Daughter got into her reach school, but wants to go to the safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disagree with all the PPs. It depends on the disparity between the reach and safety schools, but going to a well-regarded school can confer benefits for a long time. For first job, grad school admissions, how good of grades you need to be a "good candidate" for whatever's next, etc.

Make sure she's certain about this and understands the ramifications of her choice, not just how fun the next 4 yrs will be.

Unpopular opinion I know!

This is a very good point.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the schools, but college doesn't exist in a vacuum - it's a bridge to the professional world. More elite schools typically create more options going forward. It has nothing to do with parental bragging rights - fit is important, but I also want my kids to have as many options as possible, and elite school networks can be incredibly useful, especially when it comes to your first job or getting into a good grad school program. (NP)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on the schools, but college doesn't exist in a vacuum - it's a bridge to the professional world. More elite schools typically create more options going forward. It has nothing to do with parental bragging rights - fit is important, but I also want my kids to have as many options as possible, and elite school networks can be incredibly useful, especially when it comes to your first job or getting into a good grad school program. (NP)

Sorry, just saw a basically identical post above. I agree with that poster!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are some of her reasons? Just curious.

Her safety is more of a big spirit school, and lots of culture/restaurants, things to do outside of the school.

Very valid reasons! My son would choose for the same reasons. For some kids, the high of selectivity wears off when they're trapped in a remote location for 4 years! I just shuddered at that thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are some of her reasons? Just curious.

Her safety is more of a big spirit school, and lots of culture/restaurants, things to do outside of the school.

OP are you a private school person? You sound like it. An elitist snob. Glad your daughter turned out better than you.

Settle down, Helen. Your own anxieties are showing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DD is attending the lowest ranked out of the 8 schools she was accepted to including her reaches (she got in every where she applied. She's happy there and honestly, once they start going to the school they choose, you don't think about it too much. It seems like such a big deal during the application/acceptance process and that simmers down very quickly.

My DS also wants to attend the lowest ranked (by far) of the schools he was accepted to. He too got in everywhere he applied, including two USNWR top 30 universities.

This has been a difficult year, and not being able to visit colleges ended up being really problematic for my DS. Mid-winter, his feelings about what he was looking for started to shift. I think if we had been able to visit more schools, this would have become clearer earlier in the process, although he also was very affected by the COVID winter and now wants to go someplace warm where he can be outside year round.

In retrospect, knowing what we know now, he did not apply to the right schools. He's completely lost interest in most of the schools on the table right now, and what's left are 2: the highest ranked and the lowest ranked. And the lowest ranked one appears to be winning.

So he has a week left to make his decision, and DH and I have decided to let him make it. It probably helps that we don't look at the higher-ranked school and think: this would be perfect for him. In fact, it's not perfect in some important ways. And the one that I do think would probably be the best fit for him, he will not consider for his own reasons that are important to him, even if not to me, and I can (grudgingly LOL) respect that.

I think it will be fine, whatever he decides. And if it turns out he made the wrong decision, he can transfer and that will be fine, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our DD is attending the lowest ranked out of the 8 schools she was accepted to including her reaches (she got in every where she applied. She's happy there and honestly, once they start going to the school they choose, you don't think about it too much. It seems like such a big deal during the application/acceptance process and that simmers down very quickly.

My DS also wants to attend the lowest ranked (by far) of the schools he was accepted to. He too got in everywhere he applied, including two USNWR top 30 universities.

This has been a difficult year, and not being able to visit colleges ended up being really problematic for my DS. Mid-winter, his feelings about what he was looking for started to shift. I think if we had been able to visit more schools, this would have become clearer earlier in the process, although he also was very affected by the COVID winter and now wants to go someplace warm where he can be outside year round.

In retrospect, knowing what we know now, he did not apply to the right schools. He's completely lost interest in most of the schools on the table right now, and what's left are 2: the highest ranked and the lowest ranked. And the lowest ranked one appears to be winning.

So he has a week left to make his decision, and DH and I have decided to let him make it. It probably helps that we don't look at the higher-ranked school and think: this would be perfect for him. In fact, it's not perfect in some important ways. And the one that I do think would probably be the best fit for him, he will not consider for his own reasons that are important to him, even if not to me, and I can (grudgingly LOL) respect that.

I think it will be fine, whatever he decides. And if it turns out he made the wrong decision, he can transfer and that will be fine, too.

NP: So funny, one of the schools that my student got into is perfect in all ways. Of course, he won't seriously consider it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're feeling a little disappointed as parents. But the decision is up to her and we haven't let it be known to her that we feel this way. Is it terrible to think that?

The safety is actually a better "fit" in so many ways, and outcomes will likely be similar.

Bravo to your DD for knowing what is right for her...

Bravo to you for raising a good kid. This has been a tough year with lots of qualified kids are shut out of their reach schools. For your student is going to "give up" on the reach does set off some guilt. We feel the same with DS who will forgo a T10 acceptance. We are very grateful for this ride and are very proud of him whatever his decision may be.

Yes, I agree it's been a tough year, so we do feel lucky. She had great results overall. She actually got into 2 reaches. But, she doesn't care. The safety is where she feels comfortable. And I keep telling myself where she is happiest, she will thrive. Again, this elite college rat race just confuses things. We are quite proud of her.

