Parents with no friends or family around, how did you survive the first month on barely any sleep?

[Anonymous]

Op, maybe I missed it, but why isn't your husband helping more? He should do some formula feedings, but if you're opposed to that, he needs to take over baby care when you're not nursing (weekends, evenings) and he should be doing most of the house cleaning and cooking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't have any family help and didn't really need DH either. So my advice is to hang in there. Baby should start going longer between feedings soon. I never had sleep of only an hour between feedings, that seems extreme. I recorded baby wake times and I show 2-3 hour stretches normally, feeding 15 min between stretches. The best thing I did to get baby to sleep longer was to pump them up during the day. Long, long breastfeeding stretches. Once baby gains weight, they eat more and sleep longer.

Can you go to bed at 8pm and your dh does a feeding until he goes to bed at 11pm or midnight? (My kids hated bottles, but so many moms have told me this is what they did)

We did this. My DH did all wake up and feedings before 1. I would get a solid 4 hours of sleep, and then he would sleep til 6 when he got up for work.

[Anonymous]

Just echoing all the "sleep when the baby sleeps." Or at least sit/lay down, if you can't sleep.

Make sure you're familiar with basics of good sleep/feeding practices. Really, your baby shouldn't be waking up every 2 hrs for much longer.

And if your baby DOES continue to wake up every 2 hours, you're going to need to start swtiching off with your husband at night. You can do something like you sleep the first 6 hrs of the night and your husband sleeps the 2nd 6 hrs.

I didn't have any help other than husband, and I exclusively breastfed. It was much harder when I had a newborn AND a toddler. I don't know, you just deal with it.

[Anonymous]

We live outside of the US and were without help. When we our baby was 10 days old my DH had to go back to work and left for an unavoidable 3-week work trip. Not fun but that’s life!

The first few months I napped or at least rested when the baby did and went to bed early at night once she was down. Went out for walks during the day to get some vitamin D, managed a daily shower, quick makeup and hair routine to feel human. I found it really helped me to look and feel a little presentable each day, to get outdoors, and to establish some type of routine. And not be surrounded by mess. Light housework. A load of laundry. I wore the baby or had her in her lounger (RIP rock n play) as I got a few things done. For me, I felt more tired and sluggish in dirty pajamas and a messy house than not.

But really, things got SO much better at month 6 with sleep training. It feels like forever while you’re in the trenches but it does zip by.

Ps - I’ll add if you have the means to hire a nanny or nurse then certainly go for it. Also add I did not experience any type of PPD or PPA — I think if you have any of those to contend with you 100% need to get help

[Anonymous]

snoo and formula.

[Anonymous]

Hire a night nurse to nudge the newborn into a schedule. Or, pump and hire a high school girl to come in from 3-6pm each day. That'll be MUCH less expensive.

[Anonymous]

Can you go to bed at 7pm, have dh (hanging out in a different room) handle the baby till midnight, then you switch and you take over? We did that with our second and it was enough sleep for dh to cope at work and enough unbroken sleep for me to be able to cope with the rest of the night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you go to bed at 7pm, have dh (hanging out in a different room) handle the baby till midnight, then you switch and you take over? We did that with our second and it was enough sleep for dh to cope at work and enough unbroken sleep for me to be able to cope with the rest of the night.

It gives you each 5-6 hrs without interruption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you go to bed at 7pm, have dh (hanging out in a different room) handle the baby till midnight, then you switch and you take over? We did that with our second and it was enough sleep for dh to cope at work and enough unbroken sleep for me to be able to cope with the rest of the night.

It gives you each 5-6 hrs without interruption.

Yep- we did something similar and it worked out well. Your DH is still a parent and him being back to work doesn’t magically absolve him of all childcare responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Ugh I have done this 3 times - each time more difficult because you have other kids to take care of at the same time so no real napping going on during the day. Its brutal. But you just power through and survive. The first 6 weeks are the worst (IMO). Thankfully my kids started sleeping longer stretches by 3 months or so and I was able to get decent sleep with maybe 1 wake up to feed. If that didn't happen I would have done cry it out by 4 months.

DH never helped at night. He is a horrible sleeper when he gets woken up and can't get back to sleep. He routinely works 10-12 hours a day and needed his sleep. So while I was on maternity leave I just dealt with the kids. Thankfully once I went back to work the kids were somewhat sleeping through the night so it wasn't insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you go to bed at 7pm, have dh (hanging out in a different room) handle the baby till midnight, then you switch and you take over? We did that with our second and it was enough sleep for dh to cope at work and enough unbroken sleep for me to be able to cope with the rest of the night.

It gives you each 5-6 hrs without interruption.

If you're breastfeeding, that's too long to go when baby is only 3wks old. It would tank your supply. 3-4 hours is very manageable though.

[Anonymous]

DH should be an equal caregiver at night and whenever else he's home. There's nothing magic or more important or special about most jobs. Being at home with a newborn is as hard and riskier, and being sleepy is as bad or worse (unless he's like a surgeon or something) than at some desk job.

I say this as someone on maternity leave right now.

[Anonymous]

At 3 weeks postpartum I still consider you in recovery. Your baby should be sleeping most of the day. You should be resting or napping during this time. Even though your spouse is back to work they can help set you up with food and doing the chores. The first month is recovery for you and soon you will start feeling a lot better, with additional energy. I know resting is not a substitute for a full night’s sleep but really let yourself sit around during this time.

[Anonymous]

I fed at 9, gave baby to H, baby went down at 10:40, I slept 9:30-2, fed at 2, slept 3-6.

That is 7.5 hours.

I napped 1-3 with baby.

[Anonymous]

We had twins (now almost 10 years old) and no help. We slept in shifts. My wife would go to bed at 8am. I would stay up to the feeding 1-2am and then go to bed My wife got up for the 4am feeding. So she slept from 8pm-4am. I slept from 2am-7:30ish (I don't need as much sleep). It was hard. When we both went back to work (I went back after 3 weeks leave, she went back after 6 weeks leave), we commuted together and we mostly saw each other during the commutes and for the short time after dinner before she went to bed. But this only lasted about 7-8 months before both of them started to STTN.