Parents with no friends or family around, how did you survive the first month on barely any sleep?

[Anonymous]

I'm not trying to be snarky but truth is 99% of families cannot afford help. Most of us have been in your position, its an extremely difficult time but it does get better. Let things go around the house. People say to sleep when the baby sleeps but I was NEVER able to do that.

[Anonymous]

With one, you sleep when the baby sleeps.

For me, it was intentional. In that first 4-6 weeks, you have to let some stuff slide to do that. So there is no throwing a load on the wash, or prepping dinner, or whatever. Baby sleeps, you sleep.

With my second, I sent my first to day care. Pretty much the same deal.

[Anonymous]

First of all, make sure than when you're feeding the baby, even at night, that he's getting a full feeding! If he starts to snooze during a feeding, do what you have to do to keep him awake - take clothes off, wiggle toes, talk, sing, whatever you can do to keep him alert. If he's getting full feedings he'll start to space them out.

Second of all, I found that treating 10pm until about 1pm feedings as "night" feedings for ME really helped. Obviously you want to teach the baby when it's daytime, so for him you want lights on, and a very daytime mood during those morning feedings. But every time I fed him and he went back to sleep from 10pm until 1pm, I went back to sleep to. At 11am, just the same as at 4am. Especially when you're just getting an hour or two of sleep at a time, that's really the only way to survive, I found.

[Anonymous]

You should sleep when the baby sleeps. Or at a minimum lay down and rest.

On the weekends you should work it out with your husband so you’ve taken at least 6-7 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

It gets easier.

[Anonymous]

Coslept. I would wake up for literally 2 seconds when th baby needed milk to pop the nipple in his mouth and then fall back asleep.

[Anonymous]

Are you nursing? Give them as much milk as possible, particularly hind milk. bigger babies sleep better.

[Anonymous]

My first DD was high maintenance and never slept unless she was being held (bad reflux) until she was 6 mo. There was no "just sleep while the baby sleeps" with her, plus I went back to work really early, and I was a zombie. It was miserable, I was exhausted, and I ended up with really bad PPD. My second DD actually slept well from day 1, and the difference was just unbelievable.
Your DH needs to handle one feeding at night, so you can get a solid block of 3-4 hours of sleep. Without any outside help, it is the only way to do this.
It won't last forever, OP. Promise.

[Anonymous]

My husband took over when he got home and I’d nap. I’d stay up till 12-2 do a feed, go to bed and he’d wake up early to do the next feed and get baby back to sleep so I could sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With only one I slept when the baby slept during the day. When you’re super sleep-deprived, it’s easy! With my second, I got help (a great nanny) during the day.

This doesn't work if your baby only wants to sleep on you, though.

[Anonymous]

I let the housework go completely, made very simple meals, focused entirely on my newborn. I was terribly sleep deprived and operated in a haze of hormones and baby happiness, and it was fine. The second time around too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With only one I slept when the baby slept during the day. When you’re super sleep-deprived, it’s easy! With my second, I got help (a great nanny) during the day.

This doesn't work if your baby only wants to sleep on you, though. [/quote
]

This +1000
I'm the PP who had a baby with reflux. Everyone made it sound soooooo easy to just sleep while the baby slept. That was not our experience at all, so I was convinced I was doing something wrong. It wasn't until our second DD was born last year that I realized how much easier it is when you have a baby that can actually be put down for naps.

[Anonymous]

We didn't have help this time because of COVID and it was hard but basically you just live in survival mode. It helped me to know that it gets better at 6 weeks. Go to bed super early, trade off with your partner at night or at least have them diaper change if you are breastfeeding, if you have another kid at home who still naps, try to get the baby to go down to bed after the other kid goes to sleep and try to sleep then yourself or at least close your eyes and lie down. It's hard but it does get better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With only one I slept when the baby slept during the day. When you’re super sleep-deprived, it’s easy! With my second, I got help (a great nanny) during the day.

This doesn't work if your baby only wants to sleep on you, though.

+1 It was hell. Baby would only sleep if being held. Yes we swaddled. I am still triggered by the newborn period. I don't even like to look at pictures of that time until she was about 2 months old.

We are one and done even 7 years later, but if I had to go through it again I would spend every penny I had on a night nurse. My biggest regret was not hiring one.

[Anonymous]

I posted on dcum a lot while bf for support. People on here were really nice and helped me see there was a light at end of tunnel. Thank you for that. First month was so bad I regretted having the kid. Now I’m completely in love.

[Anonymous]

I had a lot of help. My mom came and stayed the firSt month with all of my kids. That said, things don’t get much better (at least with my kids) until 4-6 months. After my mom left, DH and I would share the nights mostly evenly. I pumped and he gave formula at night. It saved me... we have 3 kids and we both work FT.

Your DH needs to help you, OP. You need to sleep. Have at least 2 good nights per week a s let your DH be tired at work for one day... he can manage. He can sleep with baby on Friday and Tuesday and you wake up once to pump at 2 am if it hurts too much to go the whole night without.