You’re getting there, OP. You’re allowed to feel that way, but please just tell your daughter how proud you are. She will indeed thrive where she’s happy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disagree with all the PPs. It depends on the disparity between the reach and safety schools, but going to a well-regarded school can confer benefits for a long time. For first job, grad school admissions, how good of grades you need to be a "good candidate" for whatever's next, etc.

Make sure she's certain about this and understands the ramifications of her choice, not just how fun the next 4 yrs will be.

Unpopular opinion I know!

I know you mean well, and believe what you are saying. But many others of us don't think such "connections" or "status signals" are necessary for success.

For others, that sounds blasphemous. It may depend upon where you look for validation, and how you define success.

[Anonymous]

Of course, not all “safeties” are created equal.

Miami U was one of our DD’s safeties (she’s going to another school that would be considered a safety) but it’s a far sight better than East Stroudsburg or many of the other directional schools you can find.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disagree with all the PPs. It depends on the disparity between the reach and safety schools, but going to a well-regarded school can confer benefits for a long time. For first job, grad school admissions, how good of grades you need to be a "good candidate" for whatever's next, etc.

Make sure she's certain about this and understands the ramifications of her choice, not just how fun the next 4 yrs will be.

Unpopular opinion I know!

I know you mean well, and believe what you are saying. But many others of us don't think such "connections" or "status signals" are necessary for success.

For others, that sounds blasphemous. It may depend upon where you look for validation, and how you define success.

Easier acceptance into grad school or getting pushed to the top of a pile of resumes is neither “connections” or “status signals.” I’m sure you mean well, but you seem to be missing the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course, not all “safeties” are created equal.

Miami U was one of our DD’s safeties (she’s going to another school that would be considered a safety) but it’s a far sight better than East Stroudsburg or many of the other directional schools you can find.

Exactly, only op knows if the difference between the schools is likely to be significant but it is a valid data point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disagree with all the PPs. It depends on the disparity between the reach and safety schools, but going to a well-regarded school can confer benefits for a long time. For first job, grad school admissions, how good of grades you need to be a "good candidate" for whatever's next, etc.

Make sure she's certain about this and understands the ramifications of her choice, not just how fun the next 4 yrs will be.

Unpopular opinion I know!

I know you mean well, and believe what you are saying. But many others of us don't think such "connections" or "status signals" are necessary for success.

For others, that sounds blasphemous. It may depend upon where you look for validation, and how you define success.

Easier acceptance into grad school or getting pushed to the top of a pile of resumes is neither “connections” or “status signals.” I’m sure you mean well, but you seem to be missing the point.

Not really. I had to choose between Hopkins and Harvard for my PhD. My richer friends, who traveled in high social circles, absolutely could not understand how anyone could consider turning down Harvard. They told me, "it will open doors the rest of your life." I visited both schools, meeting with faculty and students. I learned that Hopkins was much more well regarded, in my particular field. They had established it and ran circles around Harvard when it came to research funding (again, in the field I wanted to enter). I was grateful to the doctoral students who lunched with me at Harvard. I remember one saying, "This place looks better the further away from it that you are." Hopkins had more courses relevant to my field of interest. As the answer of which program was superior became clearer and clearer, I realized that some proportion of the people who chose to attend and teach at Harvard did so simply so they could put it on their resume. Those people are not my people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guess who is focused on the right things? Well done raising a level headed kid!

Yes, she is. It's just really hard not to get sucked into the "elite" college game.

Thanks.

So you wanted bragging rights for your cocktail parties. Chill out, mom monster. Be proud of your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disagree with all the PPs. It depends on the disparity between the reach and safety schools, but going to a well-regarded school can confer benefits for a long time. For first job, grad school admissions, how good of grades you need to be a "good candidate" for whatever's next, etc.

Make sure she's certain about this and understands the ramifications of her choice, not just how fun the next 4 yrs will be.

Unpopular opinion I know!

I know you mean well, and believe what you are saying. But many others of us don't think such "connections" or "status signals" are necessary for success.

For others, that sounds blasphemous. It may depend upon where you look for validation, and how you define success.

Easier acceptance into grad school or getting pushed to the top of a pile of resumes is neither “connections” or “status signals.” I’m sure you mean well, but you seem to be missing the point.

Not really. I had to choose between Hopkins and Harvard for my PhD. My richer friends, who traveled in high social circles, absolutely could not understand how anyone could consider turning down Harvard. They told me, "it will open doors the rest of your life." I visited both schools, meeting with faculty and students. I learned that Hopkins was much more well regarded, in my particular field. They had established it and ran circles around Harvard when it came to research funding (again, in the field I wanted to enter). I was grateful to the doctoral students who lunched with me at Harvard. I remember one saying, "This place looks better the further away from it that you are." Hopkins had more courses relevant to my field of interest. As the answer of which program was superior became clearer and clearer, I realized that some proportion of the people who chose to attend and teach at Harvard did so simply so they could put it on their resume. Those people are not my people.

Different poster. This is not the sort of choice people are talking about. Harvard and Hopkins are both excellent schools, and neither would be anyone's safety. Furthermore, it makes sense to choose the school that offers a stronger program in your field, if you know what that is before matriculating. I read OP's question as more like choosing between Harvard and, say, UMD.