Daughter got into her reach school, but wants to go to the safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're feeling a little disappointed as parents. But the decision is up to her and we haven't let it be known to her that we feel this way. Is it terrible to think that?

The safety is actually a better "fit" in so many ways, and outcomes will likely be similar.

Bravo to your DD for knowing what is right for her...

Bravo to you for raising a good kid. This has been a tough year with lots of qualified kids are shut out of their reach schools. For your student is going to "give up" on the reach does set off some guilt. We feel the same with DS who will forgo a T10 acceptance. We are very grateful for this ride and are very proud of him whatever his decision may be.

Yes, I agree it's been a tough year, so we do feel lucky. She had great results overall. She actually got into 2 reaches. But, she doesn't care. The safety is where she feels comfortable. And I keep telling myself where she is happiest, she will thrive. Again, this elite college rat race just confuses things. We are quite proud of her.

[Anonymous]

I went to the best school I got into. In hindsight it was not the right fit at all. I barely graduated and floundered for years. Finally got settled around the age of 30. Who knows what might have happened had I gone to a better fit/more nurturing environment? You should be really proud of your daughter and the maturity she has to make the right decision for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're feeling a little disappointed as parents. But the decision is up to her and we haven't let it be known to her that we feel this way. Is it terrible to think that?

The safety is actually a better "fit" in so many ways, and outcomes will likely be similar.

So why is this even a question? The best school you can get into is not always the best school for you.

You must not have kids.

It just so happens I have a senior who is in this very same position. She fell in love with a “safety” school that’s a great fit for her and we are thrilled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was your daughter and my parents were you. We lived in a town with a lot of pressure to go to elite colleges. They never told me they were disappointed, though I knew. I saw so many peers burn out because they felt forced to go to certain schools. I had a wonderful college experience. My parents were so happy that I went to a college that was right for me. And honestly, in the end, the only people who continued to care about the elite college status were people my parents realized they didn't really like to be around anyways.

Its fine and normal to be a bit disappointed. But be proud to know you raised someone who doesn't get caught in the game and knows who she is and what she wants!

That's wonderful to hear, and honestly reading this got me a little choked up to think of her all grown up.

Thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Our DD is attending the lowest ranked out of the 8 schools she was accepted to including her reaches (she got in every where she applied. She's happy there and honestly, once they start going to the school they choose, you don't think about it too much. It seems like such a big deal during the application/acceptance process and that simmers down very quickly.

[Anonymous]

everywhere... auto correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're feeling a little disappointed as parents. But the decision is up to her and we haven't let it be known to her that we feel this way. Is it terrible to think that?

The safety is actually a better "fit" in so many ways, and outcomes will likely be similar.

A similar story here about 3 yrs ago. Safety with full tuition discount, reach with 30% tuition discount, and above safety with 90% tuition discount. The kid wanted her safety. When asked why she said she needs to save for grad school. When asked why she needs a grad school, she said the way the job market is, she needs a grad degree to stay competitive. I happen to know a parent whose kid graduated from her safety school. After graduating, they bought a pizza place to make a living. I told my kid selling my house to buy a pizzeria for her gives me no motivation. I told her I will not pay for R&B at her safety. She chose the school that I was able to afford comfortably - and 3 years later, she transferred to ivy and is incredibly happy. As an HS senior, she was under 18, still under my care, so I had no qualms about this. I take credit for my foresight in judicially withholding funds that forced my kid to see clearly what's good for her.

[Anonymous]

Hot take, but I think prestige>fit in the beginning. If the “more prestigious” school doesn’t work out, then you can always transfer out. Won’t be so easy the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hot take, but I think prestige>fit in the beginning. If the “more prestigious” school doesn’t work out, then you can always transfer out. Won’t be so easy the other way around.

If you struggle at the prestigious school, you typically end up with bad grades that make transferring anywhere difficult. Btdt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hot take, but I think prestige>fit in the beginning. If the “more prestigious” school doesn’t work out, then you can always transfer out. Won’t be so easy the other way around.

Transferring is a pain in the ass. Plus you lose your financial aid. Don’t go somewhere looking to transfer right away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're feeling a little disappointed as parents. But the decision is up to her and we haven't let it be known to her that we feel this way. Is it terrible to think that?

The safety is actually a better "fit" in so many ways, and outcomes will likely be similar.

A similar story here about 3 yrs ago. Safety with full tuition discount, reach with 30% tuition discount, and above safety with 90% tuition discount. The kid wanted her safety. When asked why she said she needs to save for grad school. When asked why she needs a grad school, she said the way the job market is, she needs a grad degree to stay competitive. I happen to know a parent whose kid graduated from her safety school. After graduating, they bought a pizza place to make a living. I told my kid selling my house to buy a pizzeria for her gives me no motivation. I told her I will not pay for R&B at her safety. She chose the school that I was able to afford comfortably - and 3 years later, she transferred to ivy and is incredibly happy. As an HS senior, she was under 18, still under my care, so I had no qualms about this. I take credit for my foresight in judicially withholding funds that forced my kid to see clearly what's good for her.

^^sorry, what is the point of the story above?

[Anonymous]

The only reason I would push it is if your think her priority is partying, and then I might encourage one of the other schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hot take, but I think prestige>fit in the beginning. If the “more prestigious” school doesn’t work out, then you can always transfer out. Won’t be so easy the other way around.

Transferring is a pain in the ass. Plus you lose your financial aid. Don’t go somewhere looking to transfer right away.

And transferring to most competitive schools is not as easy as people make it to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're feeling a little disappointed as parents. But the decision is up to her and we haven't let it be known to her that we feel this way. Is it terrible to think that?

The safety is actually a better "fit" in so many ways, and outcomes will likely be similar.

A similar story here about 3 yrs ago. Safety with full tuition discount, reach with 30% tuition discount, and above safety with 90% tuition discount. The kid wanted her safety. When asked why she said she needs to save for grad school. When asked why she needs a grad school, she said the way the job market is, she needs a grad degree to stay competitive. I happen to know a parent whose kid graduated from her safety school. After graduating, they bought a pizza place to make a living. I told my kid selling my house to buy a pizzeria for her gives me no motivation. I told her I will not pay for R&B at her safety. She chose the school that I was able to afford comfortably - and 3 years later, she transferred to ivy and is incredibly happy. As an HS senior, she was under 18, still under my care, so I had no qualms about this. I take credit for my foresight in judicially withholding funds that forced my kid to see clearly what's good for her.

^^sorry, what is the point of the story above?

You have to know your kid. As a parent, you know your kid's personality, learning style, etc. Also, OP needs to ask D the reason for her choice. D might be worried about family finance. In my case, my D clearly told me she was worried about my finances, a divorced parent. Her safety was pretty much forced upon her. OP should find out why his or her kid is choosing her safety.

[Anonymous]

As an adult who did the same as your daughter, "good schools" really don't matter.

She's clearly a smart kid if she got into a reach. She'll make her way in life and likely be successful. But even if she isn't a huge success, who cares? As long as she's happy.

Leave her alone and be proud you raised a kid who is both intelligent and knows how to make choices that are true to herself.