - move to the same town. Have dinner, go out to movies, have coffee on the porch. My parents and my in laws moved to be closer to my DH and I, and we are indeed closer because of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish there was a way to match people who would like to be grandparents with children who don’t have any local grandparents who actively engage with them. My SIL has parents who aren’t very interested in her kids and neither are her in-laws. She’s sad that her kids have 4 living grandparents, but none who want to get to know their grandchildren.

You should start a grandparent matching business!

OP here..Sign me up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you religious, OP? You may be able to find that community/family feel you are missing by getting more connected at your place of worship. You may even get to know families who would love to have “honorary grandparent” sort of figures.

I wish church or synagogue wasn't just front for community. There should just be community without the dogma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you religious, OP? You may be able to find that community/family feel you are missing by getting more connected at your place of worship. You may even get to know families who would love to have “honorary grandparent” sort of figures.

+1 I know a couple older couples at our church who have become "honorary grandparents" to younger families. As a kid, my neighbors were my honorary grandparents as mine lived far away and their children were very slow to have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But what did you and your DH do before you had kids? What's wrong with traveling? I traveled a lot with dh and my parents before kids. This is your time to see places- Hawaiii,machu picchu or whatever you've always wanted before old age.

What about your careers? Are you retired?

I'm sorry about the lack of grandchildren. I will say that it factored into us having a 3rd baby. We're hoping one of the three will want to have kids. We only have one sibling each and they didn't have children. Our parents basically fight over every holiday for grandkids.

Good idea. We often wish we had more kids.

But again, we are pretty active. Not needing things to do.

I get it. I'm not at that stage yet, but would feel the same as you. You things to fill your time....but not your heart. I get it.

I feel like it's an outgrowth of our culture. True family connection (not splitting off and making other tiny families, but remaining a multigenerational connected family) has become secondary to education/jobs/careers/money/"independence". This is our culture and I am trying hard to teach my children a different value system. Just keep track of how many people on this board alone are starting to recognize that being close to extended family is something they wish they had. It's sad but has to change on a personal level before society will accept a change.

I think you get it. Thanks. That's it.

[Anonymous]

https://ymaryland.org/volunteer/mentoring

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish there was a way to match people who would like to be grandparents with children who don’t have any local grandparents who actively engage with them. My SIL has parents who aren’t very interested in her kids and neither are her in-laws. She’s sad that her kids have 4 living grandparents, but none who want to get to know their grandchildren.

You should start a grandparent matching business!

OP here..Sign me up.

It would be nice, wouldn't it? I'm also grandchildless. But we've become such a litigious and suspicious society when it comes to children which makes it very difficult. I can't even imagine what a single/widowed/divorced man in his 60s would deal with if he wanted to volunteer with kids. It's such a shame because other cultures and societies are open to embracing mature people into their communities. Not so much here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish there was a way to match people who would like to be grandparents with children who don’t have any local grandparents who actively engage with them. My SIL has parents who aren’t very interested in her kids and neither are her in-laws. She’s sad that her kids have 4 living grandparents, but none who want to get to know their grandchildren.

You should start a grandparent matching business!

The only problem is that most older people are way more motivated to take care of their biological grandchildren not a child from another family. If that were the case you would see more old people volunteering to spend time with or care for the millions of kids who need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish there was a way to match people who would like to be grandparents with children who don’t have any local grandparents who actively engage with them. My SIL has parents who aren’t very interested in her kids and neither are her in-laws. She’s sad that her kids have 4 living grandparents, but none who want to get to know their grandchildren.

You should start a grandparent matching business!

The only problem is that most older people are way more motivated to take care of their biological grandchildren not a child from another family. If that were the case you would see more old people volunteering to spend time with or care for the millions of kids who need it.

No, we are actively involved with families with children with volunteering.I think the whole point might be lost on most people unless they experience the issue.