Daughter got into her reach school, but wants to go to the safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an adult who did the same as your daughter, "good schools" really don't matter.

She's clearly a smart kid if she got into a reach. She'll make her way in life and likely be successful. But even if she isn't a huge success, who cares? As long as she's happy.

Leave her alone and be proud you raised a kid who is both intelligent and knows how to make choices that are true to herself.

And for what it's worth, I worked in the White House along with all of the Ivy League graduates. Whether or not I went to a state school had nothing to do with it. I got their off of my own hard work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're feeling a little disappointed as parents. But the decision is up to her and we haven't let it be known to her that we feel this way. Is it terrible to think that?

The safety is actually a better "fit" in so many ways, and outcomes will likely be similar.

I was in the same boat with my youngest last year OP, and felt a similar way for a bit. I don't live in the DC area, but in a small town that puts a lot of pressure on kids academically and the prestige of college seems like it is everything sometimes.

My youngest kid chose a safety and I'm so glad now he did. I was very leery that as a STEM major his reach would be too much for him, but I never said that. The academic reputation of his reach was the only thing that was in it's favor once he wrote a pros and cons list. His safety was the perfect location, (far, but not too far from home, which was important to him after some of his siblings went very far away) the right size, had a club team he wanted to join (and that hook has been so amazing for him, even with Covid keeping the team from regular practices) and many other things that he considered. He is flourishing and maturing in a way he didn't in high school, and all the reasons that his safety seemed like the best choice really were important to his overall success this year. He is studying more than he ever did in high school-which drives me nuts when my kids say that, but I seem to have kids who do fine in high school but wake up in college and realize they need to take it more seriously. I am thankful that they do wake up when they get to college!

My one kid who did go to a reach, did ok, but always felt like it was a little too much of a challenge for her and I really think she would have been better off at a smaller, more academically matched school. She did fine, and is now working in her field. But it was touch and go there for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an adult who did the same as your daughter, "good schools" really don't matter.

She's clearly a smart kid if she got into a reach. She'll make her way in life and likely be successful. But even if she isn't a huge success, who cares? As long as she's happy.

Leave her alone and be proud you raised a kid who is both intelligent and knows how to make choices that are true to herself.

And for what it's worth, I worked in the White House along with all of the Ivy League graduates. Whether or not I went to a state school had nothing to do with it. I got their off of my own hard work.

You don't get to the White House without a hook. I am sorry. Someone pulled for you. (And that's not a bad thing.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're feeling a little disappointed as parents. But the decision is up to her and we haven't let it be known to her that we feel this way. Is it terrible to think that?

The safety is actually a better "fit" in so many ways, and outcomes will likely be similar.

Say it once, and then buy swag from the school she chose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're feeling a little disappointed as parents. But the decision is up to her and we haven't let it be known to her that we feel this way. Is it terrible to think that?

The safety is actually a better "fit" in so many ways, and outcomes will likely be similar.

What are the schools under consideration?

[Anonymous]

What are the schools?

If the safety that is known for sports and partying but very mediocre academically, perhaps you may want to nudge them in the right direction.

However if the reach school known to be an academically brutal and depressive environment like Cornell or Johns Hopkins, perhaps the safety is a much better choice.

[Anonymous]

I can relate to your post, my DC did not get into her reach, but chose her safety over five better ranked match schools.

I had concerns I kept to myself and now am so glad that I did. The school she chose was right in ways that we could not have even anticipated. And she will graduate with no debt. She has really gained confidence, and pulled off multiple impressive achievements. I think that came in part from standing out in a small, supportive community (vs disappearing into the middle of a competitive student body).

Your daughter sounds cool and smart, and you are right to encourage her be believing she will make the right decision.

[Anonymous]

Assuming your daughter sticks with her safety, please don’t be “that” parent who feels the need to announce on FB that child is going to college X after a tough decision based on additional acceptances to Elite U a, b, and c. Our friends did that last year and it felt like they wanted us all to know that even though their child chose her instate uni, she still was accepted to many “elite” colleges also.

[Anonymous]

And for what it's worth, I worked in the White House along with all of the Ivy League graduates. Whether or not I went to a state school had nothing to do with it. I got their off of my own hard work.

You got where?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an adult who did the same as your daughter, "good schools" really don't matter.

She's clearly a smart kid if she got into a reach. She'll make her way in life and likely be successful. But even if she isn't a huge success, who cares? As long as she's happy.

Leave her alone and be proud you raised a kid who is both intelligent and knows how to make choices that are true to herself.

And for what it's worth, I worked in the White House along with all of the Ivy League graduates. Whether or not I went to a state school had nothing to do with it. I got their off of my own hard work.

By your own words, you worked in the WH along with “all of the ivy league grads”- so there were lots of them and one of you from state U ...

[Anonymous]

OP, show real interest in her reasons. Don't make it seem like you need convincing. Let her tell you because you are excited for her.

Most disappointing for me - I thought my parents didn't know me very well. They were obvious is their disappointment when I chose a "lesser" school. Their disappointment was loud and clear. That I could deal with. What was more disappointing was I had very good reasons. I was making a very mature decision, actually (re: major .. how I could get into my major at one school vs another) A decision I'm still very proud of today.

What bothered me in a much bigger way was they really didn't know me. Didn't know my strengths and weaknesses, regarding academics. They just wanted bragging rights.

[Anonymous]

What exactly is your issue?!-NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is your issue?!-NP

Sorry this was directed to one post up, not that just prior.

[Anonymous]

Disagree with all the PPs. It depends on the disparity between the reach and safety schools, but going to a well-regarded school can confer benefits for a long time. For first job, grad school admissions, how good of grades you need to be a "good candidate" for whatever's next, etc.

Make sure she's certain about this and understands the ramifications of her choice, not just how fun the next 4 yrs will be.

Unpopular opinion I know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are some of her reasons? Just curious.

Her safety is more of a big spirit school, and lots of culture/restaurants, things to do outside of the school.

OP are you a private school person? You sound like it. An elitist snob. Glad your daughter turned out better than you.